#beetlejuice the musical
[Twitter]
Beetlejuice liked
LydiaDeetz:I’ve been told I’m too negative and hostile towards Beetlejuice. So BJ, if my tweets have offended you, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
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LydiaDeetz: Oh, I guess I was right. He can’t read. I would like to announce that I will continue tweeting things about BJ regardless of whether he would find it offensive or not.
Barbara *screaming*: Omg! NOOOO!!!!!!
Adam:I’m coming!! I’m coming, honey!!!
Barbara: I didn’t mean to!!
Adam: Didn’t mean to what?
Barbara: I stepped on this poor butterfly!! I think I killed it!
Adam: Oh Barbara, it’s ok.
Barbara: Oh no! I’m a murderer!! I’m becoming like Beetlejuice!!
Adam: Hun, he’s killed people. You haven’t. You’re not like Beetlejuice, calm down.
Barbara *crying*: But it’s still a living creature…
Adam: Look! It’s still alive!
Barbara: Oh! Oh good! I’ll nurse it back to health!
[A tiny bandage and a few pieces of fruit and honey later…]
Barbara: And here’s some of my watercolor pieces that I’ve made of flowers! I hope I’ve captured them accurately. You’d be the perfect judge of them because you see flowers all the time!
Lydia: Are you talking to a… butterfly?
Barbara: Yeah! I accidentally stepped on this poor thing, so I decided to help it recover and while it’s recovering I thought I could show it some of my water color pieces!
Lydia:Aww haha, okay… well I was wondering if you could help me with my homework for a bit?
Barbara:Sure!
[Barbara sets down the butterfly on the window sill and leaves with Lydia]
Barbara *coming back*: Beetlejuice what do you have hanging out of your mouth?
Beetlejuice:What are you talking about? *starts trying to grab at his mouth*
Barbara *pulls a piece of blue tape out of his mouth*: Hey this is what I used for the butterfly- *looks at windowsill*
Barbara *starting to get upset*:
Adam: Hey Barbara have you seen my- *looks at Barbara, then at Beetlejuice, then at the blue tape in Barbara’s hand*
Adam *at BJ*: You did not-
Barbara:THAT BUTTERFLY WAS IN RECOVERY AND YOU ATE IT?!
Beetlejuice:Well-
Adam: I thought Lydia said you hated the taste of butterflies?
Beetlejuice: That was a long time ago, I wanted to try one again…
Barbara: YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!
Beetlejuice: For eating a butterfly?
Barbara: Yes!! Doesn’t everyone know how wrong that is??
Adam: Barbara he’s killed humans and you’re getting mad over him eating a butterfly?
Barbara: I’m sorry, you’re right. I just got a bit attached. The butterfly and I were really getting along… :(
[Later…]
Barbara: *painting a picture of the butterfly*
Beetlejuice: I’m sorry, Babs.
Barbara: It’s ok.
Beetlejuice: *taps Barbara’s shoulder*
Barbara: *turns around*
Beetlejuice: *holds both his hands out, palms up* *beautiful butterflies fly out of his palms and surround her, tickling her face*
[The butterflies eventually land on the walls and the tables and furniture]
Barbara:Wow!!! Thank you so much, BJ!! I had no idea you could do this!!
Beetlejuice:My powers aren’t only for destruction and violence ;)
Barbara *smiles*: I think I know what I’m going to do with this then! *gestures to paper*
[Barbara finishes, and you can see Beetlejuice’s hands at the bottom, with his butterflies flying out of his palms behind the butterfly she originally tried to save. The butterflies coming out of his hands are black and white with bizarre patterns, but they’re beautiful]
TW: verbal abuse
Juno: And you wonder why your father left! Because you’re worthless!!! You’re an embarrassment to me!! To the dead!! You’re a sorry excuse of a demon!!
Beetlejuice: *expressionless, looking at the ground*
Juno:Get out of my sight!!!
Beetlejuice: Yes, mother.
[BJ goes to his room, closing the door behind him pulling out a cake he stole out from underneath his bed.]
[BJ then pulls out a stolen package of birthday candles and puts 9 of them on the cake, lighting them slowly, his hand shaking.]
[BJ looks at the clock. Once it turned 12:00 am, he started to sing.]
Beetlejuice *singing quietly with tears slowly dripping off of his cheeks*: Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to… me, Happy Birthday to- me… Happy- Birthday to me…
[At this point Beetlejuice closes his eyes with tears streaming down his face and silently makes a wish. The he blows out his candles, and wipes his tears.]
[He then slides the cake under the bed, crawls into bed, and falls asleep.]
Barbara *clinging to Adam*: It’s so dark in here… Adam, I’m scared.
Beetlejuice:Dang it! I always have matches on me, but I don’t this time.
Adam:Why do you always have matches with you?
Beetlejuice:In case I need to commit arson, what else would I use them for?
Adam and Barbara:
Beetlejuice: Oh wait! Don’t worry, Babs! I got this!
Beetlejuice: *stomps feet on the ground* *sketchers light up*
Adam:What in the actual-
Barbara:Can’t you just use your fire power…?
Beetlejuice:Sure Babs, ruin the fun.
Adam: Sketchers are cooler than fire pow-?
Beetlejuice:THEY ARE SHOES. THAT LIGHT UP. YOU CAN’T GET ANY COOLER THAN THAT
Adam:Did the definition of the word “cool” change over the past one thousand years?
Beetlejuice: Seriously?? I didn’t order pizza for you two to have a Netflix and Chill date and for me to be the third wheel.
Barbara: No one said you had to be here.
Adam:A little harsh, Barb.
Beetlejuice: Lydia’s corrupted you, hasn’t she… Anyway, this was supposed to be a date for ALL of us!!
Barbara: Oh, Adam! Speaking of dates, I made some romantic, cute little cupcakes for when we’re done with our pizza! *holds out a platter of cupcakes with pink icing and heart-shaped sprinkles*
Beetlejuice:
Adam: Honey, they look delicious!! I can’t wait to try one!
Adam *hugs her*: Thank you
Beetlejuice:That was weird for all of us, because you accidentally hugged her instead of me. Besides, I bought the pizza!! With my own money!!!
Adam and Barbara:
Beetlejuice: Okay, fine it wasn’t mine it was Delia’s, but she had plenty of money to spare! And anyway, it’s the thought that counts!!
Delia: You only see the negative side of things. Instead you need to look at it from a different perspective.
Random guy: And your point is…?
Delia: You see me as someone who is “really bad at darts”, but I see it as the art of freestyle acupuncture :)
Waiter:Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Me: Hey, @beetlejuicebway? What was this supposed be about?
BeetlejuiceBway:Oh, we were just gonna announce that the the musical is officially moving to a new theatre and that we will be back as soon as this is over.
Me: Oh, ok thanks.
Me:WAIT-
Disclaimer: this never happened I’m just makin jokes and wishin that it was real :(
BJ:Pronouns? What so now I have to pay a subscription?
Lydia:you could cancel your free trial
BJ:good, don’t refer to me at all
Lydia: Thought I was meowing back at my cats for the past hour. Turns out it was just me and Beetlejuice meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.
Adam: Please don’t make fun of me if I misuse dated cultural references, okay? Are we cowabunga on this?
Lydia *sighing* Yeah, we’re cowabunga on this.
Lydia *sneezes*:
Beetlejuice *on the roof*: bless you
Lydia: God?
Lydia:Barbara you love me right?
Barbara: …normally I would say yes without hesitation but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like
Barbara: We call that a traumatic event
Barbara *to Lydia*: Not a “bruh moment”
Barbara *to Beetlejuice*: Not a “major L”
Barbara *back to Lydia*: And definitely not an “OOF lmao”
Adam: i don’t think you can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way out of it this time
Beetlejuice: [cracking his knuckles]
Beetlejuice: manslaughter it is
Lydia: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.
Beetlejuice Now I know what I need.
Delia: Therapy?
Charles: An exorcism?
Beetlejuice: …I was going to say love and appreciation.
Charles: Well, this is the weirdest occult summoning ritual I’ve ever walked in on.
Otho: … How many have you walked in on?
Charles: Honestly, I don’t bother counting.
Charles: Why the heck is there blood everywhere?
Lydia: Well, you see, it’s simple colour theory.
Delia: the next time Lydia is angry with me, i’ll drape her in a cape and say “now you’re super angry”
Delia: maybe she’ll laugh, maybe i’ll die
