As a trans woman, I have a lot of behaviors that i am VERY EXCITED to do that are considered traditionally feminine. And I think the General Societal Narrative of a trans women, say, being excited to bake a cake, is that she’s like, Sightseeing Womanhood, doing something Women Do because it tickles her to Be A Woman. Which is… fucking hogwash. these behaviors aren’t Things Women Do, they’re Things Men Don’tDo.
The urge to bake a cake and coo at babies and welcome houseguests, I think, is just human, but it’s something that men are told basically from birth that they’re not allowed to do. So a huge part of the transfem experience isn’t Discovering New Hobbies That Let You Be A Girl, it’s finally allowing yourself to do things that you’ve spent decades believing you weren’t supposed to.
And in less intersectional feminist spaces, this purveying idea (that a trans woman is taking pleasure from like, Sampling Womanhood) plays to an understanding of “male socialization” that is centered around the effects it has on AFAB people. (”Boys will be boys”, “He’s pulling his hair because he likes you”)
And while I dont blame people for expressing the pain they suffer under patriarch, it’s pretty conceited to assume that this gives you understanding of the totality of the AMAB experience. Cis men and trans women and other AMAB people spend their childhoods being punished, by peers and authorities and media, for “unmanly” behavior- vulnerability, emotionality, caring, sadness. And I think that a lot of feminism (ESPECIALLY radical feminism) doesn’t fully understand that.
TERFs especially are 100% convinced that they know what male socialization is to the point that they will argue with trans women about it, which is the kind of hubris that would be fucking hilarious if it wasn’t so harmful.
