#as we go
AN | Here she is, finally! I really liked writing this, so I hope you all enjoy ❤️
Summary | A love story as old as time told in three parts: beginning, present, and resolution.
Pairing | Javier x Fem!Reader
Warnings | Language, mentions of sex, pregnancy/childbirth
Word Count |8.8k
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Your marriage to him had been impulsive, you were well aware of that. You would have been the first person, besides him, to admit that. But that didn’t mean you regretted a moment of it. Your time with him had been fun, wild, and he made you feel like no one else ever had before. You’d been deeply, madly, crazily in love with him and you still harbored a lot of love for him now. He’d given you so much, including the single best thing in your life - Diego. The son you shared with him and you both loved more than anything else in the world. If he was anything, he was an amazing father and while the two of you were no longer together, you wouldn’t have picked anyone else to have a child with.
But just because you were divorced didn’t mean those old feelings were all gone…
In the beginning
“We should really stop meeting like this,” you rolled your eyes at Javier, watching as he locked the storeroom’s door behind him. He leaned against the door, arms crossed over his broad chest as before you gave in and flitted over to him, “mi chiquita bonita.”
“If you want to stop meeting like this, why don’t you come over later?” his hands had found your waist as you leaned in, brushing your nose against his, “because we’re not having sex in here again. You almost knocked over half the cabinets last time, cielito.”
“Come on,” he kissed you before you could argue, the taste of the sweet pastry he’d had in place of a proper lunch clinging to his lips. He easily swallowed your moan as you tried not to give into him and let him have the upper hand, “we’ll be quick, baby. I can take my time with you later…”
“Javier,”yeah. You were ready to give in already. He had an effortless effect over you. You could feel him smirking against your lips and when you pulled back, there was nothing but mischief in those big, brown eyes, “fine, pendejo. But be quick and quiet.”
“I don’t think it’s going to take much to make you cum,” he’d already started kissing along your jaw as you just sighed. He deftly unbuttoned your trousers and was pulling them down along with the lace panties you’d worn. A small gasp escaped your lips as he dragged a thick finger through your folds, “so wet already. All for me?”
“You’re the worst,” there was a huge smile on your face as kissed him, “but I love you.”
“Te amo,” he whispered, “now let me make you cum.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“I have a crazy idea,” Javi walked back into your bedroom, clad in only his boxers as he brought water and some pastries for the two of you. He always denied that he had a sweet tooth, but this was a prime example. Maybe it didn’t help that you kept his favorite sweets on hand, but it was just a little something you liked to do for him.
“Oh?” you asked as he laid back down next to you, taking a moment to press a kiss to your forehead, “pray tell, mi cielito.”
“Let’s get married.”
“I…what?” The laughter you burst into caught you so off guard that you choked on your own saliva and ended up wheezing through your tears. Javier just shoved his mouth full of the sweet dessert as he pouted at you, clearly not on board with your amusement. Once you calmed down, you realized that he…he might have been making a serious comment, “qué pasa, Javi? En serio?”
“I’m glad to see you take me seriously,” he huffed, a light flush of color creeping into his cheeks.
“Javier,” you grabbed the plate and set it on the nightstand before shifting so you were sitting in his lap. You put your hand on his face, gently stroking his cheek, “what are you talking about? Are you being completely serious?”
“Yes,” the corners of his mouth twitched up into a small smile as he relaxed, “I am.”
“I never thought…you said you didn’t want marriage, you wouldn’t ever want it,” you raised an eyebrow at him before he leaned in and gently kissed you. It was so soft and tender compared to the sex you’d had just shortly before, “what’s gotten into you?”
“I’ve never had you before,” he whispered so softly, almost to the point where you weren’t sure it was meant for you to hear, “I guess I just needed you to change my mind.”
“Oh Javier,” you took his face delicately in your hands, studying him intently, “I love you, silly man. But I don’t want to hear you ask me that unless you mean it and fully intend on committing to it.”
“Well then,” he smiled gently, that ridiculously adorable crinkly-eyed, dimple displaying smile that managed to sweep you off your feet, “will you marry me?”
“Yes,” he leaned in and kissed you, his lips lingering against yours, “I’ll marry you, Javier. Nothing would make me happier.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───v
“Oh fuck,” you held the small plastic stick in front of you, angling it in different ways to see if maybe you were reading it incorrectly. Maybe it was a trick of the light? Maybe this one was wrong.
Huffing lightly, you grabbed the other test out of the box and sat down the toilet, thankful you’d consumed plenty of water so you didn’t have to wait to have to go again. You quickly finished and set it on the counter, stepping out of the bathroom to pace around the apartment nervously. Javier was still at work and you’d left early when you weren’t feeling well. Little did you know that it all suddenly made sense - maybe. Hopefully not, you sighed.
Once the short wait was finally up, you jammed it back into the bathroom, and picked up the test. Not to your surprise at all, this one came back as positive just like the first.
“Oh no,” suddenly a million thoughts were racing through your mind as you tried to make sense of it all. Pregnant. You were pregnant. While you were surprised, shocked, and worried, a part of you was…excited. The idea that you and Javier were going to have a child was amazing.
But then you remembered your situation. Colombia in the middle of a drug war with your husband working for the DEA. While you worked at the embassy, your job was much more clerical and you were safe compared to him but it still wasn’t ideal. Had it been any other time and place, this would have been the most wonderful moment of your life. Instead, a pit of worry settled into your stomach. What were you going to even do?
By the time Javier made it home, it was late and he’d expected you to be fast asleep. He found you sitting on the floor next to the fridge with tears running down your face. He quickly came over and got down on the floor next to you, looking you over to make sure everything was okay, “Javi.”
“What’s wrong, baby?” his eyes were wide with concern as he wiped some of your tears away, “what happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m pregnant,” you blurted it out without any hesitation, more tears running down your cheeks, “I’m sorry, so sorry.”
“Whatever are you sorry for?” you weren’t sure what his reaction was going to be, but calmness was not what you had been expecting, “first of all, it takes two to do this. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
“I’m scared,” you admitted, letting him pull you into lap, “but I’m happy too. I know we hadn’t planned on this, at least not for a long time, but I’m so happy.”
“Want to know what’s even crazier?” he joked as you looked at him, all nervous smiles and doe eyes, “I think this might be one of the happiest moments of my life.”
“Do you want this too?” you whispered as he nodded excitedly before kissing you, not caring in the slightest about the salty taste, “oh, Javi. We’re having a baby. A whole, real human being.”
“You’re amazing,” he nudged his nose against yours, “I know you’re scared and fuck. Me too, baby. The idea of having to deal with countless sicarios scares me less than the thought of having a baby. But, I’m so happy. And there’s no one else I’d want to do this with. We’ll figure it out, I promise. We’ll make it work and give this baby nothing but the best.”
“Okay,” you nodded before wrapping your arms around him and burrowing your face into his chest, “I love you, Javi.”
“I love you more, cariño.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Javier’s grip on you was like a vice as you hugged him tightly, “you’re going to be okay, baby.”
“I’m going to miss you more,” you pouted before pulling away from him. He brushed a few stray locks of hair out of your face before gently touching your barely there bump, “I want to stay. Please let me stay here with you.”
“It’s not safe,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to control the stinging behind his eyes, “I don’t want anything to happen or even leave a fraction of a chance that you could get hurt. You’ll be safe and taken care of with Pops. He’s already got my old room all ready for you, and I’m sure he’s got the embarrassing childhood photos on display. Believe it or not, I wasn’t always this handsome.”
“Shut up,” you laughed through your tears, “I’m sure you’ve been a heartbreaker since childhood, Javier. I can’t wait to get there but I wish you were coming with me. So much is going to happen in the next couple of months and I don’t want you to miss it.”
“I wish I was coming too,” he promised. The idea that he was going to miss out on the majority of your pregnancy was heartbreaking, but he would rather have you someone safe where you’d be with family than be selfish and keep you with him, “I’ll be back for the birth. I swear it. Until then, you’ll just have to keep me updated, send lots of pictures and I’ll call you as often as I can. We’ll be okay.”
“I will,” here you were crying again, wishing he would change his mind and come with you or keep you there. But you knew that going back to the States was the best thing for your family right now, “you better be back, pendejo. I’m not pushing out your baby without you in the room.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” the last call for boarding for your flight was announced over the speakers as your heart clenched, “you better get going.”
“Javi-”
“I know,” his voice cracked slightly, “call me when you get home. I love you, okay?”
“I love you more,” you grabbed your carry on before he kissed you one last time, “come home soon, Javi.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Javier’s blood was pounding in his ears as he ran into the hospital, quickly finding the signs for the labor and delivery ward. He’d just come from the airport; an early arrival of the baby and a delayed flight had caused him to almost lose it. He’d promised you that he would be there for the birth and he was going to stick to that promise.
“Sir! You can’t run in the hospital,” a nurse called after him as he ran in the direction of the room Chucho had told him you were in.
“My wife’s having our first child!” he shouted in response, dodging an incoming gurney, “I can’t miss it!”
By the time he made it to your room, he’d been able to hear the pain you were in from down the hall. He popped in and looked around, getting chided for just bursting in. He quickly explained who he was in and before he knew it, a surgical gown and hair net were shoved into his hands.
“Javi?” your voice sounded so small as you looked around for him. As soon as you spotted him, tears ran down your cheeks, “you made it.”
“I promised I’d be here,” he grinned as he came and leaned down to kiss you, “this baby didn’t make it easy.”
“Just like you,” you laughed before squeezing your eyes shut as another contraction came, “making life that much harder. But I still love you. But this hurts so bad.”
“I love you more,” he whispered, “you’re so strong, baby. You’re almost there and we almost have our baby. Just a little bit more. Look how much you’ve already accomplished.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” you took the hand he held out for you, “and I’m excited to meet our baby. But you’re never touching me again after this.”
“Whatever you want, cariño,” he promised, “whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”
“Okay,” you whimpered as another wave of pain overwhelmed you and the doctor told you it was time to start pushing, “okay.”
A few hours later, you were exhausted and experiencing a million different emotions all at once. Giving birth was officially the hardest thing you had ever done - but it was all worth it as soon as you saw Javier holding your newborn son, all swaddled up in a pretty pastel blanket that one of the tías had made. You weren’t sure which one of you was more emotional.
“He’s perfect,” Javi whispered as he sat down next to you, carefully holding the baby so he wouldn’t wake him up, “I can’t believe we made him.”
“Making him was the fun part,” you managed to joke in between yawns, “now the hardest part starts. We’re parents, Javi. That’s our son.”
“I love you,” he whispered softly, “thank you for…everything.”
“Nothing to thank me for. Those are half your genes,” you grinned, “did you pick a name yet?”
“Diego,” he gently touched his son’s chubby little cheek, “what about you?”
“Francisco,” you gave him a sleepy smile, “Diego Francisco. It’s perfect.”
“It is,” he agreed, swallowing the lump that had welled up in his throat, “just like him. Just rest, baby. You’ve done so much.”
“Okay,” your eyes were already fluttering shut, “just for a little bit. If he cries, just wake me up.”
“Of course,” he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. You were out like a light within seconds. He was amazed by everything that had happened today; it had been a wild ride from start to finish. His entire life changed in a matter of a few short hours, “te amo, mi sol.”
That morning he had still been in Colombia, frantically trying to catch a flight back to Texas at the drop of a hat. Your son had decided to make an early appearance, coming a few weeks earlier than either of you had planned. But he was going to make it; a delayed flight wasn’t going to stop him. And now, here he was, holding his newborn son, a life that the two of you had created. In such a short period he had become a father and you a mother.
“The world can be such a cruel, horrible place mijito,” he whispered softly, “but I’ll do everything to make sure you never have to experience even a bit of that. I’ll always keep you and your mamá safe. I’ll always love you.”
The baby made a few small sounds, but didn’t wake up as Javier held him against his chest. Maybe this was all terrifying and scary, but at the same time, this was the best day of his life.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Are you serious?” between your emotions, the crying baby, and Javier’s nonchalant attitude, you were ready to completely lose it. Little did you know he was trying to keep it together just as much as you. The idea of being away from you was enough to break his whole heart, “you’re going to leave just like that?”
“Baby,” Javier sighed as he wiped a hand over his tired face, “we always knew I was going to have to go back. I won’t be gone for long, I promise.”
“You have no way of knowing that,” you frowned deeply, trying to keep it together as you picked Diego out of his crib, “we both know that. It could be weeks, months, years, Javier. Are you really going to walk out on your son like that? I don’t give a shit about what you do to me, Javier, I’m too run down and tired. But Diego’s just a baby.”
“You think I just want to leave!?” he hadn’t meant to shout; but he was just so angry. Not at you, not at your son, but at the fact that he had to leave and he knew he didn’t really have an option, “I’m going to end this all and then come back home. And don’t even bother to suggest that the two of you come with me. Over my dead body. You’re staying here where you’re safe.”
“You can’t walk away,” you were crying now as the baby quieted down, “please don’t leave, Javi. I can’t do this alone. I-I’m scared. What if something happens to you? I can’t bear the thought that something could happen.”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” his shoulders slumped as he came over and wrapped an arm around you. He was crying now too, “I’ll be home soon, I promise. But you’ll be much better off here, and Pop will help you with whatever you need.”
“I know, but it’s not the same,” you whispered softly, “Javier. Promise me that you’ll be safe and come back home to us soon.”
“I swear it,” he whispered, “nothing could keep me from the two of you.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“I want a divorce,” as the words crashed around him, he felt his knees go weak. He quickly grabbed onto the counter to keep himself from collapsing on the floor. Those were words he’d never expected to hear. Never. The silence on the line was tangible; he could hear your stuttered breathing on the other end of the line, “Javi? Did you hear me?”
“Why?”
“Why?” you repeated, your voice cracking and choked up with sobs, “are you seriously asking me that? Because you’re not here! You said you’d be back soon and it’s been a year. I’ve seen you twice in that time. It’s not fair to me, or Diego…or you. Who knows when you’re going to be back for good?”
“I promise it’ll be soon,” he was sure his heart was going to stop, “please don’t do this. I’ll do whatever it takes. I love you.”
“I know,” you sniffled before exhaling slowly. This was harder than you had ever anticipated. That was probably because you were still as madly in love with him now as you were back then, “that’s what makes this even harder. I know you love me, and I know you love our son. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t put all of our lives on hold while you’re gone for who knows how long. What you’re doing is dangerous and I worry about you every day, Javi. I don’t want our son to grow up without you. Even if you hate me for this, please come home soon for him.”
“I will,” his throat felt like it was constricting as he tried to process your words. All he knew was that this was the last thing he ever wanted, “for both of you. Please just be a little more patient…please.”
“Javier,” both of you were crying now. You hated yourself for doing this but you weren’t sure what else to do. You’d tried calling, writing, and asking for him to come for at least a visit or offered to go to him. But every time he would tell you to keep holding on just a little bit longer. You just couldn’t do it anymore, “I know what you’re doing is important. I understand that, but this is hard for me too. I went through almost my entire pregnancy without you here, you were here for a month after he was born, and ever since then it’s been two visits. Maybe I’m the worst person in the world, but I just…I can’t do this.”
“Baby…”
“I know, Javier,” you whispered softly, “I love you. I do, and I always will. But I don’t think this is going to work for us. But I want you to know that I will never, ever keep your son from you. He will always know how much you love him, and when you finally come back home, we’ll figure out the co-parenting thing.”
“I’m sorry,” he closed his eyes, wishing that this would all turn out to be some horrible nightmare, “I love you.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” you sighed, “in an ideal world things would be so different. But this isn’t an ideal world, is it? You will always have my love, cielito. Will you promise me one thing?”
“Anything.”
“Take care of yourself. Stay safe and come home for Diego soon, okay?”
“I’ll be home as soon as I can,” he let out a shaky breath, “I promise.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Hey,” you grinned when he picked up your call, “sorry for calling so late, but I’ve got good news!”
“And just what would this good news happen to be?” you could practically hear the smile on his face.
“I - we - sold the house today,” you grinned, “one less thing we have to worry about. Everything Is in escrow right now, but I’ll make sure the broker puts half of the profits into both of our accounts. Let me know if that doesn’t work for whatever reason, but yeah…this is good.”
“Keep it,” he insisted as you groaned at him, “keep the money. Really, you deserve it and I know you’ll make good use of it for Diego. I want to make sure the two of you are taken care of.”
“Javier,” you huffed lightly, “it’s a decent chunk of money and I don’t feel right taking it all. I’ve got more than enough with work and then my half. What about when you move back? That’s a good chunk for retirement, you can build the house you want…”
“I should know better than to argue with you, shouldn’t I?” he teased as you grinned victoriously.
“You should absolutely know that by now,” you insisted, “you should have known that well before we got married…anyways, I’ll let you go, I’m sure you’re busy. Take care and be safe, cielito. Diego and I both want you to come home soon and in one piece.”
“Oh? The baby told you that?” he chuckled warmly as you told to shut up.
“He’s not a baby baby anymore! He’s two and yes, he told me he misses his daddy and he will kick your ass if you don’t come home to see him soon,” you grinned, “straight from his mouth!”
“Aye, cállate,” a wash of longing came over him as he realized just how much he missed his son, and you, “talk to you soon, cariño.”
“Bye Javi,” you paused for a moment, listening to the sound of his soft breathing before hanging up. You sighed lightly as you leaned against the kitchen counter, looking around your new apartment. It was nice, small but still ample space for you and Diego. It wasn’t home yet, no that was still the house that you and Javi had just sold in the wake of your divorce. But one day it would be, you’d move on just like everything else did.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Are you ready to see your papá, mi amor?” you were running around and finishing packing an overnight bag for him to take to Javier’s house. It would have to do for now until Javier was more settled in and was able to put a room together for him at his new house.
“Yes,” he grinned excitedly as he handed you one of his favorite toys to add to the bag, “I get to see daddy all the time now!”
“It’s very exciting,” you agreed before sitting down at the edge of his small bed, pulling him onto your lap, “your papá loves you very much. But you have to remember he’s still settling back into normal life.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means…he’s been working really hard for a long time chasing bad guys and trying to make the world a better place. It’s a big change from doing that for years and then coming home to family and having a safe, quiet job. Some days might be harder and he might be a little different. But just remember, it doesn’t have a thing to do with you - you are the most important thing in the world to him,” how were you supposed to explain just exactly what he spent so long doing to a five year old? You figured this very simplified version would suffice for now; you’d tell him the rest when he was mucholder.
“Oh,” he nodded deeply in what you assumed was semi-understanding, “do you think he’d like a stuffed animal? He can have my giraffe! Or maybe the elephant?”
“I think he’d love the elephant,” you cuddled him tightly before kissing the top of his head, “you’re a good boy, Diego. We’re so lucky you picked us to be your parents.”
“Does that mean we can stop and get candy when we go?” he slid off your lap before making sure to grab the plushie, handing it to you to pack away in his bag.
“You’ll have to ask your papá,” you grinned, knowing Javi would never let you hear the end of it, “alright, kiddo, vamos.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
By the time you’d arrived at Javier’s house, a short drive across town, Diego was already half asleep, and you decided to take pity on him and carry him in. You gently knocked on the door, listening for Javier’s familiar gate as you hummed quietly to your son. It wasn’t long before he opened the door, a huge smile on his face at the sight of the two of you.
“Hi cielito,” you whispered, “the kid’s mostly asleep, which means he’ll be up in about an hour or so ready for dinner and whatever shenanigans the two of you get up to. Can you be a love and grab his bag from the car and I’ll get him inside?”
“Of course,” he gave your arm a gentle squeeze as he brushed past you. His familiar smell, something you’d always liked, overwhelmed you for a moment as you stepped inside and walked into the living room to put on the couch. He made a small sound but didn’t wake up as you gently touched his cheek, “got everything.”
“Thanks,” you smiled at him, causing his heart to skip for a moment, “he put a little surprise in there for you. I’m sure he’ll be excited to give it to you later.”
“I can’t believe we’re finally at this point,” he sighed as he shook his head, almost not believing his own fortune, “I can’t believe I can finally be a real dad and see my kid on a regular basis.”
“You’ve always been a real dad,” you promised softly, “he knows that too. I’ve always explained to him that you work hard and if you could have been with him every day you would have. Now you can have that. We’re almost like a normal family now.”
“Besides the fact that we’re divorced you mean,” he kept his tone pointedly neutral as you shrugged lightly, “thank you for bringing him over.”
“As if that was ever a question,” you laughed lightly, “I think there’s enough stuff in his bag for now until you can get everything else settled and get all the stuff for him to have here. If you need anything, just let me know. I’m just…a short drive away.”
“Great, yeah, that’s…great,” he walked you to the door and you lingered for a moment, part of you wishing you didn’t have to walk out and leave, “I’ll see you soon then. We’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Perfect,” you offered him a small smile before leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “welcome home, Javier. I’m so happy you’re finally here…you’re safe and sound.”
“Thanks, cariño,” he opened the door for you, half tempted to ask you to stay. But what reason would he even offer? I just want you to stay? Stay and don’t ever leave? He was sure neither of those would exactly go over well with you, “I’m glad to be home too. For good this time.”
“I’m counting on it, Peña,” you turned back to wave at him before getting into your car, “I’m not raising the monster alone!”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
In the Now
“Do you want to dance?” you turned to your date with curious eyes as you finished the rest of your drink. His hand was on your knee and he gave it a gentle squeeze as a shiver of excitement ran through your entire body, “or should we get another round of drinks first? I can’t say I’m exactly the best dancer but maybe with some liquid courage…”
“Yes and yes,” you agreed, leaning in so your faces were only a few inches apart, “I don’t want to brag but I’m a pretty good dancer. Perks of living in Colombia for a few years!”
“I guess you’ll have to take the lead then, querida,” you nodded before giving his hand a gentle squeeze, “I’ll get us another round and then we’ll dance.”
“Perfect,” he leaned in and kissed your cheek before making his way over to the bar. You watched him go, a wistful little sigh escaping your lips as his retreating back. He was handsome; tall, dark haired with friendly eyes and a clean-shaven face that gave him an almost boyish appearance.
You’d been set up with him through a mutual friend and you’d like him instantly. He was easy to get along with and you had enjoyed the time you’d spent with him. Julián was definitely someone you could have seen yourself with in the future, and will you really enjoyed seeing but there was just something that didn’t quite sit right within yourself. It wasn’t even him…it was definitely you.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he’d returned while you were lost in your thoughts. You took the drink he placed in front of you and took a long drink. He was amused, raising an eyebrow in question as you couldn’t help but giggle.
“Nothing at all,” you promised, trying to keep all of the deep, internal thoughts to the very back of your head, “come on, Julián. Hurry up so we can dance!”
Dancing with him was easy; the two of you flowed well with one another and it was easy to forget all the doubts and worries you had for a little while. What you hadn’t realized was that Javier had decided to go to the same spot for a drink after a long week. Diego was spending some time with Chucho and he figured it was better to go out for a bit rather than just sit around at home. But then he spotted you and it felt like he had made the entirely wrong decision.
His heart constricted at the sight of you, laughing and having fun, with a man that wasn’t him. A sense of jealousy ran through him when he realized that he had no right to be jealous. You were his ex-wife after all. But that didn’t help how he felt, how it made his blood boil with annoyance, and his heart yearn for your touch. But he couldn’t blame you; he’d been gone, in and out basically, for several years. It would have been selfish of him to just expect you to wait around for him when you still had so much life to live.
That didn’t mean it made him love any less than he did in the beginning.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"Do you still love mamá?” His son’s question caught him off guard as he took him out of his car seat to drop him back off at your apartment. He set him down on the sidewalk before kneeling down so he was at eye level with him.
“Of course I do,” he insisted, ruffling his dark curls, “she’s very important to me. Just like you, mijo.”
“I know that,” he rolled his eyes dramatically. Where did this kid get all the sass from? Definitely his father, you had always insisted with a laugh. Diego reminded him so much of you in little ways, just as he reminded you of Javier, “but are you inlove with her?”
“I…why do you ask?” Javier’s heart suddenly felt like it was pounding in his chest. Why was his five-year-old son suddenly interrogating him?
“She’s still in love with you, daddy,” he insisted as Javier tried to keep a neutral expression on his face.
“Did she tell you that?”
“No,” he shook his head as Javier raised an eyebrow at him, “I can just tell. She was going out with Julián but she broke up with him. I heard her on the phone…she said she wasn’t in love with him and didn’t want to lead him on.”
"And just how do you know that means she’s in love with me? She’s still my best friend, Diego. She gave me the most important thing in my life - you. And we both love you.”
“I know, daddy,” he put his little hand on Javier’s shoulder and attempted to give him a serious look, “I’m telling you - she broke up with Julián because she’s still in love with you. If she wasn’t she’d still be with him because she liked him a lot and said he was funny and handsome and nice.”
“Aye, mijito,” he couldn’t help but laugh at the serious look on the young boy’s face. He scooped him up in his arms before heading into the apartment building, “you’re a good boy. You don’t have anything to worry about, even if we don’t live together or we date other people in the future, it doesn’t mean we’ll love you or each other less. You’ll always have your mamá and me in your life.”
Diego made a small sound but otherwise remained quiet as Javier brought him up to your apartment. He knocked the door and it was only a few moments before you opened it, a big smile on your face.
“My boys,” you grinned as Javier set Diego down, the young boy immediately moving to hug you. You leaned and pressed a kiss to the top of his dark curls, “hi baby! Were you good for daddy this weekend?”
“Yeah,” he nodded as you looked to Javier for confirmation. He playfully rolled his eyes before nodding as well.
“Good boy,” you stroked his cheek, “there’s some fresh baked cookies in the kitchen. You can go and have one, okay? Only one!”
“Bye daddy! See you soon,” and with a hug to his father’s legs, he ran into the kitchen as you both laughed.
“Did you two have fun?” you leaned against the doorframe, tempted to invite him in but not wanting to make things weird or awkward. How would you have asked anyway? Stay for dinner because I want my little family to be complete. Don’t ever leave me. Stay. Instead you pushed all your feelings to the side, “I know he’s been having some trouble sleeping lately so I hope it wasn’t too bad.”
“No,” he promised softly, “he did good. We had lots of fun - went to the zoo so he could see his favorite lemur, this kid is obsessed I swear. We made pizza for dinner and went real crazy on Saturday and stayed up late to watch a movie. He was out like a light in less than thirty minutes. Right on top of me - I didn’t have the heart to move him so I just let him sleep until he had to go to the bathroom.”
“Sounds like fun,” you grinned, “maybe we’ll have to have a family pizza night soon? I-if that sounds okay to you, that is. I don’t just want to assume you want to spend time with me.”
“I think that sounds perfect,” he promised softly before ever so gently reaching over to push a lock of hair out of your face, “I love spending time with him and you.”
"Javi…”
"Hmm?” he was so close; close to where you could smell his delicious cologne and feel his body heat. Your mind went haywire as you tried to figure out what to say. What to say without fucking anything up that is.
“It’s…ugh. Nothing,” you lied as you shook your head, “have a good night. I’ll have Diego call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Of course,” he smiled lightly, almost as if he was expecting you to say what was really on your mind, “good night cariño.”
“Good night, Javi.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Mamá?”
“Yes, my love?”
“Are you still in love with daddy?” The question caught you so off guard you almost choked on the bite of cereal you’d just shoved into your mouth, “‘cause he’s still in love with you.”
“Diego,” you laughed affectionately at him as he looked at you with wide eyes, “I still love your dad, but I’m not in love with him. That’s why we’re not married anymore.”
“So? You can still be in love and not married,” this kid was almost too smart for his own good. He really did manage to get the best of both Javier and yourself, “but you broke up with Julián, I heard you tell him. And daddy only went only like three dates with that lady before he told her he wasn’t interested. It’s because you’re both still in love with each other.”
“Too smart for your own, Diego Francisco Peña,” you reached over and touched his cheek gently, “but that means nothing. I’ll always love him, I promise you that. How does that sound?”
“Lame,” he huffed before sliding off his chair, “abuelo was right, you both are fools.”
“He…he said that?”
“Duh,” he insisted as he went to grab his backpack for school, “he said you both still love each other but won’t say anything else 'cause you both are too stubborn and think being apart is the right thing to do.”
“Well,” you couldn’t lie, your curiosity was piqued. You wondered if he had this same conversation with Javier, “the Peña men are both too smart and stubborn and I see you are no exception. But, mi amor, don’t think too much into this and get your hopes up, okay? Come on, let’s get you to school.”
“Fine,” he reached for his lunch box on the counter, “I wish we could all live together so I could be with both of you all the time.”
You froze when you processed what he had said. You didn’t want him to have yearn and wish for that; you wanted to give it to him. But at this point, you weren’t sure if there was any more possibility of making that happen.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Chucho,” you were immediately enveloped in a hug as soon as the door was opened, causing you to make a small sound of surprise, “thank you so much for taking Diego today. He’s really excited to go to the movies.”
“I love every moment with my grandson,” he turned to give him a hug, “besides this is perfect movie-watching weather.”
“Can we go get snacks first, abuelo?”
“Of course,” he promised, “we’ll sneak all the good stuff in under our jackets! Let’s get going so we’re not late.”
“Yay!”
“I’ll see you both later tonight,” you pulled up the hood on Diego’s rain jacket but not before kissing the top of his head, “have fun and be good. Both of you!”
“They’re going to get into trouble. I don’t know which one is worse,” Javier’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts as he appeared in the door. You laughed before giving him a quick hug, “hi cariño.”
“Mi cielito,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek before awkwardly standing there for a few moments, “good to see you.”
“It’s only been like…two days,” he snorted in amusement before putting an arm around you and pulling you inside, “come on. Let’s have some coffee.”
“Sounds perfect,” you agreed excitedly, “and just so you know, I always like seeing you, Javier. Even if it’s just been two days.”
“Aye, cállate,” he laughed lightly, “but me too.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
You almost hated how easy it was to spend time with Javier. Sometimes you wished you would have disliked him; it would have made pushing down your feelings easier. But then again, you wouldn’t want that for your son; the fact that got along so well definitely was better for him. You couldn’t imagine him having parents that despised each other.
“Hey,” Javier waved his hand in front of your face as you blinked a few times. You hadn’t realized you were that zoned out, “everything alright?”
“Of course,” you swallowed thickly. You glanced at your watch before realizing that over an hour had passed in easy, comfortable conversation, “I…I should get going.”
“Y-yeah…if you’re sure,” he seemed crestfallen by your sudden need to leave as you practically jumped off the couch and headed towards the door, “I guess I’ll see you when I drop Diego off tonight.”
“You don’t have to,” you stammered as he followed closely behind you, “you can just keep him tonight. It’ll be late when they get back and after dinner and all that. Yeah…so. I’ll talk to you later. Tell him I love him, okay? Chucho too.”
“What’s going on?” Of course he wasn’t going to let it go. He could read you without even a bit of effort. He could immediately sense that something had shifted and he had to know what it was. He had to know if…if you felt the same, “you know you can tell me anything.”
You paused for a moment, standing on the porch as you worried your bottom lip. Javier closed the door behind him so the two of you were facing each other with only mere inches between your bodies.
You couldn’t lie to him - or yourself - anymore. He had to know the truth, and if nothing else, it would at least be off your chest.
“Javi,” the sound of his name from your lips still sounded as sweet now as it always it had, making his heart practically constrict in his chest, “I - fuck…I’m still in love with you. I never stopped. I thought…I thought splitting up was better but I was wrong. God, you still frustrate me so much like you always did, you still make me so happy, you…I’m so in love with you. And I think I always will be.”
He was stunned into silence as he stood there, his chest rising and falling heavily, dark eyes twinkling with curiosity. When he didn’t say anything, your heart broke. A sense of regret settled into your bones as you realized you might have just made the biggest mistake of your life. Taking a step back, you cleared your throat before getting ready to run to your car and leave.
“I…I’m sorry,” you stammered nervously, “I shouldn’t have said anything. I just…I had to tell you.”
You almost ran off the porch and back towards your car, wishing the rain would just dissolve right into the ground.
“Wait!” he had to shout over the sound of the downpour but he caught up easily, his fingers wrapping around your wrist, “did you mean it?”
His touch felt electric, raising gooseflesh in its wake as you turned back to face him. A million emotions were written on his face as his heart hammered nervously in his chest. It was so loud within himself that he was surprised you couldn’t hear.
“Yes,” you were already soaked to the bone as face warmth flushed your face, “every word of it.”
“Can I kiss you?”
“What?” Surely the rain must have been playing with your ears. He laughed - that brilliant, warm laugh that made his eyes crinkle in the corners and that singular dimple appear. That in itself was one of the first things you had fallen in love with, “Javi?”
“Can I kiss you?!” there was a smile on his face which led you to thinking that maybe you hadn’t heard him incorrectly after all.
“Why!?”
“Porque te amo,” he was shouting above the rain, which seemed to have decided to come down tenfold, “because I’m in love with you!”
“Really?” where those tears mixed in with the rain that was running down your face?
“Yes,” he was closer now, to where he no longer had to yell, “I always have been. Always will be.”
This time you took the initiative of kissing him, gently taking his face in your hands before you crashed your lips onto his. Your heart was practically bursting with joy as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss. He’d been wanting this for so long; it felt like he could breathe again, like everything was as right as the rain. He could feel you smiling against his lips and he wondered just long how your heart ached for him in return.
“I should have done that a long time ago,” he whispered against your lips when you finally pulled away to catch your breath, “I should have come home a long time ago and we shouldn’t have-”
“It’s okay, Javier,” you promised softly, “what matters is that we’re here now.”
“Mamá! Daddy!” Neither of you had heard the sound of Chucho and Diego returning, but you had just enough time to see the small blur run across the yard before he almost knocked you both over.
“Diego, slow down! You’re going to get all wet,” Javier quickly pulled him into his arms, doing his best to shield him from the rain even though it was pointless by now.
“I don’t care,” he grinned, displaying his gap-toothed little smile. He had that same little dimple that his father did, “I told you! You’re both still in love with each other!”
“I guess you were right all along mijito,” you brushed some of his wet curls off his face, “we love you too.”
“I know!” he insisted, “now can you stop kissing and come inside? Abuelo said we can have hot chocolate! Can you…will you both come?”
“Yes,” Javier promised him, “we’re both right here and that’s how it’s going to always be.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Resolution
“Hey honey,” Javier’s arms wrapped around your waist as he stood behind you while you finished the dishes. You immediately stopped what you were doing, grabbing the clean dish towel to dry your hands before leaning back into him. He pushed your hair to the side, exposing your neck and some of your shoulder before pressing his lips over the delicate skin, “I think the dishes can wait.”
“I don’t think you’ve left me much of a choice,” you sighed softly as you turned your head to kiss him properly. When you couldn’t wait anymore, you turned around so you were facing him, taking his face in your hands and pulling him back against your lips. He kissed you back just as enthusiastically, deepening the kiss as his hands found purchase on your waist, “do you think we have enough time for a quickie before-”
“Mamá!” Before you could even get the sentence out, Diego came into the kitchen, face covered in dirt from playing outside. Javier pulled back from you before letting out an almost inaudible sigh, “can I go over to Max’s house for dinner? He said they’re getting pizza for dinner!”
“Did Max ask his mom?” you raised an eyebrow as he nodded eagerly. You exchanged a look with Javier who just shrugged in response. You liked the neighbors, you liked that Diego had a yard again and friends in the neighborhood you’d moved into. Plus, you wagered to yourself, if he was gone for a few hours that gave you some alone with Javier, “alright mister. You can go over for dinner, but tell his mom and dad thank you. Then you invite them over for dinner this weekend, si?”
“Yay!” he cheered before giving you a quick hug.
“Go clean up first,” Javier insisted, “don’t want them thinking we’re uncivilized and raising a renegade.”
“Okay,” he huffed, already halfway out of the kitchen, “you can go back to kissing. Max says that’s what parents do when they love each other. And sometimes they can get a baby from it.”
“Diego,” your face flushed with warmth as you looked at Javier nervously. He was nothing short of amused, “don’t go around saying anything like that.”
“Why?” he pouted, his expression reminding you so much of Javier, “Max is getting a brother now. That sounds cool! I want a brother too.”
“Go clean up mijo,” Javier insisted as he tried to keep himself from dissolving into laughter, “let me know when you’re ready and I’ll walk you over.”
He ran to his bathroom without another word as you waved your hands in exasperation. Javier kissed your forehead as you groaned, “you’re having the talk with him when he’s older. I guess at least he doesn’t know what sex is yet.”
“But we do-”
“Javier!”
“Come on cariño,” he teased as he nudged your hip with his, “he wants a brother. Can’t disappoint him, can we?”
“Javier,” your eyes widened in surprise as you looked at with curious eyes, “I…umm…do you want another kid?”
“I’m not opposed to the idea,” he grinned as your heart swelled with excitement. He was a wonderful father after all, “but it’s up to you. I like the one we’ve got regardless of what happens.”
“You gonna marry me first?”
“I’ve already married you,” he reminded you, “you’re the one that divorced me.”
“Biggest mistake of my life,” you wrapped your arms around his neck, “will you marry me again?”
“I suppose so,” he made an amused sound, “I guess the rings would be better put to use if we wore them instead of keeping them in a box.”
“You…kept them? I thought you were going to sell them?”
“Didn’t feel right,” he put his hand to your face before gently stroking your cheek, “so I kept them. Maybe it’s a good thing I did.”
“Sap,” you kissed his palm, “I love you.”
“I love you more,” he promised, “what do you say? Do you want to get married again?”
“Yes,” you beamed at him, “yes, I want to be your wife again. But forever this time.”
“Forever sounds good, mi sol.”
“Daddy! I’m ready,” interrupted once again, you patted his chest before gently pushing him away, “bye mamá!”
“Bye baby, be good,” you waggled a finger at him before whispering in Javier’s ear, “hurry back, cielito. Then we kiss some more and maybe we’ll get a baby from it.”
“You’re going to be the death of me,” he almost groaned before stealing a kiss, “I’ll be right back.”
You watched as they left, Diego eagerly taking his father’s hand before pulling him towards the door. You’d turned back to quickly finish the dishes when you heard him ask, “are you really going to marry mamá again?”
“Yes,” was Javier’s soft response, “I’d marry her again and again and again.”
Maybe your first marriage to him had been impulsive and wild. But it had gotten you the two best things in your life; your son and your husband.
This time around you were going to make it count. This time was forever.
