#abuisve relationships
Trigger warning: Abuse, bdsm, bloodplay, and suicide.
Most Goths I have known have a history with abuse, parents who weren’t there for them emotionally, this easily evolves into teenager years struggeling with mental health and exhausting relationships with others. If you would come into a relationship as a goth it was normally expected, especially in the 90s to try new experienced stuff and if you didn’t want to do any new sexually experiences, they would say; ew! you’re a vanilla, so basic. For example pinewheels, you would get that onto your back and it would feel like you are getting sliced opend. Blood play, gagging, tying up and all of these things. People will read this and think why would you ever let yourself getted tied up in the first place, get hit and all these kind of stuff. It was very normal in those days, and in these days as being a goth. I’m not talking about people being in their 20′s or 30′s spicing things up and trying new experiments. I’m talking about teenagers, having their first experience in a romantic relationship. Being expected to be heavily tied up and being into bdsm, since we mostly get seen as a sexual object.
Speaking of my own experiences with my partners, they would hit me and torture me at school. Saying I looked like a piece of shit, wearing too much eyeliner but still think I was attractive because black looks so sexy on me. Tear me down by saying I have low grades, caused by the fact of untreated and undiagnosed autism. It wasn’t acutally weird at all for me, it was actually a big brag for myself getting tortured by others and LOVING it. People can be sexually abused and be attracted to it, they can also LOVE it in the moment.
There is a lot of mental illness in the goth scene. We look like outsiders and people who feel like outsiders. If we would fit in the normal world, we would actually dress normal. Why would you suddenly start dressing like goth and turning yourself into an outsider if you would fit the normal world. You start dressing goth, and being into goth because you are already an outsider. It’s because there is something different about you, mostly linked with mental health issues. People with mental health issues do not necessarily make for abusive relationships, but I would say most goth(s) (femmes) I know have been in an abusive relationship. Mentall illness often makes you the perfect victim.
I don’t want to name any particular mental illnesses, but one of the symptoms is being needy. Needing a lot of love, a lot of ressurance, a lot of attention. When you get the love, ressurance and attention it will feel drug-like fix. If you have never ever been in an abusive relationship, it is incredibly hard to understand the drug-like feelings you experience while being in a relationship like that. What it is getting them so hooked is the beginning, it is all going so fast and it will end all so fast. Feeling it must go this fast because this is your ‘soulmate’, thinking it is okay that it is having sonic speed in relationship because that is your destiny, with other terms, the destiny of you and your partners destiny with this relationship. Bad damaging relationships are usually fast, dangerous and full of ‘love’. It will have this tremendously switch out of nowhere and it turns out to be dangerous and harmful for your mental health. Your partner saying stuff, that they will kill themselves if you leave them. That is an abusive tactic. Thinking you need to look after them because they are being the ‘victim’, not doing something harmful to them otherwise they are going to die! It’s an abusive tactic to keep you there, they are quite a lot of more tactics unstable people use.
This includes for males and females, because females can be abusers too, males can be abused too. Whatever your age is and you are getting into dating, please teach yourself about abusive relationships and the tactics used.
