Two years ago my divorce decree was signed and filed. Being Beau’s wife was slow suffocat

Two years ago my divorce decree was signed and filed. 

BeingBeau’s wife was slow suffocation. Starving for affection, attention, support….oxygen. I just wanted a partner. Someone who could pick up the burden when I couldn’t (or better yet, share it with me).

Today I hold no anger in my heart for him. I mostly feel sad. I hope he’s finding the strength to carry himself. I hope he’s moving forward and up.

I am such a different person than I was two years ago.

I’ve always known that I wanted a Daddy, but for a long, long time I lived in a dream state believing that was all I needed. That the right man would be magic and make all the monsters disappear.

I feel blessed to have found so, so, so much more than a Daddy (although that is definitely icing on the cake). In the past two years:

• I’ve worked hard to build support into my life - not just one person, but a whole network. DK & CMM,Tempter, My BFF Zooey & her Partner, and other friends I don’t really mention here…not to mention my therapist and all the people I’ve been meeting at the kinky events that I am tip-toeing into.
  

• I’ve found body acceptance and even love. I still have shame days, but I mostly feel blessed to be different. Being “straight sized” means not having to deal with awkward stuff (not fitting anywhere), but it doesn’t represent a care-free life, either. I’m glad that my “big” problem is no longer insurmountable (I have a liberator for that).
  

• I own an entire home that I paid for my fucking self like a goddamned boss. In fact, I’m literally living the life I dreamed about when I was a 16 year old punk wandering the streets of Seattle, smoking clove cigarettes, and attending horrible poetry readings.
  

…andlife just keeps on giving.

In short, happy divorciversary to me.