#captioned vines
Person filming: Ralphie I just wanted to say that you’re precious, and happy Pit Bull month. Okay?
5th GRADERS FIND SOME SWEET NINJA MASKS AND GLOW STICKS!!!
Both: Whoa!
Green shirt: I know what these are!
Both: NINJA MASKS!
[Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas plays]
Green shirt: [gasps] Glow sticks!
soccer moms
[children bickering and yelling “mom” in the background]
Mom: Listen Trisha I already told you I can’t make it, I got- I got soccer practice at four and then I got bikram at seven -! [gets hit in the head with soccer ball] Mason I swear to gwad!
Catfish
First person: Wow.
Second person: What?
First person: I can’t believe you’re a real person
Second person: Why?
First person: It’s just, I’ve been catfished 48 times.
Second person: FORTY-NINE BITCH
You know when you breathe oxygen?
First person: You know when you breathe oxygen?? And it’s like [exhales] then it’s like [inhales] AND YOU LIVE??
Second person: [off camera] ON MY MAMA I BE BREATHIN!
First person: BREATHIN!
When a video game dialogue option is way more aggressive than you anticipated
Player: [looking at dialogue options] Mmm…. Y.
Game character: Hello… Fucker. I’m gonna kill your whole family for fun
Player: [quietly] What?
Dumb customers (Sarah Schauer)
Customer: Why’d you seat that couple before us?
Sarah: It was a table for two.
Customer: Yeah?
Sarah: You have 10 people
Customer: Yeah??
[upbeat music plays]
Friends Who Live On the Edge byThomas Sanders
GIRL: Screw it, let’s just go.
THOMAS: Woah, woah!
GIRL: Yellow light, I’m going for it.
THOMAS: Woah, woah, woah!
GIRL: This is a year old photo of him, but I’m still gonna like it!
THOMAS: *horrified screaming* WOOOAAAAHH-!
Sassy HYDRA agent
play this at my funeral
Person 1: How did you take down Captain America?
Person 2: [thick German accent] We shot him in the legs, because his shield is the size of a dinner plate, and he’s an idiot
UNMUTE IT
No screaming, so A+++
Person: Whoa, a shooting star!
Comet: Boy I am a comet, not a star!
Person: Oh uh, sorry
Comet: It’s fine, it happens all the time.
Person 1: Oh my god I love this song!
Person 2: I’ve never heard it
Person 1: YOU’VE NEVER HEARD IT? HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK? THIS IS THE BEST SONG OF OUR GENERATION!
When you’re obviously more than pals… (W/ @leothegiant, Jay Harper, @jonerstrokes, & @nicolemlvisco)
Purple jacket: You guys are such good friends!
Thomas: No…
-
Orange hat: Bouquet for your best bud!
Leo: No!
-
Thomas: Will you… become my-
Ponytail: Best friend forever?
Both:NO!
