I work at the radio and I have worked retail and I have worked food service.
The people who call in to the radio station are the dumbest people alive, holy shit.
Be honest, do you guys want the stories?
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN OK LET’S GO
Caller: Hi. I’m pretty shocked you guys are putting people in danger with your traffic report.
Me: Could you elaborate please?
Caller: I’m on (freeway) and there’s a branch hanging down. Someone is going to hit it and you haven’t reported it. I’ve been listening all morning so I know you haven’t.
Me: Just so I’m clear, the branch is not actually in the road? There is no hazard actually blocking anything?
Caller: no but there’s going to be. It’s going to be your fault when the branch falls.
Me: ma'am if there’s not actually anything going on to report we can’t report anything. You called to tell me about a tree.
Caller: Hi can I talk to Amy Winehouse?
Me: Amy Winehouse.
Caller: yeah I just heard her on your station.
Me: …I don’t know how to tell you this but no, I cannot put her on the phone.
Caller: she was just there
Me: That’s a recording. She’s not actually here.
(caller hung up before I could explain that not only is that not how radio music works, amy winehouse died in 2011.)
Caller: I cannot BELIEVE you guys would pay such FILTH. I’m AMERICAN.
Me: Which station are you having issue with?
Caller: The one playing that FILTH. The one saying “Imagine no religion.” What kind of anti Christian message are you suggesting??
Me: the… Beatles song?
Caller: I’m AMERICAN.
Me: Is the issue that the Beatles are English…? Because I have bad news about most of the oldies station if so
Caller: I want to report about some false information being pushed as news, it’s not relevant to the topic at hand and they’re saying it is and they’re trying to silence me and I think you need to do something about it.
Me: ma'am please slow down
Caller: the firewatch group on Facebook! They banned me for saying we shouldn’t be talking about the Australia fires! You need to make them reinstate my place in the group or people that depend on me for fire news could be at risk!
Me: that’s not our group, ma'am. Ours is the name of our station, we do not have any connection to the firewatch.
Caller: but it’s news.
Me: there’s more than one news source in the county ma'am.
(yes, she called to report her FB drama)
Caller: there’s a cloud. It’s big.
Me: is it a smoke cloud? Can you smell–
Caller: no I think it’s a regular cloud. It’s big though.
Me: do you see lightning…?
Caller: no it’s just big. I didn’t want anyone to worry.
Caller: play more Toby Keith.
Me: Sure, I’ll pass that on to the DJ–
Caller: I wish I could be a cat.
Me: dang me too
Caller: anyway that’s all I got for you today. Toby Keith, and I want to be a cat. Be sure to hug your animals. Meow!
Me: Meow!
Caller: Meow!
Me: Meow!
There are more, ducklings.
Caller: here’s what I don’t understand. If communist China is supposed to be so bad, why do you support them?
Me: Uh
Caller: because you play their games. Every Thursday.
Me: when you say games–
Caller: (local basketball team) is owned by communist China.
Me: ma'am they are an American team based out of our city.
Caller: yes but they’re owned by the communists. You spend all week saying how bad china is and then you give their team two hours to play the game.
Me: could you point me at a source?
Caller: oh I’m sure it’s somewhere. It’s something I heard.
Caller: can you guys play my song? That I recorded?
Me: we don’t usually do that but if you get onto a label somewhere–
Caller: I’m outside can I just come in and play it for you
Me: excuse me WHAT
(guy comes in the office somehow?? The entrance has an electronic lock I still don’t know how he bypassed it. He slaps an unmarked CD on my desk)
Caller: here. You can play it off of that.
Me: do you have a name…?
(he writes the word Obvious on the CD with a sharpie)
Me: do you have a last name? A phone number?
(he writes the word Music after Obvious)
Me: your name is… Obvious Music.
Caller: yes.
Me: you do realize nobody is going to put a random CD into their computer right? How do we contact you?
(he leaves without another word. We still haven’t played it)
Caller: you were off air from 10 until 6 this morning and there was nobody I could call! Why don’t you have anyone at the station!
Me: overnight
Caller: YES!
Me: but it’s back on now?
Caller: yes
Me: then we fixed it, what is the problem exactly?
