#adolting

I considered spending Winterfest with my friends and their families, but I wasn’t a fan of their spouses. I limited my time with Jaron as much as possible, and I didn’t really know Gemma’s husband. Duane was cool until he costed Lucy her dream of being a mother. Besides, his newfound daughter would be there with her new husband, anyway. I probably could have gone to keep Lucy company, but I had enough drama in my own life to endure someone else’s on the happiest day of the year. What I needed was another single friend who also didn’t want to be alone for the holidays. I only had one friend like that.

After a healthy amount of internal debate, I called Dwayne and pitched my proposal. I wasn’t sure how he’d respond, seeing as he was trying to get over me…or something, so I offered a sweet deal he couldn’t refuse. All he had to do was agree, and I’d take care of everything else, including dinner. He agreed, of course. After all, we’re best friends. And like I told Ali, nothing is going on despite how we feel about each other.

I was so excited to see his new place. It wasn’t at all what I expected. It was small and modern with minimal furnishings, not because he hadn’t decorated yet, but because that was the style he went for. I didn’t peg him as a modern fan, but given his obsession with cleanliness, it made perfect sense. Having fewer things to keep clean was probably a load off his mind.

He invited me in and immediately asked me to remove my shoes. I didn’t mind, of course, but I wondered why he never made me do that before. New house, new rules, I guess.

Before we got too swept away, I whipped out my gift.

“A gift too?” he said. “Now you’re doing too much.”

“It’s Winterfest,” I shouted. “And you just moved. I had to get you something.”

“You didn’t, but I appreciate it.”

“Where’s the kitchen?”

The house was so manly. Everything was black and gray with beige and white accents. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he had it built. I couldn’t wait to see the inside of my potential next house. Would it look like me too? Do I even have a style?

Dwayne wasn’t the greatest cook and didn’t offer to help. He kept me company while I prepared our dinner. It should go without saying he also washed the dishes as I used them. We made a great team, and by the time dinner was done, the kitchen was as spotless as it was before I got there.

Cooking with Dwayne created a new dynamic for us. We’d been friends our whole lives but had never experienced each other in a domestic setting like that. Even in the jungle, where we shared a house for a weekend. Honestly? It was weird. Kind of like…bordering relationship territory? I mean, it was a holiday, so it wasn’t like I planned to go over there and cook for him often, but still. It was just weird. I’d never cooked for anyone outside my family. Maybe it was something I needed to get used to because I didn’t plan to remain single forever, and cooking for my man was something I enjoyed. It’s funny. I’d been divorced all that time and still had marriage things to get over. Oh well. Live and learn, right?

My heart pounded, and my mouth dried up. But I couldn’t choke now. This was my one chance to set things right. I couldn’t take back what I did or even fix things between us, but I could give him closure. He deserved that and more.

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and learned a lot about myself. I’m finally at a place where I can offer you a genuine apology.”

I think I knocked the wind out of his sails. He sat there, frozen, with a wide-eyed expression. What did he think I was going to say?

“You were right. About me…all of it,” I said.

His left eyebrow raised ever so slightly.

My next words almost got caught in my throat, but I forced them out.

“Ido love Dwayne. I’m sorry, Ali.”

His head dropped into his chest with the heaviest sigh.

“Well… At least you know now, I guess,” he said.

I panicked because I knew he was about to shut down the conversation and I was nowhere near finished. Hopefully, he didn’t think that was my version of a genuine apology.

“I told you back then I didn’t do it because of you, and that’s still true. You were and still are everything I wanted. I know you won’t believe me, but that is the Watcher’s honest truth. I didn’t go over there to sleep with him. Before that night, I never desired to sleep with him again. Admittedly, I’ve thought back to the times we were together, but not in a way where I wished it would happen again.”

“I went over there to tell him about Mommy,” I continued. “I will admit I desperately needed comfort, and I should have come home to you. I thought I’d just go over there, tell him, chat for a bit, and come home. But I was just so comfortable with him. He’s my best friend and knew what I needed, so I let him comfort me. I mistakingly thought he was making a pass at me, and… I was so distraught, and I just wanted the pain to go away. The urge to kiss him was too strong. I knew it was wrong and things would never be the same. I knew if you found out, it would destroy you. Despite my love for you and the kids, I was selfish. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to choose us.”

“I’ve been selfish throughout our entire relationship, and I apologize for that, too. We didn’t really date, and you expressed concerns about getting married so fast. My therapist showed me how I’ve been getting my way my entire life, and that’s what I did with you. I wanted to get married and have babies with you immediately because I wanted to be a young mom, and my birthday was coming way too soon. I wasn’t mature enough to realize how much we didn’t know about each other and conversations we needed to have. All that mattered to me was what I wanted. I’ll never regret our life together, but I’m sorry to entangle you in my mess.”

“Until last week, I always thought I’d run back to you immediately if you ever gave me another chance. But I couldn’t do that now. Not with what I know about myself. You deserve someone 10,000 times better than me. Someone just as wonderful and selfless as you are, and I genuinely hope you find her and I haven’t completely colored your views on love.”

I couldn’t read his expression at all. Was he shocked I said all that? Upset it took me so long to see it? Proud I finally saw it? Sad because he wanted to explore getting back together?? I wished he’d say something!

“Do you want to ask me something?” I asked.

“How long have you been in love with him?”

“Always. But I didn’t realize it until now. At least I hadn’t been able to admit it until now. I think I knew, deep down, long before I met you, but I was afraid to admit it. I told you there was a lot of drama in my friend group. We were all dating and breaking up with each other, and Mommy said I needed to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people. So, in my mind, Dwayne was off limits. We had our fun, but I didn’t let it go any further than that. But I guess we shouldn’t have done that either, because it’s been in my head this whole time, consciously and subconsciously. Regardless…I’m sorry. Truly. I wish I could be different. I would fix it.”

“So you’re seeing him then?”

I guess we were even for catching each other off guard. He turned away from me, already knowing the answer before I gave it.

“We’ve been in contact, yes, but that’s it. There’s nothing going on.”

His eyebrows flicked up as if he didn’t believe me.

“Right,” he said dismissively. “Was there anything else you wanted to say? I need to get ready for bed.”

And there it was. That offense I didn’t want to make. Why did all our conversations end that way?

“No,” I said in defeat. “That was everything.”

“Okay. Thanks for the clarity. I understand a lot better now.”

His tone was so gruff, I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or if he really appreciated the conversation. I suppose, in time, I’d know.

Butterflies flit around my stomach as I considered how to begin the apology. My mouth watered, and I kept swallowing; I chickened out…again.

“I want to move. I found a house in Newcrest, but I haven’t told the kids yet. I’ll tell them when they get back from Winterfest break.”

As much as I loved celebrating holidays and birthdays as a family, I knew those days needed to end. I let him have the kids for Winterfest through the rest of the school break.

“Oh, nice,” he said. “That’s slightly closer to here. Why the change, though?”

“I need it. A fresh start will be good for me.”

He nodded slowly.

“And, I really hate my job and want to do candles full time. The business is going well, but I don’t feel comfortable going full time paying what I pay in bills.”

He snorted.

“Yeah… I could never understand why we paid so much there.”

“Me neither! The house isn’t that big. Must be the Willow Creek taxes. Anyway, I thought I’d downsize, but houses are so much cheaper in Newcrest, so the new house is actually bigger.”

“I’m glad to hear your business is thriving.”

“Thanks.”

He sat there for a beat, waiting for me to say something else before calling me out.

“Em… I know you’re not here to chitchat. What’s going on?”

I sighed. Showtime, I guess.

One night, Luca came at me, looking extra tall with his chest puffed up, going on and on about how he’s about to be a man soon and should have more freedom. This joker had the nerve to put more bass in his voice and everything. If I can be honest, he kinda hurt me a little. Despite everything I’ve done to provide an open, relaxed environment where he and his sister can talk to me about literally everything, he still felt the need to bully me. That was so unlike my son, and I wondered if one of his friends put the idea in his head. Regardless, how did I treat him like a child?

I had a similar outburst with Mommy, but she deserved it. She had me on a really short leash and I never went anywhere without her. How could Luca feel that way? I’d never denied him anything, and until that night, he’d never expressed a desire to do anything. That little show was so unwarranted. I told him all he had to do was ask.

“Oh… Okay,” he said.

The next night, he and Alessia went to their friends’ homes, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My chat with Alessia came to mind. I’d shared so much with her and wondered if it was too much. The moral of my story was to be honest with herself, which was something I was still learning to do; I’m still a work in progress. Just thinking about this honesty thing, over the past few weeks, I’d been honest with a lot of people. Everyone except…Ali. I’d apologized to my children and received apologies, but the one person who deserved the sincerest of apologies was still in the dark.

I sprang to my feet as if someone had lit the couch on fire and headed to Evergreen Harbor. Knowing Ali would have wanted me to call first, it still compelled me to speak to him right away. Naturally, he answered the door with an annoyed yet alarmed expression.

“I know I should have called first,” I said before he had a chance to say anything. “The kids are fine and visiting friends.”

He exhaled a small breath and invited me in.

We sat, and his new gray hairs caught my attention. Hopefully, they came from age and not from the stress I’d caused. It looked good on him, though. How gray would my hair be if I didn’t keep coloring it?

Though I knew what I came for, I got nervous and stalled.

“So… The kids have crushes.”

His eyes flicked open.

“Both of them?”

I smiled and nodded.

“Wow,” he said. “I guess they are at that age.”

“Alessia told me about Luca.”

He snorted.

“Of course she did.”

“I asked if she had a crush too, and she told me all about him. We, uhh…we had a little chat. I was wondering if you could talk to Luca while he’s here?”

“Of course. Thanks for letting me know.”

Though I knew he wasn’t smiling at me, I still found myself a little flustered. Those eyes! Even after all this time, they still caught me off guard. He was the most handsome sim in the world to me.

“Anything else?” he asked.

Of course, he knew I didn’t show up unannounced just to report on our children’s love lives. But I still wasn’t ready to say what I needed to say. Not that I didn’t want to apologize. Every time we spoke, it seemed I brought up the past and hurt him all over again. I didn’t enjoy hurting him, and I didn’t want him gritting his teeth every time he saw me. Hopefully, this would be the last time I brought any of this mess up.

I showed Alessia how to dice vegetables and what not, thinking she’d grab a cutting board and try it herself. But she stood next to me, smiling. Maybe she thought she’d grasp it by osmosis or something. At least her heart was in the right place…I guess.

Luca sauntered into the kitchen and joined her in spectating. What was I? Pre-dinner entertainment?

As soon as we sat down to eat, her mood changed dramatically. She went from being inspired to mortified in two seconds flat. I’d never seen her so upset before, and I went into a mild panic trying to see what happened. She said she got an awkward text from a classmate. The girl wanted Alessia’s advice on how to tell someone she liked them. At first, the message excited her because she thought the girl was referring to Luca since he’s always making googly eyes at her.

PAUSE!

My son had a crush on someone??!!! How exciting was that?! I wondered why he never told me, but then again, these first crushes could be quite sensitive, so maybe he wasn’t ready. I hoped he’d tell me all about her soon.

Resume.

Alessia thought the girl was asking about Luca, but it turned out she was referring to Alessia.Yikes. I saw where this was going.

My poor baby was so conflicted on top of being embarrassed. Should she tell Luca about this? She didn’t want his feelings to be hurt, but if his crush wasn’t interested in him… Both my children were great catches, and the girl had excellent taste. She’d be lucky to end up with either of them, but Alessia wasn’t into girls and felt weird about that interaction. She didn’t know how to respond without hurting her feelings and giving her the impression she was interested. I wasn’t quite sure what to suggest, as I’d never been in a situation like that before. But I tried. I suggested she be honest and tell the girl she didn’t know the answer. She would either go away and ask someone else if she genuinely wanted her opinion or come straight out and tell Alessia she was the crush. Alessia could then let her down gently…or something.

She seemed to appreciate the advice, and I saw an opportunity I probably wouldn’t get again. I asked if she had a crush on anyone, and she said yes! The mid to late teen days were so exciting, and I was happy for my youngsters. Even if nothing came of these crushes, watching them go through this phase was so fun for me. I asked her to tell me about him, and of course she began by saying how cute he was. He had brown skin and blonde, curly hair, she said. Apparently, he was mixed, just like her and Luca. He kept to himself a lot, which, of course, made her even more curious about him.

She lit up like Winterfest lights as she spoke of him, and it was the cutest thing. I had to find out more but also see where her head was as far as relationships went and everything that came with them. The last thing I wanted was for my children to make the same mistakes I made. But I didn’t want to just dive in and make it all about woohoo, especially if she wasn’t there yet, so I told her about my first crushes, Laurant and Devonte. She was so intrigued when I got to the part about me and my friend Diamond, both liking Laurant but also completely smitten by her twin, Devonte. She asked if I ever kissed them, and despite wanting to know where her head was, I was still surprised.

“Is that something you think you want to do? With Rene?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I was just curious, I guess.”

An idea fell on me, and I knew how to have The Talk with her.

“Can I tell you a story?” I asked.

She nodded.

“I had my first kiss and first woohoo on the same day within minutes of each other.”

Her eyes were so large, I could see all the follow-up questions incoming.

“It was Devonté. On Love Day.”

Her eyes lit up even more. Maybe we should have moved to the living room. I felt like this conversation needed a cozier environment, but we were already into it.

“He was giving me mixed signals, and I wanted to know once and for all how he felt about me, so I invited him to my house to talk and hang out. At least, that’s what I told myself. What I really wanted was to kiss him, but I guess I wasn’t ready to admit I wanted physical intimacy with someone. My parents were very…loving toward each other, and I wanted that with someone, too. So when he kissed me, I let it happen. And when I realized we were going to do more than kiss, I didn’t say no.”

She looked all kinds of uncomfortable, and we definitely should have gone to the couch.

“Oh, I hope I didn’t scare you. He didn’t force me or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I wasn’t honest with myself about what I wanted, and when it happened, I guess I was a little surprised even though I wanted to do it…if that makes sense.”

She nodded, but still looked uncomfortable. Maybe talking about woohoo for the first time shocked her system. I wasn’t too fond of it either. But it paved the way for my friendship with Mommy I cherished so much. I hoped Alessia would feel the same way later.

Talking about being honest made me think about more recent events.

“Thinking about it,” I began, “I wasn’t honest with myself about the guy I cheated with, either. I told you I had feelings for him for a long time, but I didn’t realize it until too late. I think I knew, but I couldn’t admit it. Especially after I got married. So what I wanted to say is…always be truthful with yourself. Even if it’s something bad, like having feelings for someone else when you’re in a relationship. You can’t do anything about it until you face it head on. Lying to yourself has consequences.”

The uncomfortable look melted away slowly, and I was glad. Maybe that meant she learned something. Her new expressed looked surprised, probably that I admitted to all that.

“Maybe if I would have admitted it long time ago, I wouldn’t have met and married your dad. I mean, I’m glad I met your dad. I loved him. And I wouldn’t have you if I didn’t. But look what happened. I hurt everyone and destroyed my marriage. So…yeah… Be honest with yourself. And think about what you do and who you do it with. And don’t give yourself to jerks. You’re not doing it yet, are you?”

“UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!! Why’d you have to ruin it?!”

I have teenagers. Like the emotional, hormonal, smelly, pre-adult people. But one thing about them is, whatever they go through, they go through it together. I’m not sure if they’re just sympathetic toward each other’s moods or if they just felt the same things at the same times because they are so close in age, but I get double the trouble. If Luca is mad, Alessia is too. If she’s embarrassed, so is Luca. It’s kinda cute, actually. I’m so glad they have each other.

The best part about them navigating wild emotions together is they usually get over it together too. Luca has been very keen on staying centered and controlling his emotions with yoga. When I’m not home, he gets Alessia involved. Whether she simply enjoys spending time with him or it actually works for her, I was very surprised to find out she liked yoga. Like, the words actually came out of her mouth! One night, after a rather inspiring session with yoga, she came into the kitchen and offered to help me prepare dinner.

I halfway believed my ears. I’m not saying my children aren’t helpful because they are, but they only come into the kitchen to eat. No more, no less. At first, I thought I was getting played. I remembered when I began doing extra chores so Mommy would get me a dog. But Alessia said she was inspired and wanted to learn to cook. Even though I was still mad at her for making me send Tofu away, I was so happy to hear that. My baby was FINALLY taking an interest in something! I was so proud. But as much as I wanted to take credit for that moment, I couldn’t. It was all Luca. My precious son was changing lives and didn’t even know it. I hope he sticks to this yoga thing. He might be onto something.

The kids were due back soon, and I had been sitting at the computer all day. I got dressed and went for a stroll to process everything I’d seen but also to have one last moment of peace before the minors returned. A little white dog scurried past me and smelled worse than rotten eggs. I knew she’d gotten into with some skunks. But it wasn’t the foul stench that caught my attention. Ok…it was because she was pretty rank. She had the saddest expression and whimpered like she was scared, maybe even lost. Whatever the case, she tugged at my heartstrings something fierce, the same way Hunter did when we met the first time. But I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. I had a connection with her. If she felt the same way about me, I’d bring her home without question.

I kneeled to her level and held out my hand so she could check me out. When she decided I was ok, I reached out slowly so I could pet her, letting her know I cared and she could trust me. My touch freaked her out at first, but after a few pets, she melted into my hands. The anxiety she had expressed previously disappeared. The stench was almost unbearable, but I enjoyed the moment just as much as she did. It had been way too long since I had puppy love in my life. We had only just met, but we were such fast friends just like me and Shiloh. I asked if she wanted to have a bath. Her expression was the absolute cutest thing I’d ever seen and all the answer I needed.

It’s so crazy how dogs seem to understand exactly what we say to them. I didn’t notice how hairy she was until she was soaking wet. Alessia and I needed to brush her every day, or we’d be living in a wig factory. I really hoped she’d liked my new friend. It was totally possible this dog could be crazy, or really aggressive, but that was a risk I was willing to take to give this precious creature a home.

“I think I want to name you Tofu,” I said, snuggling my skunk-free friend.

She was white, but not white enough to name her Snowflake or whatever else white dogs were named. And we ate so much of that stuff living with Ali; I was quite familiar with its color. Tofu was a perfect name for her.

The kids came home, interrupting our snuggle time, and Alessia ran straight for the kitchen. She said she had cake on the brain. Her craving must have been quite serious for her to miss our new family member in my arms. When she returned to the living room with cake in hand, I introduced them.

“EWW,” she yelled. “I don’t want a street dog! Make her go away!”

I was stunned. I just knew she’d be happy about this. She couldn’t have been serious. “But you wanted a dog, and Tofu is so sweet.”

“No, Mommy! She could have diseases!”

“So we’ll take her to the vet. No big deal.”

“I don’t want it!”

I couldn’t let Tofu go back out there. Not after the way we bonded. I had to try a different approach. One way or another, I was winning this argument! “But I thought you wanted us to have a thing. Just you and me.”

“Not like this! I’ll pick something else.”

I panicked. She was even more strong-willed than I was at her age, and it looked like I finally met my match. “Alessia, please! She was so scared! I can’t send her back out there!”

I hated begging her like that, but I didn’t know what else to do.

“I. DON’T. WANT. IT.”

My eyes stung from the pressure of tears building up. Part of me wanted to put my foot down and do the whole “I’m the parent and what I say goes” bit, but I knew in my heart of hearts that would have been the most selfish thing I’d done in a while. I had more than just myself to think about now, and this could drive a wedge between us. The decision boiled down to choosing between my daughter and my new friend, and I knew I had to choose my daughter.

I gathered Tofu in my arms one last time and squeezed lovingly. I whispered into her ear, “I can’t keep you. But if you find me again, I’ll let you stay. I promise. Please find me.”

I couldn’t send her away on an empty stomach, so I brought her into the kitchen. She ate that food like her life depended on it, breaking my heart even more. When she finished, I picked her up, placed her outside the gate, and told her to remember what I said. She ran away. I went upstairs and cried.

Saturday night, I took Billie out to eat at Holy Smoke. The host looked at me sideways, saying I was like a gnome at Harvestfest because I kept showing up. She caught me by surprise because I couldn’t understand why a restaurant wouldn’t want repeat customers. But then I looked at her name badge. Veronica Clemons, it said. It took all the power I possessed NOT to fall out laughing. THAT was the woman Devonté hid from me back in the day?? He spent his entire life with that old hag? She wasn’t bad looking and was probably a bombshell in her younger days—when we were babies—but she had nothing on me. I was so glad that guy was no longer a factor in my life. I’ll probably never understand him.

In the morning, I arose and jumped down a rabbit hole. I got on the computer, intending to look at just a few houses to see what were my options, but I should have known I’d not be able to do that. My search began in Willow Creek to see what else I’d be able to afford. But if a fresh start was the goal, we needed a whole new city. That opened up the can of beetles. I looked all over. Glimmerbrook, Henford on Bagley, you name it; I looked. Well, except Brindleton Bay. Been there, done that. The more I searched, the more I defined what I wanted. My children were growing up entirely too fast, and my time with them grew shorter by the minute. It saddened me to think about it, but I might be an empty nester soon, if my children left home immediately, like I did. If that should be the case, I wanted to downsize like Dwayne did. There was no sense in me living in a huge house by myself at that stage. Plus, I could go for paying less in bills. I afforded this house just fine, but I’d love to save more.

Several hours went by, and I ended up finding a house that I absolutely loved. And would you believe it was also in Newcrest? I swore that was pure coincidence. Hopefully, it wasn’t in Dwayne’s neighborhood. I mean, I wouldn’t mind being his neighbor again, but that would clearly be an issue for him. At least for now. The house wasn’t as small as I wanted, but the price was right. I’d be able to save so much money there, which was great in case my candle business ever went through low points. It had two levels, but the upstairs only took up half the area and was the master suite! It had a super large bedroom with a sitting area, an office, and, of course, an en suite. I loved the idea of having my own space so I didn’t have to disturb the kids much when their friends were over. The kitchen was a lot smaller, but the family room was bigger. And, of course, the other two bedrooms were standard size. I couldn’t put my baby in another shoebox. And it had a pool! I really hoped the kids got excited about moving because I had to have that house now.

The day was still young when I left the park, so I went to the maker’s space to craft candles. Weeks ago, I attempted a candle that was beyond my level of expertise. Now, I made them with the same confidence I had with the regular candles I’d been making the whole time. I loved being able to see my skills progress. I loved seeing the demand for my product increase even more. If I ever wanted this to be my full-time gig, I definitely needed people to love my stuff and be willing to pay premium simoleon for it. That made me think about what Dwayne said about a fresh start. He changed jobs and moved to a new city on a whim simply because he needed a change. I definitely needed a change career-wise because if my CEO came at me crossways again, I just might catch a case! Gosh, that sounded so much like something Mommy would say. I still missed her so much. She’d probably tell me to screw the job and follow my dreams. Do whatever I needed to do to ensure my days were satisfying and filled with joy. I might just do that.

Until that afternoon, I never considered leaving my home. That house was special to me, not only because I picked it out and bought it on my own, but because that was where my life truly began. Ali happened, and I had my children. But a lot of pain happened there too. Honestly, I think there was more pain than happiness. Maybe I too could move somewhere new. Me and my children could start fresh without the shadow of the past looming around every corner. We could make new, happy memories. The more I thought about it, the more it appealed to me, and I wanted to move. I hoped my children would be agreeable to this whim.

I was admiring the Winterfest tree when his voice startled me.

“Kid-free weekend, huh?”

My instinct was to hug him, but I didn’t. I figured a contactless friendship would be good for now. “They live with me now, so Ali has them on weekends.”

He nodded. “They’re so big.”

“Too big.” I was aware we didn’t have much time as I didn’t want to take him away from his duties for too long, so I got on with my agenda. “So, how’ve you been? What have you been up to?”

He had a bashful-looking grin as he turned his gaze to the ground. “Well… Ok, I’m just gonna tell you the whole story instead of trying to be vague and brief.”

I got nervous and excited about this story he considered hiding from me.

“So, I came to your house, right?”

I nodded.

“That was the end of…kinda like an…awakening I had. I was in a funk before. Felt stuck, you know? I was bored at work and my life wasn’t going anywhere… When I realized what I’d done to you, I knew I needed a fresh start because I was holding onto to something I should have let go of long time ago. So I moved.”

I gasped.

How had I not noticed he wasn’t living across the street anymore? Maybe that was a good thing and meant my attention was where it needed to be.

“I don’t have a family, and that house was much too big for me. Plus, my parents died there… But I realized I was staying for you, and I figured maybe not seeing you every day would help me let go of the past and move forward with whatever comes next. It would probably help both of us.”

I nodded slowly as I processed everything. It was still so wild to me he had all these pinned up feelings our whole friendship. Well, I guess I did too, but he was in much worse shape than me. Denial is a beast. How did I never see it?

“I got a new job too,” he said.

“Oh nice! What are you doing now?”

“I’m a lab technician at this scientific research company.”

My head jerked back in disbelief. “Science?? I’ve never known you to like science.”

He chuckled. “I’m trying new things, ok? Besides, I think it will suit me. It’s a sterile environment, so at least my urges to clean will come in handy.”

“Ha! I didn’t think of that! So true. Good for you, Dwayne. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. Oh! Where did you move to?”

“Newcrest.”

“Cool. I hear it’s nice over there.”

“It is. I’m liking it.”

“Kinda sucks, though. Who’s gonna tell me about Willow Creek’s crazy laws now?”

“Ohhhh snap. You’re right. Well, you’re a long-time resident now. I guess you’re supposed to know the law. But you can call me when you change your hair again. Can’t have you getting arrested and stuff.”

I missed that playful banter. I suppose it didn’t matter where he lived since we didn’t hang out that much anyway. Maybe now that I’ve got myself together and have my weekends free, we could see each other more often. Or not? I needed to be alone when I worked on myself, so maybe he did too. But Dwayne was always straightforward. If hanging out with me was going to be a problem, he’d let me know, right?

My mind drifted as I did the rest of the chores. The previous night’s conversation echoed in my head, for some reason. Gemma called Diamond’s sentiments baby fever. I knew what that was, of course. But as much as I talked about having children in my younger days, I honestly could not recall ever having it. Maybe I did once when I met Darius. Is that weird? Having children was less a biological urge and more a goal I focused on with laser-like precision. When I accomplished it, I was good. My second child came sooner than I planned, but I definitely wanted more than one. But my babies are almost grown now, so whether or not I had the fever was pointless. Still, it made me wonder. How did I not have it more often? What did that say about me?

Later, I did some candle business stuff like reordering dyes, replying to messages, and re-listing items that hadn’t sold. Dwayne came to mind. It’s so weird how random our brains were sometimes. Although I wasn’t ready, it was kinda nice to see him the other day. How was he? What had he been up to? Did he have a girlfriend yet? No, of course he didn’t. He wasn’t like Laurant and would never leave the door open for me while being with someone else. I kept thinking I should call him…just to chat and catch up. But that thought made me nervous. This friendship still conflicted my feelings. On the one hand, I wanted to rekindle our friendship because I missed my best friend. But on the other hand, even if friendship was all we ever had, my association with him might still offend others. So I suppose the question then became, would I let others’ opinions govern what I did or did not do? For the moment, my curiosity got the better of me, and I had to talk to him.

I took out my phone and thought of what to say. My fingers typed and deleted so many sentences. Why was I so nervous?? It’s not like I was asking him out on a date. I’d done much bolder things in my past. The Winter Festival was happening in the park, and I figured he’d be volunteering again like last time. I could ask and tell him I’d be there if he wanted to hang for a minute. Yeah. Good plan. Though showing up without my kids might be sus, but whatever! This was Dwayne, not some rando I just met. I didn’t have to perform for him.

With the kids at their dad’s for the weekend, I had time to do things I loved and hadn’t done in a while. I got dressed up, summoned my girls, and headed to Club Llamante. We hadn’t been there since we were babies fresh from high school. Heh, thinking about it, I think that might be the night Darius was conceived. But anyway… None of us had young children anymore, and it had been forever since the last time we hung out. We looked SO good! Well… Lucy, Diamond, and I looked good. Gemma never had a good sense of style, but we loved her anyway.

Diamond began rambling as soon as we found a nice spot and sat down. Honestly, I couldn’t tell what she went on about at first. It sounded like she reminisced about when she had Darius and…something? No one ever never knew what she was talking about. But then she came out with it.

“I think I want a baby!”

My head jerked back so fast I thought it would snap off. “You want a what?”

As she explained, slower and coherent, she confirmed everything I thought about her back in the day. I didn’t like her and Laurant together, not only because I liked him too but also because I felt like she didn’t deserve him. Diamond wasn’t ready to settle down and sacrifice for her child. Laurant was ready, but she made it difficult for him. He focused on saving money and preparing for the future while she was in the clubs every night, doing whatever pleased her. Even though I didn’t like them together, they weren’t a bad couple. I always knew one day she’d grow up and be ready for family life, and when that day came, she and Laurant would be amazing together. That is, if they lasted that long.

She told us she wasn’t ready back then. Even though she loved her son, it was hard to bond with him because she resented him a little. But she tried with all her might, and their relationship turned out decently, but not at all what it should have been. Not like how I was with my children, she said. So, all these years later, as an empty-nester, she was finally ready for a baby. Jaron, her ol’ petty, llama faced husband, was indifferent to the idea. Kids were never a requirement for him, and he was perfectly fine without them. But if she really wanted it bad enough, he’d be down.

“But, Diamond… Is this some sort of…midlife crisis?” I asked. “I mean, we’re gonna be old ladies in a month or so. Don’t you want to enjoy retirement with your husband?And maybe grandchildren?”

“I mean, obviously,” she said. “But, guys! I’ve never felt like this before. I really think I want this.”

Gemma snorted. “Baby fever? I didn’t think we could still get that at our age. I sure hope it’s not contagious.”

Lucy shot her an icy glare, and I felt terrible for what I said. But honestly? As much as I wanted her to have her heart’s desire, maybe it was time for her to let it go. We don’t always get what we want, right?

She turned her attention to Diamond. “I totally understand what you mean, girl. If Duane tells me he’s finally ready tonight, I’ll be pregnant tomorrow. No questions!”

“Ugh! I can’t believe him,” Diamond yelled. “He was supposed to be the one to give our parents grandkids, not me!”

I didn’t want the subject to stray too far from its origin before I lost the chance to clear things up. “You know I’m not trying to dissuade you, right? I just want to be sure you’ve looked at it from all angles.”

“I know! Watcher! When did you become the mom friend?? I want the can’t stop talking ‘bout having babies Emmy back!”

“Speaking of grandchildren,” Gemma said, “I don’t think you heard about our two running off and getting hitched.”

My eyes bounced between the two of them. “Wait…your daughter is married to her son? When was her birthday? I didn’t know they were even dating!”

“Oh my Watcher,” Lucy said. “They eloped? How romantic!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Diamond muttered. “It’s…something. I’m still struggling with him being an adult, and now he’s married?? Watcher, help me!”

With all the tea spillage going on, I suggested we all dance before anyone else thought of something else shocking to report. I mean, it was nice chatting it up with my girls, but I didn’t get dressed up to sit there and look pretty. I came to Jimmy Leg it on the dancefloor!

We all changed clothes and brought our mats out to the upstairs balcony that never got used, and Luca lead us through an easy routine he had learned from SimTube. I think we all felt a little better afterward but not 100%. What we needed was relaxation and mindless activity. I rarely allowed eating in the living room, but the season premiere of Peach is the New Black was about to start, so I told the kids we could watch it while we ate. That was a pleasant change of pace. Alessia started clowning Luca again, so I knew she was all better.

I had gotten heavily invested in the episode and tuned them out. But I heard Luca say something to me, so I tuned back in.

“Why are you looking like that?” he asked.

“Because you smell like cowplant breath,” Alessia said.

That one was kinda funny, as my dear boy was quite ripe.

In the morning, I awoke a brand new sim! Between the yoga and chill time with my babies, I was walking on sunshine and Spin, Snap, Swayed my way out of bed. I was so energized and full of life, nothing could kill my spirit. Good thing too, because I had the type of morning that could bring back those tense feelings. It began with Luca telling me the toilet had broken.

As I was fixing it, Less came in complaining about her stomach hurting and claiming she needed another day off from school. Heh, I may have created a monster with that vacation day. It was cool, though. I allowed her to dupe me before, but not that time. I gave her some medicine and sent her to get dressed. But then the most amazing, magical thing happened! As I finished repairing the toilet, BOTH children came to help me clean up!

When I say I have the best kids on earth!!

Time grew short, and all of us needed to get dressed. But it occurred to me they wouldn’t come home that night and would be at Ali’s for the weekend, so I got my hugs and kisses. I told them I loved them and I’d miss them a LOT.

Thursday was not our day. Not one of us came home happy. I’ll start with me. First of all, the adoption person didn’t show last night. We waited for them until about 9:30 before they called and told us they weren’t coming. Something had happened at the adoption center around the time I made our request, and they had already canceled all pending adoptions. I supposed ours got lost in translation. Needless, Alessia and I were pretty bummed.

Second, my CEO is also a jerk and didn’t appreciate anything I did for him. Some kind of way,Iwas nominated to be in charge of getting him a gift from the office. All the regional managers knew him way better than I did, but noooo. They wanted the new girl to do it. I got him a gift card because one could never go wrong with gift cards. Or so I thought. I realized work wasn’t always fun, and sometimes difficult things make way for great things. But I shouldn’t be miserable all the time. Literally everything I’ve done at this job has blown up in my face! I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to do it anymore. One of my coworkers said I just needed a vacation, but I wasn’t so sure that would help. I had never enjoyed my time there, so maybe it was time to call it quits. But that was a much bigger decision than I could make during my lunch break. I needed a plan. Quitting without another job lined up felt irresponsible, even though I would be just fine financially. But was another job what I needed? I made almost as much money per week making candles super part time as I brought home from work. Imagine what I could do with more time to dedicate to my business! When I was less emotional, I planned to think about it more seriously.

Luca had brought a friend from school home, but they weren’t having a good time from what I saw. I wasn’t sure if they had argued, but whatever the problem, I blamed the boy. I’d never seen my sweet son’s face wrinkled like that ever! But I also had a plummy day and couldn’t bring myself to ask what was the matter. The boy went home shortly after I arrived, anyway.

I retreated to my room in attempts to gather myself and be a bit friendlier to my children, but it was futile. My problem was deeper than just a bad day. It was more like a crisis. I hadn’t seen Alessia yet, so I went to her room to say hello and found Luca instead, doing homework at her desk. My kids were so weird. They each had their own room with a desk to do their work, yet they preferred the other one’s room.

He was in a slightly better state than earlier, but still not the even-keeled boy I was used to. I asked him where was his sister, but he appeared startled by my tone. I apologized for it and said I didn’t have the best day. He replied saying he and Alessia had rough days too, though he didn’t go into any detail.

“Maybe we should all do yoga together,” he said.

He was really into this yoga thing! I was both surprised and proud. Some adults, including myself, didn’t figure out what made them emotionally mindful until well into adulthood. But my brilliant son already knew what did it for him. That was such a proud mom’s moment. I only wish I were less irritable to enjoy it.

No one was more shocked than I about how well the kids took my news. If I had known there would be no tears or yelling, maybe I could have let them go to school and talk after dinner. Either way, I was glad it had gone well and took full advantage of my free afternoon by taking care of as many chores as I could before someone called my name. I was sitting at the computer getting ready to pay bills when my eyes fell on the picture of Luca and Alessia on the beach. They were so little! That was such a good night. Not only was it the first weekend we spent together, but also the beginning of my journey toward my best self.

Alessia interrupted my nostalgia with a cheeky grin plastered on her face.

“Uh oh,” I said. “You look like a cowplant about to put out cake.” And I was the sucker about to eat it.

“I know what our thing should be,” she said.

“Oh! Let’s hear it.”

“We’re supposed to get a dog. It can be yours and mine.”

I snickered at the idea of sharing joint custody with my daughter, but hey, if that’s how she wanted to connect with me, I was more than willing to accept those terms. “Just so you know, I didn’t forget! There’s just been a lot going on. But, yeah! We can do that. You wanna pick some out right now?”

She gasped. “Can we really??”

“Why not? We were going to do it anyway, right?”

She pulled up a chair, grinning from ear to ear, more excited about this task than I’d ever seen her before. Even more than the prospect of pancakes for breakfast. I immediately looked for Cleveland, the dog I had previously decided to adopt if given the chance, but he wasn’t there. I was happy he’d been adopted, but disappointed I wasn’t the one to do it. Some puppies I saw, however, were still available. Alessia and I selected three dogs to meet. I got lucky with Shiloh, and we were instant BFFs, but I wanted to make sure we didn’t get stuck with a dog we didn’t click with. Dogs had personalities just like we did, and like sims, sometimes our personalities just don’t mesh.

We made our selection and waited for the confirmation email before we officially got excited about meeting our potential new family member. In the living room, we waited for the adoption representative to arrive, and I told Alessia about the day I met Shiloh. It was Winterfest morning, and I used to wake up early just like she did. I heard Mommy talking to someone in the kitchen, so I went to see who it was and walked in on her finalizing the adoption process. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Mommy had been so adamant about not getting a dog, yet a cute little puppy sat right there in my kitchen. That was one of the happiest days of my life.

Luca finally came downstairs, dressed and ready for the day at 6pm. He said he’d been doing yoga since waking up from his nap. That made me smile. I was so happy to help him find an interest!

A half an hour passed by, and the adoption rep still hadn’t showed, and I got antsy. I casually paced the room to mask my joy. It had been so long since I had a fur baby to love. I kept my cool, but internally I was 1000 times more excited than Alessia could ever be. Dogs were my first love. I didn’t want anything else. Then I grew up and added babies to the short list of things I needed to feel complete. In just a few short moments, I’d have both. Could life get any better?