A/N: I wrote this I don’t know how many years ago and found it as I was cleaning out my drafts. Figured I’d just post it to post it, idk. ~❄️
Wonho opened the door to your apartment, happy to have some time to spend with you alone. He set his bag and jacket down before stretching and his nostrils are filled with the heavenly aroma of your cooking. Walking to your kitchen and expecting to find you. Instead he finds a warm platter of chicken, a pot of rabokki, steamed rice and soup to help with his cold.
He smiles and sets out to find you, “Where are you hiding?” He stops when he gets into the hall and hears a familiar song playing. He peeked into your bedroom to see you dancing around in his jacket. His smile widened as he saw your attempt to do the choreography.
Ten Minutes Earlier
You were trying to get dinner ready for Wonhos visit. It wasn’t often you got to see him during a comeback, but he had a cold so he got a few extra days of rest. You made some of his favorites and just as you lifted the lid to check the soup, some splashed out onto your dress. Luckily the dress was loose fitting and the hot liquid didn’t touch your skin. Turning the stove top off, you head to the bathroom to quickly clean up.
You turn your playlist on shuffle letting the music flow through your apartment as you clean up. Walking into the closet, searching for something cute yet comfy, your eyes catch something in the back of your closet. Pulling out the coat, you can’t help but to run your fingers over the soft faux fur. You smile to yourself as you breathe in the scent of the monochrome houndstooth jacket, the faint smell of Wonhos cologne still lingering.
Slipping into the oversized coat and walking out of the closet you laugh at the sight. Standing in front of the mirror you realize just how big the coat is on you, hitting you right above your knee and hands completely swallowed by the sleeves. The next track that plays is fate and the universe working in complete harmony.
The smooth piano signaling the intro of the song, you try to do the choreography as well as you can remember. You remember thrusts and body rolls, so you start there. Your dancing around the room with your eyes closed when someone grabs your hand and spins you. Your back landing into a solid chest, a familiar voice singing along to the track.
“You’re my sweetheart, yeah” Wonho sings softly into your ear. His hands on your hips guiding yours along with his own. He turned you around, sliding his hand into the coat onto your back. His cool hand shocking your system, slowly you rocked against each other. He slid his thick thigh between your legs as he continued to dance with you.
You placed your hands on his broad chest. Sliding them down you wrap them around his waist. His smile widening, as your hands settle on his hips.
ACHOO!
You freeze. Wonho doesn’t move from his new position. His head bowed, hands covering his nose as he looks at you through his full lashes. “Oh, my god,” he said, his voice scratchy and deep. “I’m so sorry. I thought I was better,” he looked miserable.
“It’s fine, let’s get you fed and cuddled, yeah” you said with a giggle. Taking off the coat, you set it on the chair and pulled a clean shirt on.
Picking up the coat Wonho smiled again, “How about we try this again later.” He returned the coat to the closet and followed you to the kitchen.
“How about we get you healthy first. Then we’ll see,” you say setting out the food.
You two ended the night cuddled in bed, watching dramas and just talking until sleep took over. Before you fell asleep you heard “Next time, only wear the coat.”
“Shut up or I’ll make Danny wear it for you,” you grumbled sleepily. You feel Wonho shudder behind you, “You win. Night baby.”h
Word Count: 1094 Warnings:Nothing much, a little angsty and borderline toxic. A/N:Back again with my favorite toxic boy. Do I think Park Jinyoung is a toxic person, no but I don’t know him. Do I think he could possibly have a propensity for toxicity? Of course, I assume the worst about everyone, duh. Anywho this could technically, might be a continuation/same wavelength of Like I Want You. I might keep him my toxic boy, idk yet.
“Heard you got a new man.”
You rolled your eyes at the sound of his voice. Your back going rigid as you sat straighter–taller–and holding your head higher, regal like the Queen you were, while you kept your eyes on the people dancing across the room. It was almost Pavlovian, the feel of his presence, his voice or the sight of him making you feel more and less than all at once. It was the best and worst relationship you had had to date.
Toxic as Joker and Harley but damn it if he wasn’t just so god damn addicting.
“Was I supposed to wait for you to remember I exist? Sounds sad and pathetic,” Jinyoung gasped sarcastically at your words. The words he himself used when you told him his love was bad for you. Those words that were spoken never left him, they were the truth though and he knew that. He didn’t think you would move on easily though. How could you not want him back. Jinyoung leaned against the back of your booth, his cologne wrapping itself around you. He smelled sweet but warm, spicy yet a touch of floral. He smelled like sex should, that beautiful blend of masculine and feminine perfectly married together on skin. You could smell notes of peach and cognac on him, he had sprayed it within the past couple of hours.
“To what do I owe the pleasure Park Jinyoung? As you can see, I’m out with coworkers and I really don’t need you causing any issues for me tonight.” You picked up your drink, some overly sweet and fruity concoction the girls had ordered for the table. Without looking you could sense the smirk on those full lips, no doubt preparing to speak something demeaning.
“It’s almost disrespectful,” he started before straightening to his full height and walking around the booth. Once he was within your line of sight you tried to cover the slight hitch in your breath. He looked good and he knew it, that was part of the problem. And you would be damned if you gave him the satisfaction of garnering a reaction from you. His dark hair, longer now and graced with the slightest chestnut brown highlights. His stylist was blessed, the coloring almost perfectly natural, it complimented his sun kissed skin magnificently. Son of a bitch looked GOOD and the outfit was simple but perfect, of course. Tight black tee shirt under an ink black leather jacket and pants so tight they might as well be painted on.
He slid into the booth next to you, long arm resting around your shoulders, never touching but close enough to feel the heat of his body. “This new guy, it’s disrespectful to me.” You turned to him at that, ready to start up when you saw the smirk on his lips. Taking a deep breath you turned away from him again. “That’s a downgrade and you know it.”
You laughed at that. “Here I thought there was nothing lower than you.” Taking another sip of your drink you let him stew in the silence, he always hated that. The silence is deafening, no matter how loud the club you sat in was, your silence to him was greater.
“Just let me know baby.” He lifted the bourbon to his lips as you turned to him, the question evident in your arched brow. “When you wanna come back.” His eyes crinkled as he smiled, the tumbler sitting on his lip before he downed the rest of his drink. You’re meant to take it slow, savor it. He can still hear your voice the first time he tried the drink with you.
His ego was bruised. He can admit it, he was man enough for that.
“I can lay you on your back, do that thing you like, just like that. I know you missed the way I used to grab you,” he closed the distance between you as his arm wrapped fully around you. Rough fingers ran across your upper arm while the warm supple leather of his arm groaned as it rubbed against the booth. “Your body knows me. I’m still your best,” his lip caught against your bare shoulder as he spoke before leaving a wet kiss on the goosebumps he left behind.
“I hope you know,” you turned quickly, forcing him to back away or crash together. “I hate you and I hate me for giving you enough thought to hate you. I loved you and you couldn’t see that and accept it.”
“Love it or hate it, I’m the one that got away. You want me back, go ahead and say it. Baby, it’s okay.” He placed two fingers under your chin, his head tilting slightly as if he was going to kiss you. Goddess, you missed those lips but you made no move toward him. You just stared at him as he studied your face deciding if he would finally destroy you with those next words.
“I don’t want your heart, maybe once before. I don’t want you back. You say my love is bad so you let me go but my love is more, just want to let you know.” Jinyoung held eye contact as he watched the last flame of love you held for him extinguish. He saw the tear form in your eyes, he promised to never make you cry like this and here he was.
Another promise broken.
He placed a chaste to the corner of your mouth before turning from you for what he prayed to be the last time. He made his way back to the bar where Jackson sat waiting for him.
“You good?” Jackson saw the sorrow and anguish on the faces of two of his best friends and didn’t know what to do with himself. He saw you two through the highs and the lows and secretly he hoped you two would someday make it work. He thought this was stupid, this was idiotic as hell. Jinyoung made up his mind and once he had no one could talk him out of it. He wanted to release you from him and the only way he thought to do that was to completely destroy any feelings you may harbor for him.
“Yeah man, just needed to set her straight.” Jinyoung put on a fake smile and signaled the bartender, he needed the strongest thing behind the bar and wanted them to pour it until he forgets about what he just did to the love of his life.
You sat on the floor, your back against the wall and your legs thrown over Jackson’s lap. He was animatedly talking about something you weren’t paying much attention to with Youngjae when he walked in. Jackson looked to you when he felt your legs tense then his eyes followed yours to the man at the door. Jinyoung stood there, a smile evident on his face despite the mask covering the bottom half and floppy bangs on his forehead.
Jackson turned to you, “You knew he was going to be here. It’s fine, just relax mama. I’m not leaving you.” He gave you a soft smile and squeezed your knee before turning back to Youngjae and continuing their conversation. Doing as your friend suggested you settled back, getting comfortable once again before closing your eyes. You knew he would be here, he should have assumed you would be here. This was important. One of the last times everyone would be together before Jackson left for China, Mark for LA and you for wherever the wanderlust took you.
You had been friends with Jackson for years, meeting at AIS: Hong Kong when your father’s company moved you there as a kid. When he left you for Seoul you had been devastated but you two always stayed in touch. So much so that both of your parents thought for sure you two were developing feelings for one another. It never happened, attempted yes but nothing came of it. The two of you were too close, meeting at the time when you were your most awkward, that’s all you saw in each other.
What happened instead was you fell, stupidly hard, for one of his bandmates. You’d known them all for almost as long as Jackson had known them. He’d made sure to tell you about them before introducing you when you would come to visit. It all started fine but the more you got to know them, the more you realized not all of them invoked that familial feeling like you had with Jackson. One just so happened to check almost all the boxes for what you liked and damn it, if you didn’t have bad luck you’d have no luck at all. Of course the one you fall for is Park Jinyoung himself.
You could tell when his eyes landed on you in your little corner, the atmosphere in the room shifted. It was too hot and too cold all at once, the pressure of his gaze crushing your chest. You opened your eyes slowly, schooling your features into a smile–bright and inviting, but not too cold or too warm.
Sometimes I wish you knew But I disguise the truth I say I’m happy but I’m still stuck on us mmm-mm
You hadn’t seen him in the flesh since the last blow up that led to your break up. You thought you were ready but seeing him just tossed you in a spin. Your heart is screaming go to him, he looks so warm and soft but your mind knows better. Knows all about the burning acidic bite of his words like bile on your tongue. You can’t make a scene. Not tonight, tonight is about the boys going on to do what the naysayers said they couldn’t.
Jinyoung’s smile matches your own, never reaching his eyes as he nods to you before setting his bag down. His mask comes off and fingers go to his hair as he turns to Jaebum. He’s irritated, no one would notice but you know the signs. The tightness in his back and shoulders is evidence to the irritation.
“Maybe I should go,” you whisper to Jackson after pulling his sleeve to get his attention. He looks from you to Jinyoung again before looking back at you. He was thinking of how to fix it, how to make it better. He had to figure out how to make it work. “It’s fine Son, this is important for you all. I can always pop into LA and see Mark, I’m not selling my place here and we’ll see each other whenever possible in Hong Kong. I owe your mom dinner,” you smile at him as you rest your hand on his forearm.
Jackson didn’t like this but he wasn’t going to force you into a situation you would be uncomfortable in. He had hoped against hoping this would work, he could have his family together without it being any animosity or pain. It’s too soon, he sees that now. “Fine, but I’m walking you out.” He makes a move to get up before you stop him, putting more weight on your legs so he can’t move them.
“You stay with your brothers, I’m a big girl.” You stand and grab your jacket before saying your goodbyes. The boys, minus Jinyoung, make it known how unhappy they are with your leaving early but the way they look from you to your ex makes it known, they get it. You’re both too stubborn to admit it but they can see the pain there. As you finish saying goodbye to BamBam and congratulating Yugyeom one last time you are swept up in a hug by Mark.
He was the one you worried about the most and the least. He was going home to friends and family but you told him that no matter what, you were always ready to fly out and beat some ass for him before giving him an obnoxious kiss to the cheek and leaving the room.
You only made it a few steps down the hall when you had to stop. Leaning against the wall you let your head fall back as you take some deep breaths to calm yourself. Crying was useless and this was not the time, you were so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn’t even notice someone had followed you out. Lowering your head you opened your eyes to see two dark ones gazing at you from across the hall.
“Jesus Jinyoung,” you grabbed your chest “you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?” He didn’t say anything, just looked at you.
See you face to face I’m thinking about the days we used to be But I can’t make a scene But I can’t make it seem Like I want you
“I wanted to make sure you got a taxi safely,” he spoke so lowly you barely heard him. You would have never known he was talking if you hadn’t watched his lips move. Nodding you stood from the wall and smiled at him again–controlled and soft, don’t show any emotion.
“Thank you but I’m fine, don’t let me be the reason you miss out,” you bow slightly before walking away. You make it a few steps before he grabs your wrist, he drops it like you burned him when you look down at where his hand is on you.
“I guess it’s overdue,” he started softly. “Tell me your point of view. Tell me, am I to blame?” He looked at you as if he didn’t know the answer to this, like he wasn’t aware of what was the end for you.
You laughed bitterly, shocking you both. “You’re so good with change. I’ve never been okay with it, Sonny used to tease me for it when we met. But you, you adapt and forget. That was the problem Jinyoung, you adapted to your new path and forgot about me.” You turned around fully and crossed your arms over your chest, holding yourself.
You think back to that night where you gave up on the relationship. It was dead, you both knew it but you refused to give up. You had made plans, he was done with his latest project so you would celebrate together. “A table set for two. You left me waiting but you never showed. I was tired of being the afterthought Jinyoung. I thought I was good, I’m not over you and I know that but I thought I could at least be in a room with you but—”
See you face to face I’m thinking about the days we used to be But I can’t make a scene But I can’t make it seem
“I tried to be patient. I wanted and still want all the glory and recognition for you and I’m not selfish enough to ask you to give it all up for me.” Jinyoung stepped closer but stopped short when you shook your head and took two steps back. “There’s no reason to believe that I can save us then or now. Sometimes I really wonder,” you look up at him with tears threatening to fall. “Did you ever love me or was I just convenient because I was there? If you really love me, say it now.” You both stood there, the silence of the hall thunderous between the two of you. You scoff as the first tear falls as you turn to leave.
Jinyoung knew he should move but he couldn’t? He was frozen, he loved you and he knew he said it to
you but he can’t remember if he ever showed you. How could he be so stupid and here you are, walking out of his life again. He doesn’t know how many steps he took before he crashed into you, wrapping his arms around you. “Why is it so hard to figure out?” He turned you around in his arms, palms of his hands covering your tear stained cheeks. “I need you everyday,” he positioned your head so you had to look him in the eyes.
A/N: I wrote this months ago, before I was utterly BETRAYED by Chansung. I didn’t want to post it but I’m tired of looking at his stupid traitorous face in the drafts.
You stood there on the train platform, body frozen in shock. Your mind focusing purely on processing the words he just said to you. Your cheek still tingled from the slight stubble on his chin as he held you close, while you swore to come visit him again soon if his schedule allowed. Foolishly you thought he was holding on so tight because he didn’t want you to go.
“Wait, what did you say?”
Chansung hung his head and took a deep breath, it was hard to say it the first time and to repeat it to you might make him break. “I said we can’t be together anymore. I’m debuting and I can’t—”
You laughed softly to yourself as he began his rehearsed weak explanation again. You didn’t expect much, you were both young and had your lives ahead of you. You were kids, but you weren’t expecting this. To be broken up with after spending a weekend together before you left for the States with your mom for summer break, was this real life? “I feel like I’m in a movie,” you said bitterly to yourself but you should have known it was coming. You nodded your head and put on your best smile before taking his hand in yours. “I’m so proud and happy for you Chansung, really. You will be a superstar in no time.”
The chime signalling the final warning for the train sounded and you tried to keep up the facade of happiness. “You go ahead and head back, I’m going to grab some snacks before I board.” You squeezed his hand once more before picking up your duffle bag.
“I’m going to miss you,” he said softly.
You could see the shining of a tear in his eye as you reached up to tuck a stray strand of his hair behind his ear. “Here’s looking at you, kid.” You smiled softly before telling him to go one last time.
My cheek brushes against his Smooth on stubble for a moment And then it’s gone He walks along the platforms into the dream Every fiber in me wants to shout and scream: Stop To run across to him, take him into my arms To tell him: I love you! You silly, silly man, I love you But instead I stand still, heart cracking These little curls on the back of his head bouncing As he steps out of my life, forever
Chansung was tired, that was an understatement. Since he started life back as an idol it seemed like he was always on the go. Filming here, meeting there, quick gym session before meeting with bandmates followed by another meeting. Today luckily was one of those days where he had time to himself, a blessed lazy day that he hadn’t had since he finished his enlistment. He got up at 5:30 like he usually did, even though he was done with the military some habits stuck. He made himself a steaming cup of tea as he sat in his living room watching the world wake up through the floor to ceiling windows. He liked early mornings, when the world was still quiet and peaceful.
Going about his day he felt he was pretty productive for a day off. He got in a cardio workout, nothing too intense but ensuring he got his heartrate up, sent off some emails and straightened up. It was when he was relaxing on the couch looking at pictures of his friends’ families, nieces and nephews smiling gummy smiles. He had a wistful smile, happy for them but slightly envious as he saw more and more idols, older and younger, happily in relationships or married. He had regret, he pushed you away. Listening to his hyungs and managers. So he turned on the television and what he saw tightened his chest.
Casablanca was on.
He couldn’t stop himself from reminiscing on the last time he was with you. He had been so happy, you two burning with the fiery passion of two teens in love. He remembers the first time you two had met, a chance encounter. He was out with friends, as were you, he was cocky then. He won’t deny it, a teen who had already been on two shows—including one that went on to win awards—and he had passed an audition at JYPE. He was destined for greatness and knew it. It was probably why you putting him and his friends in their place was so refreshing. He couldn’t remember who had caused it or what had transpired but when you heard his friends comment to yours, the passion you protected them with was amazing.
“Ya” his friend had yelled at you, “don’t you know who he is?” The boy had said while pointing at Chansung who just smirked.
You smiled so sweetly, your eyes getting big before you deadpanned, “No” and walked away. Chansung was shocked and couldn’t believe it. You had on the same uniform as him but you didn’t know nor care who he was. He can’t understand why he was that surprised thinking back now, you were obviously a foreigner. Why would you know who he was but he wanted to know more about you and he found you.
You gave him the same reaction, unimpressed.
He hounded you for weeks until you finally agreed to a date and that was all it took. You wanted to go see Casablanca, a favorite of yours and he would have done anything you wanted. Then he made the biggest mistake of his life, he let you go.
He wrote to you, everyday. You never wrote back, did you ever get them? He watched Rick and Ilsa on the screen, how his love rejected festered into hate and pain not knowing she loved him just as much if not more as the day she left him.
Do you remember me? Chansung finds himself wondering that often. Did you know how much he hoped for one of those dramatic scenes from the movies, you running to him in the rain as he kissed you and told you how much it hurt not being with you and the love he held for you still. He never knew what happened after you both graduated, he became 2PM’s Chansung and was juggling promotions, variety shows and college. Were you still in Korea or had you gone back home now that you were old enough to leave from under your father’s wing. You never liked the constant moving of military life, maybe you finally found somewhere to set down roots. He’d be foolish to think you were single, you had none of the hindrances that he did. But he hoped against hope you would come back to him, like Ilsa did Rick.
He picked his phone back up as the movie came towards the end. He searched through his contacts, looking for your name. Your number probably changed, it had been years but he always programmed your information into his phone. Letters came back unopened, your father and subsequently you had moved. He couldn’t track down your friends and ask after you, that would be inviting articles and anonymous posts about his life.
Sighing deeply, Chansung opened your contact, selecting a new message.
Is your number the same as before? Remember me, let’s set the scene. You and me, what could’ve been. Still swimming in a lover’s dream. Still playing on the movie screens.
Chansung deleted all the words he wanted to say and just left a message saying.
Last season was a lot of firsts: first full snowboarding season, first box, first rail, first time in VT, first time over 30 mph, first 3 mile run (on a board), first cracked helmet, first collision with a skier, first black diamond, first double black. Crazy how much your life can change in a few months! Got to know and love a group of badasses with the biggest hearts and ironclad livers.
I never thought I would want to hit anything park EVER - why would I want to hit anything metal??- until I met a female snowboarder that inspired and EMPOWERED me. I hit my first box the very next day because of her, and I’m so lucky to call her a good friend now. Female empowerment and representation matters so much!
So excited for this next season and upcoming winter!!
