#all i talk about is art and dicks guys

WIP Kaidan x f!Sheprd x Joker playing truth or dare.

“You know this is a drinking game. Lighthearted? You’re supposed to be asking immature stuff like what did you name your dick?”

“Fine,” Shepard grins, “what did you name your dick?”

“Nope. Not falling for that. Not my turn.”

They look at Kaidan, who seems a bit alarmed, but answers dutifully.

“Mr. Glowstick.”

“What?!”Joker sputters on a half-laugh. “No. No.That’s the worst.Why would you do that to yourself?”

“I was twelve.”

“Well in that case, I’m surprised you didn’t name it blue balls.”

“Joker,why would I name my dick,blue balls?”

“Because you’re terrible at naming things. I thought we already established that.”

Shepard slings an arm across Joker’s shoulder and carefully refills his glass. “Think you can do better?”

“Yes. I can. Absolutely,” he grins. “Wait for it. Normandy’s Forward Canon. Best dick name of all time. I know. I have a database. I’ve checked.”

Shepard makes a sound alarmingly close to a giggle — oh shit they’re gonna die the world is ending — while Kaidan just gapes at him.

“Did you just name it that?”

“Well, three years ago, yeah. I was the Normandy’s first formal crew member. I’m allowed.”

Kaidan frowns. “Wait. You were the first crew member? They never assign flight first. How did you manage that?”

Joker smirks. “That’s classified.”

“He stole the ship,” Shepard doesn’t miss a beat.

“I stole the ship,” Joker nods. “So technically I stole it twice.”He gestures between them. “See?We’re talking about dicks and crime! Much better than talking about our emotions, am I right?”

The hilarity in the room tempers almost at once.

Joker winces. “So…”he swirls his semi-full glass around awkwardly. “Anybody do more crimes? Or… have more dicks, or anything?”