#billverly

bill: welcome to dumb boyfriends anonymous, where we talk about how dumb we are and work on it or something

bill: I’ll start. today my boyfriend tried to hold my hand and i got scared and screamed. who wants to go next?

eddie: someone tried to talk to my boyfriend so I set off the fire alarm

bill: congratulations, you win the weekly prize for worst story ever

eddie: I get it every week, it’s not special anymore

bill: well maybe you should be LEARNING FROM THIS

richie: getting a brain scan today, boys

stan: to check if you have one?

richie: thank you so much for your concern and support, Stanley.

richie: first of all I’m not A bitch I’m THE bitch

richie: did eddie just tell me he loves me for the first time?

bev:yeah

richie: and did I do finger guns back?

bev: yeah, you did

bev: and, if you have any suggestions, please feel free to jot them down and drop them in this suggestion box

bill: that’s…that’s a rubbish can

bev:exactly

richie: I heard our neighbor lady strangled her husband yesterday. can you imagine? just snapping like that?

eddie, trying to sleep next to him:yes.

bill: I start therapy tomorrow

bill: with any luck they’ll deem me unfit to live

richie:…—-.–/…—.-..-.-.–

stan: what’s that

richie: remorse code

stan: I’m even angrier

mike: I told Eddie that his ears turn red when he lies and now I can tell if he’s really lying

ben: what? how?

mike: watch this

mike: eddie do you love richie

eddie: *covering ears* no

ben: you… you… you rude person!

stan: go easy on him, ben

eddie: I’m not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it’s not twenty-seven

bill, at a party: so richie, truth or dare?

richie:dare

bill: I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room on the lips

bill: Notice I charitably said girl and not person because, let’s face it, I’d smoke all you bitches

richie: I finally got my average resting heart rate down to 65 beats per minute

richie: only 65 more to go

mike: you have a girlfriend now?

bev: *awkward peace sign*

mike: two girlfriends?!?!

bill: a vodka for me and a juice box for him

ben: bill, I’m an adult

ben: I can buy my own juice box

mike: richie, we need to talk

richie: why? is it because I say “uh oh spaghetti-o’s” whenever something goes wrong?

mike, sighing:yes

richie:

richie: uh oh spaghetti-o’s

mike: get the fuck out of my house

richie: yeah, bill is a socks and sandals kind of guy but his sandals are Chanel and his socks are Prada so

bev: I hate men

eddie: good, more for me