#but i’m still grateful

I won’t lie, my mental health has deteriorated to a rather crippling stage these last few months. All current work and projects had eroded my energy levels to rock bottom and my mood has reflected that.

I woke up early this morning, sleep deprived and in a rough mood, had a series of small mishaps, pulled myself together to begin my 14 mile bike commute aaaaaand… immediately ran over a small metal spring in the road that ripped through my back tire, more than a mile from home. And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I walked my bike back home and got back into bed, after calling in for a mental health day (my boss gets it, thankfully).

Eventually I was able to compose myself and made efforts (with J’s help) to find productive things I could do. So I took the bike into another bike shop to fix the flat, and asked if they could solve one other nagging issue, a skipping chain. Dude was awesome, fixed my flat on the spot, confirmed my suspicions on the other issue and installed a brand new cassette, all while we had a good bike chat. Thankfully this solved my biggest problems and I gave it a test spin to make sure, ending up at an old haunt by the river. I watched warblers, mining bees, and a man walking his cat on a leash. I tried thinking happier thoughts.

It’s true, a lot of things in my life are still broken (both physically and emotionally) but some things are okay, good even. The cat (Zelda), who had been sick for a month and a half and on antibiotics, is finally appearing to be fully recovered. I have Hoyas blooming. I saw the first dragonfly of the season. And I’ve finally bitten the bullet to have a first session with a psychiatrist at the end of the month. I just have to keep making it somehow, even if I need help every day to do it.

Anyway, long post, but thanks for sticking around!