My husband and I experienced three painful miscarriages before our son was born. After the third, we

My husband and I experienced three painful miscarriages before our son was born. After the third, we visited a counselor. The grief was too much for us to bear on our own. The counselor made a huge mistake during the session. His office was close to a Marie Stopes Clinic. He told us that every morning when he drove to work and thought about all the families dealing with infertility, he wanted to “burn [the Marie Stopes clinic] down.” I was shocked and outraged but too emotional with my own grief to manage more than a comment about how his remark was inappropriate. I’ve thought often since then about what I should have said. My message today is for him. 

I am a mother by choice. I was never certain that I wanted children, but when I met my loving husband, it became clear that parenthood was our path. When it didn’t happen easily, we were devastated. I experienced emotional and physical pain, including severe hemorrhaging and emergency hospital visits. Eventually we were fortunate to have the means for and access to IVF. This picture was taken just hours after our son was born. I had an emergency cesarean because I had developed life threatening HELLP syndrome. 

Looking back, I can honestly say that there is not one moment when I would have begrudged another woman the right to choose to end her pregnancy. Some may find that to be a contradiction, but I see it as the most uncomplicated representation of my belief in sexual and reproductive rights. In fact, claiming to be “pro-life” and stating that a Marie Stopes Clinic should be “burned down” is the real contradiction. 

—Naomi Lince-Deroche