#anti asian discrimination
CW: rant about my experiences with discrimination as a mixed race person
The experience of being mostly pale but still very much mixed race is, frankly, awful in my experience because I have in fact been mocked for having my mother’s Chinese eyes, had my culture degraded and ridiculed in front of me, had white people act like I’m some sort of novelty toy because I have my white father’s pale skin and look mostly like them, and yes, white people do use my paleness as an excuse to be racist in front of me and act shocked and confused when I’m offended by their racism.
I’m an excuse for white people to play the ally, because in their all white friendship group there’s a mixed race kid so obviously they’re all woke and what do you mean they still have to face their biases? I’ve watched people hang political signs that say ‘stop Asian hate’ in the windows of their homes while simultaneously acting disgusted when I bring meals to them that I learned to cook from the aunties. People will see my family, my cousins, and say horrible things and then act like I have no reason to be upset because I’m the paler one, the one who was raised in a western country, so how could I ever be a real Asian in their white eyes?
I have listened to white people condemn racism wholeheartedly, but the second I open my mouth and share my own lived experiences of racism suddenly I’m ‘too sensitive’ to them. White people have refused to listen to me when I’ve pointed out their own racist tendencies because in their eyes I’m not a real POC, but they refuse to treat me like I’m one of them as well, so I’m just lesser to them. My Asian family have never acted like I’m different from them, but my white family certainly has. I hate telling white people that I’m mixed and I hate talking to white people about my culture because from that point on, I’m either a freak show or the enemy.
I have been living with anti-Asian racism since I was 6 years old, living the knowledge that I’m either a novelty to marvel at or a scapegoat, bouncing between being made to feel alien or being made to feel lesser. There is a reason my mother raised me not to discuss my culture with the westerners but every fucking day I am angry that I exist in a world where my mother had to teach me to suppress myself to stay safe, and even then the ‘safe’ I experienced was still fucking traumatic. From the moment I entered society I have had to face these issues, and I honestly cannot remember a time without them.
