#being made to laugh
Same disclaimer as for Part 2. Also wow. So much has changed since I initially wrote the notes for this. I’m much better about a lot of things. Progress!
I stifled a scream at the painful impact. When I was able, I crawled onto the couch and curled up next to Reaction Junkie, needing cuddles after such a painful exchange. When I looked up, Anderson Cooper and Radical Girl were making out. Reaction Junkie commented on the entirely not unexpected nature of the event, and I laughed. Then I started to feel something negative rising up. It was akin to jealousy, but it had a different flavor than my usual jealousy feelings.
As I tried to untangle my emotions, I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Then another, then another, and a minute later, I was crying fairly hard on Reaction Junkie’s shoulder. He noticed and said, “Hey,” and told me to put my right leg over his lap to straddle him. I did so, and he hugged me close while I cried.
I figured out that part of why I was crying (besides the rush of a thorough beating) was that I wanted to be making out with both of those people )or at least that I’d like to make out with them more than I do, not necessarily right then or at happy hour). I feel like I don’t know how to make those sorts of things happen. Not easily or smoothly, at least. So, yes, okay. I was envious of Anderson Cooper for getting to make out with Radical Girl, and envious of Radical Girl for getting to make out with Anderson Cooper. Not in a mad way, though. More in a FOMO way.
Another piece of the feelings puzzle was that I didn’t know how much I really wanted to be making out with Radical Girl/I thought I might want to want it more than I actually did. And that’s a frustrating place to be. (Ed. Note:My how things have changed.) Finally, the tears were also partially about the fact that Reaction Junkie and I were both clearly interested in Radical Girl, and that brings up all kinds of things. I talked about all of these things with Reaction Junkie as I cried on his lap.
The tears weren’t stopping, so he decided to take drastic measures.He took a breath and then blew an incredibly loud raspberry on my chest. I started to smile. He did it again, and then again, blowing them on my tummy, my sides, all over me. I started to laugh. By the time he pushed me back so my upper half was resting on an ottoman and blew one on my inner thigh, I was gigging like a small child, and the tears had entirely stopped. Anderson Cooper and Radical Girl were laughing as well. In fact, half of the upstairs had noticed. I felt a bit bad for interrupting some people’s headspaces, but I was mostly feeling giddy and contented.
My mood much improved, I started having goodbye conversations. Radical Girl told me she thought I was amazing at taking the beating, and that I looked good while receiving it. I could feel her admiration and was pleasantly embarrassed at her compliments. I blushed and thanked her. We started talking about her hitting me, and I told her how much I liked it. Someone else mentioned me returning the favor. Although I wasn’t up for it at the moment, I made sure to tell her that I would definitely get her back another night. She seemed like she’d had a wonderful time and wanted to come to more things in the future. I said my goodbyes to Radical Girl, Anderson Cooper, The Violinist, and everybody else, paid my tab, and Reaction Junkie and I headed home.
What a wonderful happy hour. I got to spend time with an awesome new friend who will maybe become more than that* (and yes I have a crush on her. There I admitted it. Happy now?). I got to play with my new Pup, and both he and Anderson Cooper told me I was good at being dommy. I had plenty of good conversation with new and old friends and acquaintances. I got one of the best beatings I’ve had in a while. And, best of all, while I did have some envy/jealousy feels, they were of an entirely different species than the sort of jealousy that has been plaguing me these past couple of months. Therapy and adding a new anti-depressant seem to be doing the trick. I’m excited to see what fun this new, not-shitty-feeling LFB will have!
*I wrote this paragraph soon after this happy hour, and I’m pleased to say that she has become more than that. :D And reading this, I realized that I’ve changed a fair amount since this happy hour. It’s nice to look back and see that even though I still I have a hard time with things at times, I have improved. I am getting better.
