on purpose!!! love people on purpose!!! find someone wonderful and love them and tell them it wasn’t an accident, you had a choice, you saw who they were and realized how lovely it would be to love them, and it is!!! i made a good decision! i love you on purpose!!!
In the occasion of Steven Finale, I wanted to do something after last weeks episode, as they hit me like no one other animated episodes has ever done before. No one ever made me understand better than steven that the lifelong consequences of untreated trauma can have on a person daiy life and personality. That’s why It made it so clear that even if the person we knowed all our life (Steven) always seemes so happy and optimistic, we might not know what really he’s been going through, and how much he actually needs help from others and from a specialized figure.
-”do this please” okay**fifteen minutes later** “did you do it??” what?
-*picks up phone to look at time* hm let’s unlock it to look at the time even tho its on the lock screen *unlocks phone and starts opening and closing random apps* *puts down phone* what time is it?
-i have three days to do this essay, gonna get it done on time! *spends two free days scrolling through social media and chatrooms* oh sht oh sht oh sht oh sht
-”CAN YOU STOP CRACKING YOUR KNUCKLES??????”
-”why are you picking at your lips/fingers/scabs?” i dont know “why not” i just dont okay?? “why dont you know??” and so on
-WHY AM I NOT UNDERSTANDING THIS OMG IM SO DUMB AND I CANT ASK FOR HELP BC THEY’LL EXPLAIN IT SEVENTY MILLION TIMES AND I STILL WONT GET IT I DONT WANNA BE A BURDEN
-*wakes up at 3 am* GOTTA GET MY wHOLE FCKIN LIFE TOGETHER LETS DO THIS THING!!!!!! *aggressively cleans room/house*
-*internally, sometimes out loud if alone* okay hon, let’s stop procrastinating, we need to do this this and this if you want to keep your grades up/it’s alright, stop freaking out, it’s all gonna be fine, okay?/you need to make sure to do this before bed bc you’re not gonna want to do it tomorrow. “okay, i’ll do it later.” no, let’s do it now, trust me it’s better.“okay…”
-”TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN, YOU’RE GONNA GO DEAF!!”
-I WANT TO DO ALL THE THINGS !!!
-I dont want to do anything…
-Am i being annoying? “no” are you sure?
-BRAIN ISTG IF YOU DONT SHUT UP
-*thinking about event that happened weeks, months, or even years ago* oh my god i was such an idiot/why did i do that???/oh my god they probably hate me for that
-omg i hurt you didnt i?? “no, how would you have hurt me?” i dont know, i just know i did!!
-apologizing too much
-leg bouncing
-hyperfixation/moments of intense passion followed by a period of disinterest
feel free to add, i want ppl to know what it’s like living with this little demon in the back of your mind
