14th June, 1910- The Gillespie FarmExtract from Clem’s diaryWhat a rude awakening it has been

14th June, 1910- The Gillespie Farm

Extract from Clem’s diary

What a rude awakening it has been to realise that Dizzy isn’t a baby anymore. I can see how she and Eli look at each other now- I don’t know how I could have missed it before. Too wrapped up in my own pig-headedness. Soon she will be a young woman- and I- what will I be?

I’ve been thinking of nothing but the play. I’ve let myself think that we can be the Dramatic Society forever. That way I didn’t have to think about the future. But that isn’t going to cut ice much longer. 

Mother and I were knitting on the porch this evening. She won’t allow me to pass an evening idle- by which she means, not wrapped up in some dreadful tangle of wool. I was knitting lumpy socks for the Benevolence Society to give to the poor. If they have any sense they’ll burn the ghastly things. Nobody could be poor enough to want them. Mother was knitting a blanket for Midge Dunn’s baby- born just six months after her and Norman’s wedding, in miraculously good health. Nobody will say a thing about it, of course. Do they think we can’t count? They’ve named him Cyril, a dreadful thing to do to a child. 

It seems as though everybody is pairing off. They read the banns for Sybil Copeland and Paul Farber on Sunday. It seems such an odd match- clever, serious Paul and giggly little Sybil- but they were both fairly glowing. Half the girls I was at school with are engaged, or married, or about to be. It makes me feel so queer and alien. 

We were talking about Paul and Sybil- or rather, Mother talked, and I nodded. I was thinking of the play. Then she looked at me and said, ‘It’ll be your turn soon, Clemmie.’

I felt like I was going to be sick. I felt like a fluttering bird in a cage growing smaller and smaller. That’s when I knew. I have to get out. I don’t know how- I don’t know where I’ll go- but I’ll find something. I can’t be a wife. I can’t be a mother. I can’tbe a woman.

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Ten points to anyone who can identify the scene from A Midsummer Night’s Dream they’re rehearsing.