goooooooooooooooooooooood morning to everyone who uses illegal mods or the arcana rather than supporting the devs !!!!

to the rest of y’all,,,,, gm i guess

others may reject you, but the edritch horrors in the astral realm will always be happy to pull you into their cold, soft embrace.

spice up your home decor by stapling a fish to the wall

remember ladies, your body is a temple, so don’t let any man inside unless you’re planning on sacrificing him to gain the favour of athena

how to survive in the woods

• cover yourself. snakes and thorns aren’t the only things you must worry about.
• do not travel alone; They pick off lone travellers.
• take water and food. you will be there longer than you’ve intended.
• if you can help it, do not go so deep you can’t see the sun. if you do, your fate is in your own hands.
• not all that is real is visible.
• not all that is visible is real.
• if you see a gust of wind carry leaves, you are safe.
• you are not hearing things. the voices you hear are real. simply lay low and They will ignore you.
• you will often find old, disheveled travellers claiming to be lost and needing your assistance. pay close attention to their story and their appearance. there is no guarantee they are human.
• a talking owl or a talking bear is a good omen.
• a talking crow or a talking rabbit, however, is not.
• the talking fox is fickle and does not choose sides. do your best to gain its favor.
• you are meat. do not forget this fact.
• if something is in your periphery, do not look at it. it wants you to look.
• never let your lantern go out.
• a woman will shriek for help. do not be tricked.
• the tall man covered in moss is not human. the antlers should give it away. trust him anyways. he is kind.
• if you find yourself lost, do not scream to the gods for help. they will not listen. your friends will be unreliable. your phone or compasss will not work. the crow is lying. simply find a safe spot and meditate. listen closely to the deathly whispers of the woods. no matter if you’ve gained Their favor, the woods will not lie.

ever wanted to speedrun church? if you slap the bible out of the preacher’s hands then roll around on the ground screaming in tongues and foaming at the mouth, you’ll clip through the floor and go straight to hell

pros and cons of having soviet listening devices implanted in your molars:

cons:

- lack of privacy

- all of your personal information is compromised

- anything and everything you say will be recorded, heard by the Government, then used against you

- you will Never remember the day you get them

pros:

- you can now order arby’s from the comfort of your closet

depressed? roll around on the floor naked at alarmingly high speeds

♡ cute first date ideas ♡

1. a walk along the beach

2. an art museum !!

3. a mattress eating competition at ikea’s

4. cannibalizing j*ff b*zos

5. committing arson

6. an arcade

every day is a good day to curb stomp nazis

btw this does not apply to age regression since it is a valid coping mechanism.