I welcome you into another day of pain and suffering. Thank you for all the love and support! And a special thank you to my ride or die @thegirlinthefandoms for getting me through this. Any feedback is welcome as always. ✨
word count:2.5k
warning: angst, toxic/abusive relationship (not with Dan)
The universe at times works in the most mysterious ways. Sometimes it manages to connect to your being and make it seem like the whole world feels the emotions that you’re feeling. It’s similar to how, after a long day, when the sky gets dark and you can feel the storm coming, you can’t help but open a window and sit there waiting for the thunder to come. At moments like that, it feels like the rain and lightning wash off all the unnecessary thoughts, and the pain of the day - bringing calmness in such a powerful way.
It felt like Monaco had sensed the pain of these two lovers that morning, because if the sky wasn’t crying with them, then for sure it was crying for them. The sound of thunder ripped through the air, and she slowly stirred awake. She felt weird. It seemed like she had fallen into the deepest slumber because it took her quite a moment to register where she was, but at the same time, she felt like she had the most restless sleep of her life. The arms that were wrapped around her were more than familiar, and that same heart that she loved so much was beating right by her ear.
She tilted her head up to look at Daniel, yet she couldn’t help but frown. He was awake, holding onto her. His eyes were fixed on the window that was right in front of them. She could tell that he hadn’t slept at all last night; the bags under his eyes were a clear evince of it. Daniel was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even feel her stirring. Partly because she was so restless all night that he lost track of the movement and what it meant. Was it a nightmare? Was she just shifting in her sleep to make herself comfortable? Maybe he was imagining her moving. Maybe she was calm after all.
Only when she started tracing the outlines of his tattoos did Daniel turn his head to look at her. The heavy rain that picked up only emphasized the mutual pain that they were feeling. They were both victims of this need to capture moments like this. All of the sensations that were still running through their bodies.
Daniel felt a tear falling onto his chest that she was laying on, “You hate me now, don’t you?”, her voice was so small and fragile that it broke Daniel’s heart to pieces. “I could never hate you”, “But you should,” and maybe she was right, but to Daniel, it seemed unimaginable.
Maybe it was his way of running from the truth, but he quickly got up, smiling at her before picking one of his hoodies from a drawer. Daniel could tell she was confused by the abrupt change in the conversation, but knowing how much she had put him through, she chose to ignore it, just as Daniel did most of the time.
However, the two of them were running out of luck. Michael was already in the kitchen. For Daniel, it was troubling because it meant that he wasn’t going to be able to back out, and for her, it meant that she would most likely be forced to answer questions that she didn’t want to answer. At the start, the three of them were beating around the bush. They pretended that they were just three friends having breakfast together on a Monday morning. But all three of them knew that this was a situation that needed to be talked about.
It oddly felt like one of those mornings when you come back from a party you had with your friends the previous night. And you’re there all hungover and possibly still high. Aware that your parent knows everything and that you’ve been caught. But neither of the sides wants to give in because, to the parents, this would be a defeat in the parenting lane, and the kid knows for a fact that their teenage years are doomed.
Even if the food in front of her looked extremely appealing, she couldn’t swallow a single bite. She sat there, fully aware that she owed both of them more than she could ever give. She could only imagine what Michael thought about her. She didn’t know that he was quite fond of her at the beginning of their relationship with Daniel because she low-key hoped that Michael would talk Daniel out of dating her and do everything in his power to pull Daniel away from her side so she wouldn’t have to do the dirty work of breaking his heart.
Then her mind drifted off to yesterday’s evening. She was sitting at her dining table just like now, the main difference being that in front of her sat her boyfriend. From the moment he stepped into their shared apartment, she knew that something was different. Jack seemed to love her. He even brought her flowers. But she knew that only meant trouble, and she wasn’t wrong. After making her serve him dinner like she was a servant, with a laugh that made her blood run cold, he asked her, “So how is your drive boy Daniel doing?” She didn’t even get a chance to get out of the kitchen before all hell broke loose.
The touch on her head may have jumped slightly. “Your food’s getting cold, lovey”, but her eyes remained glued to Michael, “I’m thankful for everything that you two have done for me, but the police was unnecessary. Nothing bad happened”, “So you’re calling what happened last night nothing bad?” Daniel glared at Michael.
“I don’t know what kind of Stockholm syndrome this is, but you need to open your eyes finally because you could’ve been carried out of that apartment last night.” At this point, Daniel was pleading with his eyes for Michael to stop. “You know nothing about what happened last night,” she managed to say through gritted teeth. And it was true, Michael and Daniel had no clue what happened last night after Jack brought Daniel into the conversation.
She wasn’t sure where that confidence came from, but she straightforwardly told her boyfriend that she wanted out of this relationship. She was done. She couldn’t live like this anymore. For that, she earned a whiskey glass flying her way. But that wasn’t the part that scared her the most that night. The cruel side of situations like this, when someone has control over you, is that even though you feel like they don’t know you anymore, they somehow manage to find your biggest secrets, including your weaknesses. Jack knew that Daniel was her weakness now. So the only thing he had to do to make her stay was to use Daniel as his lifeline.
The noise in the room made her body shiver as she tightly gripped the cutlery that was still in her hands. She wanted it all to stop. She wants to go back to bed with Daniel. She wanted this all to end. Daniel noticed a shift in her breathing, quickly pushing her chair back, so she could lean onto him and grasp onto his hoodie rather than the fork and knife.
The words from last night kept repeating in her head over and over again. “You’re staying with me. Or else I’ll make sure that boyfriend of yours will never walk again”. Now, this wasn’t just about her being scared to leave that relationship. It was her being scared that if she did, it was going to be Daniel who got hurt. And she didn’t care about herself anymore. She lived with Jack for years and dealt with his abusive behavior for so long that by now she didn’t care anymore, but she brought Daniel into this when she wasn’t supposed to do so. This meant that now more than ever, she needs to protect him.
But Michael wouldn’t stop talking. He kept on saying things that she already knew. She knew how bad the situation was, and she understood why they were reacting this way, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but wish that the Aussie in front of her would shut up. Every word that he spoke felt like torture to her. Michael wasn’t stupid. He knew that he had to push her because Daniel would never. He had a strong feeling that there was more to this. He simply refused to believe that she was that stupid and willing to stay in a relationship like this. He couldn’t understand what was making her stay until it clicked. Michael looked at the sight in front of him. The way she was holding onto Daniel for dear life, and through all the words that Michael was saying, Daniel, kept on whispering something in her ear, and he knew that he was trying to comfort her. That’s when the words left Michael’s mouth without him even thinking much about them. “Did he threaten you with hurting Daniel or something?”
The way she quickly lifted her head from Daniel’s shoulder to look at Michael made it all very clear. “He did, didn’t he?”, Michael couldn’t help but run his fingers through his hair, “And you didn’t make a fucking report? That’s how much you care about Daniel? ”
She wanted to disappear so badly. Now more than ever, she was convinced that Daniel was going to hate her because this was selfish. The promise that Jack gave her was that if she handled this without anyone getting involved, Daniel wouldn’t be harmed. What if it was a bluff, and there was no safe way out for him? She sank to the floor as the tears started rolling down her face. “That’s enough, Michael,” Daniel finally snapped. It would have been a lie if he was to say that he never had a thought about Jack doing something like this. That Daniel would also become a puppet in the sick game that her boyfriend was playing.
She kept on saying how sorry she was over and over again. But Daniel was there from her first words, comforting her and making sure that she knew that he wasn’t mad, but Michael was having none of it. He pushed Daniel off of her, pointing a finger at him, saying, “You don’t move a muscle, do you hear me?”. Daniel wanted to fight him, but the events of the past 24 hours had left him powerless, so he didn’t say a word. “Look at me,” Michael shook her slightly to ensure she was looking into his eyes, “This guy thinks he owns you. He would never be able to reach and hurt Daniel. But he sure can hurt you, and that’s the only way he would hurt Daniel because nothing will hurt him more than losing the woman he loves”.
Those words that Michael said felt different. She couldn’t see a single drop of hate in his eyes, just someone who was extremely worried about his friend and a girl that he had only seen a couple of times. Quite impulsively, she wrapped her arms around him, and Michael didn’t hesitate to do just the same.
He knew that, in a way, his behavior was outrageous and that it wasn’t his business to get involved in the situation the two of them were in. Sure, you can say that he for sure wasn’t doing this for her; it was all for Daniel. He was his long-time friend, and he wanted him to be safe, unharmed, and happy. So taking an extra mile was only natural for Michael; that’s how he always was. And if it meant pushing both of them from oblivious to the realization then he was ready to move mountains if he had to.
Before Michael left the two of them on their own, he stopped in front of Daniel and said, “I know that love sometimes makes you blind, but you have to start thinking with your head and ignore your heart at times,” and Daniel knew that he was referring to the fact that in this situation, Daniel had become weak. So he was thankful that he had someone like Michael in his life because, without him, God knows where the two of them would have ended up.
She walked past Daniel moments later before locking herself in the bathroom. Daniel could hear her sobs. He tried to ask her multiple times to let him inside. But it was all for nothing. He sat right by the door, scared that if he moved even an inch, he might miss the moment she decided to finally let him in.
They spent the rest of the evening like that, and when she finally walked out with her puffy, bloodshot eyes and hoodie sleeves drenched in tears, Daniel knew that they had reached a breaking point.
He followed her into the living room like a lost puppy, hoping to hold her just like he always did, but she pushed his hand away. “What if I can’t do it?”, he could barely make out the words she was saying, “Do what?”, “Actually, have real love”, Daniel turned to face her, not believing what he was hearing.“Don’t you think my love for you is genuine?”, he asked, but she just shrugged her shoulders, “I know it’s all confusing for you right now, but as I’ve said before, we’ll get through this together.”
This felt awful. Never did the silence between them feel this painful, yet Daniel knew that he had to fight through it. “I think that we should move to London. I have an apartment there. Now the most important thing is to get you out of here,” but she quickly stoops up before letting out a sigh, “No, but wait and think about it, Daniel. What is that WE? We haven’t had a single day of normal dating. We don’t know if we’re gonna work as a couple and you’re willing to fly me all the way to London”, “If you don’t wanna live with me, I’ll get you an apartment…”, she let out a chuckle before shaking her head, “No but this is insane. I don’t need your money. I don’t want your apartments.” These words finally broke Daniel. After everything that happened and the worrying that he’s been through he couldn’t stay silent anymore, “I’m doing this because I fucking love you. Why can’t you get that into your head still? I can’t sit here for one more day and watch you ruin your life. You don’t wanna be happy with me? Fine. At least let me get you out of Monaco so you could have a fresh start”.
She said nothing after that as they stood there staring at each other. But somewhere deep down the two of them started to feel that this was what falling out of love felt like.
English ain’t my first language! Any feedback is welcome. Keeps us writers going. ✨✨
word count:3.4k
warnings:slight injuries, toxic and abusive relationship (not with Dan bear).
Like many races before it, this one wasn’t that good for Daniel. He seemed off even before they went on the flight, even before the week had started. Believe me, Michael tried everything from “Let’s vent” until everything was off his chest, to let’s talk about the problem for 24 hours and forget about it. Even after all of the attempts to be a good friend, Michael felt like Daniel was holding back, that he wasn’t telling him something.
Something needed to happen before Daniel left Monaco. Without a second thought, Michael assumed that this was connected with her. Daniel’s moods, especially since the two of them got pretty serious, became extremely dependent on the stuff related to her and the situation that he was faced with when he was back in Monaco.
Michael didn’t like that at all. More than once, he tried to prove to Daniel that this was unnecessary torture. He never tried to pursue him to try it on with other girls-he wasn’t that kind of friend. And it wasn’t the fact that he didn’t like Y/N, because he did. They had met multiple times, and he had walked in on both of them fast asleep on the sofa in Dan’s apartment when he was dropping off some food for him. Even then, his Aussie pal was holding her so tightly that she couldn’t get out of his embrace. Most importantly, he had seen the way Daniel looked at her. That kind of look was something he hadn’t seen in Daniel for quite a while, so he knew that his friend was in deep, but at the same time, he knew how much this was hurting him. He wasn’t able to fully have her. But God forbid him from trying to bring her up in conversation. It was off-topic for the last week, and so Michael only proved his suspicions that the mood, the standoffishness, and the loneliness were all because of her.
Michael watched the date as the race went on. Hands pressed tight, hoping that Daniel would turn this around and get a semi-okay race. He did not want DR to add even more problems to his shoulders. So lost in his thoughts for quite a moment, Michael didn’t even feel the phone vibrating in his back pocket and then he just ignored it. Because surely nothing was more important than keeping up with what was happening with Daniel. When the vibrations didn’t stop, Michael quickly pulled out the phone, expecting it to be his phone and ready to completely turn it off. But then he had to stop. It wasn’t his phone, after all, it was Daniels’, and the screen read “My Lovey.” Michael quickly looked around the garage as if making sure that no one saw that, practically ripping his headphones off before sprinting somewhere more private.
Hesitant for a moment, he felt weird picking it up because he didn’t know what was happening. Michael didn’t know where the two of them left off. Maybe Daniel cut it all off and him picking it up would only make it worse.
At the same time, Michael knew that he wouldn’t be able to sit still for the rest of the race if he knew that she had called and he hadn’t answered. So he did, but he didn’t say anything for a moment.
She called out for Daniel a couple of times, then Michael heard a loud banging noise and her screaming, “Fuck off, Jack, fuck off.” Some threats, some words that should’ve never been said to anyone, let alone a woman, then she cried again as she called for Daniel.
“Y/N,” Michael called out. He could tell that she was fidgeting with her phone. “Shit, the wrong number, I’m so sorry,” but he quickly interrupted her, “No, Y/N, it’s Michael. Everything’s okay. What’s going on? ”,“ and even though he knew what was going on at this moment, it also made him understand Daniel’s emotions when it came to her. Because Michael’s mind was racing as he tried to piece together a plan to help a girl on the other side of the world who was struggling and terrified.
He heard her struggle again as the shouting got louder, "Hey, try to keep calm, okay? I’m going to call a few people to make sure someone’s with you, "Michael wasn’t even sure if she could hear him through the banging that was in the background.” “No, no, you can’t call anyone! I don’t even know why I called Daniel, "but Michael knew why: because she needed someone. She was in a situation where she needed someone to protect her.
"Listen to me, it’s going to be just fine. Soon this will be over. Do you hear me? ”, she knew that he couldn’t see her, but she nodded her head because she trusted Michael even though they weren’t close. In the meantime, Michael pulled out his phone to dial a call to one of his mutual friends, not wanting to end the call with her and leave her on her own once again. “He’s going to kill me. You dumb bitch, you thought he wouldn’t find out! ”, Michael knew that he wasn’t supposed to hear those words that she was whispering, but they only proved how serious the situation was. He contacted the same guy who went to check on the apartment the last time, but when they quickly turned to call the police, she felt like her body ran cold for yet another time that night. “No, Michael, no police, please you don’t understand…” and he wanted to tell her that it was going to be fine, but there was no other option. It had to be done. But he didn’t make it that far.
The phone on her side went dead. The same way it died on Daniel all those weeks back. There was no answer. He texted her multiple times. He texted from his phone as well, but there was nothing. A dead end.
Some people called for him to come back into the garage, but how do you focus on anything else after all that? All he could think about was her safety. What was happening back in Monaco? Even more, his mind wandered to Daniel. He would have to keep this a secret for at least till Daniel was done with all the meetings because he couldn’t cover for him once again, knowing full well that the team would not be happy. How was he supposed to tell Daniel all of this? How do you bring something like this up? What do you say?
The race flew by in seconds. Daniel managed to turn it around and it was a good race for him at the end. Michael knew that his friend was going to be happy and that only made it harder. Daniel’s car was brought back to the garage, and he stepped out of it. Michael dreaded the moment Dan was going to walk up to him. How does one lie to a friend? How do you pretend that everything’s okay when you know that it’s not? How do you keep a secret about someone’s loved one being in danger?
“You’re okay, mate?”, Michael knew he messed up right at that moment because if Daniel had managed to catch onto it straight away, there was no way he would’ve managed to keep this going for long. “Great race, DR. Good job, proud of you”, but he could tell Daniel wasn’t buying it. Michael was relieved that some of the team members came to congratulate Daniel on the race and bring some decent points to the team. But his struggle began again before they even walked to Daniel’s room for a quick moment of rest. Daniel asked for his phone, and Michael knew that he couldn’t give it to him. “New team orders,” he quickly said, “No phones before the end of the interview session.”
Daniel frowned at that. Now it was Daniel’s time to worry because this wasn’t like Michael. They would crack jokes and Michael would try to mess around, not to mention that from the moment they met and the whole time Daniel was in his room, Michael was on his phone. That never happened. It wasn’t like him. Michael was the one to tease Daniel about how much he uses his mobile phone, so seeing Michael using the phone so often was extremely bizarre for Daniel.
Daniel did his interviews, answering every single question, and Michael’s strange behavior slipped out of his mind for a moment, but he was reminded of is the moment he came back to his room and found Michael holding Daniel’s phone typing away.
Daniel crossed the room in a couple of steps, ripping his phone out of his friend’s hands, and then he saw the contact name. Michael was texting Y/N. Daniel didn’t know what came over him, but the sudden anger and jealousy that raged through him were out of this world. He felt like punching Michael in the face right now, which he had never felt before. “What the fuck are you doing texting her?”, he shoved Michael slightly, “Daniel listen to me…”, “What the fuck are you doing texting her? ”, Michael said nothing , and it only made Daniel’s blood boil more.
“First you introduced that dang rule about no phones, now this. How long have you been talking to her? ”, Michael took a deep breath before stepping to the side. “She called when you were in the middle of a race. Panicked and crying, "Daniel quickly unlocks his phone, scrolling through the messages that Michael sent to her. Not a single responds to any of them, and it’s been more than an hour. They looked like panicked messages, desperate messages from someone who is extremely concerned. When Daniel lifted his eyes to look at his friend, he realized that he hadn’t seen Michael this worried in quite a while, and Michael was good at keeping his emotions in place.
"What happened? Why did you tell me straight away? ”, their scuffle was long forgotten as Daniel realized how serious the situation was. “I’ve called some people; they’re on their way there, and so is the police.” If the first part didn’t concern him enough, the end of the sentence surely did. Daniel had overheard you two arguing several times, but it had never escalated to the point where the police would have to intervene. Daniel suddenly felt sick as a cold shiver ripped through his body, “Did anyone reply?”, but Michael just shook his head. Still, in his racing suit with all the stuff left behind, Daniel stormed out of his room. Michael straight after him. There was no way that anyone was stopping him.
The main difference between flying home now and the last time, when Daniel was sick and worried about Y/N, was that now Michael was with Daniel worrying just as much. Michael, at this point, didn’t even remember all the stuff that he told Daniel. It all became a blur.
At the beginning of that motivational speech that he was selling to Daniel, he was comforting his friend, but then towards the middle, he crossed the line where he was telling things that were also comforting him.
They tried to keep up with their friends back in Monaco as much as they could. So before the flight and when they landed in Monaco, the messages that were coming through were short and non-descriptive. Most of them end with “We’ll talk about this more when you get here” or “It’s all fine now.” Yet those messages didn’t comfort Daniel much. He was sure the main threat was eliminated, but he wasn’t sure what the damage was. He still didn’t know what happened, so when he finally reached the apartment complex, Daniel couldn’t even wait for the elevator to go to the first floor, jogging upstairs, skipping every other step on his way.
He reached the fifth floor at lightning speed. The doors in front of him were closed and he stood there for a moment, not sure of what was going to wait for him when he opened them. Bunched up at the entrance stood a couple of his friends and a police officer that was still hanging around. Daniel didn’t know what to say. This situation still felt surreal. He felt someone tapping on his shoulder, Michael nudging him slightly, “Go to her, I’ll sort everything out here.” Daniel only nodded his head.
When he saw her, Daniel felt the air getting stuck somewhere between his lungs and his throat. There she was set on a sofa, not a single emotion on her face. Meaning that Daniel couldn’t even read her and he wanted to so he could evaluate the situation better. From where he stood, he couldn’t see her face fully, but then she turned to him, probably due to the sound in the corridor, and that’s when the expression on her face changed. It switched from someone who was completely unfazed by whatever the world was throwing at them to someone terrified and utterly unfazed.
The thing that immediately worried him the most was the slight cut on her forehead, followed by a light bruise that was forming right around it. Yet Daniel didn’t have much time to process that because she started crying and his first instinct was to go there and wrap his arms around her. She tightened her grip around his torso as much as she could. Hands clenching the material of his hoodie. Her body was shaking as she tried to be as close to him as possible.
Daniel finally felt her heartbeat and that’s when the realization of actually losing her kicked in. Before, he had convinced himself that no matter how bad the situation was, he was going to go there and she would be sitting in his apartment. There was no other outcome. Seeing her like this, especially with visible bruises, proved to him once again how bad this actually was.
Daniel shook those thoughts away, leaning in to kiss her hair, “I’ve got you.” But his mind couldn’t stop wondering. He was here in his apartment with her in his arms, yet he still couldn’t help but think about her boyfriend. He was mad that Michael was the one to act upon the situation. He was blaming others, blaming himself, blaming the situation, the universe, blaming everything and anything for what happened to her. For every whimper she let out, the only words he could say were “you fine,” “I’ve got you,” and “I’ll keep you safe,” as blunt and simple as they may have sounded. Like a mantra. The mantra that was supposed to protect both her and him.
When Daniel felt the muscles in her body finally loosen up, he pulled her slightly away from him so he could take a better look at her forehead. He knew that it would’ve been great timing to joke about how somehow they always ended up with her getting hit in the head, but this time around, this was a completely different incident, something that needed to be seriously addressed. As much as Daniel knew, now more than ever, the timing of bringing her ex up would have be stupid.
“Have you been to the hospital? Did anyone make sure that this wasn’t a serious injury? ”, but she just shook her head no, “Well, then let’s go. I’ll take it to the hospital,” Daniel said, but she remained motionless. “There’s no point in pretending that this isn’t serious. I hate to break it to you, but you have a cut on your forehead”, and when she flinched slightly at the raised voice, regret took over Daniel because he knew that he was approaching this in the wrong way.
He took a hold of her hand before pressing it to his lips, “Lovey, do this for me, okay?” He could tell she was against this idea by the look she gave him, but he she gave in. Knowing full well that Daniel would never let this go.
The drive to the hospital was as blurry as Daniel’s trip to Monaco. With them waiting in line, the doctor asked all kinds of questions. She denied every fact and took every chance there was to say that this wasn’t due to an abusive behavior. It was an accident. She fell and hit her head on the corner of the island in the kitchen. That’s how she referred to the injury. She did call Daniel her boyfriend, yet he wasn’t sure why he questioned that choice. For a second, he didn’t know if he should feel proud and happy that she did that, or was it just because she didn’t want to be alone, so the only way that Daniel could be with her was as if he was a family member or someone close to her. But he gave up on questioning it. At the end of the day, the most important thing to him was that she was safe.
The cut ended up being nothing too serious, and she didn’t even need stitches. Just like back at the apartment, they didn’t talk much. Daniel would catch her looking at him as if she wanted to tell him something, but she never ended up saying anything. Finally, Daniel realized just how many emotions were fighting inside her, but he chose not to pressure her. He needed to give her time and, most importantly, love. Love was what she needed and Daniel had plenty of it for her.
Many times, back at the hospital and on their way back at the apartment, she would reach for Daniel’s hand. She wasn’t looking him in the eyes because, too preoccupied with what was going on around her. Such small but significant gesture. Daniel quickly squeezed her tiny hand with his much bigger one, hoping that it was enough to comfort her for now. Due to a lot of stress that she was exposed to, and then the adrenaline she fell asleep in the car with Daniel’s hand protectively resting on her thigh. As gently as possible, Daniel carried her back into his apartment.
Only Michael was still there. The two Australians exchanged looks before Daniel carried her to his bedroom to make sure that she was comfortable and finally resting. He stopped to gently run his fingers through her hair and took a moment to appreciate every single breath she took.
Although the look on Michael’s face quickly washed even the smallest amount of happiness off of Daniel’s face, “She’s all good?” Michael asked when he noticed that Daniel had walked back into the kitchen. “Yeah, nothing too serious. Doctor did say that she was not far off from a big concussion”. The silence fell upon them until Michael couldn’t take it anymore.
“He was already gone when they came here”, Daniel only nodded, “Mate, she didn’t even file a report,” Daniel wished it was different but at the same time those words didn’t surprise him. He didn’t expect it to be any other way, knowing her and how attached she was to the sick bloke.
Daniel’s silence irritated Michael; “No, but do you understand that this is a very serious shit?”, he asked, turning to his longtime friend. But Daniel didn’t know what to say because he knew this was wrong. He knew that this needed to be different. “I’ll talk to her…”, “Now this needs more than talking! This could have ended badly,” but this time Daniel interpreted Michael, “I know! That’s why I’ll talk to her. ”
After that, they said nothing else. Daniel didn’t manage to do anything after the conversation with Michael either. In the same way, Daniel felt that he couldn’t talk with Y/N, he felt like he couldn’t talk with Michael, so he went back to the bedroom. Even if it felt kind of creepy, he sat on the other side of the bed and just watched her sleep, knowing full well that sleep would never find him tonight. There were too many thoughts running through his mind, too many words he wanted to say, things he wanted to ask her, things he wished he could make her understand.
She mumbled something in her sleep, discomfort visible on her face, so Daniel quickly lowered himself to her level, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m here”, he said for what felt like at least a millionth time that night, “It’s just a dream. I’m here with you, and I promise you that one day I’ll make you see that this is not how your life should be. You deserve better and I could give that to you. You just have to trust me. ”
Lando does send a car for us. I hold Lucy and Ada’s hands as we exit the apartment building, a backpack that I use as a diaper bag hung over my shoulders. Lando’s assistant, who I recognize from photos on social media, steps out of a black vehicle with a polite smile on her face.
“Ms. Norris, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Lea,” she greets.
“Hi Lea, please, call me Y/N,” I smile at her. Lea helps me get the girls in the car, car seats provided, and as soon as we buckle our seatbelts the driver pulls out onto the road.
“Lando got some stuff for you all,” she states, handing me a bag from her spot in the passenger’s seat to my seat in the middle of the back row.
“What did Lando get us?” I ask the girls, opening the bag. I pull out the three passes that will allow us access to the paddock, setting them to the side. A tiny, bright orange T-shirt is next, McClaren scrawled on the front, the logo on the sleeve, and a big ‘4’ on the back. The next item that I pull out is an identical T-shirt. I smile in awe at them, liking the simple yet effective design.
Whoever’s working in the fashion department is doing a great job.
The next shirt that I pull out is a light gray one in my size, McClaren Formula 1 Team written on the chest with the orange logo right next to it. I guess he remembers that I love a basic, neutral look.
“These are cute,” I murmur to myself, putting them carefully back in the bag as to not wrinkle them.
We make the rest of the drive in silence, the girls surprisingly quiet as they play with their dolls or take short naps. I stare at the big trees as we drive by, trying my best to take in the peaceful scenery and let the aura seep into my body. With every second that ticks by, the more anxious that I get.
I never really came up with a game plan of how to avoid Charles, and I think it’s a little too late to come up with one now. I’m just hoping that Lando will want to spend as much time with me and the girls as possible so that we’ll spend the majority of our time in the McClaren motorhome or the McClaren garage. When I used to go to races, I loved to wander around the paddock and see everyone and everything. But today my main goal is to get in and get out as fast as possible.
The driver pulls up to the sidewalk outside of the track. Lea helps me get the girls out of the car and the passes around their necks. I hold Lucy’s hand in one hand and Ada’s hand in the other, letting out a shaky breath as Lea guides us through the gates. I haven’t been to a race in so long, I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like.
The loud chatter and cheers from fans. The sounds of drills, heavy thumping, and metal hitting rubber. The looks of excitement on the faces of fans and the looks of concentration on the faces of workers.
“Lando’s in a meeting, he’ll be here shortly,” Lea informs me once we reach the motorhome before disappearing.
“Come on, girls,” I usher them towards the bathroom, replacing their plain orange shirts with the shirts that Lando got them, switching out my plain black shirt for the McClaren one. After checking their diapers and making sure that they’re dry, we return to the main area.
My eyes meet Lando’s as the door closes behind us. He stands in the middle of the room facing us with the race suit draped around his waist. He looks different, yet the same. I haven’t seen him since Christmas, so over half a year now, and even then I barely saw him because he was coming in as we were leaving.
He’s changed his hairstyle. It makes him look more mature now, but he’s still got the same toothy smile.
“There you guys are,” he bends down to their level, spreading his arms wide for a hug. Ada clings to my leg nervously and Lucy takes two steps forward, like she’s about to approach him, but stops, staring at him.
I see his smile drop. He was obviously expecting them to run right at him, jump into his arms with giggles and all, like Oliver’s son does. But Oliver’s son and Lando have constant contact, the girls haven’t seen him in months, and they’re so young that they don’t really know or remember a lot of people.
“They’re a little shy,” I tell him, resting a gentle hand on the back of Ada’s head.
He rises to his feet, stepping closer to me until he embraces me in a hug. I’m a little surprised by the action at first- I wasn’t sure how he was going to react seeing me today, but I hug him back. He is my brother, I’ve missed him.
“It’s nice to see you,” he says once he pulls back.
“It’s nice to see you too,” I try to keep the nervousness out of my tone, but by the way that his eyes dim, I can tell he senses it.
“I see you all are wearing the shirts that I got you,” he states, looking down at Ada and Lucy with a smile as they look around with curious eyes.
“Yeah, thank you.”
“And they fit?” He looks back at me.
“They fit perfectly,” I reassure him.
“Good. I don’t understand toddler sizing, so I had Lea pick them out,” he admits sheepishly.
I laugh at that. Typical Lando, he’s always been so oblivious and naive. But he’s always had a heart of gold.
“They’ve gotten so big,” he says, watching Lucy as she timidly touches a wrench laying on a nearby chair.
“They have,” I agree. I examine him closer, seeing the sadness in his eyes and the slight frown on his lips. When he sees me looking, he perks up.
I can’t help but feel guilty. I know the reason that he’s so sad is because of me. I don’t bring the girls around the family enough for him to see them grow, he just sees them every few months when they’ve grown a decent amount. He doesn’t know much about them, either, because I don’t really tell my family anything. All he really knows is their names, and I guess whatever Alex decides to show him from my private Instagram story.
“Do you guys want to give Uncle Lando hugs?” I question, hoping that since the girls have seen me hug Lando, they’ll be more willing to do it too.
Lando kneels down again as Lucy approaches him slowly, eyeing him curiously. He opens his arms wide and she looks at me. I nod in encouragement and she reaches forward, wrapping her arms around him. He wraps his arms around her small body and I see a smile make it’s way onto his face.
Ada cautiously lets go of my leg, wrapping her small arms around her sister’s back and Lando’s bicep. He releases one of his arms from Lucy to wrap it around Ada, constricting all three of them in a group hug. Lucy escapes out of the hug first, wanting to wander around the garage more.
“Do you want a tour of the paddock? It’s been a while,” Lando offers.
“Not really,” I confess, panic starting to form at the lack of an explanation.
I really should’ve come up with a plan.
His eyebrows furrow in confusion, remembering how much I loved walking around the paddock saying hello to everyone just a couple of years ago. “Oh, okay.”
“Is that little Norris?” A familiar Australian accent interrupts our conversation, something that I’m grateful for.
“Hi Daniel,” I turn to smile at the approaching man.
He stops a few feet away from me, a surprised look on his face as he spots the two toddlers by me and my brother.
“I didn’t know that you were going to be here this weekend, and not with Ada and Lucy,” he reaches out, flicking one of Lucy’s ponytails gently. She gives him a stern look as he grins at her. “If I would’ve known that I would’ve gotten these fellas some toys.”
His words are sweet, but I focus on the fact that he knows the girls’ names. When I was with Lando a couple of years ago, Daniel and I were friendly, but not friendly enough for him to be added to my private story, so that can’t be why he knows the girls’ names. And I guess Alex could’ve told him, but I really don’t think that’s likely.
So Lando must’ve been talking to Daniel about the girls, and since he just said that he didn’t know that we were going to be here today, it must’ve been in casual conversation and not information about today.
A wave of guilt rushes over my chest.
“It was kind of a last minute thing,” Lando’s words save me from stuttering over an awkward explanation.
A crew member calls out to them and Lando turns to me. “Will you guys be alright here?”
“Yeah, go ahead,” I reassure him.
They leave to a conference room with Lando sending me one last look over his shoulder, like he’s afraid that if he doesn’t keep an eye on me, I’ll run away. Which, honestly, I just might.
The longer that I’m here, the more I don’t know how to feel. I love the familiarity of it. I love the rush, I love being around different people, I love being in an environment that I practically grew up in because I went to all of Lando’s karting races. But I can’t help letting anxiety overcome me, afraid that Charles is going to come in at any moment and immediately recognize me and question me about our daughters, or that Lando is going to ask me about their father and I won’t be able to evade the question any further.
Once Lando leaves his meeting, he spends more time with us. And the more that he learns about them, like how you can’t play with the Barbie in the purple dress, that’s Lucy’s Barbie, and if Ada’s clip falls out of her hair she’ll have a meltdown, the more guilty I feel.
I’ve been depriving my brother and my daughters of such a loving relationship full of adoration for so long. And it may sound selfish, but I’m not sure if I want to nourish that relationship or not. It feels like too big of a risk right now.
We meet some more of his new coworkers and I catch up with the workers that were here when I worked with him before he has to get ready for the race.
“What’s that?” Ada asks, pointing to the helmet as Lando puts it on.
“This? It’s my helmet.”
“Why?”
“To keep my head safe.” He pulls it off his head, placing it on her much smaller one. Her head takes up about a third of the space and it tilts to the side, causing her to let out an excited squeal. Lando takes it off with his own laugh, putting it on Lucy’s head next. “Alright, girls, I have to race now, but I’ll be back soon. You can go sit next to mama.”
The girls take their seats in the chairs on either side of me, orange headphones that Lando let me know he bedazzled himself on their ears. They’re a walking children’s ad for McClaren at this point. Halfway through the race, the girls fall asleep, the adrenaline from such an exciting day getting to them. I try my best to contain my excitement as Lando cruises past the other cars, not wanting to wake up Ada as she lays across my chest and Lucy as she lays across my legs.
Max Verstappen comes in first- no surprise there, Carlos Sainz comes in second, and Lando comes in third at his home race. I cheer quietly, my eyes glued to the screen as Lando puts his car into park and rushes towards the McClaren crew.
“Are you going out there?” A voice causes me to turn my gaze, a sweaty, out of breath Daniel Ricciardo stands next to me, racing suit still on.
“Oh, uh, no, I don’t think so,” I stutter, “It’s loud and crowded and the girls are sleeping so-””We can make sure there’s space for you in the crowd, and they have their headphones on,” Daniel interrupts me.
I stare at him hesitantly, unsure of what my next excuse should be.
“Come on,” he reaches forward, gently grabbing Lucy from my lap. He shifts her in his arms so that her head is resting on his shoulder and his arms are under her bum. I watch to make sure she’s still sleeping before I stand up, adjusting Ada so that she’s in the same position in my arms.
“He really wants to see you, all he wanted this weekend was a podium for you guys,” Daniel informs me as we begin to walk through the paddock towards the podium.
“Really?” I look around at all of the people we’re walking past. Blue Williams uniforms, black Mercedes uniforms, and everytime I catch a peak of red, my heart jumps in my chest.
Charles came in fifth place. It’s not a bad position to come in at all, but knowing Charles and all of the pressure that he puts on himself, he wanted to place better than that. A part of me wants to find him to comfort him, but the majority of me wants to get to the podium as fast as possible so we can get out of here soon. I don’t know what type of mood he would be in with the position that he got, so I’m not sure how he would react if he were to see us right now.
“Yeah, he almost crashed during practice because he was pushing the car so hard,” Daniel chuckles at the memory, “He said during the meeting that he wanted to make it a great first race for Ada and Lucy.”
I bite my lip at his words, thinking them over. For a second, I let myself think about how fun it would be to work as Lando’s private assistant and travel the world with both of the girls. I’m sure if I asked, Lando would immediately let me. But that’s too much of a risk for contact with Charles, and I’m too far into my schooling to give up on it.
My gaze catches a red suit and I look over, eyes widening in shock when I see who it is. I recognize his messy caramel locks from our countless nights together, and I feel electric shocks through my body as his hazel eyes meet my own.
Charles’ face transforms into one of surprise once he sees me, but I turn my stare before I can instigate the situation any further. I run after Daniel, hoping and pleading with a pounding heart that Charles doesn’t chase after us.
He doesn’t.
We reach the podium, the McClaren crew making room for us just like Daniel said that they would. I thank them, watching with panicked eyes that I attempt to calm down as the national anthems play and champagne gets sprayed.
“Congratulations,” I wrap an arm around a soaking Lando as he appears in front of us.
“Lations,” Ada repeats. She’s a light sleeper, and she woke up because of the muffled cheering through her headphones. She reaches her arms out towards him.
My brother beams as he pulls her into his arms, planting kisses all over her tiny face. She giggles, reaching forward to plant a big kiss on his cheek.
“Hey,” an arm wraps around my shoulder as I watch the interaction between the two. I turn to see Alex beside me, lighting up at the familiar face.
“Hey,” I wrap my arms around him in a hug.
“It’s been a while,” he says as we pull apart.
“It has,” I agree, “How have you been? How’s Lily?”
“We’ve been good, actually she-”He pauses, taking a deep breath, then a loud groan. “Ugh, we have so much to catch up on. Like, I haven’t met these guys before.”
He pokes Lucy’s belly as she wriggles in Daniel’s arms. I hear him murmur something under his breath, then Daniel laughs. “Hi, Lucy, I’m Uncle Alex.”
“What did he say?” Lando questions.
“He said that Lucy’s the blonde one and Ava’s the brunette one,” Daniel states, still chuckling.
“Ada,” Lando and I correct at the same time.
“Sorry,” Alex at least bothers to look embarrassed.
“Albon, come on,” a passing Williams crew member shouts.
Alex glances at him before turning back to me. “I need to tell you this story, are you coming out to dinner with us tonight?”
“Oh, uh, I don’t think so,” I respond sheepishly.
“Come on, it’s just a couple of us drivers. It’ll be like old times,” he pressures.
“Alex, you don’t need to pressure her-””But you really should come. Ice cream for these two, on me,” Daniel interrupts Lando.
“Ice cream,” Lucy shouts, instantly recognizing those words.
“I think we have to go to dinner with you all now,” I sigh.
Despite me trying to limit their sugar intake, the girls have really bad sugar toothes. But you can’t really blame them when brownies and ice cream and cookies exist…
“Great, see you then,” Alex gives me one last smile before running after the crew member.
What did I just agree to?
~
I don’t know what to expect going to this dinner. I’m afraid to ask who’s going, because I don’t want my expression to give my emotions away if they say Charles’ name, but I also feel myself growing more anxious at the unknown. At least Alex rented a room in this restaurant, so if I needed to run out, the whole restaurant wouldn’t see me go.
Lucy sits in a high chair on one side of me, Lando on the other side of her, and Ada sits in a high chair on the other side of me, Alex on the other side of her. I begin to relax as familiar faces come in, exchanging small talk with them as they sit around the table. My shoulders begin to lose tension as I listen to Alex’s story about how he and Lily got lost in Mexico while on a relaxing vacation, adding in my two cents every once in a while.
That’s why I don’t notice when he walks in. Maybe those few seconds would’ve given me time to prepare to see him, pulling out the chair directly across the table from me to sit in it.
My heart pounds even harder as a beautiful brunette woman sits in the chair next to him, touching his hand that’s resting on the table.
I feel like I’m going to black out.
I do my best to even my breathing, hoping that the black spots in my eyes will go away, and attempt to give Alex a reassuring smile as he begins to look concerned.
“Are you okay?” He questions.
“I’m fine,” I lie, much quieter.
Just breath, just breath, just breath. Don’t look at him, don’t look at her, focus on the feelings in your body.
Slowly I regain enough sense of myself to pick Lucy’s fallen cup off of the floor. As I rise back to sitting level, I make the mistake of looking over the table, making eye contact with Charles’ charming eyes.
He gives me a small smile. “Hi, Y/N.”
“Hi.” I turn back to Alex as fast as I can, but not before noticing all of the empty seats on either side of Charles and the woman he’s with.
So he voluntarily chose to sit across the table from me to torment me.
Thankfully I’m able to focus on a conversation with Pierre, Lando, Alex, and Daniel. During appetizers and the main course I avoid looking over at Charles and Charlotte, which I quickly learn her name is.
“Mama,” Ada whines from her high chair.
“What’s wrong?” I coo, swiping a loose curl out of her face.
“Out,” she demands.
I pull her out of her high chair and onto my lap, looping both arms around her waist. She reaches half-heartedly for her sippy cup and I grab it for her, setting it in her hands.
“So demanding, just like her mama,” Lando remarks cheekily.
I glare at him but he grins back at me. Such a brother move.
“Can they say full sentences or just a few words?” Charlotte questions.
I try to appear casual while answering her. “Oh, they typically say just one word at a time but they can say up to three words in a row. It’s normal for their age.”
“And how old are they?” Alex inquires. “I know I saw your first birthday post but that was…”
He tries to do the mental math but I save him before the amount of time it’s taking him becomes embarrassing.
“Twenty months,” I respond.
“You should come to a race to have their second birthday party, that would be awesome,” Alex suggests, his eyes lighting up.
“What race would that be?” Daniel asks.
“Brazil, their birthday is November 14th, the day after the race in Brazil,” Lando answers. I brush down Ada’s hair nervously, unsure of which direction this conversation is going in.
“She might want to spend their birthday with their dad and their dad’s family,” Charlotte points out.
My shoulders tense at that. I know she’s being friendly and trying to help me not feel pressured into celebrating my daughters’ birthday at the track, and she doesn’t know that their father is a sore subject, but I really wish she didn’t say anything at all. She doesn’t know what she just unlocked with her statement.
Everyone becomes quiet.
“What? What did I say?” She asks, eyes flitting between me, Daniel, Lando, Pierre, and Alex.
“We, uh, we don’t know who their dad is,” Lando coughs awkwardly.
I reach over to fix Lucy’s bib, hoping that nobody notices my shaky hand. My stomach starts to churn, hoping that this conversation gets dropped here and now.
“Oh, you haven’t done the math to figure it out?” She questions, surprised.
“That’s actually a good idea,” Daniel agrees. My eyes snap to him, giving him my meanest glare. He doesn’t seem to notice. “Let’s see, their birthday is in November, so nine months before that would be February. I don’t know if Y/N had a boyfriend in February.”
My breath starts to deepen.
“She didn’t, but she also delivered a month early because her doctor was concerned about her having twins,” Pierre adds.
“How do you know that?” Lando peaks down the table at his friend.
“So conception would have actually been in March,” Daniel ignores Lando.
“And in March we were all at the paddock, so… Y/N, is it someone in the F1 world?” Pierre grins cheekily, reaching out to hit my shoulder teasingly.
I turn to glare at him, narrowing my eyes and tightening my jaw. By the way that his smile drops, I can tell that he wasn’t expecting my reaction. I know they’re just trying to have fun and help me out in their weird type of way, but this was not the time, nor the place for this conversation. And, it’s none of their business who my children’s father is.
“Just drop it, okay?”
The table becomes silent at that, but the damage is done. I kiss Ada’s head, resting my cheek on the top of it, avoiding Charles’ burning gaze. I feel his eyes locked on me, and I’m sure if I look at him, his eyes would put me six feet under.
I can practically feel the anger seething off of him. And the fact that he hasn’t said a word this whole conversation makes everything all the more terrifying.
I look over at Lucy, seeing her slouched in her chair with her eyes barely open. “I think it’s best that we get going.”
“The driver left the car here, I can drive you guys back,” Lando informs me, standing up from his chair as I rise.
“Thanks,” I mumble. He lifts Lucy as carefully as he can, following me out of the restaurant as I try to get out of there as fast as possible while looking somewhat normal. Goodbyes are hollered after us but I ignore them, my one goal being to get back home to the safety of my apartment.
I think I’m in the clear as Lando opens the backseat to the car, putting Lucy’s seatbelt on. I move my arms, about to hand him Ada when a firm grip is felt on my bicep.
If going on maternity leave has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t have many friends, and most of the friends that I do have work in Formula 1. And it’s not like I can talk to those friends often, because they’re either racing or preparing for races. The only people that I talk to frequently are Logan and Paisley, but that’s remained consistent throughout this whole pregnancy, and Max because he’s Red Bull’s golden boy so he can do what he wants.
And it’s not like I can do a lot by myself in Italy. I get too tired while shopping, I can’t take walks because I’m waddling everywhere, so the only thing I can really do is sit in my apartment. I take that time to prepare for Rowan.
I’ve rearranged his drawers about six times now.
Being able to do some social media work helps, but now it’s mainly just putting Rowan’s onesies in color order and researching what the best sound machine is. My phone rings as I log out of Ferrari’s Twitter account after posting a promotion for the season’s last race today in Abu Dhabi. Mattia and I agreed I could do social media work from home until the end of the season, so this post was my official last post of the season.
It’s bittersweet.
“Are you excited for today?” I ask Max as soon as I answer his phone call.
“It sounds like you might be more excited than me,” he laughs.
As long as Max gets third place or higher, he’ll become a two time world champion. As much as I’m rooting for Ferrari and hoping Charles and Carlos get podiums, there’s no doubt in my mind that Max is going to succeed today.
“I’m excited, but I’m a bit nervous too. Are you going to watch?” He continues.
“Of course I’m going to watch, Lando promised me he’d get third.”
I can visualize Max rolling his eyes through the phone. “You’re not going to watch to see me become a world champion again?”
“That’s quite a bit of cockiness, Verstappen,” I tease, fumbling with a loose knob on Rowan’s dresser. I make a mental note to fix that later.
“You have to be confident in this sport.”
I silently agree with his words. It’s a dangerous and competitive sport, if you lose even an inch of confidence, you can lose your seat or worse, your life. A driver has to remain on edge at all times.
“How are you feeling this morning?” He changes the subject.
“Like how I’ve been feeling ever since I arrived back in Italy. Fat. Tired. Moody.”
“You’re not fat, you’re carrying a whole baby,” he reassures me.
“Oh, but I am moody?”
“Well- I-”He begins to stutter but my laughter echoes through the phone, alerting him to the fact that it was just a joke.
“You cause me so much trouble,” he says, but I can hear him chuckling as well.
“I felt some pain in my pelvis yesterday. When I told Paisley about it, she said that she felt the same thing with Dusty Rose just before she came,” I inform him.
“Hopefully Rowan waits until I get there, though.”
“He just has to wait a couple more days,” I remark, rubbing my large baby bump comfortingly. He kicks out at the action, hitting me square in the palm.
Wanting Max to win this championship causes mixed emotions. We both want him to win, because it’s what he and his team have been working towards all season and it’s what every driver strives towards. With some people calling his last championship questionable, I know Max wants to win another to prove that he really is a talented driver who deserves to win.
But if Max wins, then he’ll have to do all of the media and requirements that a world champion has to do. And with Rowan coming so soon and being an infant in the next couple of months, I know both of us want Rowan to spend as much time with both of his parents as possible. Having to go to galas and events will make that impossible.
“Good luck out there. And stay safe,” I tell him, “We’re rooting for you.”
“Thanks, darling. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”
I hang up the phone, staring down at the loose knob. It’s going to be a struggle watching this race on my own, since I could barely watch the race in Brazil by myself. I had sat in front of the TV, shouting every once and a while while eating a bag full of Sour Patch Kids.
And when Max had won, I really had no one to celebrate with besides Tala. And she’s uninterested in Formula 1, so when I excitedly told her that Max had won, she left the room to crawl under Rowan’s crib.
Now I sit on the couch, TV turned on to the pre-race show. Tala sits next to me in a deep sleep as I send some texts to some of the drivers that I’m closest with, wishing them luck today and letting them know that no matter what happens, they had a great season.
I watch as the lights go out, one by one, then suddenly turn on.
Everyone takes off.
I’m at the edge of my seat all race, watching as Max and Charles overtake each other with Carlos and Sergio slipping in every once in a while. Latifi crashes, which causes the race to settle down for a little bit, before the action starts again.
I’m not the type of person to usually wish for things. I think that if you really wanted it to happen, you would make it happen, and if it’s just not possible, it’s not worth spending your time and energy thinking about.
But right now all I wish is that I was at the paddock, staring at the screens or over the fence, watching this race. I wish I was there to support everyone.
The last lap comes with Max in first, Charles in second, and Carlos in third. As someone who works for Ferrari and is the special woman in Max’s life, this is the ideal scenario for me.
I’m standing a foot from the TV now, shouting excitedly without a care in the world, hoping that my neighbors don’t come down to complain, Tala staring grumpily at me from her seat, as the cars zoom around the track.
And then it’s official.
Max Verstappen crosses the finish line, becoming a two time world champion.
I let out a big breath of air that I didn’t know that I was holding in, grinning wildly at the screen as the cars finish one by one.
“Oh my gosh,” I cover my mouth with my hands, feeling them become wet. It’s only then that I realize I’m crying, wiping the tears from under my eyes and letting out a laugh in disbelief. “All of this stress cannot be good for the baby.”
Max climbs out of his car, throwing his fists into the air as he stands on top of it. The crowd cheers and I stare at him in awe, admiring his pure talent and dedication to the sport.
Carlos and Charles climb out of their cars as well, and I can tell by their facial expressions and body language that they are definitely less excited than Max. Charles had the opportunity to become a world champion this year, but sometimes things just don’t work out the way that you want them to.
The three men give their post race interviews and I watch on silently, not sure what to say or do. Tala rubs up against my legs, at least giving me someone to partially celebrate with.
I watch for a little bit longer as everyone congratulates Max, phone gripped in my hand. We never really discussed what would happen if he won. He’s supposed to come to Italy to be with me in a couple of days, but we never talked about what our communication would look like immediately after he won, or how we would make it work for the next couple of months.
I finally decide to bite the bullet, calling his phone. Of course, he doesn’t pick up. That’s fine, he has so much to do- he needs to talk to his team, do post-race media, and all of the other stuff world champions do. He’ll probably call me in an hour.
But he doesn’t.
And that’s fine, he’s probably still busy doing everything- although I would appreciate a text acknowledging that I called him.
So an hour later, when he still hasn’t communicated with me at all, I send him a text congratulating him and asking him to call me back as soon as he can.
An hour later, I still haven’t heard anything from him.
So I take Tala on a short walk to a local restaurant and eat dinner before heading back home to get ready for an early bedtime. This long day full of adrenaline really took the energy out of me.
I get woken up to the sound of my phone buzzing. Tala looks up from her place at the end of my bed as I reach over, expecting to see that it’s Max finally calling me back. Charles’ contact picture stares back at me.
“Hey Charles,” I answer the phone with a yawn, “You did really good today.”
“But I didn’t win,” he mumbles.
“You got second place, that’s amazing,” I sit up in bed, looking over at the clock. It’s one in the morning, he must’ve just finished all of his media and team obligations. “There’s always next year.”
“Yeah,” he sighs heavily, “But you’re not really going to be with us next year.”
“What are you talking about?” I scoff lightheartedly. “I’ll be there the whole time, I’ll still be doing the same job.”
“But you’ll be taking care of Rowan too,” he whines, “And if you’re too busy taking care of him, you won’t be watching the races, which will suck because you’re my lucky charm.”
“Or, I’ll be watching the race with Rowan and you’ll have two lucky charms,” I suggest.
“… What if he’s a bad charm? Like a cursed charm?”
“Oh God,” I roll my eyes, opening my mouth to speak when I hear a noise from my apartment’s living room. My breath hitches.
“What?” Charles questions.
I hear the noise again, like someone’s fumbling with my front door.
“I think someone’s trying to get the door open,” I respond quietly, rising from the bed. Tala perks up, staring at the direction of the bedroom door, but doesn’t move. So much for a guard dog.
“I’m on my way, stay in your room,” he instructs.
“Charles, you’re a six hour flight away,” I hiss, slowly making my way towards the hallway.
“Do you want me to call the emergency line?”
“Oh no,” I whisper.
“What?”
“They got it open.” A tall, dark figure stands at the end of the hallway, facing me. As it begins to head towards me, I let out a loud scream, throwing my phone at the figure in defense.
“Ow, Y/N!”
The familiar voice causes me to pause, reaching over to flick on the hallway’s light. Max stares back at me with tired eyes and a red cheek from where my phone hit him.
Once it registers in my mind who’s standing in front of me, I throw myself at him. He barely manages to catch me in time but his arms wrap around my waist while mine wrap around his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible.
“You’re a two time world champion,” I squeal, probably hurting his ear because of how close I am to it.
I can feel his grin as he buries his face into my neck, squeezing me even tighter. We hold each other for a while, enjoying each other’s company and embrace. I’m sure after such a long and chaotic day, Max is relieved to have a comforting hug from a familiar person, and I definitely need a hug after being alone for so long.
It’s only when I hear distant noises that I pull back, looking around the empty living room. My eyes meet Max’s curious ones.
“Do you hear that?” I ask him.
“Hear what?”
“That sound.” We both listen closely. My eyes land on my phone in the middle of the living room and I let go of Max to rush over and pick it up.
“Y/N, Y/N, are you still alive? Stay safe, we’re on our way to the airport so I’ll be there in about seven hours,” Charles hollers through the phone.
“Charles, Charles,” I interrupt his incessant screaming. “Everything’s fine, it’s just Max.”
“Max is there already? He’s supposed to stay in Abu Dhabi for more media tomorrow,” he questions, surprised.
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, I think it’s Max.” I turn back around to stare at the Dutchman. “Looks like Max. Smells like Max.”
“Gross. I’ll let you two have sex or make love or whatever you do.”
“Bye, Charles.”
“Bye.” He hangs up the phone and I set my device down on the coffee table, taking two steps closer to Max and pulling his hands into my own.
“I’m so proud of you.”
He grins, leaning down. Our lips meet in a sweet kiss. All of the adrenaline that filled my body at the thought of an intruder and from Charles’ screams fade away as Max’s lips move slowly against my own. Once we run out of breath we pull apart, but Max rests his forehead against mine, wanting to be as close to me as possible.
“Charles said that you have media in Abu Dhabi in the morning,” I state, staring up into his ocean blue eyes.
He shrugs. “They can wait.”
“We could’ve waited,” I giggle.
“But I couldn’t have waited,” he wraps his arms against my waist, attempting to pull me even closer than I already am. It doesn’t work with the bump in between us.
I examine him closer. There are deep, purple bags under his eyes, the wrinkles on his forehead seem almost permanent, and his skin looks paler than normal. I can’t imagine how much stress and pressure he’s been under the past fews days, not only with the championship but with how much he worries about me despite me telling him not to. He must not have gotten a lot of sleep lately.
“Come on,” I tug on his hand, leading him towards my bedroom. “We can worry about it in the morning.”
“Tala,” he coos when he sees her. She wags her tail but doesn’t get up, like the princess that she is. Max goes to her, giving her kisses and pets.
“Are you fine sleeping in those clothes?” I eye his sweatshirt and sweatpants as I pull back the duvet.
“Yeah, I’ll probably fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow,” he confesses, going towards the other side of the bed.
We both climb in, turning to face one another. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath, getting ready for a restful sleep with my partner and dog. A hand gently trails up my bare leg and I crack an eye open to see Max already looking at me.
“You know, I could maybe go for a quickie…”
I snort out a laugh. “Max, you look like you’re about to pass out from exhaustion. Plus, you’d probably fall asleep by the time we figure out how to maneuver around the bump.”
He agrees quietly, reaching forward to kiss my cheek. We lay silently for five more minutes before I open my eyes again, seeing Max still staring at me.
“Why are you still looking at me like that?” I ask him.
“I just can’t believe that I’m here with you. This time last year I would have never laid in the same bed as you,” he responds.
“Thanks,” I reply sarcastically.
“No, not like that,” he reaches out, grabbing my hand and raising it to his lips for an apologetic kiss. “We hated each other. We would bicker or insult each other every time we were in the same room, and now we’re sharing a bed and we’re about to have a son.”
I give him a soft smile. “What a night can do.”
“Well, an hour if you really think about it,” he jokes.
“If we’re getting down to it, thirty seconds.”
“Okay, now you’re hurting my feelings,” he responds as I laugh.
My eyes widen as a thought hits me.
“What’s wrong?” He asks gently.
“Do you think Tala will get along with Jimmy and Sassy?”
“I’m sure they will,” he reassures me, then pauses. “Uh, I hope they will. They have to, they’re all going to be a part of our little family.”
“Our little family,” I repeat, giving him a toothy grin.
“Yeah,” he shrugs, “You, me, Jimmy, Sassy, Tala, Rowan. It’s just the beginning of our little family.”
“The beginning,” I repeat again.
“Well I want Rowan to have some siblings,” he chuckles.
“Max,” I reach out, smacking his arm gently.
“What? Do you not want any more kids?”
“You haven’t even asked me to be your girlfriend and you’re already asking me to carry the rest of your children.”
“I didn’t think I needed to,” he buries his face in the pillow, groaning.
“You think taking me on one date suddenly lets me know that I’m your girlfriend?” I inquire.
“I’ve just mentally referred to you as my girlfriend for so long that I guess I never actually asked you.”
We’re left in a tense silence as I stare at the back of his head, his face still in the pillow.
“Well?”
His head pops up at my question. “Well what?”
“Are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend or what?”
He rolls his eyes at my behavior, pulling himself up with a few grumbles. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Now that you’ve asked so politely,” I tease, “Yes, I will be your girlfriend.”
He glares at me but leans forward. I can feel his smile through the kiss. He tugs me back down onto the bed, wrapping his arms around my swollen body and rubbing my baby bump soothingly.
“And let me get this one out before asking me for more, Verstappen.”
“Franny,” I knock on the open door to my manager’s office, causing her to look up from the papers she was reading over. “I was just wondering if I could leave early today, just by like an hour. I have a paper due at midnight that I’ve barely started, and the girls-””Y/N, no need to explain yourself, of course you can leave an hour early,” my manager reassures me.
She looks at me closer, studying me, and her smile fades. “Are you alright, honey? You look really tired.”
“Yeah, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, and it’s been a stressful day,” I respond honestly. I’m ready for this day to be over. Ada cried this morning because we didn’t have any blueberries- she doesn’t even like blueberries- Lucy threw a fit because I told her she couldn’t wear her winter boots in July, my professor yelled at us because some students wouldn’t stop talking during class, and I can’t stop thinking of the Grand Prix at Silverstone.
All of it is making me anxious. I haven’t seen my family in months because of their disapproval and our work schedules and my school schedule, so they haven’t seen how much the girls have developed. I’m afraid that once they see how big they’ve gotten, they’re going to become angry at me once again for not taking the girls back home to spend more time with them while they’re still young.
And I’m also nervous because of the chance of seeing Charles. When I worked with Lando and we went to Grand Prixs, I would follow him around the paddock because he’s friends with everyone and wanted to talk with all of his friends. If I went to the paddock with my daughters and saw Charles, I don’t know how it would go. I wouldn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t know what to do. He’s a smart man, there might be a chance that he would be able to put the pieces together and get angry before I could come up with the courage to say ‘they’re your daughters.’ And we would have to deal with the aftermath then…
I need to put a plan in place to make sure that doesn’t happen.
“Well, sweetheart, you’re free to leave whenever you want. Go home, write that paper, and give those babies kisses,” Franny gives me a comforting smile, one that I return before exiting her office.
“I’m leaving early tonight,” I inform Kylie as I walk past her.
“Sounds good. Table five wants some attention,” she winks at me.
I nod, grabbing table five’s food as I walk past the kitchen and head out to the dining area. The table of four young men sees me coming, one nudging his blonde friend sitting beside him with a playful smirk.
“Your girl’s coming,” he attempts to keep his voice down, but I still hear him.
I can’t help but raise my eyebrows. It’s not often that customers around my age come into the restaurant considering its formal ambiance. Usually it’s older, rich couples who call it a date night but spend the whole time on their phones, avoiding discussion with one another except for a quick update from the wife on what the kids are up to, or business partners who want to have a tense discussion but attempt to make it appear casual over dinner.
“Here you are,” I state, setting down the various plates in front of the correct customer. I give them my polite, customer service smile. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
I check on a few other tables, pouring more refills and taking some orders, subtly checking my watch as the minutes tick by. As I stop by table five to pick up the receipt that was signed, I notice a scrawled phone number at the bottom. I can’t help but pause, staring at it.
Honestly, since I became pregnant, I haven’t had a lot of attention from men. During the nine months that I was pregnant, the lack of attention was obviously because of the pregnancy. College boys aren’t really looking to take care of someone else’s child, let alone two newborn girls, and I wasn’t really looking to date anyone much older than me. And ever since the girls were born, I’ve just been focused on them, work, and school. They’re at such a young and crucial age where I want to spend as much time with them as I can, and I want to earn my degree as fast as possible to be in a good place financially where they can grow up with various opportunities.
At seven o’clock I get ready to leave, grabbing my bag from the break room and heading out the front door towards my car. I’m startled to see someone rise from the bench outside of the restaurant as soon as the front doors close behind me.
“Table five,” I murmur once I recognize the blonde man.
His eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Sorry?”
“No, it’s just,” I shake my head, slightly embarrassed by my slip of tongue. “Just saying how I know you.”
He gives me a gentle smile, one that I return.
“Um, I just wanted to apologize for what happened back there,” he juts his thumb uncomfortably towards the restaurant, “For leaving my phone number on the bill. My mates kinda made me, because I was just gushing about how beautiful you are all night.”
I blush at his kind words. “Well, thank you.”
He nods, letting out an awkward cough. “Uh, I’m Duncan, by the way.”
“Y/N,” I respond, reaching out to shake his hand. We’re left in a silence.
“I’m sorry,” he rubs the back of his neck, “I didn’t mean to make this so awkward, it’s just, you’re stunning and I don’t want to make you so uncomfortable that you never want to speak with me again.”
I laugh. “You’re doing fine, Duncan, I promise.”
He gives me a relieved smile. “Hey, would you maybe like to go grab ice cream with me?”
“Right now?”
“I mean, yeah, I was thinking right now,” his smile begins to fade.
“I can’t right now,” I admit.
“Oh…” It’s clear from the look on his face that he thinks that I’m just giving him a non committal answer so that I can appear polite while giving him the hint to never speak to me again. It’s not how I’m feeling. Duncan seems like a good person, and even though we may not date because my life is so chaotic right now, he would be a good friend.
“No, it’s not to avoid you, Duncan,” I say quickly, “I just- I want to get home to my kids.”
“Kids?” His eyes widen in surprise. “But you look like you’re like, twenty.”
“I am,” I laugh, “I got pregnant young.”
“And then you got pregnant again right away?” He looks flabbergasted. “I’m sorry, that’s so rude of me to ask-””No, I had twins.”
“So… do the twins like ice cream?” He questions.
“They do, but they go to bed in an hour,” I begin to head towards my car, holding up my phone, “I’ll text you, Duncan.”
“Oh, you actually saved my phone number?”
“Of course I did, you gave me a nice tip,” I wink, dipping into the driver’s seat.
My heart pounds on the drive home. I’m not sure if I feel so energized because I like Duncan, or if it’s because I haven’t talked to a man in a romantic sense in such a long time. A tinge of guilt stings at me. In a weird way, I can’t help but feel like I’m cheating on Charles. We never actually dated, despite spending the majority of our free time together and doing things that couples do, like eating together, having sex, and holding hands. And it’s not like we’re dating now- I haven’t seen him in over two years.
He’s probably moved on by now anyways. He probably has some beautiful brunette who models on the side that attends all of his races, cheering him on and holding his hand in public, things that I would never do.
~
Silverstone arrives too soon for my liking. I was hoping that I would have more time to mentally prepare for seeing my family, Charles, and going to races again, but it’s the night before the race and I’m boiling noodles and buttering bread while the girls play with each other in their bedroom.
My phone begins to ring with an incoming call and I crack a smile when I see that it’s Flo. “Hey Flo.”
“Hey Y/N,” she sniffles through the phone. “So, listen, dad gave the whole family this really bad cold and Oliver had to go on a sudden business trip. So, none of us can go to the race tomorrow.”
My heart drops at her words. I’m left speechless. What am I supposed to do now? I was hoping the family would act as a buffer between me and Lando, and me and all of the other drivers. I was also beginning to look forward to their reactions to seeing Ada and Lucy. I was hoping that their excitement to see the girls would change my negative outlook on our situation.
“Oh. Okay.”
“Sorry. Maybe you can come over for lunch sometime when we’re feeling better?” She suggests.
“Oh, that’s a far drive for us, but maybe.”
She’s quiet, like she wants to say something else. But I don’t want her to. I don’t want to hear her apologize for not being able to go to Silverstone- I understand that the whole family is sick or busy, but that doesn’t make the situation any easier to deal with emotionally. I don’t want to hear another reason why I should go out to our family home to visit when no one ever comes out to London to visit me and my daughters. I don’t want to hear her tell me how excited Lando is to see me or anything like that.
I don’t want to hear it.
“I’ll call you later, okay?” I say before she can say anything else.
“Okay,” she responds hesitantly, “Call me on Monday to tell me about the race.”
“Sure. Bye.” I hang up the phone before she can reply.
I don’t have a lot of time to think about our conversation after that. I get time to be angry for about two minutes before Ada cries from the bedroom, a red mark on her forehead from the block that Lucy threw at her. I give the two dinner, play with their dolls with them, give them baths, read them a night time story and tuck them into bed. It’s when I get the chance to sit down on the couch, barely paying attention to the crappy reality show playing on the TV that I get the chance to think.
Why am I putting myself through this?
Why am I putting myself through so much stress, anxiety, and anticipation for a family who has never shown the same amount of affection for me? The rage can’t help but circulate through my veins. I know they’re my family, and I know their attitudes towards me and my daughters have improved, but their actions haven’t.
My mind can’t help but drift back to their first birthday party. Lando had an excuse- he was racing in Brazil, but the rest of the family gave me half-hearted excuses to not attend their birthday party. Some of their friends from daycare showed up, and so did a few of my co-workers that I invited, but none of my family did and it was noticeable. I tried to put on a happy face, it was my daughters’ first birthday party after all, but I slipped into the play center’s bathroom and cried for the familial loss.
If family skips out on each other’s events, what would keep me wanting to go to Silverstone?
I bite my lip at the thought. I didn’t want to go to the race in the first place. Putting seeing Charles to the side, because that’s an obvious reason for anxiety, I’m also unprepared to see Lando.
To go from being my best friend to a brother that I maybe see at a family holiday party, has been a huge shift in our relationship. To be honest, I don’t know much about him right now, and he doesn’t know much about me either. What would we even talk about if I were to go tomorrow?
My phone rings on the cushion next to me, and my heart skips a beat when I see the familiar picture of me with my arms wrapped around Lando’s shoulders as he holds the third place trophy in his hands, both of us beaming at the camera. I remember the moment this was taken. Lando had gotten third place in Austria, and my throat had gone raw with how much I had cheered for him.
I answer the phone before it stops ringing. “Hello?”
“Hey,” he coughs awkwardly, “How are you?”
“I’m doing good, how are you?”
“I’m good.” He pauses. “How are Lucy and Ada?”
“They’re good too.”
“That’s good.”
We’re left in an awkward silence, unsure of what to say or who should speak first. I consider just hanging up the phone because of how uncomfortable it is, but that wouldn’t go well at the next Christmas dinner.
“Did Flo call you and tell you that they can’t come anymore tomorrow?” He questions.
“She did,” I nod, despite him not being able to see me. I shift to look out of the patio door and gaze at the city lights of London. Maybe this beautiful view can ease some of the tension, at least on my side.
“I just wanted to call and let you know that I’d still like you to come. Actually, scratch that, I’d love it if you and Lucy and Ada could still come to the race to support me,” he says, the words taking me by surprise.
I don’t know why his words shock me so much. I should expect it, because of the history of our close relationship and the fact that he should want to see and spend time with his nieces. But we haven’t talked in so long, so I wasn’t expecting him to call me and tell me something so personal.
I guess I’m quiet for too long because he pleads, “Please, Y/N, say something.”
“I don’t know, Lando,” I confess, swallowing the tears and trying my best to fight off the oncoming anxiety attack. At least until I end this phone call.
“What can I do to convince you? I’ll send a driver to pick you up, I’ll give you money if you’re missing work for the day, I’ll-””It’s not that,” I can’t fight back the sob and I hear his breath hitch at the noise. “It’s just- it’s going to be awkward.”
“You’re afraid that it’s going to be awkward?” He confirms quietly.
“Yes! We haven’t seen each other in months and we haven’t talked a lot during that time either-””And that’s your fault,” he interrupts. Once he hears another sob leave my lips, he quickly goes, “I’m sorry, that was rude and inconsiderate of me, I’m really sorry for that.”
“No, but you’re right,” I sniffle, wiping at the tears falling. “And I feel bad that you’re right because we used to be so close.”
“Don’t feel guilty,” he reassures me, “There’s no sense in that. Just come to the race tomorrow, bring the girls, and we can talk if you want to and if you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I just want to see you and the girls, all that you really share is pictures and videos of them on your private Instagram story.”
“How do you know about my private story?”
“I’m not naming names.”
“Albon,” I curse under my breath.
His laugh confirms my accusation. “Well, you can yell at him about it if you come to the race tomorrow. I don’t want to pressure you, but I miss all three of you.”
I can hear the genuine yearning in his voice. It must be hard to travel the world by yourself- you have your team and competitors with you, but they’re not people who know every part of you like your family does. And then to come home and not see your full family must be difficult.
I can’t imagine how he’s feeling with the rest of the family missing the race tomorrow and me in limbo. Maybe that’s what affects my response.
I let out a deep sigh, like his begging wore me down. “Fine, I guess we’ll go to your race tomorrow.”
“Yes!” I pull the phone away from my ear, letting out a laugh as he cheers. “You will not regret this, I promise!”
“But do not send a car, Lando,” I warn, “And don’t you dare give me any money.”
“Sure,” I can tell he’s lying through his teeth. “I’ll leave your passes with my assistant. Do you still have a Norris shirt? Do the girls still have their McClaren onesies?”
“They grew out of those a year ago, Lando.”
“Wow, babies grow fast,” he lets out a breath.
I roll my eyes but a smile tugs at my lips at his naiveness. “They do.”
My ears perk up as a sound comes from the girls room.
“I have to go,” I tell my brother.
“That’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow,” it sounds like he’s reassuring himself more than talking to me. “I love you.”
“Bye, Lando.” I hang up, standing in the doorway to see that a stuffed animal has just fallen from Ada’s bed onto the floor.
I can’t help but see her resemblance to Charles when I look at her. With Ada, her resemblance is in her face structure, but with Lucy, the resemblance is in her nose shape. I hope I’m the only one who can see it because I know the other half of their genetics. I hope that when I go to the track tomorrow, no one else sees it, or God forbid, points it out.
I tilt my head to lean against the doorframe, my heart beating so fast that I’m afraid it’s going to burst out my chest. I can’t believe that I’m going to be doing this. Scratch that, I can’t believe that we’re going to be doing this. Me and my girls.
Message me to be added to the tag list :) tags in the top section will not let me tag, please check your settings to make sure that you can be tagged!
Charles shifts uncomfortably next to me during the two and a half hour flight from Austin to Mexico City. I spend the flight crying on and off. I was fine for the first five minutes, but after we were able to remove our seatbelts and Anna passed me on her way to the bathroom, commenting that she’s going to miss seeing me put together puzzles on flights, the crying began.
Max had offered me a ride on Air Max to our next grand prix so that we could talk about the family dinner and the revelations that came out, but I made the difficult decision to decline. I know I should be more understanding and kinder to him right now because he did just find out that I might’ve moved back home without telling him about his child, and he’s probably stressed because of his mom’s reaction to the whole situation.
But, it’s my last flight with the Ferrari crew. I’m currently thirty three weeks pregnant, and I’ll be thirty four weeks pregnant by the time the Grand Prix in Mexico is over. The last time I went to the obstetrician, she strongly recommended not traveling past thirty five weeks pregnant, especially with such a stressful job and quick schedule.
So, this will be my last Grand Prix of the season.
After this I’ll be going back to Italy to prepare for Rowan’s arrival while everyone else heads to Brazil and then Abu Dhabi. I’ll be sitting in my apartment, alone, heavily pregnant while everyone else gets to celebrate the end of another successful season of Formula 1 and the accomplishments of whoever wins.
And at the start of the next season, I’ll have a son.
Charles curses lightly in relief as the flight lands, practically jumping out of his seat to get off of the plane and away from me as soon as possible. I sniffle, wiping my eyes and slowly putting my things back in my bag as everyone files off the plane. As I stand up, heaving my bag up, someone places a gentle hand on my shoulder.
I look up to see Mattia standing in front of me, a sympathetic smile on his face. “You’ll still be doing social media for the next couple of weeks.”
“I know,” I nod, remembering our agreement, “Just not the live stuff.”
“And then you’ll be spending time with your son.”
I smile back at him silently, pulling him into a hug. It takes him by surprise at first, but he slowly winds his arms around my body, hugging me back. Mattia has been a kind, guiding light for me since the start of my career in F1.
In a way, I feel like I’m letting him down by taking maternity leave and having a baby. I know I shouldn’t be, because this is a natural progression of life and I should be looking out for what I want and not for what’s best for the company. But I still feel bad because I’ve barely begun my career and now I need to take time off.
~
Charles and I walk through the paddock on our way to a media session, my phone falling out of my hand as I chatter excitedly to him about the new breast pump I just bought. I stare at the device as it bounces on the concrete. Charles begins to bend down to pick it up, but before he can, footsteps pound across the pavement closer to us and a tan hand picks it up.
“Thanks, Daniel,” I smile as he stands up and hands it to me.
He gives me his iconic beam. “I wanted to see you one last time before you went on maternity leave.”
My smile drops and my eyes begin to water as Charles panics.
“Please, no, she’s been crying about this for days now,” he begs.
I hit his arm in defense. “Stop being so mean to me, I have a right to be emotional.”
Daniel lets out an “aw,” pulling me into an embrace. He rocks me back and forth comfortingly, the action causing the tears in my eyes to slowly dissipate. “Is Charles being mean to you over at Ferrari? I would offer you a job at McClaren, but I don’t want to start any more drama between you and Max.”
“It wouldn’t be anything we’re not used to,” I state, pulling out of his arms.
“Well, just know that we’re all going to miss you. Especially Max,” he rubs my arms reassuringly.
I fight back the tears at his compassionate words. One of the things I’ll miss most about this job is how close everyone becomes. Even if you’re not working for the same team, you do the same thing with the same people every weekend. You get to know them and even care for them.
“Hey, Y/N, we should get going, we don’t want to be late to the media,” Charles cuts in warily, unsure of how I’ll react to the interruption.
I handle it well, stepping out of Daniel’s grip and giving him a silent, yet thankful smile. Charles and I head to my last media session of the season- something that I’m actually looking forward to getting away from.
~
I notice that some of the drivers that aren’t good with emotion, like Lando and Carlos, try their best to avoid me for the next couple of days. In a way, I’m relieved, because I see Carlos so often and my tear ducts would run out of water if I cried every time that I saw him. Other drivers who are better with emotion, like Sebastian and Alex, go out of their way to comfort me everytime that they see me. Alex starts seeking me out every morning in the Ferrari motorhome to give me a vanilla steamer and a hug.
I adjust my baggy T-shirt over my sweatpants in the elevator, phone and room key in my hand as I made my way down to the ground floor. My plan is to get some fast food and eat it in my hotel room while watching some trashy reality show before having an early bedtime. The elevator dings and I step out, Mick appearing in front of me instantly.
“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asks nervously, glancing over his shoulder at something.
I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. “Uh, I’m staying in this hotel for the weekend.”
“But where are you going now?”
“To get some food for dinner,” I respond.
“Oh,” he looks both ways before leaning closer to me, saying in a hushed voice, “So you’re not here for the party yet?”
“Mate,” Lando appears beside him, smacking him on the back of his head, “It’s a surprise party, remember?”
Mick’s eyes widen. “Oh, yeah.”
I glance between the two of them skeptically. “Do I want to know what you’re talking about?”
Lando lets out a long sigh. “Well, you might.”
Instead of me questioning further, he grips my wrist, pulling me in the direction of the hotel’s restaurant that Alex, Daniel, and I went to last night for dinner. I was gushing over how beautiful it was the whole time, vintage light bulbs and plants hanging around the place giving it a homey atmosphere.
Lando pulls me inside the restaurant with Mick trailing behind us. My eyes scan the scene in front of me. All of the drivers that I’m friends with and a few of my coworkers at Ferrari are milling about the restaurant. Some of them are putting up decorations, some of them are fixing a table full of food and drinks, and others are just chatting.
“Okay, so I think I’ll text Y/N and tell her that I was eating dinner in the restaurant with Carlos and then he started choking and I don’t know what to do, which will cause her to run down here as fast as possible,” Charles suggests, our text thread open on his phone, obviously not seeing me standing behind him.
“Uh, Charles,” Pierre gets his attention, motioning for him to turn around. He doesn’t only get the Monaco native’s attention, Daniel looks up from adjusting the cake platter and his face transforms into one of surprise once he lays his eyes on me.
“Lando, she’s not supposed to be here yet,” Daniel whines at the same time I ask Charles, “You were going to get me to come here by saying that our friend is dying?”
“Well, when you put it like that,” Charles shrugs.
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” I request.
“So, we noticed that you were feeling pretty sad about going on maternity leave-””You only noticed because you were trying to figure out if you still needed to avoid her,” Alex interrupts Lando with a chuckle.
Lando gives him a glare, but continues on. “So we decided to throw you a small goodbye party.”
“There are so many things wrong with what you just said,” Daniel shakes his head disapprovingly.
“What? What did I say wrong?”
“First, it’s not a goodbye party, it’s a ‘see you later’ party,” the Australian motions outwards with his arm to show the three words printed out on pieces of printer paper, a very homemade, yet considerate touch. “And second, we didn’t decide to throw this party, I did.”
“You threw a party for me, Daniel?” I question, tears starting to build in my eyes at the thoughtfulness.
“I did.”
“Thank you.”
I throw myself into his arms, winding mine around his torso as he winds his around my back. I give him a squeeze, a silent gesture to show how appreciative I am of him and all of his support and care throughout this entire pregnancy. I already know that when Rowan comes, Uncle Daniel, and all of his other uncles, will be there for him and whatever he needs.
I pull back from Daniel’s arms, turning to glare at Charles. He stares back at me, terrified as I wipe the few tears that escaped.
“And you were going to get me to come down here, to this party, in my sweatpants, intentionally!”
“You look beautiful no matter what,” he sounds unsure but the weak smile causes me to turn away with just a look of disapproval.
“Punch, anyone?” Alex’s question causes everyone to begin chatting again.
I’m describing the water birth process to Yuki and Sebastian when a hand gently touches my bicep. I turn to see Max standing beside me, two cups gripped in his hands.
“Do you want to chat on the patio for a bit?” He requests, nodding towards the empty outdoor space.
“Sure,” I nod, bidding a relieved Yuki and a disappointed Sebastian farewell.
I settle onto a comfortable chair beside Max, taking the drink he offers me graciously.
“Is this raspberry lemonade?” I ask after I taste it.
“Yeah.”
“I love raspberry lemonade,” I take another sip.
“I know, you mentioned it one time.”
I don’t respond, looking out at the setting sun. In a way, I feel like my life is a sunset right now. Every day is different, whether it be with a new pregnancy symptom coming in or one leaving. No day is exactly the same as the last.
And when Rowan arrives, every new day will be one that I get to hold him in my arms. Every day will be one where I get to cradle him, feed him, kiss him, love him. But every day will also be one where he grows and one where I grow. One of my biggest fears is that the more that he grows, I’ll grow differently than what I’m used to. I’m afraid of growing distant from my job, one that I love. I’m afraid that I will want to devote my life to my son and nourishing him and his life journey instead of making sure that I maintain my independence and accomplish my own goals by staying committed to my job.
“I want to apologize,” I shift in the chair to be able to face Max, staring him in the eyes to show him that my words are genuine. “I did think of moving back to America to have my family’s support before scrapping that idea because of how much I love my job. And I only thought about not telling you about the baby for a split second before realizing how wrong that was of me. I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for how you found out that information.”
He takes a second to respond, something that I understand, since that was a long and thought-inducing explanation, but it’s also something that makes me nervous because I want to know his reaction. I want to improve on communicating our thoughts and feelings because it’s something that we’re not great at right now, and it’s important that we’re at least good at it by the time the baby comes.
“I accept your apology. I think it was really just hard to hear that because of my family life,” he admits, then shrugs. I can tell he shrugs to appear casual, but I see the slight shake in it.
“What do you mean? Like with how abus-I mean strict, your dad was?”
“No, not about that. With being away from my mom and sister all of the time because I was racing. I didn’t grow up with half of my family, so to be told that might have been the same experience for my son, well,” he cuts himself off, biting his bottom lip.
We both know his unspoken words. He wants his son to have a whole family.
“I think that’s why I’m struggling so much with you living in Italy and me living in Monaco,” he adds.
I never thought about that. I always thought that the reason that Max wanted me to move to Monaco was to have control over me and the baby, and to be able to get his way and be able to say that he got his way. I didn’t think about how his experience growing up would have a big impact on his desires for our son.
“Would you be okay if we reevaluate our living situation when Rowan is a year old?” I request.
His eyes shine at the question and a small smile forms on his face. “I would love that.”
We’re left in a comfortable silence, looking out at the sunset. Well, I’m looking at the sunset. Max is looking at me.
“Why do you want to live in Italy so bad?” He asks me.
“Because it’s close to the factory and my apartment is already set up,” I repeat the reasons that I’ve previously given him.
“Is there another reason?”
I’m quiet, deciding on whether I want to say it or not. If I do say it, it could take our relationship in a completely different direction. But if I don’t say it… it could do the same thing. It’s a risk either way.
“Do you want me to be honest with you?”
“Of course.”
I take a deep breath. “I think you’re hot as fuck, Max.”
He laughs. “Well then.”
“If we were to live in the same apartment while I’m heavily pregnant and horny, I would not be able to keep my hands off of you.”
“I wouldn’t complain.”
I look over at him to see him leaning back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest with a smug expression. I roll my eyes at his appearance.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?” He questions.
“Teasing me.”
“How am I teasing you?”
“I’m putting myself out there and you’re teasing me,” I argue.
“Do you not remember avoiding me after sleeping with me twice?”
I’m silent and he nods in confirmation.
“Why are you so afraid of being with me?” He inquires, softly this time.
“What if it doesn’t work out, Max?” I turn to look at him, tears filling my eyes once again. “If we didn’t work out, would we be able to co-parent for Rowan?”
“Of course,” he coos, leaning over to wipe the tears from under my eyes. “Darling, we’ve both had shitty childhoods. We know what we don’t want for our son, so we would work our hardest to make sure that Rowan would be our main priority.”
I nod silently.
“How about this,” he reaches forward, grasping my hands in his own. “We go on a date tomorrow night. And if you don’t like it, we’ll never go on one again.”
“Deal,” I agree.
~
“What are you thinking about getting?” Max asks as we look over the menus. He decided to take me to this semi-formal restaurant, telling me that we’re going to see a movie afterwards.
“The chicken alfredo looks good… but so does the lasagna… and the pizza,” I sigh, thinking over the hard decision of what to get for dinner.
The Dutchman chuckles at my inner turmoil.
“What are you getting?” I inquire.
“I think I’m going to get the lasagna,” he decides, closing his menu.
“That does sound good,” I agree, “But do I get the same thing as you? Or do I try something different?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “I’ll get something else and then try some of your lasagna.”
“What makes you think that you can just have some of my lasagna?” He teases.
“You were just about to offer,” I point out.
“How do you know that?”
I give him a knowing look.
“Fine, I was just about to offer.”
The waitress comes over to take our food orders and pass out our drinks.
“So,” I start, “How do you feel about the rest of the season?” For both of us working in Formula 1 and being passionate about the sport, Max and I never talk about it with each other. It’s usually because when we speak we’re either arguing or talking about something regarding Rowan, but I figure if this is a date, we should try to venture out on topics.
“I think it’ll go well,” he says.
“I mean, you are ahead in points right now,” I state, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you won the championship.”
“I’ll be fine either way. If I win, I’ll have a championship and a son to celebrate, if I don’t win, I still have a son to celebrate,” he shrugs. “How do you feel about going on maternity leave?”
I express my concerns to Max as we wait for our food. How I’m worried about doing work remotely, if they like the person who will be replacing me better than me, how it’ll be working as a mother next season. He reassures me enough to make me feel confident in myself by the time our food comes.
And then we talk about anything and everything. I quiz him on what colors are on various countries’ flags, his favorite video games, and funny little quirks that his cats do. He asks me about my favorite hiking places to take Tala in Italy, what my hometown is like, and the time Anna and I snuck into Charles’ apartment to prank him by putting saran wrap on his bedroom door.
Max and I go to a local movie theater to watch some action movie that he’s been wanting to see for some time. Since we’re going to the latest showing available and it’s such a small theater, we’re the only two people in the room. I spend ten minutes watching the movie before passing out, tired from the early morning, long day of work, and then dinner with Max.
Him shaking me gently wakes me up. I open my eyes slowly to see him looking down at me from the recliner next to me with a look of adoration.
“Hey, are you awake yet?” He asks in a hushed voice.
I grumble out a response, pulling myself up slightly on the leather surface. His laugh causes me to give him a questioning look.
“You have a little something here,” he comments, pointing towards his lips.
I wipe my own, seeing drool on the sleeve of my T-shirt.
“Oh God,” I mumble, embarrassed that I fell asleep and drooled on our first official date.
“Hey, don’t worry, I think it’s cute,” he reassures me.
We sit in silence, him looking down at me and me staring up at him. I examine his face. His eyes are full of adrenaline- I assume from the ending of the movie and his lips are pulled into a soft smile. He leans down slowly, and I lean up slowly.
Our lips connect in the middle.
You know that feeling when you go on vacation for a week or two and it’s nice, but sometimes during the trip you think about the cotton sheets on your bed or instinctively knowing which drawer the utensils go in? And when you get home, you feel that sense of relief of everything being familiar?
It’s like that. With Max, I know how to feel and exactly what to do while he’s kissing me. I know how gentle and kind he’ll be with me.
One thing that I was never sure of, though, was what would come after. I never knew how Max truly felt about me so I always pushed my own feelings down, shoving the thoughts of a relationship with him out of my head. But now that we’ve had that conversation, I think I know what will come after.
Spending two weeks apart from Daniel was not as easy as you had expected. You felt like an absolute cliché when you found the days pass tardily, but they actually did. Moreover, you had a constant tug at your heart as if you were sick with some undefined longing. Pathetic, really.
Author’s note: I will say that this story is completely 100% fiction, Daniel is not a cheater and I am not saying so in any form. Please look into all the warnings, please
Summary: A sad pregnancy story about the lack of interest shown by Daniel
Warnings: angst, 18+ , sex, nudity, mentions of cheating, and pregnancy
disclaimer: Again I am telling you this story is completely made up
I walked into the kitchen for the hundredth time today because no matter what I ate the void was never being filled, I saw that all the treats in my house in Monaco were finished and the kitchen was a bloody mess, all the wafer packets were lying on the kitchen counter all the vessels and utensils were not washed, so I thought at least cleaning will do you some good. So I started to wash the plates and poured the dishwashing soap into a bowl and it was Friday and it was 3 O'Clock and I had taken leave from my workspace, and what the hell I thought I felt soo lonely.
Ever since I had told Daniel I was pregnant our relationship was on the string, sure he said he was happy but he did not show it. Well I knew this would happen, we had discussed we did not want children but if you end up having too much sex you do end up becoming pregnant.
I thought if this is is how he is going to treat me through my pregnancy, it’s not like he was not happy he really was, but I guess he was not really for a child and nor was I but as all the people say we’ll figure it out, anyway these thoughts were disturbing my mind I finished the vessels and I wanted to spend time with him you know when you live in a huge house with only a cat its difficult.
Well I don’t wanna pine it all on him, well I also would be shocked
< A rattle on the door > Moved me out of my thoughts
“Hey, hannah!! you there?” my Aussie cunt has returned
“Hey Ric I am in the kitchen” I shouted back
“Hey why are you working?” he asked in a worried voice as he made his way into the kitchen and placed his hands on my now swollen womb
“I just wanted to get my thoughts away from the reality,” I said
“Whatever you mean love. By the way, I needed to say they I have t go to LA for the next three days that will be till Monday” he said which just irritated me soo much
It was a no-race weekend and which means its the only time I get with him behind cameras, and lately, he made sure that he needed to go somewhere every time he could have been at home and spent time with me.
“Hannah hannah you there” He shook me
“Yeah ok should I come with you??”
“I don’t think it good for you to travel with the baby and all……….. you know its kinda difficult……….. but look on the bright side you can go to the spa or invite your friends over and have a good time it will be like I never left and I will back in no time…… Is that OK??” he said
“Yeah sure, I have got all your clothes from the laundry and pressed and folded them OK and your suitcase is out by our your bedside,” I said like we were living a (lie) life of a manager and client
I WAS FUCKING IRRITATED
When you have such a great boyfriend and just because “in a few months a human being will exit you everything changes” everything maybe you start to think what if …
Well this was my moment I was thinking about WHAT IF I could say goodbye and go back to my home in Germany, Getting a job was no problem BUT DANNY WAS THE ONLY CASUALTY
I think I needed to stop caring about a man who was living a lie with me
So he did go to LA, and I started to think why would he go to LA soo frequently I wonder
Anyway I knew he was not the cheating kind, so I started to grade the papers and felt that something was wrong with my belly, I just thought the baby was moving, so I continued to grade the papers.
I did around 15 papers and had ordered Chinese take-away which was the only good think in my life at the moment
I put all the food into plates and walked to the drawing room and switched on the Tv and began my binge on a series called Altered Carbon (I mean look at Joel Kinnaman) and I seem to go into the flashback of us having sex on the same couch for the first time.
I sat on the couch all alone watching a movie I was not paying attention to and soon something else got to my attention Daniel was walking around without a shirt and his muscles were glistening against the Monacon Sun I had not had sex in a long time, and I was still working and he would be away all weekend so no time
“hey girl are you gonna just stare or will we–” he said with his dumb smile
“Hey we cant you have hurt yourself right, I don’t want it to worsen,” I said but I wanted him right there right now
HE walked to the couch and sat down beside me, he realized my body stiffen against his touch
“Hey Dan it’s ok you don’t need to”
“but I want too,” he said putting his hands between my thighs slowly moving up to my panties which were wet, now let’s be serious it’s DANIEL EFFING RICCIARDO.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he grabs my hips, making me shudder in anticipation. “Yes, just fuck me before I change my mind.” I say trying to pull down his shorts , dan laughs.
“Yes of course.” I throw your head back and moan, once you feel the tip of his cock pressed against your wet heat, it’s been a while since I have had sex.
I grip your knees as he sinks into me, filling me with an inch at a time, until eventually he’s buried inside of me. “Why are you going so slow? We are fucking not making love.” dan can only giggle.
He digs his fingertips into my hips even harder, to get a better grip of me and pulls all the way out, only leaving the head inside only for him to slam back into me, pulling a moan from me, Daniel moans in response and repeats the motion three more times, before settling into a rough, but deep pace. “You feel amazing,” Daniel whispers into my ear, as he drives in and out of me, moving harder and deeper with every thrust until he eventually hits the sweet spot inside of you. A loud groan escapes my throat from the amount of pleasure. Daniel moans. “You are so fucking sexy.” He changes his angle slightly, so every one of his thrusts slams into your G-spot, enjoying the way I moan underneath his body.
I threw my head back in pure pleasure, with the constant slam onto your G-spot, my legs are starting to shake and I know I can’t handhold on for much longer, the amount of pleasure he is giving me is just too good. Isco slams your G-spot one last time and you are coming hard, squirting my juices around the cock in pure ecstasy.
My orgasm was just so good, it’s been so long since someone has given you such an explosive orgasm. HE himself is thrusting into you with all his might, as he chases his own orgasm, he growls, calling out your name as he spills inside of you, filling you up with his milky white seed.he pulled out of me and I hid my face because I am pretty sure I was blushing like a giddy girl in love
< FLASHBACK ENDS >
It had been days since Daniel left for LA and he had not even called once only left a short text and my miind was trying to navigate through other circumstance which I tried pushing away
I came out of my trance looking at my phone which was ringing
I pic it up
“Hello Hannah”
“Hallo mumma”
“ist alles in Ordnung,” she asks
“ ja Mama warum fragst du ich sage meine Tränen zurückhalten"i say
” Nichts Liebling, ich hatte nur das Gefühl, dass du dich traurig fühlst, also habe ich dich “
"Naja, Mama weiß es immer am besten, ich war eigentlich müde, weil ich Arbeiten benotete und du weißt, wie das geht” she says
“ naja, nimm es nicht zu hart mit dir, ok hannah”
“ Ich liebe dich Mama ”
“ich liebe dich auch hannah”
sorry got a little carried away-here it is in english
“Hello Hannah”
“Hello mumma”
“everything is fine,” she asks
“yes mom why do you ask i say hold back my tears” i say
“Nothing darling, I just felt like you were feeling sad so I got you”
“Well, mom always knows best, I was actually tired because I was grading work and you know how to do it,” she says
“well, don’t take it too hard, ok hannah”
“ I love you mom ”
“I love you too, hannah"I cut the call and decide to check my Instagram and Whilst scrolling through my Dm’s I see this particular message from my best friend Rilley "hey hannah I just saw Daniel With Jemma look at this the newspaper will be covering this story”
My heart falls to the ground
I knew this picture is new I gave him this shirt this month for the Monza win
god my life was just worsening
I decide to call him but he does not pic up the call
I was all bottled up on hormones as I just pack all my bags and leave
this is part two to one time thing which you can readhere
in which what was meant to be a one time thing happens again, exposing one of the drivers true feelings for you due to your very observant friend.
warnings;threesome, spanking, choking, oral (m and f receiving,) degradation, praise, overstimulation, hair pulling, unprotected sex, petty and jealous charles, asshole pierre, kinda face fucking? not really, she kinda long oops, eventual smut i swear and poorly written fluff at the end lol
Warnings: mostly angst, slight smut in one of the flashbacks, excessive mentions of alcohol sorry guys I’ve never been broken up with so my research was romcoms
No milk.
No alcohol either, so that was obviously the priority.
A heavy sigh left your lips and filled the empty fridge in front of you, visible condensation laughing at the building inability to look after yourself. “Wine, yeah, that sounds good” you said to no one in particular, painfully aware of your pairing with the apartment’s four lonely walls.
plot: the night, when everything changes —but the road is still long for max. word count: 4.515k (so that’s what is took so long hehe) warnings: victoria is the best sister ever, swear words, max worrying too much, depeche mode song references, small steamy part (it’s reall short tho), if i let out something, let me know uwu
i hope you’ll love it >3<
✿
max was glad that they had two weeks to the next grand prix,
yet, he never, ever felt so alone in his life like now.
he was never alone for a single minute of his life; being a formula-1 driver made a whole group to jump around him constantly, interviewers, his friends and his family were even almost in a reach out —and when y/n came to the team, they talked for a year before she got into formula-1. max and y/n knew each other, making a good friendship inside and out of the team, y/n could spice up things in the team videos, but like, in a non-sexual way —maybe that’s why max’s fans didn’t want to slice her throat immediately every time when a video came out. the team loved y/n, she not only just filled the emptiness after daniel so quickly, but she added something —something he couldn’t name, something that just existed. it was a feeling what he felt like he had a sixth sense, but instead of fear or some concern, he felt complete, he felt that somehow, everything’s gonna be alright.
y/n was the red bull’s sixth sense, and his best friend.
until now, because max didn’t know how y/n is. they didn’t interact in two weeks, but what was really, really near is an awarding ceremony, where christian and his two driver is invited —which means, there’s no sedation for the youn driver, for neither young driver. when max got the news late at night, coming home from a head-out with the boys before he headed back to netherlands, his home —charles left out, and he couldn’t blame him. he wanted the ferrari driver to talk with y/n, but it was miserable, how he asked a third person to intervene into their thing… not to mention that they were best friends, best friends, for hell’s sake! what a dick move would it be, and he perfectly knew that not only he could be dissappointed in himself, but y/n too. and y/n didn’t do anything, it was him. so, getting the news, he wanted to text her, but then he saw the last message he got from her.
y/n y/l/n — may 22, sunday of course i’m gonna be by your side! we’re best friends, have you forgot, maxie?
, ,
it was one and a half week ago —he felt himself the shittiest friend ever. dropping the phone into the other corner of the bed, he pulled the covers on his head, huffing. why did he say those things? why he couldn’t just shut up, and keep everything to himself like every other time? he wasn’t an open man, he didn’t like the flashlight, he didn’t like to see the stuff he said in the media, on instagram profiles and digital news —he shared his personal things, the things he cherished with the ones who where close to him… with his family, his friends, y/n, his… his y/n. y/n never bragged to anyone, he knew his secrets are safe if he said them to her, he saw it in her eyes the understanding when he told her about his insecureness with his father, with his career, with all the massive stress, and he could see it in y/n’s eyes, that nobody who is unwarranted in this case will hear about his worries —y/n’s eyes talked; she told him that he can trust her, only with her eyes. but now, those yes were far away from him, and he didn’t know he can look into those eyes without shame. and best friends? what best friends now? y/n wasn’t a dramatic person, but he would totally understand if charles became her best friend, or literally, anyone else instead of him —in his head, he even imagined how he recommends anybody else for the place ‘best friend’, stepping down from the 'podium’ —was that idiocy? of course.
did max feel himself alone? of course.
turning to his side, he sighed. it wasn’t good without her. out of a sudden, his door flinged open, he catched up his head on the action.
“are you awake, you big dumbass?”
max covered up himself, even though he wasn’t naked, and wasn’t even doing sinful or pervert things —but if he wanted to be honest, he was young, many times horny like an ordinary man, and he wasn’t in a relationship for a reason (his relationship with y/n wasn’t on the level what he wanted with her, but that was for another day), and now, he couldn’t even deny that those things involved y/n in his imagination —yes, max wasn’t a saint, and he felt bad when he looked into y/n’s eyes… but it was too good to stop it. the images about her body haunted him, they often saw each other half naked, and picturing her in positions excited him. laying beside him, in his arms, stroking his waist with her heels as her legs caged him closer to her, holding one of his hands with her small, pretty one as she looked into his eyes, his other hand and his hips helping hers to move faster and deeper, it was only him who could hear how good she felt —he wasn’t with a girl like y/n ever, because there weren’t girls who comapred to her, but max was sure that she must feel incredible, if not less, heavenly.
“are you awake, huh?”
it was his sister, victoria. she came back to her parents since she wanted them to spend a little time with their grandchild, who was now with her husband,
“what the fuck are doing in here? and if i’m naked, then what?” he freaked out, only to have his sister rolling her eyes.
“we’re not your silly fangirls, max, we don’t scream, tear up and pass out if you come out without shirt.” she bragged, she always had something to respond with. max layed back on the bed, running his hand through his hair.
“okay, then what do you want?”
“i want to know what’s between you and y/n.”
when max sat up again, and tried to send her to somewhere else, he realized his sister wants to help him —and maybe, now he needed some serious help. sighing, max looked everywhere but in his sister’s eyes. he wanted to say how neglected, how shit he felt, how he wanted to make that night over and over again to not to say those things, or how he could prevent the accident… how he wanted to talk to her again, how he felt the same, strong regret and bitter taste in his mouth, under his tongue after he drove away to the airport… how cut away he felt from everything, because for him, things were complete when she was there, with him. that’s why he knew he’s gonna feel alone on the top of the podium, without her hug, without her reassuring touch and bright, curling dimples in the corner of her smile, that’s why he fought nico, not because he is crazy, but because he was worried, so worried that something serious happened —and from that moment, y/n wouldn’t be the same again, which wasn’t a problem, beacuse he liked, loved her either way, but this silly mistake was enough to bring the lion out from him because of her…
but max only said this in his mind to his sister. he kept it to himself —y/n wasn’t here to understand him like no one did.
“it’s nothing.”
victoria huffed, sitting down on the edge of his bed. she looked at him, with a little, faint shine of worry in her eyes —she knew that max and y/n are best friends, and trusting his maternal, sister and woman senses, she maybe guessed that max felt something more. she never said it, and for max, this was completely okay.
“listen, max, i’m not going to read the riot to you, not even playing the moral high ground, but talking to you, as a woman to a man, or as a sister to a brother, i see that something isn’t alright. and, not because i saw your outburst, i know how you are, but seeing that you don’t have the spirit to do anything, not bringing here y/n when there’s a quite long break between two race, even a winning award, where the two of you go together… it’s not like the two of yu act, and since i don’t want to be the gossiping one, and i am not involved in this, but i’m truly worried about you, please, just tell me what’s going on.”
that was longer than he expected, he couldn’t blame her —dragging around himself, groaning and being silent wasn’t his form. at least it wasn’t his mom, or even worse, his dad, jos who came to talk to him —his dad may just make things more terrible, they never talked about his love life, especially not with y/n, and maybe he didn’t even want him to gain more feelings towards her than a friendship. but where should he begin? and what should he say, what’s the point in this fucked up situation? sighing, max sat up, leaning his back on the head of his bed, fiddling with his fingers.
“can i be direct and honest?”
his sister’s eye softened while she nodded.
“you’realways direct and honest, maxie. just tell me.”
max huffed.
“i think i’m in love with her.”
his sister tried to hide her thoughts —he could read from her face what she often did in their younger years, that 'she always knew it’, and 'he just doesn’t admit to himself’. but now, victoria was silent, because that was max’s most top secret. max was like a time bomb when it came to his heart’s stuff —nobody never knew, or even could guess when he explodes or shuts down about them, even max didn’t know where were the boundaries of his stuff.
“do you think so?”
max shook his head, leaving her confused for a moment.
“no, i know i am. i realized it like, two or three days ago? yeah… i always felt beside y/n something vibrant, or, when you just want to be closer to the other. but i refused to tell her, because i don’t want to be out from her life…”
sometimes max thought very low about himself, when it came to y/n, the choking, lung-pressing feeling multiplied —seeing her living the time of her life with other guys, even if they were just her friends, or even charles, other celebrities who just came up her because she was pretty, famous or rich —made himself think when she always went back to max and his group, but mainly him, 'who i am to those guys? how is she still staying by my side, when they’re much more funny, handsome and can express their feelings for her?’. everytime he thought about teeling his feelings to her, he already watched the whole scene unfolding: seeing her drawing off from him, searching for a much more handsome, much more funny and much more sensitive guy, who can give her everything.
“…but when daniel just told those things, about her, i felt like i need to stand up for her, i couldn’t hear any longer how they tease her just because she had a bad day, or for just who she is. and they never pay attention to her success, her achievements, they only bring her up if she blasts something, even if it’s not her fault. you know, the feeling when something suffocates you?” victoria nodded, made him to continue. “on that night, i felt that i need to free myself from that feeling. that’s why i said those things.”
“and why didn’t you tell her before you freaked out? not to say bad, but you looked like a mad man, a really mad man. except me.”
“what do you mean by 'except you’?”
victoria gave him the smile, that 'i am your sister and i know everything about you, you silly dumbass’-smile, but he couldn’t blame her —at some point, when he said things to y/n or did things to her that crossed the line of their friendship into something more, he sweared to himself to never do it again —otherwise, she would find out.
“i mean, that i saw how you act with her. sure, you treat people you only like with kindness, but when she slept once, or twice here, you always looked after her reactions, trying to make everything perfect, keeping us away from her… but i can get it, our family has a reputation, so i don’t blame you.” she giggled, easing max’s worry. “and why don’t you tell to her how you feel? after this, i’m sure she doesn’t know what to say, or do. you fucked it up, but it doesn’t mean that you lost everything. you have the chance to say the first word after this, and i know you can make it right.”
max sighed.
“can’t i wait for the awarding thing?”
victoria scrunched her nose, shaking her head.
“with that, you communicate that you don’t care about the whole situation. girls are shy when it comes to things like this, but knowing her, y/n wouldn’t turn you down if you wanted to talk. just be calm, and everything will be fine, oh, and the most important thing!”
“what, what’s the most important thing?” max was thankful to his sister, without her, he would procrastinate until the night they met again, messing things up more and more.
“to be yourself. to be direct and honest.”
after this and a couple more of minutes, victoria exited the room, closing the door when she got a phone call from her husband —max reached for his phone, calming down his racing heart, trying to get out something sensible from his still messed up thoughts.
maxie super max!! >3< (the name was obviously set by y/n) hey, could we talk on the award night?
it wasn’t the best, but he trusted his luck —and that y/n doesn’t thinks he’s crazy, or in love with her, before he could tell him personally.
, ' ? ,
✿
the night came faster than he thought.
poking his necktie, smoothing the black suit for the hundredth time, max felt his heart’s gonna break out from his chest. glancing to his phone constantly, trying to think about how he’s gonna make the whole conversation with success —in the days, he discovered that talking about his feelings is thousand times more complicated than winning a grand prix or a world championship. he even wrote down things he wanted to say, but every piece of paper, every note in his phone got into the bin in a matter of minutes or hours; reading it back again and again, every word, every sentence seemed pathetic and finicking, like he studied his loquence like a good student.
“max, are you ready?” tom, his personal trainer peeked into the room, finding him in fron of the mirror. “usually, you don’t spend so much time in fron of the mirror, mate. is something the matter?”
isconfessing our feeling to our best friend, and telling them how we felt through years, how we find them the most wonderful, most perfect person in the world and how we can’t say a word about how we feel because we are too shy and miserable when it comes to our feelings can be 'something’? because if yes, then yeah, something is the matter.
“no, it’s nothing, tom, it’s alrigth.” but don’t forget if we are the best at hiding our feelings, then nobody never will found out what we’re into.
“okay, 'cause the cab is here.”
standing at the entrance of the building of the ceremony, beside the shiny road of big, fancy cars that brought more and more famous people, max stated a fact, that the awarding ceremony was one of a hell for the peaceful conversation max wanted with y/n. and yet, he didn’t even met her —god, she’s gonna be breathtaking, isn’t she?
“is y/n here already?”
“no, rowan and she is late for five minutes. you know, women…” max swallowed, remembering everything on that ominous grand prix.
“yeah, women…”
“as long as we wait, we should walk to christian. y/n as rowan’s gonna go there too if they’re here.”
max followed tom; this night is gonna be long. trying to talk to some of other sportsmen, he heard a couple of gasps, and mutters.
“oh my god, is that y/n, the first woman formula-1 driver in the world?”
“yeah, she is!”
“she’s so gorgeous, did you look at her dress and her makeup?”
“she’s like a godddess!”
“no, she looks like a queen or a fairy… so beautiful.”
max was scared to turn —he didn’t want to fall in love her again and again, but tom tapped his shoulder.
“i think the wait is worth it.”
yes, it really was —and he fell in love again.
getting out of the car, he wanted to be the one who helps her by holding gently her hand, not to mention what a sight was too see y/n… the flowy, ankle-length dress’ little gems glowed in the flashlights, the see-through layer on top of the pearl-white silk dress twirled around her thin form as she looked around, giving the perfect sights of her appearence —her skin was clear, the black, thick mid-heels (victoria could call them mary janes or something) made her ankles and legs look more pretty, the thin straps of the dress showed her collarbones and lean arms, her clear makeup were the cherry on the top —y/n’s stylist wanted her to be innocent, not like a virgin, but like clean sheets on the bed tat didn’t know the previous story of the bed they got made up to. her silky hair flowed after her with every move of her head, she and her stylist let it down, not a strap, not a hairband, even a clip, nothing. y/n’s hair was perfect —she was heavenly, she was so pure.
maxfelt it again, the feeling of falling in love —getting numb in his arms, his legs, yet his heart turned into a godspeed mode, getting his mouth and mind dry.
“hey, guys”, rowan said from her side, y/n coming after him, waved a little bit.
“hello, tom. hi, maxie.”
maxie —maybe she forgot his riot. maybe there’s still hope.
“good evening, y/n.”
they spoke like familiars, not like best friends —he got to act fast, before the chance slips away. standing beside her to go to the cameramen, the photoshoots of the media, judging by the glances of others, y/n and him looked really good —maybe together too.
“are you nervous?” y/n asked, glancing up to max. even if she was a little taller given by the heels, the height difference was significant between them —anothe thing he and the fans adored, who screamed when they saw the drivers together.
“a little bit, and you?”
“i just want it to be over”, y/n said, while she clinged with her slender, tender arm to one of his strong, suited one, like she wanted to seek comfort from him. max’s hand shook as he stroked y/n’s arms, please don’t let this move to be a confessing one, he prayed in himself. she whispered something to him before they step out into the flashlights. “i want to hear what you want to say. i have to say something too.”
,
in front of the cameras, max wished they taked way before the ceremony —if all his dreams came true by now, he wouldjus wrap his arms around her smelling her hair while easing his uncomfiness, and the media would forget everything by now. or, the other and fatal way of the outcomes, they would just separate after the pictures —his own doubts killed him inside, while y/n looked so peaceful beside him.
after the photoshoot and the whole procedure, the party began —instead of drinking and forgetting the weeks’ actions, max decided it was time to clarify things. searching for y/n, rwan said him she went to the toilet, he just messaged her to come to the balcony where they could be a little bit alone, beside everybody who where too drunk or smoked to realize the serious things he wanted to tell her. walking outside, he took a glass of champagne; he knew he’s going to need it.
waiting outside, every opening and closing door got his breath hitch in his throat, searching or the right words, but when he saw y/n, somehow he got collected —y/n smiled at him, and she was still glowing, still perfect.
“hey, maxie. sorry for the wait, the line in the women restroom was fuking long, i supposed to be going out under the ceremony, but it was just good to… to be in your presence, again. fuck, sorry that i tell you this, it’s awkward.”
max shook his head, but the beating in his thorat almost got out every word he waited to reveal.
“it’s fine, ceremonies are shitty, but that’s why i wanted to talk with you. about… about us.”
y/n’s smile didn’t falter, she was tipsy for sure, stepping beside him, letting their arms touch, leaning onto the barrier. “that message was so strange from you, max. i got scared for the first time for real in many years in our friendship. when i read that you want to talk, i thought… i don’t know what i thought, but no good things came to my mind.” she bragged, max noticed the unertainty in her eyes despite her smile. it was his turn to talk.
“i know i had to write more, or call you, but i wasn’t able to. i couldn’t find the right words.”
“you don’t have to say the right words. i know you, i know what you mean and what you don’t, we’re best friends, fuck, maxie… you scared me when you said nothing,because i felt you say nothing because you don’t want to.”
his heart was heavy —he felt like he’s gonna cry, but he didn’t know why. y/n stated facts, but on the other hands, she thought he doesn’t want her —he never wanted her think this.
“i’m sorry, y/n. i just… fuck, why is this so hard? you’re so cool, so pretty, you help me even if you’re not aware of it, you’re perfect, y/n. you’re perfect for me, and when i lashed out, i was scared that you know that i feel towards you. and if you know it, you’re not gonna stay by my side.”
y/n grew concerned.
“why do you think that i’m not gonna be by your side, maxie?”
max groaned, wiping his face, fingers running through his hair. his body was heavy, he felt so tired, he couldn’ carry the weight any longer —it was time for it.
, ,
“can i be direct and honest?”
the girl beside him nodded.
“just tell me what’s worrying you, max.”
“it’s because i fucking love you, i’m in love with you. i don’t know how long, i don’t know how, but that’s it. i see how perfect you are, how you grow more powerful, more confident every day, y/n, how you glow not just on the races but when we’re together. i’m scared if you gonna outgrow me, and that you’ll find someone who you think is gonna love you better than me, how you will find someone more handsome, more better than words, more… more better for you.” he didn’t even notice the tear his eyes let out. “i know i’m miserable now, but that’s the only way how i can directly say i love you. and i don’t want you to let me go, but i can’t do anything.”
y/n stood still for a couple of minutes, looking deeply into his eyes.
“i’m sorry i let you fee this for so long, maxie. but i can understand why you felt that way, because…”
the pause was so long —because i found someone, because i only think about you as a friend, because i knew you feel this way, i just wanted to give you fake hope, because you really are miserable, because…
“…i couldn’t express how i love you neither.”
max’s glance shot up, right into her eyes —they were honest as always. was this a dream?
“i think i see you how you see me. i am worried for you, i want to go back to the times when i met you, sometimes i wish i could perform better in front of you, just to be sure i still interest you, but then i know i couldn’t keep up my mask with you, if we’re together like, in ninety percent of time. and in the last couple of days, i was scared that you want to talk to me because you got enough of me, or you found someone, someone who’s not me.”
“'i could never find anybody who’s not you, y/n.”
max whispered, brushing her shoulder —it was agonizing what they triggered out from the other. their outsides was like cages, and the insides anted to break out from the beginning, like smoke and spirits wo wanted to intertwine, to be bound together.
“me neither, maxie. i think i’m in love with you, since i knew the little boy in the red bull academy.”
everything was so silent, and the ceremony long forgotten —or max, it was just him and y/n. it was always just y/n, his y/n.
“can i kiss you how i always wanted?” he croaked out, brushing his nose against hers as she cut up his lower lip with hers,
“if you don’t, i’m gonna cry, maxie.”
that kiss was more than anything —years of waiting, years of yearning for each other, years of unconditional love, years of hope and tears, years of sleepless nights and euphoric stands on the podium, thousand of doubts, but in the end, it was just pure love —y/n’s lips were salvation, the only one that assuaged his hunger, his soul.
breaking the kiss, hugging her stronger than ever, touching the soft, naked skin on her back with his hands, he never wanted anything more than this —and now, it was in his hands.
“i don’t care what you say if you kiss me like this. i know you. now i know everything.” y/n said, kissing his jaw, laying her head on his chest, turning to the city lights that shined under them. max turned to the sight too, like he owned the whole world, concepts, sentences and silly words long forgotten.
