W H Y ?!

I never thought this would have to be something I kept track of again.

When I was 21, I begged someone to listen to me for years about a huge lump in my right breast and pains I was having. I went to the hospital’s free mammogram days, Pink Heels Tours, and any table our health department had about woman’s health. I got the same answer from all of them for years, “you’re too young. There is nothing wrong with you.”

I finally went to my new doctor who I was scheduling a spinal tap thru for my migraines and let it slip that I had lump in my breast that nobody wants to looks at and keeps telling me I’m fine. So she looked and felt. The look on her face and the questions she was asking didn’t make me feel any better. She scheduled me for a mammogram the very next day. I cried all the way home. I just wanted my mom.

The next day at the mammogram, the tech had me point out where I “thought” the lump was and started feeling and got the probe. I tried to read her face, but I was way to nervous. After that was done, the doctor came in and I knew it couldn’t be good. He explained to me that the shape, the shadows, the size all point to it being cancerous, especially since I was having pains in my breast. I was a 4-5 on the BI-RAD scale, and needed to have it removed immediately. I cried all the way home once again.

The surgery came and afterwards, the surgeon explained that he had to take more than he thought because it was bigger than he thought. BUT not to worry as of now, of course, I worried the entire time until I got the results. Thankfully, it was begnin, but he explained that this will happen again and I may not be so lucky next time. I just didn’t expect it to be almost exactly 5 years later and in my other breast.

I know that I cannot afford what I went thru before. The doctor’s visits, the surgery, the follow ups, the mammogram. I work in patient accounting and know that insurance doesn’t cover anything. I haven’t told mom yet cause I know she is going to freak out.

I know no one reads my posts, so this is just like a little journal entry to me. But if you do happen to stumble upon this, just say a little prayer for me please. My anxiety is completely thru the roof right now, so a dark room, my bed and instrumental @taylorswift music is what the rest of my weekend is going to be.