Movie

A/N: I wrote this months ago, before I was utterly BETRAYED by Chansung. I didn’t want to post it but I’m tired of looking at his stupid traitorous face in the drafts.

You stood there on the train platform, body frozen in shock.  Your mind focusing purely on processing the words he just said to you.  Your cheek still tingled from the slight stubble on his chin as he held you close, while you swore to come visit him again soon if his schedule allowed.  Foolishly you thought he was holding on so tight because he didn’t want you to go.

“Wait, what did you say?”

Chansung hung his head and took a deep breath, it was hard to say it the first time and to repeat it to you might make him break.  “I said we can’t be together anymore.  I’m debuting and I can’t—”

You laughed softly to yourself as he began his rehearsed weak explanation again.  You didn’t expect much, you were both young and had your lives ahead of you.  You were kids, but you weren’t expecting this.  To be broken up with after spending a weekend together before you left for the States with your mom for summer break, was this real life?  “I feel like I’m in a movie,” you said bitterly to yourself but you should have known it was coming.  You nodded your head and put on your best smile before taking his hand in yours.  “I’m so proud and happy for you Chansung, really.  You will be a superstar in no time.”

The chime signalling the final warning for the train sounded and you tried to keep up the facade of happiness.  “You go ahead and head back, I’m going to grab some snacks before I board.”  You squeezed his hand once more before picking up your duffle bag.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said softly.

You could see the shining of a tear in his eye as you reached up to tuck a stray strand of his hair behind his ear.  “Here’s looking at you, kid.”  You smiled softly before telling him to go one last time.

My cheek brushes against his
Smooth on stubble for a moment
And then it’s gone
He walks along the platforms into the dream
Every fiber in me wants to shout and scream: Stop
To run across to him, take him into my arms
To tell him: I love you! You silly, silly man, I love you
But instead I stand still, heart cracking
These little curls on the back of his head bouncing
As he steps out of my life, forever

Chansung was tired, that was an understatement.  Since he started life back as an idol it seemed like he was always on the go.  Filming here, meeting there, quick gym session before meeting with bandmates followed by another meeting.  Today luckily was one of those days where he had time to himself, a blessed lazy day that he hadn’t had since he finished his enlistment.  He got up at 5:30 like he usually did, even though he was done with the military some habits stuck.  He made himself a steaming cup of tea as he sat in his living room watching the world wake up through the floor to ceiling windows.  He liked early mornings, when the world was still quiet and peaceful.

Going about his day he felt he was pretty productive for a day off.  He got in a cardio workout, nothing too intense but ensuring he got his heartrate up, sent off some emails and straightened up.  It was when he was relaxing on the couch looking at pictures of his friends’ families, nieces and nephews smiling gummy smiles.  He had a wistful smile, happy for them but slightly envious as he saw more and more idols, older and younger, happily in relationships or married.  He had regret, he pushed you away.  Listening to his hyungs and managers.  So he turned on the television and what he saw tightened his chest.

Casablanca was on.

He couldn’t stop himself from reminiscing on the last time he was with you.  He had been so happy, you two burning with the fiery passion of two teens in love.  He remembers the first time you two had met, a chance encounter.  He was out with friends, as were you, he was cocky then.  He won’t deny it, a teen who had already been on two shows—including one that went on to win awards—and he had passed an audition at JYPE.  He was destined for greatness and knew it.  It was probably why you putting him and his friends in their place was so refreshing.  He couldn’t remember who had caused it or what had transpired but when you heard his friends comment to yours, the passion you protected them with was amazing.

“Ya” his friend had yelled at you, “don’t you know who he is?”  The boy had said while pointing at Chansung who just smirked.

You smiled so sweetly, your eyes getting big before you deadpanned, “No” and walked away.  Chansung was shocked and couldn’t believe it.  You had on the same uniform as him but you didn’t know nor care who he was.  He can’t understand why he was that surprised thinking back now, you were obviously a foreigner.  Why would you know who he was but he wanted to know more about you and he found you.

You gave him the same reaction, unimpressed.

He hounded you for weeks until you finally agreed to a date and that was all it took.  You wanted to go see Casablanca, a favorite of yours and he would have done anything you wanted.  Then he made the biggest mistake of his life, he let you go.

He wrote to you, everyday.  You never wrote back, did you ever get them?  He watched Rick and Ilsa on the screen, how his love rejected festered into hate and pain not knowing she loved him just as much if not more as the day she left him.

Do you remember me?  Chansung finds himself wondering that often.  Did you know how much he hoped for one of those dramatic scenes from the movies, you running to him in the rain as he kissed you and told you how much it hurt not being with you and the love he held for you still.  He never knew what happened after you both graduated, he became 2PM’s Chansung and was juggling promotions, variety shows and college.  Were you still in Korea or had you gone back home now that you were old enough to leave from under your father’s wing.  You never liked the constant moving of military life, maybe you finally found somewhere to set down roots.  He’d be foolish to think you were single, you had none of the hindrances that he did.  But he hoped against hope you would come back to him, like Ilsa did Rick.

He picked his phone back up as the movie came towards the end.  He searched through his contacts, looking for your name.  Your number probably changed, it had been years but he always programmed your information into his phone.  Letters came back unopened, your father and subsequently you had moved.  He couldn’t track down your friends and ask after you, that would be inviting articles and anonymous posts about his life.

Sighing deeply, Chansung opened your contact, selecting a new message.

Is your number the same as before?
Remember me, let’s set the scene.
You and me, what could’ve been.
Still swimming in a lover’s dream.
Still playing on the movie screens.

Chansung deleted all the words he wanted to say and just left a message saying.

We’ll always have Paris…

~ Winter