Today’s episode of the Steven Universe Podcast was extra long and extra special, because we talked about the season 5 finale, Change Your Mind. I got to speak with @rebeccasugar,@joethejohnston,@ghostdigits,@ianjq,@ben-levin and Matt Burnett about all kinds of stuff regarding the finale. Please give it a listen!!
It’s implied in the aftermath of Steven sacrificing himself to Homeworld that–after realizing that doing what Rose would have wanted and doing right by Steven might be mutually exclusive–Pearl chooses Steven. It’s as a direct result of this that, in Gemcation, she tells himthat she wants to tell him everything, and then in A Single Pale Rose, she figures out a way to do it. And her emotion afterward isn’t framed as angst at disobeying–it’s framed as relief. In Reunited, she’s finally able to admit to herself, “I do it for me!” And in Change Your Mind, she comes off as free–in a way that has always been an aspiration for her, but that I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen. It’s as if she’s finally accepted Rose’s death (symbolized, perhaps, by her new form?)
It’s as if, in choosing Steven in the here and now over her memory of Rose at the beginning of the season, Pearl chose life,even in the midst of the tremendous loss she feels and continues to feel. She chooses life–and in this way, is finally able to accept her loss, and is finally able to be free.
I’m just so proud of her.
Okay, I’ve been stewing on this arc–and Pearl’s arc throughout the show and pre-canon–and I want to add on to this a little bit. I’ve written a bit about this in a few places-both meta and fic (for the latter, mainly Cyclesand my new piece Moving On), but something I think is clear is that Pearl’s relationship with Rose, especially after Pink Diamond became Rose all the time, wasn’t just about love. (Though the love is real,even if it originally developed at least in-part out of Pearl’s programmed devotion to her Diamond.) Her relationship with Rose was also about identity.
Pink’s “shattering” also represents a shattering of the paradigm of Pearl’s entire existence and identity-framework. She was Pink Diamond’s Pearl…and now, without that, what is she? And that’s terrifying. And to cope, I think, she makes a shift. She loves Rose Quartz already, so she decides–perhaps subconsciously–that thatis her new identity. What is she? She’s someone who loves Rose Quartz.
And she keeps this identity for the next five thousand years. It’s why she’s so threatened by Greg–he represents a threat to her being able to enact that identity. And even after Rose dies to give birth to Steven, this is her identity, though now how she enacts it is by honoring Rose’smemoryin every way possible. In the extended intro, while Garnet and Amethyst both mentioning fighting for something, Pearl says only: “I will fight in the name of Rose Quartz and everything that she believed in.” What does she,Pearl, fight for? What does shewant? It doesn’t matter. Only what Rose wanted did.
This is also the answer to the question she asks herself in “It’s Over Isn’t It,” as to why she can’t move on. Because to “move on” from the sense of immediate grief that she’s still holding would again represent the destruction of her identity.
But, like I said, Steven’s sacrifice at the end of Season 4, when Pearl realizes that she might have to choose between honoring Rose’s memory and doing right be Steven, she chooses Steven. In realizing that she wants to choose Steven, she realizes that she is capable of wanting. She is even capable of wanting things that are in direct contradiction to what Rose wants.
InGemcation,when she tries to tell Steven the truth, she says:
“There are things that are impossible for me to explain. But I want to. I–”
And then, in A Single Pale Rose, after Steven finally doesknow the truth, she says:
“I’vewanted to tell you for so long.”
Pearlwants. She’s wanted. She has desires all her own. And if that’s the case, she realizes, if she has desires independent of Rose, she must also have motivations independent of Rose, as she realizes (with a little help from Steven!) in Reunited:
“I do it for me!”
What is she fighting for? She finally has an answer. She’s fighting for herself.
And if she has motive–if she can fight for herself–she must have a self!! One that’s independent of Rose. And we finally see that embodied in her new form–and her utterly new contentment–in Change Your Mind.
And if that’s the case, Pearl is finally, finally truly free to be herself. She’s free to discover and create who she is. She’ll never stop missing Rose or loving her, but missing and loving Rose is no longer all she is.
Ugh I’m so proud of her!
The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that this is like the exact opposite of what Ruby learns in The Question before deciding to ask Sapphire to marry her.
Ruby tells Steven:
“Sapphire was always there with me. I feel her smile just like it was mine. And now…gah! That’s lame, right? I came here to be my own Gem, but I’m still thinking about what she’d like, what she’dwant! All. The time.”
It’s not a perfect parallel—there are marked differences in the relationship between Ruby and Sapphire and that between Pearl and Rose. And there are marked differences between Ruby and Pearl themselves. But here, too, Ruby seems to think that “being one’s own Gem” and being in love and like actively concerned with the desires and needs and wants of the person one loves are mutually exclusive concepts. For Ruby, she’s decided she wants to be her own Gem, and feels like she therefore can’t let go of that love. Pearl had the opposite problem–the love was non-negotiable, and she’d thought that meant that she couldn’t be her own person.
In both scenarios, and in different ways, it’s Steven that helps each of them realize that you can be your own person within a relationship. That these things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Season 5 is just big for everyone finding agency and selfhood in their relationships with others!!! yay!
(There’s more I wanna think about parallels between Ruby and Pearl and their relationships @meskime gets at this a little in their incredible fic goodbye to the river joining the creek,but this seems like an less-tapped-than-it-might-be well…)
“-But I saw many paths ahead of you. And we are a part of all of them. Wherever you end up, we will visit you to talk, to listen, to be there, whenever you need us. We love you, Steven.” “I love you too.”
and as far as relating to family positions, white diamond is mom, blue and yellow are about the same age, and pink is the baby sibling that gets away with shit the other two never would have heard the end of. they were hyping up white like “honey you got a big storm coming. you’re never going to hear the end of this. i’ll do the talking” and white was just like “oh glad you’re back” lmao
