#break up tw
TW: Depression, cursing
I sat on the plane. Fuck I hated planes. Not so luckily Isla’s words served as a distraction for the usual nerves I felt in a plane. A long ass flight to get my fucked up thoughts in line. But I got what I wanted in the divorce: no alimony, she got full custody, I got a clean break.
No more tears.
No more love.
Everyone can stay an arm’s length away.
This is a reset.
America is fucking massive.
D:How’s my favorite bassist?
Derek pulled me from staring at skyscrapers.
C:Fucking exhausted but here.
D:Understandable.
D:First thing’s first, let’s get food. You’re probably starved from airplane food and I know a place nearby. I’ll buy. I enjoy flirting with the waitresses there.
Derek’s tone was constantly joking. It made him hard to dislike. Had I been in a better mood I may have laughed at him.
C:I’ll pay you back.
D:Not with cash you won’t. I need a song. Besides you’re probably broke from all the bullshit.
C:I wish you were wrong… But playing for you seems a fair trade.
D:Thought so… Whenever you want to talk, I’m here for you. You can tell me everything if you want or we can pretend it never happened.
C:Thanks… I appreciate it mate.
TW: Explicit language, Depression/Suicide mention, Alcohol Mention, Divorce
P: Absolutely not!
Phoebe grabbed my arm the second she saw me, yanking me back to the toilets. I fumbled after her. Even sober I couldn’t keep my feet under me very well. It made me wonder why I hadn’t gotten a drink before.
I should have brought a flask.
P:Some effort would have been nice. Honestly, a lawyer can only do so much when you show up like this. What were you thinking?
Marty followed behind. I didn’t meet his eyes.
C: I don’t really care what happens…
M: Yes you do.
C: No. I don’t.
Phoebe yanked my jacket from my grasp and handed it to Marty while she poked and prodded my face and hair.
P:You look like death.
C:And it can take me.
M:You don’t mean that.
C: Yes. I do.
I looked at Marty. I shouldn’t have. All I saw was pity.
C: What, Marty? Worried your fiancee will cheat too?
M:No. I’m worried about my brother! Have you met him? Warm, kind, worth looking up to!
C:Reality hit. There’s nothing left.
I growled the words at him.
P: Enough. Button your shirt.
C: Arthur wouldn’t.
I hated his name. Hated myself. Hated everything. I was nothing. Not even worth Marty’s pity, no matter how much it ripped me open. He’d never look up to me again. My father’s eyes matched his.
P:Button your fucking shirt Cal.
The second we walked out I saw her and my insides hollowed out, dragging me down deeper than I thought possible.
She was wearing that dress… I bought her that dress.
She wore that dress to our fucking divorce.
TW: divorce/break up, sex mention, cursing
This was a bad idea. I knew that. It was March, I had to go to court tomorrow. I was going to be emotional enough. I needed one question answered. Or maybe I didn’t. But fuck if I could make my mind stop asking it. Whatever the answer though, I needed to move forward. Derek’s text message lived in my head. One last question answered and then the big reset.
I:Hey baby…
I never wanted to be called that ever again.
C: Don’t call me that.
I:You look terrible. How much weight have you lost?
C: Doesn’t matter.
I: Are you trying to stop the divorce?
C: No… Fuck no… I need to know why.
I: What do you mean?
C: Are you fucking kidding me? Why cheat? Why with Arthur? Why marry me at all? I know it started before the wedding.
I: Oh, what? Like you’re a prize!
C:I never cheated on you.
I:No, why would you?! You got everything you wanted.
I:It was the same, day in and day out. So fucking predictable. Even in bed. Oh my god! I could have fallen asleep so many times.
C:You never complained…
I: Oh and risk setting off your depression?
C:I would have listened… I could have done better.
I: Just face it Cal! You couldn’t have done better. You are the most boring man I’ve ever met! The only perk to being with you was that you might be a good parent. At the very least you’d be useful in getting the kid to sleep! I pity whoever ends up in bed with you next. She’ll have to become a master at faking it!
As soon as she was done shouting, silence fell. I felt the pain, grief and rage deep, but I shoved everything down further. It hurt too much and shouting at her wouldn’t help. I didn’t want to feel anymore.
C: I have been boring but at least I was honest. Goodbye Isla.
