#captioned videos
New York Police ArrestWoman During News Interview for Speaking Out
In a chilling display of police intimidation, Rochester police dressed in riot gear snatched a woman away as she was conducting an on-camera interview with a news reporter during a protest against police abuse in New York Saturday night.
“I’m not going to hit anybody, I’m not going to shoot anybody. I’m going to speak to you, I’m going to use my words. I’m going to articulate myself because the message needs to be heard, the message is important. We don’t need this exact format, we need us to come out in numbers, we need more Rochesters.”
#Justice #BlackLivesMatter #NYPD #StayWoke
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Her name is Sapphire Williams, she’s 22 years old. She was out with friends (not as part of the protest), and noticed the small group of protesters with a large group of riot-gear-clad officers.
She told CNN, “Seeing how there was a very small presence of protesters compared to the police, it evoke something in me to ask the officers a rhetorical question of what got us to this point.”
She talked to the crowd, the police, and was arrested while talking to the camera. She was in custody until 7 am the next day.
Source: http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/14/us/ny-protester-rushed-by-police-during-interview/
[I know someone already quoted what was being said but just to be clear about everything happening in the video here is the transcript]
Sapphire: I’m not going to hit anybody, I’m not going to shoot anybody. I’m going to speak to you, I’m going to use my words. I’m going to articulate myself because the message needs to be heard, the message is important. [long pause, crowd growing louder] We don’t need this exact format, we need us to come out in numbers, we need more Rochesters. [police begin to ambush her] Oh my god, oh my god!
[crowd begins to protest and then starts chanting “no justice no peace” for the remainder of the video]
5th GRADERS FIND SOME SWEET NINJA MASKS AND GLOW STICKS!!!
Both: Whoa!
Green shirt: I know what these are!
Both: NINJA MASKS!
[Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas plays]
Green shirt: [gasps] Glow sticks!
You know when you breathe oxygen?
First person: You know when you breathe oxygen?? And it’s like [exhales] then it’s like [inhales] AND YOU LIVE??
Second person: [off camera] ON MY MAMA I BE BREATHIN!
First person: BREATHIN!
Whenever people tell me subs are always superior to dubs, I refer back to this scene
Captain Ginyu: And one more makes seven.
Frieza: You are certainly on the ball today, Captain Ginyu. If you were a dog I’d scratch your belly. If you were a cat I’d give you warm milk, until you started to purr. But since you are neither of these, I’ll just say “thanks for a job well done.”
Ginyu: It was my pleasure. You know how much I enjoy serving your horn-ed highness.
Frieza: Having these balls makes me feel something that resembles joy I think. I want to caress them.
“Hey, but for real, shout out to Ms.Ford, my third grade math teacher. You told me that I would never be shit and I would work at McDonald’s when I’m older. And guess what? I START TOMORROW BIIIITCH!”
When you’re obviously more than pals… (W/ @leothegiant, Jay Harper, @jonerstrokes, & @nicolemlvisco)
Purple jacket: You guys are such good friends!
Thomas: No…
-
Orange hat: Bouquet for your best bud!
Leo: No!
-
Thomas: Will you… become my-
Ponytail: Best friend forever?
Both:NO!
siri read a message from my mom (2017)
i think we’ve gotten as close to a real life Howler as we can get
this is literally the funniest thing Ive ever seen in my life
Siri: [completely monotone] Recent message from Mother: Every fucking single one of the ice trays are empty. Really? Really? I mean, how hard is it to fill up the ice trays Rachel? If you spent less time worrying about who’s knuckles were in deep and sitting on so-and-so’s face then maybe I could have some fucking cold water instead of this warm-ass water. Can you please fill them up when you get home?
And what the actual fuck is the sticky substance all over the tv in my room? I mean, did ya guys have a fucking orgy in here? I mean, really? I’m going to bed. Good night.
I’m watching a documentary on YouTube and the person who uploaded it didn’t edit out the commercials, but I’m glad they didn’t because I lost it at this one.
Child: But uncle James, mummy said to take me to the hair dressers!
James: [???]
Mother: I’m back! ….What happened??
James: [nervously] Leave it to me, I’m just waiting for the manager to get back, and then whoa! Is he in trouble.
James: [speaking hushed on the phone] -Cause some idiot’s cut my niece’s hair. [deep sigh] ….Yes please. There’s one other thing I need you to do though.
James: [yelling to hair dresser and gesturing wildly and angrily] I know this haircut has nothing to do with you, but my sister is watching outside, and I want her to think that you did it!
[mother watches from the car where she can see James yelling at the woman but cannot hear him]
James: So you sort out this terrible mess for me and I will pay you double! You’re very very nice people! Thank you.
I am fucking dying
White person: Hey……. S-S-SoongWoon….?
SungWon: It-it’s SungWon.
White person: SangWing.
SungWon: SungWon. No G at the end. ..Or any of those other sounds.
White person: SingWan?
SungWon: SungWon.
White person: SoongWoo!
SungWon: SungWon.
White person: SoongWun!
SungWon: SungWon
White person: SongWong!
SungWon: SungWon.
White person: [long pause] Do you have an English name?
SungWon:Bitch! Okay, it’s like the two English words. [as if talking to a child] I sing, I sang, I have….?
White person: Sung…
SungWon: And then, the past tense of win is…?
White person: Won.
SungWon: Good! So combine them together you get..?
White person: SugeWin?!
SungWon:What is wrong with you??
anxiety when the radio DJ talks too close to the song
“Am I the only one that gets a rush of adrenaline when the radio DJ cuts his dismount a little too close to the songs beginning? [audience laughs]
‘you’re listening to 94.1 the Patch FM. I’m Mike Sackler, ladies and we’re having the smoothest time here today. Let me just say real quick, I love my job. Let me say that one more time. I love my job.’
Then in the background you hear [hums beginning melody to fast car by Tracey Chapman] …YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA THERE, MIKE! [audience laughs] TRACEY CHAPMAN’S NIPPIN AT YOUR HEELS, BUDDY! [more laughter]
‘We’ll be here all afternoon, here by the pool, I’m here with my son Yacob, we’re raising him bi. My wife’s here, she’s also named Yacob. [scattered laughter] I’ve been going to a lot of health food stores, you know where everyone’s bald but like, mindfully bald…’ [continues melody]
THAT IS THE FINAL ACOUSTIC WARNING SHOT THAT THE U.S.S. CHAPMAN IS GONNA FIRE,MIKE!
‘And every time you need me I’ll be right here on 94.7 the Patch, here’s Tracy Chapman’ [singing] ‘You got a fast car’
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SHIT, MIKE! [audience laughs hysterically] You crazy son of a bitch!”
Merry Crisis
*voices in unison to the tune of O Christmas Tree/O Tannenbaum*
Oh ChrisChris Tree,
Oh ChrisChris Tree,
How lovely are your faces!*with declining control and barely-suppressed laughter*
Covered in celebrities,
Mostly actors and one former governor of New Jersey!
why would they ever delete this scene
Leslie: I am sneaking broccoli into the mac and cheese so the children don’t know that they’re eating vegetables. That’s what parenting is all about. Helping your children. Through lies.
Ben: Well, not just your children.
Leslie: ..Hm?
Ben: I’ve been sneaking vegetables into your waffles for years now. Since way before we were married.
Leslie: [dramatic pause] What??
Ben: Haven’t you ever wondered why your syrup had seeds in it?
Leslie: You said they were maple seeds.
Ben: Yeah! …There’s no such thing!
Leslie: [dramatic pause] I have literally never been angrier at anyone in my life! Walk away, Wyatt!
Ben: [stutters]
Leslie: Walk away! Children attack your father!
Ben: [playfully dramatic] No! Noooooo!!
[children laugh excitedly]
“LEARN. TO SEASON. CHICKEN. Learn to season meat PROPER! Eh, [?] the giraffe is loose!
I went to a restaurant yesterday, on the menu I saw “chicken a la something.” If you put “a la something” after the word chicken, you are telling me that means the chicken tastes like something!
When the woman put the chicken in front of me, I bite it, and I ask the lady, ‘why is the chef seasoning people’s chicken with amnesia? Eh?’
Next time, take a paper and draw a chicken on it, eh? Because that is what this taste like. Even an envelope has flavor! Come on!
Two days ago, I had a stake. And when I taste it, I call the man back and say ‘Excuse me, when I ordered a stake I didn’t mean the one you use to stab a vampire!’
There is no reason your meat should taste like an apology. Eh? Culinary hyena. You’re wondering why your child is always asking to eat dinner at his friends house, even when his friend is not home.Jesus!”
An Intro To Indian Dishes, by BuzzFeed India
OMG
“I’ve officially reached my breaking point with this, because I can’t even begin to express to you how many times weekly I legitimately almost plummet to my death. Because my lane is ending, and it’s time for me to merge over into another lane, and fucking Regina, in her charcoal grey Honda CRV doesn’t wanna fucking let me merge over.
First of all Regina, this isn’t a race. This isn’t a competition. We’re literally driving 45 miles an hour on I-240, and you’re concerned about me getting in front of you? It’s because my lane is ending, Regina. It’s because I don’t have anywhere else to go. Where would you suggest I drive? Off this cliff? Which is what’s going to happen if I don’t merge over into your lane?
Let me merge Regina! It’s not that hard! Just let me merge!”
Feinstein: You’re a big, powerful man. Why didn’t you [gestures pushing motion]?
Crews: Senator, as a black man in America [sigh]…
Feinstein: Say it as it is. I think it’s important.
Crews: …you only have a few shots at success. You only have a few chances to make yourself a viable member of the community. I’m from Flint, Michigan. I have seen many many young black men who were provoked into violence, and they were imprisoned, or they were killed, and they’re not here. My wife for years prepared me. She said, “If you ever get goaded, if you ever get prodded, if you ever have anyone try to push you into any kind of situation, don’t do it. Don’t be violent.” And she trained me. I’ll be honest with you it was the strength of my wife who trained me and told me, “If this situation happens, let’s leave.” And the training worked because I did not go into my first reaction, I grabbed her hand, we left, but the next day I went right to the agency. I have texts, I have phone conversations, and I said, “This is unacceptable!” And I told them how -you know- I almost got violent, but I didn’t. And I said, “What are you going to do about this predator that you have roaming your hallways?” And -you know- I was told, “We are going to do everything in our power. We are going to handle this Terry. You’re right. It is unacceptable.” And then they disappeared. Nothing happened.
Look at the faces of the black men behind him it says it all.
This is real fucking infuriating. This shit isn’t funny. Fuck them and anyone who makes fun of Terry Crews speaking out and taking a stand.
John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon
“I normally don’t notice people. I zone out, constantly! Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes, I’ve been zoned out since 2014!
I just- all day long I wonder into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast. [scattered laugheter]
I can zone out anywhere! I was at the doctors office he was reading me the results of a blood test. It was important I listened! And I zoned out!
I was like, ‘Nah. I’m gonna stare at the wall, and think my thoughts.’ I was like, ‘Huh. None of the Beatles had mustaches..’ [audience laughs] ‘..and then one day, all of them had mustaches!’ [more laughter] ‘That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that.’
Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much, they want me to focus! And they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it.
This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS, [audience laughs] and then you take deep breath- I don’t. like. sitting. up. straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen!
If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet, with your elbow on your knee, while kinda looking at your phone… I’d be the Dalai Lama! [audience laughs] I don’t like sitting up straight.
So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocreatbest! [audience laughs] Yeah I mean, it’s fine! Let’s all try right now. Let’s all be in the moment in silence right now. [pauses for a fraction of a second] SUCKED right?! [more laughter] Not fun at all. That wasboring!
You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theater in your brain! That plays fake arguments that you win! Ah! [audience laughs, light applause]
Have you ever just been sitting there, thinking about something for 20-25 minutes, and then all of a sudden you’re like ‘OH MY GOD I’m driving!’ and you remember [audience laughs] ‘I’m going SEVENTY FIVE. miles an HOUR! [audience laughs] I have been for awhile!I could have changed so many lives!’ [more laughter]
Sometimes my wife- I have this wife- she’ll be like ‘Are you watching the road?’ And I’m always like ‘I am looking through the windshield.’ [audience laughs] ‘And I’m not gonna hit anyone. But no.’ [audience laughs] ‘I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
Magician: You ready for some magic, y’all?!
[suppressed laughter off camera]
Magician: I have three cards, one two three. First one’s a joker.
Recorder: Kay,
Magician: Second one’s a second joker.
Recorder: Okay.
Magician: Third one’s an ace!
Recorder: Okay.
Magician: Alright ace is on top. All you have to tell me is where is the ace. So I’m gonna take the ace, put it on the bottom. Where’s the ace?
Recorder: On the bottom?
Magician: [Flips card] Wrong! It’s the joker. So now, you may say “oh, it’s gotta be on top then.” [flips card] Nope! It’s another joker. So then you gotta say “oh, it’s gotta be in the middle.” [flips card] Nope, another joker!
[slightly more intense] So you gotta say “Well he’s lying, he doesn’t have an ace!” [flips card] [whispering] It’s right there!
[Intensity increases, recorder laughing] So now, forget about the ace, just forget- erase the ace from your mind!
[calmer] All you have to do is tell me where- where a joker is. So obviously one’s on top. [flips card] Nope, it’s an ace. So you’re saying “oh, well it’s gotta be in the middle. [flips card] Nope, another ace!
[intensity increases, begins stuttering] So-so you think “he’s gotta be- he’s gotta be lying! He’s got more than three cards, what an idiot!” No look, [lays out each card while counting] One. Two. Three! You owe me seven dollars now!
[Recorder laughing]
Magician: Okay! Now forget about everything I just said! All you have to do, I’m going to show you this card, and that card [lays out an ace and a joker on the table, holds up last card] what is this card?
Recorder: [through laughter] A joker?
Magician: WRONG, IT’S A KING OF DIAMONDS!
Recorder: [laughing hysterically] What do you mean?! Dude!
Magician: You gotta listen!
the narrative rollercoaster this video took me on in 19 seconds was a trip to remember
Shane: My manager at Abercrobie was a woman who I think was- she seemed 20 years older than me, she was probably three years older than me..
And the most distinct thing I remember happening is one day I was eating an apple, and she said “What does that taste like!” and I said, “an apple?” and she said “Yeah, I’ve never had one.”
She was later arrested!
