Been in a crap mood on and off today. I feel off and it’s a day where I’m really

Been in a crap mood on and off today. I feel off and it’s a day where I’m really tired of being in the house but nervous about going for a run.

Sometimes I dread social media for the reminders of people who are no longer here with us. I feel an indescribable weight that rests on me whenever I log on, particularly Facebook. I can honestly say this is the first time in a long time that I’m happy to see “pretty little pictures” and videos on a screen. I can elect to be one of those people who don’t read captions when it’s too much. But because I’m not that person, it’s hard. My brain reads everything and feel shit that I don’t want to feel.

It’s hard when your form of metaphorical oxygen can literally kill you. I fucking miss running without worrying if I’m going to catch something or be the reason why someone’s not here if I am a carrier. Practicing patience. Practicing calm. Practicing grieving. Practicing loss.

Drowning all of my feelings into creating bright dishes and pushing my bike painfully hard these days. If cooking was yoga, I’d be zen AF.

Anyways, here’s dinner: Asian Ground Beef Rice Bowl (or Bibimbap minus the egg and kimchee)

#runningfatchef #fatrunner #food #foodie #foodporn #foodslut #beef #groundbeef #eatarainbow #fiveaday #cheftalk #yeschef #ricebowl #bibimbap #quarantinemeals (at Quarantine 2020)
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