I already wrote a tag novel on this but I can’t get this scene out of my mind & it deserves a deep-dive, so- buckle up, kids.
the heartwrench started in earnest when Vegas stormed out of the bathroom and Kinn turned to- or on to- Porsche. look at the small but striking journey Porsche’s expressions go through here:
I’m praying to the BL gods that we get some BTS commentary on this moment in particular because there’s so much that could be happening with Porsche here.
maybe in his tipsiness he was just happy to have Kinn there before the reality of Kinn’s rage hit him. maybe it was some of that gleeful sass in response to Kinn’s jealousy that we saw earlier in the ep.
or it could have a darker meaning: is that little smile a knowing one? a confirmation of the doubts about Kinn’s sincerity/intentions that have been brewing in Porsche since he found out about Tawan?
regardless, all are loaded/potentially devastating possibilities.
Kinn and Porsche then exchange slaps and verbal barbs, but it’s much more than the sum of its parts. they both have so many fears, insecurities and lack of trust in each other (and themselves, too) that they’ve been carrying around since this intoxicating, terrifying thing between them started.
the powder keg was already loaded & ready to explode- the altercation with Vegas was just the spark that lit it.
I’m glazing over the rest of the argument to the aftermath because that’s where things really get narratively delicious. I’ve always been a sucker for a good chase- the idea that someone not just wants but needs you to the extent that they’d pursue you- and Kinn’s desperate need for Porsche to stay with him is on full, aggressive display here.
he moves so quickly after Porsche that it comes off as an instinct, not an intentional choice- a magnet chasing its opposite polarity.
there’s this moment against the mirror where they continue to struggle against each other, but it couldn’t be more half-hearted. the mutual stare-off is intense as they size each other up. Kinn is a brick wall of determination, but we all know Porsche could easily get out of his grip & that room if he wanted to. which way is he gonna go? the tension in this moment was palpable (all hail MileApo for acting their damn faces off).
and then, Porsche caves- literally. he curls into himself in a defensive posture against the mirror, clearly pissed about giving into this insufferable man he loves- but he does it anyway, because it’s Kinn. one of the hallmarks of their relationship is how mutually weak they are for each other, despite all the reasons they “shouldn’t” be.
once Kinn realizes Porsche is staying with him- at least for the moment- this deep, yawning regret paints his expression, tinged with a sort of loneliness (not surprising after the life he’s led), replacing the rage. there’s a different sort of tension here now- this feeling of walking the edge of a knife, knowing one wrong word or move could end the fragile sort-of peace.
Kinn’s terrified in this moment: not just at the possibility of losing Porsche for good, but the past repeating itself. of how the world seems stacked against his happiness- maybe even how he himself (and what he’s had to become/endure) stands in the way of it.
Kinn didn’t wax poetic here because, in my opinion, he can’t: he’s in the midst of a total emotion onslaught, holding onto this man who’s become so precious to him for dear life. but he has to say something,dosomething, so he goes for simplicity: I’m sorry.
we linger here for a minute, the camera purposefully moving in Kinn’s direction then Porsche’s, the mirror giving us a full 180 view. again, the ball is in Porsche’s court. the choice is his.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Porsche is a mirror, reflecting back whatever he’s given (or not given), which makes the use of mirrors here all the more chef’s kiss. Porsche also needs words to go along with actions, so as small as that apology was- it’s exactly what he needed to hear.
he didn’t want this fight, he didn’t want that kiss from Vegas- he wants to stay with Kinn, be with Kinn, in spite of everything they’re up against. there are so many layers here, but it’s really pretty simple: it’s love. stupid, wonderful, intoxicating love.
I love how slowly Porsche turns to Kinn here- it says “I’m not fighting; I’m not fleeing.” and Kinn turns with him, again moving with him like he can’t help himself.
and then: Porsche fully faces Kinn and my heart stopped. this isn’t an expression we’ve seen him wear in front of anyone: it’s soft but feels like a raw nerve. naked, vulnerable- it says, “you did wrong. I’m hurting, but I’m here. now show me how you really feel. heal what you hurt.” Kinn strokes his hair with a breathless sort of wonder, not quite believing his luck that he’s still there.
and then, the moment that shoots this scene into the stratosphere for me: Porsche doesn’t move. this constantly-joking, light-hearted gremlin of a man doesn’t do a thing to ease the tension- and he’s so right for that.
he lets the silence stretch on, and Kinn takes his cue: this is his moment to demonstrate his deep remorse and affection for Porsche. so- he starts worshipping him. smartly, he doesn’t move in for a kiss first- this would put them on too equal footing- not until they both get caught up in the heat together.
when they do kiss, Porsche grabs Kinn’s chin and gently pulls him away, and Kinn nods to him in reassurance. I like to think he’s saying it’s OK to surrender, that he’s safe with him- and once again, that was all the reassurance Porsche needed.
damn Tumblr’s 10 image limit to hell because Kinn’s expressions of pure, utter joy when Porsche touches him back is just incredible. Porsche mirrors (heh) that joy right back, delighted in his ability to make this man weak in the best possible way. it’s a beautiful, sexy sliver of happiness in the middle of the unstable chaos that is their reality- and really, their relationship.
and afterwards, when Porsche grabs Kinn as tightly to him as he can, Kinn in near-tears pressed against his shoulder? Porsche’s face tight with his own emotions and empathy for the man in his arms? there’s this feeling of inevitability; that they couldn’t pull themselves away from each other if they wanted to…come what may.
Focus your eyes on emot lol on the day that they attend the casting process, Apo sit two rows behind Mile. Gosh I can’t imagine if they didn’t get the part as the Kinn and Porsche that we know and love now.
(They didn’t even know each other that well that time gosh. Otherwise they might have sit next to each other. Strange and magical how fate work. )
This is honestly pretty heartbreaking -Kinn explaining that Tawan couldn’t be a ghost of a jealous ex because he was only with Kinn to get info to sell to the rival mob and so was incapable of jealousy.
Probably it’s all gonna get even more messed up in the next ep where Kinn’s issues are going to meet Porsche’s - clearly the latter does want things to be perfect not just because he’s in love but because he craves reassurance he’s good enough. This this is a first real relationship for both (literally for Porsche and Kinn’s previous was with a man who was using him for mob info) so good luck, guys!
I do love how it effortlessly segues from sadness to hilarity with jealous Porsche making sure Kinn gets rid of photo of his ex :P
