“By starlight, I’ll kiss you, and promise to be your one and only.”-Th

“By starlight, I’ll kiss you, and promise to be your one and only.”

-The Smashing Pumpkins 

And that’s the thing, all I’ve ever wanted my whole life was to be understood. I still remember when I thought it would be you; that we would lie together under the stars and I would tell you all my secrets, and you’d tell me yours. We would hold each other, and help each other to reconstruct each broken dream.

Then, you moved away.

The years went by, as they tend to do, and we outgrew the older versions of ourselves. I listened to you tell me about your life, in fragmented telephone calls made over miles. Oceans between us.

You told me about all your broken hearted moments, your pain palpable through the telephone, if only I could reach out and touch you, stroke those rough edges, hold you in my arms and make you whole again.

I listened to your pain and cried, softly. On the other end of the telephone line, you were still talking about her and I bit my tongue. Listened some more. I was making dinner, I still remember. Thai curry chicken. It was winter, and the kitchen in that apartment was the smallest kitchen in the world. You told me about your life, over there. And your heart. And you said, “Now I know what it was like. I have someone stringing me along the way I did to you.”

And I didn’t really have anything to say in response. Because what do you say to things like that? Where do you even begin?

After we hung up, I finished my dinner.

That night, I cried myself to sleep, as I’d done so many times before.