Complete and utter vomit inducing privileged bullshit? Well, you’ve come to the right place. This morning, I discovered something horrific besmirching the internet:

That’s right, folks. I’m not fucking with you. THIS MONSTROSITY

REALLY AND TRULY EXISTS!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

I mean seriously. Look at this bullshit:

Can you fucking believe this!?

Seriously. Why do the gods torment me with this stupid, regressive pile of privileged, nonsensical bullshit!? Why?

In conclusion:

Hey y’all did you know that just because you had a shitty childhood doesn’t mean you have to guilt trip and project your trauma and insecurities on other people? So when someone posts a funny video with their dad or talks about a nice gift their mother gave to them maybe instead of saying “wow imagine having parents that love you” or “haha my mom gave me nothing for Christmas after I turned 8” you can scroll past the video without being bitter and miserable.

People shouldn’t be your enemy for just having nice things. If they’re being spoiled, ungrateful brats that’s far different but someone being happy about something nice that happened within their family or a gift/experience they got? Yea, no one needs to know that you weren’t fortunate enough for that. Read the room. It’s not always about you and your trauma. And before you come at me, my life of far from perfect. I’m one of you.

The fence #fyp

I love this video. It’s clever. It’s well-done. It’s an apt metaphor and the parallels are incredibly clear.

Watch it then share it with everyone you know. (Please.)

My therapist told me recently that she thinks being healthy is a privilege. She said she doesn’t have to worry about whether or not a task will use up all of her energy before she does it, and she acknowledged how hard it is to plan your life around fatigue. Hearing that from her was so validating. 

I’ve had bad experiences with therapists before and thought I would never find one who understood chronic illness, but they’re out there. If you think having a therapist will improve your quality of life, keep searching for the right one. 

Social justice workshops often open by demanding that everyone consider the space safe and put absolute trust in the person leading it. For instance, workshop leaders will often say things like “This is a safe space. No one will feel unsafe here — but you might feel uncomfortable confronting your privilege. Understand the difference between being uncomfortable and being unsafe.”

“Everyone will be safe” is a promise we can’t keep. “Everyone must feel safe” is a demand that we have no right to make.

No workshop is actually safe for everyone. Sometimes, people are going to feel unsafe. Sometimes, people are going to *be* unsafe. People who feel unsafe need to be welcome in our workshops — and all the more so, we need to welcome those who are taking significant risks in order to learn from us.

When we tell people who are feeling unsafe that it must just be their privilege talking, we make the space much more dangerous for everyone in the room. Sometimes, people who feel unsafe are responding to real dangers. If we demand that participants who feel unsafe ignore the possibility that they are right, we are demanding the right to hurt them. That’s not something we should ever do.

Feeling unsafe isn’t always privilege talking. It’s always a possibility, but it’s never the only possibility. Sometimes, presenters aren’t actually as knowledgable and perceptive as they think they are. Sometimes, presenters get things wrong in ways that make the space unsafe for the most marginalized participants in the room. Sometimes, participants are so used to being unsafe that they need a lot of evidence of safety before they’re willing to risk trusting someone.

One way this can happen is that sometimes participants are marginalized in ways that the presenter doesn’t understand. For instance, people presenting on white privilege don’t necessarily always understand the significance of ableism, people presenting on sexism and misogyny don’t always understand the significance of racism and antiblackness. No one has a perfect understanding of every form of marginalization, and we are better presenters when we keep this in mind. When marginalized people are taking risks in order to learn from us, we need to respect the risks they’re taking and not write them off as a privileged affectation.

This can also happen in other ways. We have power as teachers and presenters, and it is possible to abuse that power. Even when the people we’re teaching are more privileged than we are in every relevant way, it matters how we treat them. Being privileged in society is not the same thing as being safe in a classroom. We are all capable of making mistakes that hurt people, and when we make those mistakes, it matters.

People have the right to manage their own safety. Our students have the right to decide for themselves whether or not they trust us, and how far they trust us. They have the right to revoke that trust at any time. We do not have the right to demand that they make themselves vulnerable, and we do not have the right to demand that they allow themselves to be hurt.

People have the right to make up their own minds about how safe or dangerous something seems to them. Calling a space safe does not make it safe, and it does not give us the right to order people to feel safe. When we present, it’s never ok to demand that people trust us. Trust is always earned.

laurellynnleake:

shwetanarayan:

tangzhuang:

I’m putting it out there that using round wide eyes to implicitly state innocence and purity in a character; and small “slanty” eyes to convey dishonesty and deceit in your antagonist is actually racist lmfao.

I see some of you bring out this concept in you character designs over and over and yeah it’s not a conscious thought process but thinking “this is the evil character who is morally decrepit - how should I really bring that out in their image?” And then linking that immediately to drawing smaller eyes is racist yellow peril derived stereotyping.

I’m sure most of us have been guilty of this at some stage including myself so can we all just grow up and leave this bullshit behind in this year? 谢谢

Other “evil” looks based in bigotry:

- dark/heavy/thick eyebrows (racism/antisemitism)

- hooked noses vs “cute”/button/patrician (ditto)

- faces described as angular (as opposed to like strong-boned or whatever)

- “swarthy” complexion (thanks tolkien)

- blonde hair/blue eyes = hero/ine

- accents.

- “shifty eyes” iirc, I remember learning they just indicate a lot of thinking, which could be lying, yes, orrr dealing with a second language/unfamiliar dialect, or dealing with NTs as someone who’s not, or trying to figure out if the authority figure is trying to get you to agree to something they can use against you, or…

Bigotry around disability that often intersects with racism includes making villains or “shifty” characters dramatically scarred and/or having acne/acne scars, missing eyes or limbs/digits, walking with a limp and/or cane, missing and/or crooked teeth (this one can also be pretty classist, and “buck teeth” and a gap between the front teeth have a history of anti-Asian and anti-Black caricature behind them, respectively), overweight in a way that’s portrayed as “disgusting” proof of their “greed” or like moral decay or whatever, etc! 

These visual markers often get layered on top of the above racist stereotypes to make a character’s design seem more “untrustworthy” or “creepy” or “unsettling,” hypersexualized/fetishized/desexualized, “aggressive” or “passive”, “mean and “scary” or “cowardly and despicable”, and so on and so on - always ask yourself and your subconscious WHY they do these things!  And ABSOLUTELY hold yourself accountable for this, (my fellow white artists especially!!!)!  Fighting the racist messages we’ve taken in our entire lives takes work, and it takes time, and it’s always worth doing. 

thebibliosphere:

gay-makoto:

anakinsbugs:

captain-liddy:

okay like. supposedly being interested in m/m relationships, or even a specific m/m relationship because you like the specific dynamic depicted is fetishizing. because it’s only acceptable to take an interest in any m/m relationship if you’re a man who likes men, apparently. BUT then also m/f relationships are supposedly relatable and accessible to everybody???

or maybe.

just maybe.

that’s a bullshit argument used to shut down enthusiasm for anything that isn’t heteronormative as well as to shame a group of what is perceived to be young women and girls. because any time young women like anything at all, however harmless or even positive and uplifting, that thing is relentlessly mocked and derided as shallow and ridiculous.

this post has so much going on that i guess i gotta write a whole essay so here we go

as a gay man, i can say with full and total confidence that more often than not, women’s consumption of our relationships, and our sex lives, and our trauma is fetishistic. it’s not about fighting heteronormativity. it’s really not that deep.

finding another man loving man in fandom is incredibly difficult, especially in shipping circles. i’ve been in the tumblr business for almost seven years, and i’ve met maybe 1 or 2 guys total who write slash besides me. slash fiction is dominated almost entirely by women and woman-aligned people, and it’s been this way for a very long time. even a good amount of smutty slash fanzines in the 70s-90s were written by women who liked to write about boys fucking. when i met another guy who wrote slash fanfic, i was completely shocked. it had taken 6 or so years to meet him, and i was completely bowled over. and i just thought “boys don’t write about boys loving boys, that’s not our thing”. but what i wanna know is why isn’t it our thing???

why aren’t most slash fanfics written by boys who love boys? why isn’t a genre, a subculture ABOUT US, something that we’re seemingly not allowed to participate in? why do we feel like outsiders when writing our own stories? why are some of them most praised “gay shows” and “gay books” (for example, the song of achilles and yuri on ice) all written by women, and read by women, and aren’t really catered towards gay men at all even though we’re the SUBJECTS of the story.

when you go through websites like goodreads and look under the “gay romance” section, you see names like madeline, jane, abigail, marie, amy. i mean, abigail roux’s writing alone probably takes up half the list! you might see a sean or a david thrown in, but for the most part, stories about men loving each other are written by women. ones that are written by men often don’t get the attention reigned in by the foxhole court and cut and run. that’s where the issue lies. in a community supposedly dedicated to us, our love, our sex, our relationships, we take the back seat. we don’t get recognition. we don’t get control. we don’t get to tell OUR stories OUR WAY.

not to mention, much of slash has always been smut. and that smut, for a lot of questioning boys who love boys, that’s our first exposure to sex between two men. i know it was for me. but when it’s written by someone who’s never been a man having sex with a man (and no, if you’re a cis girl having sex with a cis man is not the same way trans men have sex with cis men, but y'alls abysmal treatment of trans men will have to wait for another post), it’s often written inaccurately and unsafely. not using a condom? unsafe. spit as lube? definitely not safe. SHOVING IT IN???????? REALLY NOT SAFE. rimming someone without having them clean or use an enema first????

not only unsafe, but also really gross. the general consensus (and yes i asked) about this is that safe sex has been deemed by slash shippers to be “boring”. they want to get right to the fucking, no time for prep (which is literally the most important part), no time for cleaning, no time for lube, no time for protection. this is incredibly dangerous for young men who love men who are trying to figure out all the different ways that we can make love to each other. if this is their only exposure, they’re going to think that doing this is okay. they’re going to think “yeah, i can just shove my tongue into someone’s dirty asshole” or “i don’t have to prepare my partner before shoving very large into something very tiny” which is not the case and will get people hurt. i know fic isn’t supposed to be a sex ed class, but the lack of sex safety is really concerning.

and when men who love men like myself bring up the fact that maybe you guys should stay in your lane a little and let us take the wheel in a genre entirely dedicated to us having sex with each other, you somehow claim that we are “kinkshaming” you and being misogynist by taking away “the one place where women can explore their kinks without judgement”. which is complete and total bullshit because FIRST OF ALL gay people are not your kink. we are not your fetish, we don’t exist for your entertainment or your gratification. if you really think that two men who make love to each other is your “fetish”, then maybe that’s telling you something. human beings aren’t kinks. so fuck outta here with that.

and the obsession with boys enduring homophobic and sometimes transphobic abuse and rape for the sake of ~angst~ and hurt/comfort is uh pretty fucked up. the obsession people have with gay trauma is by far the most disturbing of all. like so many woman slash writers go out of their way to subject gbt male characters to all sorts of injury and abuse just so they can be ~comforted~ and possibly get comfort sex. the idea that you want to see us hurt just because you think it’s cute when we comfort each other isn’t okay. like, didn’t someone want to write a check please fanfic about the pulse shooting??? yeah how can any of you look at that and think it’s okay. it’s not okay. in no world is that okay.

so this brings me to your claim that if gay/bi/pan men (including trans men and male-aligned people) tell you to maybe chill out and maybe let us write stories about us for a change, that’s a misogynistic/homophobic/shallow statement. this just blows my mind. i need a little more clarification about why it’s such an evil no-no for us to want to represent ourselves or speak for ourselves or tell our own stories. because it kinda seems homophobic that you’re so angry about gbt men wanting to represent themselves. it almost sounds like you only think our love and our sex and our lives exist only for you to write and read about. you’re making it sound like we are objects made for your consumption, and by establishing ourselves as real people is ruining your fantasy.

nobody’s saying you can’t be supportive of gbt boys and want to write about them in your stories. but for the love of god, don’t get angry when we want to tell our own stories, and don’t pitch a fit when we express that we’re uncomfortable with being objectified for your own sexual gratification.

tldlr; men who love men have never existed for your consumption. we are not your “escape from heteronormativity”, we are not your “safe space for kink exploration”, we are not your favorite ships, we are not your kudos on ao3. we are real men with real stories who want a chance to express ourselves in a genre that’s about us but that we seemingly aren’t allowed into. we are people, and we deserve to and be seen as people and treated like people. stop speaking over us and invalidating our concerns about how we’re being treated. and that’s the tea. ️‍‍♂️☕️

@ all you straight fujoshis

Oh my gods this. This is everything I try and fail to say when people ask me how to explain fetishization vs storytelling.

Do you know how many books by gay men I edited in my time at the erotica publishing house? One.

Out of literal thousands of manuscripts, there was One gay man writing m/m, the rest were all by women, and I feel safe in saying, the majority of them, not from within the LGBTQA+ community.

And boy howdy did they pitch fits when we turned to them and said “your manuscript does not meet our health and safety requirements please revise” because our house had a strict safe sane consensual rule, along with body positivity, which everyone LOVED when they were writing m/f stories. But when it came to m/m we had so many authors say “ew, but that’s not ~sexy~ :/” to which my reply was often a very politely phrased “literally don’t give a fuck Susan, you know what else isn’t sexy? Bleeding assholes, which coincidentally is what you’re being.”

But y'know, nicer. Because I’m a fucking proffesional.

Anyway. Do you want to know what happened to said singular man writing m/m fiction? He got dropped after a year. Because, and I quote, this is a direct line from our then marketing team, about a gay man writing gay erotica: “that’s not what women want to read”

And if that’s not one of the most precise and fucking infuriating demonstrations of what the fuck is wrong with the “but I write gay slash fic! I can’t be homophobic!” “~allies~” (spoiler: you’re not) in fandom and yes, even in “real” publishing, I dunno what is.

There is a Difference between storytelling and fetishization, and all y'all crying “kinkshaming!” when someone asks you to treat them with respect, need to stop.

mrloveballad:

hooligan-nova:

All it means when people say “you’re speaking from a place of privilege” is that you’re likely to underestimate how bad the problem is by default because you are never personally exposed to that problem. It’s not a moral judgement of how difficult your life is.

^^^^^^ read it. say it out loud. keep repeating it until you understand.

neutroisenjolras-moved:

“a writer’s character’s viewpoints don’t reflect the writer’s viewpoints!!!” actually, they do.

that doesnt mean having a, for instance, homophobic character means the author is homophobic. but how is the homophobia treated? is it criticized? is it excused, idealized? is it framed so that the homophobia is clearly wrong? does the inclusion of homophobia in the narrative serve a point?  

writers, especially professional published writers, know that their writing has an impact, and the morals they put forward in their work reflect deeply on themselves. they know how they frame and present their work can completely change the result and effect it has. 

so maybe the character’s viewpoints don’t say much about the writer, but how the writer presents this character and its viewpoints says a hell of a fuckin lot about the writer.

agoddamn:

don’t worship people. i’m serious. no matter how good they sound, how popular they are, how stinging their comebacks are, how moral they seem—do not worship people.

this is something that tumblr does constantly, and whether it starts as a joke or not it ends with many people taking it quite seriously

do not hold anyone above criticism, do not make a person synonymous with an idea. every human has feet of clay, and making yourself loyal to those flaws will only make more trouble for you

how often have you seen posts gushing about how amazing and perfect someone is, only for there to be a condemnation of their problematic history ten posts later? rebel wilson, jennifer lawrence, there’s even an entire blog dedicated to pointing out how your fav is problematic. most recently there was conchita wurst, who was worshiped for being a drag queen persona and turned on when people finished reading the wikipedia article and found out about the exploitative reality show she was on.

people can be important, people can say wise things, feel free to value them for that—but don’t elevate them to a position of godliness. nobody can live up to it.

I am privileged, I know, but does this make me despicable?

I grew up in a house with a garden

My parents are married for more than 25 years and still happy

My family sticks together

There has been only one divorce in the two generations before me

I had a good education

I have seen several countries

I am working for a college diploma in a country where education is payable

I live in a nice appartement

I am white

I have a pretty face

I am not fat and not too slim with generous curves

I earn enough money to keep on living a nice modest life

I have people I can go out with to party from time to time

I have a few select friends I can trust and a good connection with my parents

I should be happy, shouldn’t I, are you already feeling the jealousy

Still I have suffered from complexes all my life

Still I have been bullied the majority of my school life

Still I have never really fit in either with my family or my peers

Still I had depression on and off since my early teenage years

Still I am looking for a proper job without finding one

Still I am struggling with studying

Still I never measured up to the expectations of my family and myself

Still my older brother never accepted me

Still I was abused by my partners

Still I am fighting unti to break free from the conservative views and rules I was raised with

Do I need to be sorry for having what many don’t? Do I have to hide my problems because I had at least better chances? Shouldn’t I complain about what troubles me, because it’s ungrateful?

Well sorry, I won’t. I won’t be sorry, I won’t hide away, I am not a martyr who puts everyone elses trouble before mine all of the time.

Yes, I am priviledged, but I don’t own the modesty to apologize for it.

vintageinstepford:

If you’re a girl who believes in male superiority, and your body can handle it, you may want to ask your man if you can sleep on the floor for a weekend just to try it out.

After all, you’re just a girl and sharing his bed should be a privilege, not a right.

He’ll have a bed to himself …

… and you’ll learn just how low your station in life can be.

-VIS

Devotional Training: Become more aware of the privilege of using a bed.

vintageinstepford:

If you’re a girl who believes in male superiority, and your body can handle it, you may want to ask your man if you can sleep on the floor for a weekend just to try it out.

After all, you’re just a girl and sharing his bed should be a privilege, not a right.

He’ll have a bed to himself …

… and you’ll learn just how low your station in life can be.

-VIS

Devotional Training: Ask Him.

theresthesnitch:

Shout out to all of my non-POC, non-marginalized friends. (If you’re not sure if this applies to you, then it does.) There’s something that needs to be said.

Let’s talk about responding to being called out on your privilege

I know that this is an uncomfortable thing to do. It is. It sucks to be confronted with your own potentially problematic behavior and to have to answer for it. However, the way you respond matters.

A note before I begin: I refer to non-privileged position here as either POC, minority, or marginalized individuals. This isn’t meant to limit this to those groups, but to any individual in a less privileged position. I’m also trying to generalize problematic behavior, but please know this applies to racism, antisemitism, sexism, colorism, etc, etc. I apologize for the insufficiency of my words.

Let’s talk about what this post is not, first.

This is not a list of things that are or are not offensive (if such a list is possible, I wouldn’t dare to assume that I could make it). This is not a call out to specific people. (However, if you feel called out by this, then it probably is for you.)

I also wouldn’t presume to tell POC and marginalized individuals how they should respond. I’m also not an expert by ANY means, just a person who has observed some of the responses and how they went wrong. I’m absolutely open to corrections or discussion on this, within reason.

How do you respond to accusations?

1. Let your first reaction be silent.

The problem is that our society was built and created on problematic ideals, and those things are taught to us from the time we are little. That first gut reaction is your internalized bullshit. That anger that you feel at being called out is normal, but it should not be how you respond. Let that happen in the silence of your home, and not online.

2. Do not focus on the language used, but the intent of the message.

This is hard, I know. The thing is you can’t tone police this kind of thing. Marginalized individuals are approaching a situation with a whole history of privileged people lashing out to minorities. There’s also a power to be found in naming the hate against you. So if someone calls you or something you did privileged, racist, sexist, antisemitic, etc., even if it is in a tone of anger, you do not get to tell the speaker that they are wrong for their reaction. If you think it’s uncomfortable for you, please consider it a small insight into what marginalized individuals have dealt with their whole life.

3. Accept that you may have said something problematic, even if you didn’t mean it.

Here’s a confession: I’m a little bit racist. It’s internalized racism that is so engrained that I don’t even realize it’s happening. I never intentionally do it, but it’s that engrained reaction that I haven’t managed to completely erase. I work every day to confront these ingrained biases and to counteract them. (Now reread that and replace racism with other forms of privileged bias). So here’s my point: It’s completely possible that I could post something without realizing it’s problematic. If someone points it out, I try to acknowledge that instead of immediately fighting back. I’m not perfect, but I try to remember not to let my initial reaction be the one I act on (see point 1).

4. Take time to reflect.

This is the part that’s the hardest. You have to actually look at what you’ve done that has been pointed out as offensive. Reflect on it, especially if you’re not sure why it is offensive. It’s important to confront our biases and try to do better. I’m not saying you have to delete your work or stop writing, but you need to address why it could be problematic. But do some research. Acknowledge what you’re being told. Consider what an appropriate reaction should be. Take the time to educate yourself.

5. Apologize.

Even if you don’t agree. Even if you didn’t mean to do it. Even if it wasn’t intentional. Even if there are other people from the same marginalized community who don’t agree it was problematic. Because the thing is… no person is a monolith for their community. We all have different experiences, and just because something harms one member of a community does not mean it does not hurt other community members. You should still apologize. You see, I have a toddler, and right now, we are working on “you have to apologize when you hurt someone, even if it was an accident.” I think some people here could use that message too.

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

I always see so many social-justice type things that are like, reassuring people in the oppressor group that no, we’re not trying to take anything away from you! Your life will be pretty much the same but better if we achieve our goals!

Which, in a sense I guess that’s true, because a fairer world is better for us all – but honestly, yes, we are trying to take things away from you, and achieving our goals will mean your life is different. Because people in oppressor groups have not been pulling your/our own weight this entire time.

Men, abled people, cis people, white people, straight people, rich people, non-intersex people, etc., all benefit from oppression. As in, there are things we/you have that we/you literally only recieve as a direct result of oppression, and in a world without that oppression, we/you will not receive those benefits!

Privileged people will have to give up being centred more, trusted more and deemed more competent than anyone else; having emotional work performed for us/you quietly and without recipricocity; having our/your interests prioritized over everyone else’s; being treated as the default from which everyone else is a variation; and a million more unfair advantages.

Ending oppression will require people in oppressor groups to actively give up all kinds of benefits that stem directly from oppression. There will often be things that oppressors didn’t even notice was a benefit of oppression that will now have to be relinquished. It’s difficult work, and it absolutely will affect your life. But it’s necessary and important work.

If you’re only interested in ending oppression with the caveat that it not affect your life whatsoever and you’ll never be inconvenienced by people gaining back rights they should always have had – you’re not interested in ending oppression, and you should make an effort to cultivate that interest.

radfem1993:

REBLOG IF YOU OPPOSE TRUMP, SEXISM, AND MISOGYNY

TW// Donald Trump, patriarchy, sexism, misogyny, violence.

The beginning of Donald Trump’s presidency marks the beginning of an open war on all women in America. Whereas before, the patriarchy attempted to conceal their sexism, it is now totally open. The only option left to us is to RESIST, by any means necessary.

I’m not interested in your insistence on “non-violence” or “reasoned debate.” You don’t have conversations with people who disagree with your basic human rights, who disagree with your right to live, who deny your very soul. Let me repeat, for those who didn’t get it: YOU DO NOT DEBATE WITH PEOPLE WHO DENY YOUR HUMANITY. My humanity WILL NOT BE DENIED!!

If violence is necessary to force your opinion on others, then do it. We are right, we are on the right side of history, and that gives us the right to impose our beliefs on the racists, misogynists, sexists, Islamophobes, xenophobes, and anyone with the privilege to benefit from these systems of oppression that now dominate Western society.

TAKE YOUR “COOPERATION” AND “DEBATE” AND GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I’m not fucking interested. My opinions and rights will not be denied.

@prochoiceforlife@profeminist@feminismwecandoit@feminismandhappiness@feministlikeme@feministsagainstviolence@feminism-and-flowers@intersectionalfeminism101@spectramora@intersectionalwoman@patriarchysmashingvegan@misandry–mermaid-blog@misandry-and-reverseracism