theresthesnitch:

Shout out to all of my non-POC, non-marginalized friends. (If you’re not sure if this applies to you, then it does.) There’s something that needs to be said.

Let’s talk about responding to being called out on your privilege

I know that this is an uncomfortable thing to do. It is. It sucks to be confronted with your own potentially problematic behavior and to have to answer for it. However, the way you respond matters.

A note before I begin: I refer to non-privileged position here as either POC, minority, or marginalized individuals. This isn’t meant to limit this to those groups, but to any individual in a less privileged position. I’m also trying to generalize problematic behavior, but please know this applies to racism, antisemitism, sexism, colorism, etc, etc. I apologize for the insufficiency of my words.

Let’s talk about what this post is not, first.

This is not a list of things that are or are not offensive (if such a list is possible, I wouldn’t dare to assume that I could make it). This is not a call out to specific people. (However, if you feel called out by this, then it probably is for you.)

I also wouldn’t presume to tell POC and marginalized individuals how they should respond. I’m also not an expert by ANY means, just a person who has observed some of the responses and how they went wrong. I’m absolutely open to corrections or discussion on this, within reason.

How do you respond to accusations?

1. Let your first reaction be silent.

The problem is that our society was built and created on problematic ideals, and those things are taught to us from the time we are little. That first gut reaction is your internalized bullshit. That anger that you feel at being called out is normal, but it should not be how you respond. Let that happen in the silence of your home, and not online.

2. Do not focus on the language used, but the intent of the message.

This is hard, I know. The thing is you can’t tone police this kind of thing. Marginalized individuals are approaching a situation with a whole history of privileged people lashing out to minorities. There’s also a power to be found in naming the hate against you. So if someone calls you or something you did privileged, racist, sexist, antisemitic, etc., even if it is in a tone of anger, you do not get to tell the speaker that they are wrong for their reaction. If you think it’s uncomfortable for you, please consider it a small insight into what marginalized individuals have dealt with their whole life.

3. Accept that you may have said something problematic, even if you didn’t mean it.

Here’s a confession: I’m a little bit racist. It’s internalized racism that is so engrained that I don’t even realize it’s happening. I never intentionally do it, but it’s that engrained reaction that I haven’t managed to completely erase. I work every day to confront these ingrained biases and to counteract them. (Now reread that and replace racism with other forms of privileged bias). So here’s my point: It’s completely possible that I could post something without realizing it’s problematic. If someone points it out, I try to acknowledge that instead of immediately fighting back. I’m not perfect, but I try to remember not to let my initial reaction be the one I act on (see point 1).

4. Take time to reflect.

This is the part that’s the hardest. You have to actually look at what you’ve done that has been pointed out as offensive. Reflect on it, especially if you’re not sure why it is offensive. It’s important to confront our biases and try to do better. I’m not saying you have to delete your work or stop writing, but you need to address why it could be problematic. But do some research. Acknowledge what you’re being told. Consider what an appropriate reaction should be. Take the time to educate yourself.

5. Apologize.

Even if you don’t agree. Even if you didn’t mean to do it. Even if it wasn’t intentional. Even if there are other people from the same marginalized community who don’t agree it was problematic. Because the thing is… no person is a monolith for their community. We all have different experiences, and just because something harms one member of a community does not mean it does not hurt other community members. You should still apologize. You see, I have a toddler, and right now, we are working on “you have to apologize when you hurt someone, even if it was an accident.” I think some people here could use that message too.