Add to that, I’m only slightly joking when I suggest everyone conflating the Division with the CIA, when clearly it’s The Order of the Weal from Book of the War. The Time Lord who inducts the Doctor is evidently Chatelaine Thessalia.
someone: luke skywalker beat darth vader and ended the empire
everyone else in the galaxy:
everyone on tatooine:
Imagine being the local jock from Toshe Station and turning on the news to learn that the guy you called “Wormie” in desert high school just killed the two most powerful people in the galaxy.
Tags via jaquez45:
#I think a lot about this #like the guy was a weird excitable nerd
#but you had to tolerate him because #INEXPLICABLY #he was STUPID good as a pilot #like the t-16 orbital drop whomp rat champion since he was 13 #so you couldn’t just IGNORE him and his fucking nerdery #and his being super awkward CONSTANTLY
#and one day his farm is burned and his family is dead #you assume he’s dead too and you feel kind of bad for mocking him now
#but then #space radio is like LUKE SKYWALKER BLEW UP A SPACE STATION #LUKE SKYWALKER KILLED THE EMPEROR
#and you just #kind hope he never decides to get revenge for the wormie thing
oh also turns out he came back to town and killed the mob boss who controlled everything and then left again without buzzing any of his former acquaintance so probably you’re Beneath his Notice; mixed feelings about that
yes, you’re correct, this takes place at tatooine high school
Weird to think both Greedo and Darth Vader went to Tatooine High School.
Vader did notgo to Tatooine High School he went to Magic Lasersword Catholic School when he was nine and then trashed the place
Elves born in the Second and Third Ages are used to having the ruins of earlier eras scattered around the landscape being Aesthetic, and are disappointed that there aren’t any in Valinor.
So they deliberately build cities, attack them with siege weaponry, and abandon them. It only takes around two hundred years to get that Haunted Vibe!
Okay, but. Just.
“The people who arrived on the boats last week are building a new city,” is not news that’s going to surprise anyone. They’re welcome in one of the established cities, of course, but sometimes they need their own space, and the other elves in Valinor respect that. This is fine.
What is very much NOT fine is when a traveller frantically runs up to you and informs you that New!City elves are building massive amounts of siege weaponry, and you are, by far, the closest city around.
So you get your heavily harmed, very twitchy fellow survivors of the First Age together and head down there to have a … word. Just a word, but a very pointed one.
Except the New!City elves are all very excited to see you and want to know if you’re here to join in the fun because apparently they’re attacking their owncity, which they emptied out for expressly this purpose.
You don’t know why. Maybe they’re bored?
It’s been a very long time since you operated a catapult. And it looks like such a funcatapult.
If the Valar show up, you’re not going to be the one who has to explain this, right?
The Valar do show up. Specifically, Aulë.
Someone convinces him to help them build a better catapult.
Aulë hasn’t had this much fun in literal ages. These elves are collaborating with him, in a way no one has since… well.
Before too long, the siege weaponry is far more elaborate than anything anyone would have come up with before, or on their own, and everyone is cheering as the first catapults and trebuchets and ballista begin firing at the completely empty city.
The Noldor’s new favorite sport: City Demolishing
Which team can completely destroy a city fastest, using any means necessary?
A points system where different buildings are worth more.
Categories based on the type of weaponry used.
This is a GREAT idea. I’m sure none of the Valar would have any kind of problem with it.
“I call upon Helios + Thoth + Christ + Jewish God + Hekate and Ten Thousand Angels + Ten Thousand Demons + Hermes + John + Paul + George + Ringo + L + Ratio to make the other team’s racehorse shit itself and die”
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