#but i tried yall

okay let’s get right into this. LET’S CHAT. i just finished the game and i’m itching to talk about it. 

(i’ll try to keep spoilers to a minimum.)

PROS

• the vibe this game gives is shockingly nice. much fall. very autumn. it’s very much what i want from a game that focuses on witches in salem during halloween.
• frank and joe’s presence (SPOOK SQUAD), which honestly felt like a purposeful strategic move to tie something familiar (same with deirdre tbh) into a game that changed so much from its predecessors.
• still, i genuinely loved those convos in which they petition nancy to join their detective agency. WHY nancy was so reluctant, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW
• that moment when ned called at the beginning and it blatantly sounded like he was cheating on nancy. honestly after all those unceremoniously cancelled dates he deserves this
• having so many characters! this game made the one-suspect horror of ransom of the seven ships feel like a far-off nightmare.
• that bangin’ song that kept playing? midnight city by m83 vibes anybody?
• and of course the gem in the crown: motherfucking DEIRDRE (is anybody even remotely surprised to hear me say this). DEIRDRE!!!! deirdre. what a gal. she felt very much like herself. sassy bitchy smart bossy INCREDIBLE. the GOAT. also, the deirdre/nancy was like someone peered into my soul and gave me exactly what i wanted from those two. name a more iconic duo. crime-fighting partners for life, i take no other options.

meanwhile! CONS

• this game’s graphics were great! ………….back in 2005. who called, and want their cgi back. the worst offense of this is arguably the UNNATURALLY TWITCHY PEOPLE. 
• (double the trouble for all those times when someone continues moving long after they’re done speaking. WHO APPROVED THIS)
• i feel like joe and deirdre were especially bad in this regard. there were times when deirdre looked like a badly handled marionette puppet. and joe looked like he constantly needed to go to the bathroom. so. much. shifting.
• (the only exception to these horrific graphics were the nature shots, which were decent. it felt almost like the entire focus was on that. and just that.)
• (also, why was everything in the background always so BLURRY. why.)
• (has anybody out there played sherlock holmes nemesis? cause the graphics feel pretty much perfectly on par with that game and it came out IN 2007. 2007, PEOPLE)
• WHY WAS NED’S SIDE OF THAT PHONE CONVO AT THE END COMPLETELY SILENT
• there were moments in this storyline that felt so unbearably soap-opera. the moment [REDACTED’S] criminal record is published in the paper (brenda carlton moved to salem, i guess???), and [REDACTED] starts taking blame for the fire, and [REDACTED] starts yelling at [REDACTED] about starting the fire, and then [REDACTED] starts taking blame for the other fire, everything sort of fell apart for me.
• (arson really runs in that family, huh)
• although was anything as bad as the ending when nancy confronts the bad guy and it just goes on and on and on? and bad guy even admits to all this in front of a judge of the law (even if said judge’s spirit is well and truly crushed and has been the entire game)? and nancy also takes this opportunity to lecture any adult in sight like she’s some kind of paragon of True Justice?
• okay. can’t avoid this one. nancy’s voice. fuck, i couldn’t get past it. it was so emotionless. it was so not nancy. i really went into this with a somewhat open mind but no. (anybody been subjecting themselves to the christmas prince netflix movies? cause nancy sounds exactly like the protag. minus some emotion.)
• ALSO, DID THAT TRUTH SERUM EVER PLAY A ROLE. DID I MISS SOMETHING. (it’s also fucking hilarious that nancy won’t believe in ghosts but will put a modicum of trust into a  t r u t h  s e r u m)