#characterization
NEED SOME ADVICE?
i need advice for setting up the scene for someone to come out as lgbtq+? specifically non-binary, since it’s less known than gay/lesbian/bi.
it’s a bit harder for me because lgbtq+ themes are not prevalent in my story, and an explanation would break the flow. it’s a fantasy novel, after all. right now, i have the idea to have someone else explain it to the main character off-screen (since i have changing POVs) but not much else other than that.
@pens-swords-stuff sorry to bother you, but maybe you have some ideas? maybe share it with your followers?
coming out as non-binary is different depending on the culture of the place you’re in and the people the NB character will be coming out to. if the world is accepting of more genders than just the traditional male/female binary, their identity will be significantly easier to explain. on the flip side, coming out in a environment that doesn’t accept these things is going to be harder emotionally for the NB character, and more difficult for the other characters to understand. if you’re looking for a way to explain it, that depends on the person. a lot of different NB people would describe being NB in a lot of different ways – it’s a very personal experience. purely by definition, “non-binary,” means not fitting into the gender binary (man/woman). it can be specific – agender, bigender, etc. – but it can also be used an an umbrella term. it just depends on how much explanation you/your character needs to give. I hope this helps!
@ink-flavored has some really good points. some things i can add…
1) figure out what tone your character has surrounding coming out - is it nervous, vulnerable, defensive, joking, flippant, or something else?
2) figure out what kind/amount of fallout you want (if any) surrounding coming out. Basically, is it a coming out where the nb character feels seen and respected, is one where the other person is supportive and doesn’t get it (which can cause some hurt depending on dynamic), is it a case where the other character pushes back and there ends up being a pretty big rift between them?
3) points 1&2 are pretty much like your mile markers. Setting up the scene is getting both characters primed to react how they’re supposed to so that when they do, it doesn’t seem out of character.
for example:
maybe you want it to be a slightly nervous but mostly casual tone and Character B doesn’t get it at first, but you don’t want fallout, which means they resolve it right then.
setting up to coming out: friendly, they’re just chilling, no real charged emotions. Character A (the one coming out). conversation relating to gender comes up in some way, maybe B makes some comment about A’s being a woman/man, maybe something different idk
coming out: still friendly, but A is a little nervous cause they decide to tell B that they’re nonbinary. While talking, A’s watching B’s face to see how B’s taking it.
the fallout: B gets confused, and A misconstrues it as not-acceptance (when you’re super nervous and vulnerable, this is very easy to do). B assures A that A will be accepted no matter what, but could they please clarify so B can better understand? A explains a little more, B asks the necessary clarifying questions, warm feelings all around
The above is not the only way it can go (some people who I came out to were accepting, others weren’t. some were confused, others already knew what was up - it can vary even for a single person), but it’s a way you might think about outlining.
Something I definitely want to see more of are queer characters who are vocal about their queerness, but are also super supportive of other people’s experiences. Like I feel like there’s so much of a divide between groups and between the queer and non-queer community that just…. doesn’t always need to be there? People can be proud of themself without tearing others down.
Like it would be cool to see more aro characters who have no interest in a relationship for themself, but are super happy for their friends who had a really successful first date.
Nonbinary characters who really don’t feel a strong connection to either binary gender, but will absolutely help a trans friend figure out what outfits and hairstyles best help them pass.
Ace characters playing wingman for their allo friends cause they think it’s fun, and cause they’re not gonna rope themselves into anything they don’t wanna do.
Just because a character doesn’t feel attracted to certain genders (or anyone) doesn’t mean they have to go around talking about how Horrible it must be to be attracted to those people. Just because a character falls under the trans umbrella doesn’t mean they have to go around talking about how Awful it is that someone’s “trapped” as the same gender they were assigned at birth. Characters can have understanding.
