#but alas i have to make myself suffer

Navani was the first. It wasn’t a sudden shock, It took him a moment to even realize those feelings weren’t his, That his Bondsmith abilities were transferring her feelings to him through a simple touch.

Hers were almost identical to his. The love, the desire, the warmth, the belonging. Her feelings of safety, and her peace of mind to be vulnerable with him being more intense than his own was probably the only difference.

The second was Renarin. This time on purpose, He slowly planted his hand on his son’s shoulder. Curiosity to know what in the boy’s mind held. However, He was lost.

He felt an overwhelming amount of love and respect from his son. It was dizzying enough without the many many emotions and thoughts, so entangled, so quick. He never thought Renarin’s mind would be such a storm. But before he could dig any deeper, he felt Renarin trying to wiggle out of his hands. He knew what Dalinar was doing and didn’t want to show him anymore of his mind.

Adolin came third.

The last few months have been driving them further and further apart. He hoped this can help him understand the boy better, so he landed his hand on his shoulder and lost himself to Adolin’s heart.

A Sea. As if he was thrown into a sea, not violent, not calm, like a sea on a slightly windy spring day. Waves to admire, not to fear. Waves of emotions. He didn’t only feel the undeserving amount of love the boy had for him, He felt everything in their bond. Crystal clear water, yet So tremendously deep he can only see it bleed into blackness, with something blazing from the depths.

A seething knot shone from the deep water, And he knew it had everything to do with him. He reached for it. It didn’t burn… or did it?

Sorrow, anger , frustration.. dissatisfied .. storms! the boy had it with him.

Sorrow…No, Adolin…. Sorrow… Son…Sorrow… sorrow..

He felt his own heart tearing apart. He felt the Stormfather grunt from the pain. Why ? Why so much sorrow ?

Longing.. for his mother…Anger.. Images of Evi burning, except these weren’t Dalinar’s memories. These are Adolin’s imagination? No, Dear God…Nightmares..

Dalinar swallowed the lump in his throat and was cowardly escaping by removing his hand. He carried his pain, but was letting his son drown in his ?

No, He held Adolin’s shoulder tighter, and he felt one more thing..

Longing … for his father.

Something missing. Dalinar knew this feeling all too well. He knew it from losing his memories. A part of yourself missing. A thirst while being lost at Sea.

Adolin was missing, yearning, longing for his Father even as he stood here holding his shoulder.

He looked at Adolin. And knew he didn’t need a supernatural ability to decipher the look in the boy’s eyes, those sincere eyes looking up at him. As sincere as his mother’s were. He can already see the sea in the blue of his son’s eyes.

And then it happened so suddenly.

Adolin smiled, a forced smile.. at first he thought.

But he felt it. As the waves took over. Waves of love, to his father, pushed everything back to the seething knot and drowned it deeper. Down, down, down, till it Dalinar found a calm surface again.

Adolin was commanding his heart.

He wasn’t putting a facade. The smile was sincere.

Unfortunately, It faded to be replaced by concerned eyes “Father? Are You alright? ”

Dalinar took a deep breath before he finally had the heart to remove his hand and straighten.

“ Yes”

“ So, what did you want to reprimand me for ?”

“ What? I didn’t want to… You did nothing wrong, Adolin”

Adolin frowned, then nodded.

“ Why would you think that, Son?”

The boy blinked at him as if surprised by the question, “ your grip on my shoulder. It’s usually to stop me, And you looked angry. Then I thought something was wrong when it took you along time to give me a lecture.” He said with a tone of bitterness, but his eyes betrayed his tone again, “ If you’re alright, then where’s my lecture?”

Dalinar opened his mouth to form words, any words, an apology for what he did? He couldn’t do it when the book drafts came out. He cowered then and he’ll now. An apology for his expectations? He still believes Adolin can be so much better than him, he could be one of the best that ever walked Roshar, and he still wants him to. A statement of love? The mere fact that it’s in question saws through his very bones in agony…..

Adolin turned around and left the room.

And Dalinar still didn’t take the next step.