Lando does send a car for us. I hold Lucy and Ada’s hands as we exit the apartment building, a backpack that I use as a diaper bag hung over my shoulders. Lando’s assistant, who I recognize from photos on social media, steps out of a black vehicle with a polite smile on her face.
“Ms. Norris, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Lea,” she greets.
“Hi Lea, please, call me Y/N,” I smile at her. Lea helps me get the girls in the car, car seats provided, and as soon as we buckle our seatbelts the driver pulls out onto the road.
“Lando got some stuff for you all,” she states, handing me a bag from her spot in the passenger’s seat to my seat in the middle of the back row.
“What did Lando get us?” I ask the girls, opening the bag. I pull out the three passes that will allow us access to the paddock, setting them to the side. A tiny, bright orange T-shirt is next, McClaren scrawled on the front, the logo on the sleeve, and a big ‘4’ on the back. The next item that I pull out is an identical T-shirt. I smile in awe at them, liking the simple yet effective design.
Whoever’s working in the fashion department is doing a great job.
The next shirt that I pull out is a light gray one in my size, McClaren Formula 1 Team written on the chest with the orange logo right next to it. I guess he remembers that I love a basic, neutral look.
“These are cute,” I murmur to myself, putting them carefully back in the bag as to not wrinkle them.
We make the rest of the drive in silence, the girls surprisingly quiet as they play with their dolls or take short naps. I stare at the big trees as we drive by, trying my best to take in the peaceful scenery and let the aura seep into my body. With every second that ticks by, the more anxious that I get.
I never really came up with a game plan of how to avoid Charles, and I think it’s a little too late to come up with one now. I’m just hoping that Lando will want to spend as much time with me and the girls as possible so that we’ll spend the majority of our time in the McClaren motorhome or the McClaren garage. When I used to go to races, I loved to wander around the paddock and see everyone and everything. But today my main goal is to get in and get out as fast as possible.
The driver pulls up to the sidewalk outside of the track. Lea helps me get the girls out of the car and the passes around their necks. I hold Lucy’s hand in one hand and Ada’s hand in the other, letting out a shaky breath as Lea guides us through the gates. I haven’t been to a race in so long, I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like.
The loud chatter and cheers from fans. The sounds of drills, heavy thumping, and metal hitting rubber. The looks of excitement on the faces of fans and the looks of concentration on the faces of workers.
“Lando’s in a meeting, he’ll be here shortly,” Lea informs me once we reach the motorhome before disappearing.
“Come on, girls,” I usher them towards the bathroom, replacing their plain orange shirts with the shirts that Lando got them, switching out my plain black shirt for the McClaren one. After checking their diapers and making sure that they’re dry, we return to the main area.
My eyes meet Lando’s as the door closes behind us. He stands in the middle of the room facing us with the race suit draped around his waist. He looks different, yet the same. I haven’t seen him since Christmas, so over half a year now, and even then I barely saw him because he was coming in as we were leaving.
He’s changed his hairstyle. It makes him look more mature now, but he’s still got the same toothy smile.
“There you guys are,” he bends down to their level, spreading his arms wide for a hug. Ada clings to my leg nervously and Lucy takes two steps forward, like she’s about to approach him, but stops, staring at him.
I see his smile drop. He was obviously expecting them to run right at him, jump into his arms with giggles and all, like Oliver’s son does. But Oliver’s son and Lando have constant contact, the girls haven’t seen him in months, and they’re so young that they don’t really know or remember a lot of people.
“They’re a little shy,” I tell him, resting a gentle hand on the back of Ada’s head.
He rises to his feet, stepping closer to me until he embraces me in a hug. I’m a little surprised by the action at first- I wasn’t sure how he was going to react seeing me today, but I hug him back. He is my brother, I’ve missed him.
“It’s nice to see you,” he says once he pulls back.
“It’s nice to see you too,” I try to keep the nervousness out of my tone, but by the way that his eyes dim, I can tell he senses it.
“I see you all are wearing the shirts that I got you,” he states, looking down at Ada and Lucy with a smile as they look around with curious eyes.
“Yeah, thank you.”
“And they fit?” He looks back at me.
“They fit perfectly,” I reassure him.
“Good. I don’t understand toddler sizing, so I had Lea pick them out,” he admits sheepishly.
I laugh at that. Typical Lando, he’s always been so oblivious and naive. But he’s always had a heart of gold.
“They’ve gotten so big,” he says, watching Lucy as she timidly touches a wrench laying on a nearby chair.
“They have,” I agree. I examine him closer, seeing the sadness in his eyes and the slight frown on his lips. When he sees me looking, he perks up.
I can’t help but feel guilty. I know the reason that he’s so sad is because of me. I don’t bring the girls around the family enough for him to see them grow, he just sees them every few months when they’ve grown a decent amount. He doesn’t know much about them, either, because I don’t really tell my family anything. All he really knows is their names, and I guess whatever Alex decides to show him from my private Instagram story.
“Do you guys want to give Uncle Lando hugs?” I question, hoping that since the girls have seen me hug Lando, they’ll be more willing to do it too.
Lando kneels down again as Lucy approaches him slowly, eyeing him curiously. He opens his arms wide and she looks at me. I nod in encouragement and she reaches forward, wrapping her arms around him. He wraps his arms around her small body and I see a smile make it’s way onto his face.
Ada cautiously lets go of my leg, wrapping her small arms around her sister’s back and Lando’s bicep. He releases one of his arms from Lucy to wrap it around Ada, constricting all three of them in a group hug. Lucy escapes out of the hug first, wanting to wander around the garage more.
“Do you want a tour of the paddock? It’s been a while,” Lando offers.
“Not really,” I confess, panic starting to form at the lack of an explanation.
I really should’ve come up with a plan.
His eyebrows furrow in confusion, remembering how much I loved walking around the paddock saying hello to everyone just a couple of years ago. “Oh, okay.”
“Is that little Norris?” A familiar Australian accent interrupts our conversation, something that I’m grateful for.
“Hi Daniel,” I turn to smile at the approaching man.
He stops a few feet away from me, a surprised look on his face as he spots the two toddlers by me and my brother.
“I didn’t know that you were going to be here this weekend, and not with Ada and Lucy,” he reaches out, flicking one of Lucy’s ponytails gently. She gives him a stern look as he grins at her. “If I would’ve known that I would’ve gotten these fellas some toys.”
His words are sweet, but I focus on the fact that he knows the girls’ names. When I was with Lando a couple of years ago, Daniel and I were friendly, but not friendly enough for him to be added to my private story, so that can’t be why he knows the girls’ names. And I guess Alex could’ve told him, but I really don’t think that’s likely.
So Lando must’ve been talking to Daniel about the girls, and since he just said that he didn’t know that we were going to be here today, it must’ve been in casual conversation and not information about today.
A wave of guilt rushes over my chest.
“It was kind of a last minute thing,” Lando’s words save me from stuttering over an awkward explanation.
A crew member calls out to them and Lando turns to me. “Will you guys be alright here?”
“Yeah, go ahead,” I reassure him.
They leave to a conference room with Lando sending me one last look over his shoulder, like he’s afraid that if he doesn’t keep an eye on me, I’ll run away. Which, honestly, I just might.
The longer that I’m here, the more I don’t know how to feel. I love the familiarity of it. I love the rush, I love being around different people, I love being in an environment that I practically grew up in because I went to all of Lando’s karting races. But I can’t help letting anxiety overcome me, afraid that Charles is going to come in at any moment and immediately recognize me and question me about our daughters, or that Lando is going to ask me about their father and I won’t be able to evade the question any further.
Once Lando leaves his meeting, he spends more time with us. And the more that he learns about them, like how you can’t play with the Barbie in the purple dress, that’s Lucy’s Barbie, and if Ada’s clip falls out of her hair she’ll have a meltdown, the more guilty I feel.
I’ve been depriving my brother and my daughters of such a loving relationship full of adoration for so long. And it may sound selfish, but I’m not sure if I want to nourish that relationship or not. It feels like too big of a risk right now.
We meet some more of his new coworkers and I catch up with the workers that were here when I worked with him before he has to get ready for the race.
“What’s that?” Ada asks, pointing to the helmet as Lando puts it on.
“This? It’s my helmet.”
“Why?”
“To keep my head safe.” He pulls it off his head, placing it on her much smaller one. Her head takes up about a third of the space and it tilts to the side, causing her to let out an excited squeal. Lando takes it off with his own laugh, putting it on Lucy’s head next. “Alright, girls, I have to race now, but I’ll be back soon. You can go sit next to mama.”
The girls take their seats in the chairs on either side of me, orange headphones that Lando let me know he bedazzled himself on their ears. They’re a walking children’s ad for McClaren at this point. Halfway through the race, the girls fall asleep, the adrenaline from such an exciting day getting to them. I try my best to contain my excitement as Lando cruises past the other cars, not wanting to wake up Ada as she lays across my chest and Lucy as she lays across my legs.
Max Verstappen comes in first- no surprise there, Carlos Sainz comes in second, and Lando comes in third at his home race. I cheer quietly, my eyes glued to the screen as Lando puts his car into park and rushes towards the McClaren crew.
“Are you going out there?” A voice causes me to turn my gaze, a sweaty, out of breath Daniel Ricciardo stands next to me, racing suit still on.
“Oh, uh, no, I don’t think so,” I stutter, “It’s loud and crowded and the girls are sleeping so-””We can make sure there’s space for you in the crowd, and they have their headphones on,” Daniel interrupts me.
I stare at him hesitantly, unsure of what my next excuse should be.
“Come on,” he reaches forward, gently grabbing Lucy from my lap. He shifts her in his arms so that her head is resting on his shoulder and his arms are under her bum. I watch to make sure she’s still sleeping before I stand up, adjusting Ada so that she’s in the same position in my arms.
“He really wants to see you, all he wanted this weekend was a podium for you guys,” Daniel informs me as we begin to walk through the paddock towards the podium.
“Really?” I look around at all of the people we’re walking past. Blue Williams uniforms, black Mercedes uniforms, and everytime I catch a peak of red, my heart jumps in my chest.
Charles came in fifth place. It’s not a bad position to come in at all, but knowing Charles and all of the pressure that he puts on himself, he wanted to place better than that. A part of me wants to find him to comfort him, but the majority of me wants to get to the podium as fast as possible so we can get out of here soon. I don’t know what type of mood he would be in with the position that he got, so I’m not sure how he would react if he were to see us right now.
“Yeah, he almost crashed during practice because he was pushing the car so hard,” Daniel chuckles at the memory, “He said during the meeting that he wanted to make it a great first race for Ada and Lucy.”
I bite my lip at his words, thinking them over. For a second, I let myself think about how fun it would be to work as Lando’s private assistant and travel the world with both of the girls. I’m sure if I asked, Lando would immediately let me. But that’s too much of a risk for contact with Charles, and I’m too far into my schooling to give up on it.
My gaze catches a red suit and I look over, eyes widening in shock when I see who it is. I recognize his messy caramel locks from our countless nights together, and I feel electric shocks through my body as his hazel eyes meet my own.
Charles’ face transforms into one of surprise once he sees me, but I turn my stare before I can instigate the situation any further. I run after Daniel, hoping and pleading with a pounding heart that Charles doesn’t chase after us.
He doesn’t.
We reach the podium, the McClaren crew making room for us just like Daniel said that they would. I thank them, watching with panicked eyes that I attempt to calm down as the national anthems play and champagne gets sprayed.
“Congratulations,” I wrap an arm around a soaking Lando as he appears in front of us.
“Lations,” Ada repeats. She’s a light sleeper, and she woke up because of the muffled cheering through her headphones. She reaches her arms out towards him.
My brother beams as he pulls her into his arms, planting kisses all over her tiny face. She giggles, reaching forward to plant a big kiss on his cheek.
“Hey,” an arm wraps around my shoulder as I watch the interaction between the two. I turn to see Alex beside me, lighting up at the familiar face.
“Hey,” I wrap my arms around him in a hug.
“It’s been a while,” he says as we pull apart.
“It has,” I agree, “How have you been? How’s Lily?”
“We’ve been good, actually she-”He pauses, taking a deep breath, then a loud groan. “Ugh, we have so much to catch up on. Like, I haven’t met these guys before.”
He pokes Lucy’s belly as she wriggles in Daniel’s arms. I hear him murmur something under his breath, then Daniel laughs. “Hi, Lucy, I’m Uncle Alex.”
“What did he say?” Lando questions.
“He said that Lucy’s the blonde one and Ava’s the brunette one,” Daniel states, still chuckling.
“Ada,” Lando and I correct at the same time.
“Sorry,” Alex at least bothers to look embarrassed.
“Albon, come on,” a passing Williams crew member shouts.
Alex glances at him before turning back to me. “I need to tell you this story, are you coming out to dinner with us tonight?”
“Oh, uh, I don’t think so,” I respond sheepishly.
“Come on, it’s just a couple of us drivers. It’ll be like old times,” he pressures.
“Alex, you don’t need to pressure her-””But you really should come. Ice cream for these two, on me,” Daniel interrupts Lando.
“Ice cream,” Lucy shouts, instantly recognizing those words.
“I think we have to go to dinner with you all now,” I sigh.
Despite me trying to limit their sugar intake, the girls have really bad sugar toothes. But you can’t really blame them when brownies and ice cream and cookies exist…
“Great, see you then,” Alex gives me one last smile before running after the crew member.
What did I just agree to?
~
I don’t know what to expect going to this dinner. I’m afraid to ask who’s going, because I don’t want my expression to give my emotions away if they say Charles’ name, but I also feel myself growing more anxious at the unknown. At least Alex rented a room in this restaurant, so if I needed to run out, the whole restaurant wouldn’t see me go.
Lucy sits in a high chair on one side of me, Lando on the other side of her, and Ada sits in a high chair on the other side of me, Alex on the other side of her. I begin to relax as familiar faces come in, exchanging small talk with them as they sit around the table. My shoulders begin to lose tension as I listen to Alex’s story about how he and Lily got lost in Mexico while on a relaxing vacation, adding in my two cents every once in a while.
That’s why I don’t notice when he walks in. Maybe those few seconds would’ve given me time to prepare to see him, pulling out the chair directly across the table from me to sit in it.
My heart pounds even harder as a beautiful brunette woman sits in the chair next to him, touching his hand that’s resting on the table.
I feel like I’m going to black out.
I do my best to even my breathing, hoping that the black spots in my eyes will go away, and attempt to give Alex a reassuring smile as he begins to look concerned.
“Are you okay?” He questions.
“I’m fine,” I lie, much quieter.
Just breath, just breath, just breath. Don’t look at him, don’t look at her, focus on the feelings in your body.
Slowly I regain enough sense of myself to pick Lucy’s fallen cup off of the floor. As I rise back to sitting level, I make the mistake of looking over the table, making eye contact with Charles’ charming eyes.
He gives me a small smile. “Hi, Y/N.”
“Hi.” I turn back to Alex as fast as I can, but not before noticing all of the empty seats on either side of Charles and the woman he’s with.
So he voluntarily chose to sit across the table from me to torment me.
Thankfully I’m able to focus on a conversation with Pierre, Lando, Alex, and Daniel. During appetizers and the main course I avoid looking over at Charles and Charlotte, which I quickly learn her name is.
“Mama,” Ada whines from her high chair.
“What’s wrong?” I coo, swiping a loose curl out of her face.
“Out,” she demands.
I pull her out of her high chair and onto my lap, looping both arms around her waist. She reaches half-heartedly for her sippy cup and I grab it for her, setting it in her hands.
“So demanding, just like her mama,” Lando remarks cheekily.
I glare at him but he grins back at me. Such a brother move.
“Can they say full sentences or just a few words?” Charlotte questions.
I try to appear casual while answering her. “Oh, they typically say just one word at a time but they can say up to three words in a row. It’s normal for their age.”
“And how old are they?” Alex inquires. “I know I saw your first birthday post but that was…”
He tries to do the mental math but I save him before the amount of time it’s taking him becomes embarrassing.
“Twenty months,” I respond.
“You should come to a race to have their second birthday party, that would be awesome,” Alex suggests, his eyes lighting up.
“What race would that be?” Daniel asks.
“Brazil, their birthday is November 14th, the day after the race in Brazil,” Lando answers. I brush down Ada’s hair nervously, unsure of which direction this conversation is going in.
“She might want to spend their birthday with their dad and their dad’s family,” Charlotte points out.
My shoulders tense at that. I know she’s being friendly and trying to help me not feel pressured into celebrating my daughters’ birthday at the track, and she doesn’t know that their father is a sore subject, but I really wish she didn’t say anything at all. She doesn’t know what she just unlocked with her statement.
Everyone becomes quiet.
“What? What did I say?” She asks, eyes flitting between me, Daniel, Lando, Pierre, and Alex.
“We, uh, we don’t know who their dad is,” Lando coughs awkwardly.
I reach over to fix Lucy’s bib, hoping that nobody notices my shaky hand. My stomach starts to churn, hoping that this conversation gets dropped here and now.
“Oh, you haven’t done the math to figure it out?” She questions, surprised.
“That’s actually a good idea,” Daniel agrees. My eyes snap to him, giving him my meanest glare. He doesn’t seem to notice. “Let’s see, their birthday is in November, so nine months before that would be February. I don’t know if Y/N had a boyfriend in February.”
My breath starts to deepen.
“She didn’t, but she also delivered a month early because her doctor was concerned about her having twins,” Pierre adds.
“How do you know that?” Lando peaks down the table at his friend.
“So conception would have actually been in March,” Daniel ignores Lando.
“And in March we were all at the paddock, so… Y/N, is it someone in the F1 world?” Pierre grins cheekily, reaching out to hit my shoulder teasingly.
I turn to glare at him, narrowing my eyes and tightening my jaw. By the way that his smile drops, I can tell that he wasn’t expecting my reaction. I know they’re just trying to have fun and help me out in their weird type of way, but this was not the time, nor the place for this conversation. And, it’s none of their business who my children’s father is.
“Just drop it, okay?”
The table becomes silent at that, but the damage is done. I kiss Ada’s head, resting my cheek on the top of it, avoiding Charles’ burning gaze. I feel his eyes locked on me, and I’m sure if I look at him, his eyes would put me six feet under.
I can practically feel the anger seething off of him. And the fact that he hasn’t said a word this whole conversation makes everything all the more terrifying.
I look over at Lucy, seeing her slouched in her chair with her eyes barely open. “I think it’s best that we get going.”
“The driver left the car here, I can drive you guys back,” Lando informs me, standing up from his chair as I rise.
“Thanks,” I mumble. He lifts Lucy as carefully as he can, following me out of the restaurant as I try to get out of there as fast as possible while looking somewhat normal. Goodbyes are hollered after us but I ignore them, my one goal being to get back home to the safety of my apartment.
I think I’m in the clear as Lando opens the backseat to the car, putting Lucy’s seatbelt on. I move my arms, about to hand him Ada when a firm grip is felt on my bicep.
“Franny,” I knock on the open door to my manager’s office, causing her to look up from the papers she was reading over. “I was just wondering if I could leave early today, just by like an hour. I have a paper due at midnight that I’ve barely started, and the girls-””Y/N, no need to explain yourself, of course you can leave an hour early,” my manager reassures me.
She looks at me closer, studying me, and her smile fades. “Are you alright, honey? You look really tired.”
“Yeah, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, and it’s been a stressful day,” I respond honestly. I’m ready for this day to be over. Ada cried this morning because we didn’t have any blueberries- she doesn’t even like blueberries- Lucy threw a fit because I told her she couldn’t wear her winter boots in July, my professor yelled at us because some students wouldn’t stop talking during class, and I can’t stop thinking of the Grand Prix at Silverstone.
All of it is making me anxious. I haven’t seen my family in months because of their disapproval and our work schedules and my school schedule, so they haven’t seen how much the girls have developed. I’m afraid that once they see how big they’ve gotten, they’re going to become angry at me once again for not taking the girls back home to spend more time with them while they’re still young.
And I’m also nervous because of the chance of seeing Charles. When I worked with Lando and we went to Grand Prixs, I would follow him around the paddock because he’s friends with everyone and wanted to talk with all of his friends. If I went to the paddock with my daughters and saw Charles, I don’t know how it would go. I wouldn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t know what to do. He’s a smart man, there might be a chance that he would be able to put the pieces together and get angry before I could come up with the courage to say ‘they’re your daughters.’ And we would have to deal with the aftermath then…
I need to put a plan in place to make sure that doesn’t happen.
“Well, sweetheart, you’re free to leave whenever you want. Go home, write that paper, and give those babies kisses,” Franny gives me a comforting smile, one that I return before exiting her office.
“I’m leaving early tonight,” I inform Kylie as I walk past her.
“Sounds good. Table five wants some attention,” she winks at me.
I nod, grabbing table five’s food as I walk past the kitchen and head out to the dining area. The table of four young men sees me coming, one nudging his blonde friend sitting beside him with a playful smirk.
“Your girl’s coming,” he attempts to keep his voice down, but I still hear him.
I can’t help but raise my eyebrows. It’s not often that customers around my age come into the restaurant considering its formal ambiance. Usually it’s older, rich couples who call it a date night but spend the whole time on their phones, avoiding discussion with one another except for a quick update from the wife on what the kids are up to, or business partners who want to have a tense discussion but attempt to make it appear casual over dinner.
“Here you are,” I state, setting down the various plates in front of the correct customer. I give them my polite, customer service smile. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
I check on a few other tables, pouring more refills and taking some orders, subtly checking my watch as the minutes tick by. As I stop by table five to pick up the receipt that was signed, I notice a scrawled phone number at the bottom. I can’t help but pause, staring at it.
Honestly, since I became pregnant, I haven’t had a lot of attention from men. During the nine months that I was pregnant, the lack of attention was obviously because of the pregnancy. College boys aren’t really looking to take care of someone else’s child, let alone two newborn girls, and I wasn’t really looking to date anyone much older than me. And ever since the girls were born, I’ve just been focused on them, work, and school. They’re at such a young and crucial age where I want to spend as much time with them as I can, and I want to earn my degree as fast as possible to be in a good place financially where they can grow up with various opportunities.
At seven o’clock I get ready to leave, grabbing my bag from the break room and heading out the front door towards my car. I’m startled to see someone rise from the bench outside of the restaurant as soon as the front doors close behind me.
“Table five,” I murmur once I recognize the blonde man.
His eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Sorry?”
“No, it’s just,” I shake my head, slightly embarrassed by my slip of tongue. “Just saying how I know you.”
He gives me a gentle smile, one that I return.
“Um, I just wanted to apologize for what happened back there,” he juts his thumb uncomfortably towards the restaurant, “For leaving my phone number on the bill. My mates kinda made me, because I was just gushing about how beautiful you are all night.”
I blush at his kind words. “Well, thank you.”
He nods, letting out an awkward cough. “Uh, I’m Duncan, by the way.”
“Y/N,” I respond, reaching out to shake his hand. We’re left in a silence.
“I’m sorry,” he rubs the back of his neck, “I didn’t mean to make this so awkward, it’s just, you’re stunning and I don’t want to make you so uncomfortable that you never want to speak with me again.”
I laugh. “You’re doing fine, Duncan, I promise.”
He gives me a relieved smile. “Hey, would you maybe like to go grab ice cream with me?”
“Right now?”
“I mean, yeah, I was thinking right now,” his smile begins to fade.
“I can’t right now,” I admit.
“Oh…” It’s clear from the look on his face that he thinks that I’m just giving him a non committal answer so that I can appear polite while giving him the hint to never speak to me again. It’s not how I’m feeling. Duncan seems like a good person, and even though we may not date because my life is so chaotic right now, he would be a good friend.
“No, it’s not to avoid you, Duncan,” I say quickly, “I just- I want to get home to my kids.”
“Kids?” His eyes widen in surprise. “But you look like you’re like, twenty.”
“I am,” I laugh, “I got pregnant young.”
“And then you got pregnant again right away?” He looks flabbergasted. “I’m sorry, that’s so rude of me to ask-””No, I had twins.”
“So… do the twins like ice cream?” He questions.
“They do, but they go to bed in an hour,” I begin to head towards my car, holding up my phone, “I’ll text you, Duncan.”
“Oh, you actually saved my phone number?”
“Of course I did, you gave me a nice tip,” I wink, dipping into the driver’s seat.
My heart pounds on the drive home. I’m not sure if I feel so energized because I like Duncan, or if it’s because I haven’t talked to a man in a romantic sense in such a long time. A tinge of guilt stings at me. In a weird way, I can’t help but feel like I’m cheating on Charles. We never actually dated, despite spending the majority of our free time together and doing things that couples do, like eating together, having sex, and holding hands. And it’s not like we’re dating now- I haven’t seen him in over two years.
He’s probably moved on by now anyways. He probably has some beautiful brunette who models on the side that attends all of his races, cheering him on and holding his hand in public, things that I would never do.
~
Silverstone arrives too soon for my liking. I was hoping that I would have more time to mentally prepare for seeing my family, Charles, and going to races again, but it’s the night before the race and I’m boiling noodles and buttering bread while the girls play with each other in their bedroom.
My phone begins to ring with an incoming call and I crack a smile when I see that it’s Flo. “Hey Flo.”
“Hey Y/N,” she sniffles through the phone. “So, listen, dad gave the whole family this really bad cold and Oliver had to go on a sudden business trip. So, none of us can go to the race tomorrow.”
My heart drops at her words. I’m left speechless. What am I supposed to do now? I was hoping the family would act as a buffer between me and Lando, and me and all of the other drivers. I was also beginning to look forward to their reactions to seeing Ada and Lucy. I was hoping that their excitement to see the girls would change my negative outlook on our situation.
“Oh. Okay.”
“Sorry. Maybe you can come over for lunch sometime when we’re feeling better?” She suggests.
“Oh, that’s a far drive for us, but maybe.”
She’s quiet, like she wants to say something else. But I don’t want her to. I don’t want to hear her apologize for not being able to go to Silverstone- I understand that the whole family is sick or busy, but that doesn’t make the situation any easier to deal with emotionally. I don’t want to hear another reason why I should go out to our family home to visit when no one ever comes out to London to visit me and my daughters. I don’t want to hear her tell me how excited Lando is to see me or anything like that.
I don’t want to hear it.
“I’ll call you later, okay?” I say before she can say anything else.
“Okay,” she responds hesitantly, “Call me on Monday to tell me about the race.”
“Sure. Bye.” I hang up the phone before she can reply.
I don’t have a lot of time to think about our conversation after that. I get time to be angry for about two minutes before Ada cries from the bedroom, a red mark on her forehead from the block that Lucy threw at her. I give the two dinner, play with their dolls with them, give them baths, read them a night time story and tuck them into bed. It’s when I get the chance to sit down on the couch, barely paying attention to the crappy reality show playing on the TV that I get the chance to think.
Why am I putting myself through this?
Why am I putting myself through so much stress, anxiety, and anticipation for a family who has never shown the same amount of affection for me? The rage can’t help but circulate through my veins. I know they’re my family, and I know their attitudes towards me and my daughters have improved, but their actions haven’t.
My mind can’t help but drift back to their first birthday party. Lando had an excuse- he was racing in Brazil, but the rest of the family gave me half-hearted excuses to not attend their birthday party. Some of their friends from daycare showed up, and so did a few of my co-workers that I invited, but none of my family did and it was noticeable. I tried to put on a happy face, it was my daughters’ first birthday party after all, but I slipped into the play center’s bathroom and cried for the familial loss.
If family skips out on each other’s events, what would keep me wanting to go to Silverstone?
I bite my lip at the thought. I didn’t want to go to the race in the first place. Putting seeing Charles to the side, because that’s an obvious reason for anxiety, I’m also unprepared to see Lando.
To go from being my best friend to a brother that I maybe see at a family holiday party, has been a huge shift in our relationship. To be honest, I don’t know much about him right now, and he doesn’t know much about me either. What would we even talk about if I were to go tomorrow?
My phone rings on the cushion next to me, and my heart skips a beat when I see the familiar picture of me with my arms wrapped around Lando’s shoulders as he holds the third place trophy in his hands, both of us beaming at the camera. I remember the moment this was taken. Lando had gotten third place in Austria, and my throat had gone raw with how much I had cheered for him.
I answer the phone before it stops ringing. “Hello?”
“Hey,” he coughs awkwardly, “How are you?”
“I’m doing good, how are you?”
“I’m good.” He pauses. “How are Lucy and Ada?”
“They’re good too.”
“That’s good.”
We’re left in an awkward silence, unsure of what to say or who should speak first. I consider just hanging up the phone because of how uncomfortable it is, but that wouldn’t go well at the next Christmas dinner.
“Did Flo call you and tell you that they can’t come anymore tomorrow?” He questions.
“She did,” I nod, despite him not being able to see me. I shift to look out of the patio door and gaze at the city lights of London. Maybe this beautiful view can ease some of the tension, at least on my side.
“I just wanted to call and let you know that I’d still like you to come. Actually, scratch that, I’d love it if you and Lucy and Ada could still come to the race to support me,” he says, the words taking me by surprise.
I don’t know why his words shock me so much. I should expect it, because of the history of our close relationship and the fact that he should want to see and spend time with his nieces. But we haven’t talked in so long, so I wasn’t expecting him to call me and tell me something so personal.
I guess I’m quiet for too long because he pleads, “Please, Y/N, say something.”
“I don’t know, Lando,” I confess, swallowing the tears and trying my best to fight off the oncoming anxiety attack. At least until I end this phone call.
“What can I do to convince you? I’ll send a driver to pick you up, I’ll give you money if you’re missing work for the day, I’ll-””It’s not that,” I can’t fight back the sob and I hear his breath hitch at the noise. “It’s just- it’s going to be awkward.”
“You’re afraid that it’s going to be awkward?” He confirms quietly.
“Yes! We haven’t seen each other in months and we haven’t talked a lot during that time either-””And that’s your fault,” he interrupts. Once he hears another sob leave my lips, he quickly goes, “I’m sorry, that was rude and inconsiderate of me, I’m really sorry for that.”
“No, but you’re right,” I sniffle, wiping at the tears falling. “And I feel bad that you’re right because we used to be so close.”
“Don’t feel guilty,” he reassures me, “There’s no sense in that. Just come to the race tomorrow, bring the girls, and we can talk if you want to and if you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I just want to see you and the girls, all that you really share is pictures and videos of them on your private Instagram story.”
“How do you know about my private story?”
“I’m not naming names.”
“Albon,” I curse under my breath.
His laugh confirms my accusation. “Well, you can yell at him about it if you come to the race tomorrow. I don’t want to pressure you, but I miss all three of you.”
I can hear the genuine yearning in his voice. It must be hard to travel the world by yourself- you have your team and competitors with you, but they’re not people who know every part of you like your family does. And then to come home and not see your full family must be difficult.
I can’t imagine how he’s feeling with the rest of the family missing the race tomorrow and me in limbo. Maybe that’s what affects my response.
I let out a deep sigh, like his begging wore me down. “Fine, I guess we’ll go to your race tomorrow.”
“Yes!” I pull the phone away from my ear, letting out a laugh as he cheers. “You will not regret this, I promise!”
“But do not send a car, Lando,” I warn, “And don’t you dare give me any money.”
“Sure,” I can tell he’s lying through his teeth. “I’ll leave your passes with my assistant. Do you still have a Norris shirt? Do the girls still have their McClaren onesies?”
“They grew out of those a year ago, Lando.”
“Wow, babies grow fast,” he lets out a breath.
I roll my eyes but a smile tugs at my lips at his naiveness. “They do.”
My ears perk up as a sound comes from the girls room.
“I have to go,” I tell my brother.
“That’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow,” it sounds like he’s reassuring himself more than talking to me. “I love you.”
“Bye, Lando.” I hang up, standing in the doorway to see that a stuffed animal has just fallen from Ada’s bed onto the floor.
I can’t help but see her resemblance to Charles when I look at her. With Ada, her resemblance is in her face structure, but with Lucy, the resemblance is in her nose shape. I hope I’m the only one who can see it because I know the other half of their genetics. I hope that when I go to the track tomorrow, no one else sees it, or God forbid, points it out.
I tilt my head to lean against the doorframe, my heart beating so fast that I’m afraid it’s going to burst out my chest. I can’t believe that I’m going to be doing this. Scratch that, I can’t believe that we’re going to be doing this. Me and my girls.
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pairing: charles leclerc x reader word count: 4.4 words request: yes, by anons: “hii bestie can i get a fic where the reader and charles are guardians of their godchild and on the child calls them mommy and daddy for the first time? i love your writing btw I’ve been binge reading your fics.”&“hii can i request a soft fluffy charles fic? i love your writing style ”&“hello! can we have a imagine with reader and charles with a long term relationship at bahrain gp 2022? ” warnings: kids, fluff, angst, death(mentioned only), car crash (mentioned only), language (like one or two), hospitals. a/n: i am finally posting something. i’ve been hating everything i write lately, but hopefully it’s only temporary because i want to work on something to celebrate when we (hopefully soon) hit 3k. literally can’t believe i’m typing that. we’re so close to three thousand, what the fuck.also, i have no idea how the legal system works, let’s remember that this is all fiction, please.
the moment violet was born, you and charles fell in love with her. the first few months of her life you would visit the new parents every chance you could. caroline and nolan were close friends of charles, and they instantly welcomed you into their group when you and charles started dating. charles loved violet, he’d always get her every baby-related thing he saw wherever he went. dolls, princess onesies, toys, anything that reminded him of her.
you were the same, offering to babysit when your friends wanted some alone time, or wanted to go out for a date. often, the five of you would go out to kid-friendly spots.
‘violet needs to spend time with her favorite aunt and uncle’, charles would say. every chance he got, she was in his arms. caroline would always laugh, chastise him and tell him she would get used to being carried. ‘good thing i have strong arms, then.’ he’d reply, pressing his forehead against the baby’s head.
this is part two to one time thing which you can readhere
in which what was meant to be a one time thing happens again, exposing one of the drivers true feelings for you due to your very observant friend.
warnings;threesome, spanking, choking, oral (m and f receiving,) degradation, praise, overstimulation, hair pulling, unprotected sex, petty and jealous charles, asshole pierre, kinda face fucking? not really, she kinda long oops, eventual smut i swear and poorly written fluff at the end lol
