#divorciversary

Two years ago my divorce decree was signed and filed. 

BeingBeau’s wife was slow suffocation. Starving for affection, attention, support….oxygen. I just wanted a partner. Someone who could pick up the burden when I couldn’t (or better yet, share it with me).

Today I hold no anger in my heart for him. I mostly feel sad. I hope he’s finding the strength to carry himself. I hope he’s moving forward and up.

I am such a different person than I was two years ago.

I’ve always known that I wanted a Daddy, but for a long, long time I lived in a dream state believing that was all I needed. That the right man would be magic and make all the monsters disappear.

I feel blessed to have found so, so, so much more than a Daddy (although that is definitely icing on the cake). In the past two years:

• I’ve worked hard to build support into my life - not just one person, but a whole network. DK & CMM,Tempter, My BFF Zooey & her Partner, and other friends I don’t really mention here…not to mention my therapist and all the people I’ve been meeting at the kinky events that I am tip-toeing into.
  

• I’ve found body acceptance and even love. I still have shame days, but I mostly feel blessed to be different. Being “straight sized” means not having to deal with awkward stuff (not fitting anywhere), but it doesn’t represent a care-free life, either. I’m glad that my “big” problem is no longer insurmountable (I have a liberator for that).
  

• I own an entire home that I paid for my fucking self like a goddamned boss. In fact, I’m literally living the life I dreamed about when I was a 16 year old punk wandering the streets of Seattle, smoking clove cigarettes, and attending horrible poetry readings.
  

…andlife just keeps on giving.

In short, happy divorciversary to me.