I’m sorry for skipping last week’s update but I was super tired. April has been a stressful month in general so I had to deal with that, plus I just started a new job and as someone who LOVES her comfort zone, I had to make some new adjustments and that really took a toll on me, mentally speaking. So there was that too. And, honestly, the chapter was pure shit. Like, one of the most boring things I’ve ever written LOL
Long story short, I needed a break and some real sleep.
Anyway, I’m back. I feel a bit better. I’ll try my best to be as consistent as possible (and I’ll reply to your comments, I promise)
Thank you for your patience, hope you enjoy this new chapter! ☺️
My birthday’s on Friday and this is what my mom got me! And it came just in time for One Chicago Day! I’ll definitely be wearing this tonight when I watch the new eps!
A/N: Happy early birthday @lexiontrend! Here’s that imagine I said I’d write! And, I got some anons wanting a comforting Jay, so I added that in, too!
Anyway, thank you for reading (and for 100k reads)! And, please remember to reblog and comment!
Enjoy!
“You’re right,” Jay began while he looked inside the fridge. “They really don’t leave you any food.”
“Exactly,” you agreed. “There’s some eggs, some yogurt, veggies, fruit, not much. I think there’s some rice in the pantry, too.”
“Well, they live right down the road from the grocery store, so maybe they just run there when they need something,” he suggested.
“Maybe.”
The two of you were talking about the couple you were currently dogsitting for. It was your weightlifting coach and his wife. There were two dogs. One’s name was Ronin and he was big, fat, and lazy (and your favorite) and the other was Royce who was only two years old, barked a lot, and compared to Ronin, was a pain in your ass. But, you were a broke college student who needed money, and you had watched them in the summer for a week, so you figured watching two dogs in September during school would be fine, too.
“What’d you bring me?” you asked. Royce started barking at Jay and you sunk down to your knees and started to pet him. “Chill, dude. You’re okay. It’s okay.” You looked up at Jay. “Give him one of your shoes.”
“What?”
“One of your shoes. Give him one. He doesn’t chew on it, just walks around with it in his mouth. James said he does it all the time. He literally walked up to me with one of his slides hanging out of his mouth when I first came over to see the house before I dogsat for them in July.”
“I hope you’re right about this,” Jay mumbled and then slipped his shoes off and held one towards Royce. “C'mere, buddy. I’m nice. I promise.” Royce just kept barking and didn’t take his shoe.
“Guess he doesn’t like you,” you laughed.
“Guess so.” Then, Ronin barreled up to Jay and sat right next to him. “Oh, but you like everybody,” Jay said and then started petting him.
“Anyway, what’d you bring me?” you asked again.
“Tamales from Mama’s Garcia’s.”
“With everything I like on them?”
“With everything you like on them,” he confirmed and then went to stand up, but Ronin put his paw on Jay’s leg. “Oh, you want me to keep petting you? Okay, bud. You’re such a good boy, yes you are.”
“We should get a dog,” you suggested as you put the tamales in the microwave.
“Not a chance in hell.”
You ate your dinner and then stared at the wall. You were getting anxious about going to sleep tonight and Jay knew it. You were always really anxious whenever you had to stay home alone overnight and then after the first night you were typically fine. It was just getting through the first night that was the hard part.
“Y/N, you’re gonna be fine,” Jay reassured.
“I know, I know. It’s just I have to get homework done tomorrow and what if I can’t sleep and–”
“You’ll be able to sleep. And if you can’t, I’m sure there’s some pre-season hockey happening on the west coast that you can watch.”
“I know, but what if I can’t sleep at all?”
“Y/N, you packed melatonin. You’ll be fine. The first night is always the hardest and then you’re fine after that.”
“I know, I know. But, I’m still putting a knife in the dresser drawer in the room I’m sleeping in just in case. Stab in the stomach and turn and then they’ll bleed out in five minutes.”
Jay chuckled. “I think it takes longer than five minutes for someone to bleed out. And, you don’t need to keep a knife there.”
“Yes, I do. You have a gun, I have a knife.”
Jay rolled his eyes. “Whatever. But, Will’s not working tonight, so if I for some godforsaken reason don’t answer my phone call him. And if he doesn’t answer, try Hailey.”
“Don’t you and Hailey sleep in the same room? Wouldn’t she hear your phone?”
“I don’t know. Just, if neither of us answer, call her.”
“Okay.”
“You’ll be fine, Y/N.”
***
You got through the first night, but Royce and Ronin slept with you in the bed, so you didn’t sleep well at all. And now you had to get ready, take them for their walks, and do all the homework that you had put off.
And you tried, you really did try to do all your homework. But Royce kept bugging you and sometimes Ronin and Royce would bark at each other and you just couldn’t focus.
It was nearing seven o'clock and the sun was starting to set.
Your sleep anxiety kicked in.
What if you couldn’t fall asleep? What if you had no energy to do your homework tomorrow because you hadn’t slept well? What if you somehow get locked out of the house when you have to take one of the dogs outside in the middle of the night? What if one of the dogs for some reason got sick in the middle of the night and you had to bring him to the emergency vet? What if someone broke in even though you always double-check the locks before you go to bed?
You started feeling the familiar feeling of tears pricking your eyes. And then they started to roll down your cheeks.
Ronin barreled up to you and jumped on the couch next to you as if he knew that you needed a hug.
“Thanks, buddy,” you said as you used one hand to pet him and the other hand to wipe your cheeks. “You’re such a good boy.”
You stopped petting him and grabbed your phone. You were an introvert, but when you got like this, you really just wanted someone else to be around you. You wanted the security of knowing that someone else was in the house with you.
You called Jay.
No answer.
You called Will.
No answer.
You called Hailey.
No answer.
You laid your head against the back of the couch and just started to cry harder.
“I dunno who else to call!” you cried. Ronin nudged your hand and licked it. You laughed a little. “Thanks for the kisses, bud.”
You scrolled through your contacts and decided to call Kim. Hopefully, she’d pick up.
“Burgess,” you heard.
You started crying harder because someone finally picked up.
“Kim, can you get Jay for- for me?” you asked, trying your best not to sob.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” she asked immediately.
“I’m- I’m dogsitting and I- I dunno.”
“Are you hurt? Is anyone in the house? Do I need to send patrol over there?” she asked worriedly.
“No, I- I’m fine, physically. But, my anxiety’s really bad and Jay and Will weren’t- weren’t picking up. And I don’t- I don’t know what’s going on, Kim!”
“Okay, okay. Y/N, I need you to take some deep breaths for me.” She waited a few seconds for you to take two deep, shaky breaths. “Y/N, Jay’s in the field, so he can’t leave right now. But, I can come over right now. Is that okay? Do you want me to come over?”
“P-Please. But, can you- can you tell Jay to come over when he’s- when he’s done.”
“I sure can. Now, how about you text me the address and I’ll leave the district right now, okay? Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, then I’ll stay on the line. I’ll have Platt call Jay, okay?”
“Okay.”
***
The doorbell rang and you jumped. Then, your phone buzzed. It was Kim telling you that she was here.
Royce started barking, and you told him to calm down, but he didn’t, which was not unusual for him. Ronin on the other hand just got up from where he was sleeping and followed you to the door.
You opened the front door and Ronin stuck his head out, but you pulled him back in. Even though he was big and didn’t run very fast, you really didn’t feel like risking him getting out without his leash on.
“Oh, wow,” Kim said when she walked in and you had successfully shut the door while keeping Ronin from escaping. “Jay wasn’t lying when he said he was a big dog.”
“Yeah,” you agreed, “but he’s a good boy.”
And of course, to show this, Ronin licked Kim’s hand and then looked up at her.
“Did you eat anything yet?” she asked.
“No,” you answered. “I was trying to get my homework done, but Royce kept barking so much today that it was hard to focus.”
“Have you eaten anything today?” Kim asked.
“Yeah. I just haven’t eaten dinner yet.”
“Okay. Then you should probably do that.”
“But I need to take them on another W-A-L-K before it gets too dark.”
Kim nodded. “Understandable. Here, I’ll help you. Which one should I take?”
“You should probably take Ronin because he’s calmer. Royce–” As if on cue, the younger dog came up to Kim and started barking at her. “–is a little less calm. He won’t bite; he just barks a lot. He doesn’t like strangers.”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
***
By the time the two of you got back from taking the dogs for their walks, Jay’s truck was in the driveway. You wanted to cry with relief when you saw his truck.
Jay had been there for your very first panic attack and the one you had earlier, was one of the worst ones you’ve had since you finished high school two years ago.
Jay followed you and Kim inside once you unlocked the door. Once the dogs were off their leashes, they ran straight for their water bowl.
“Thanks for coming, Kim,” Jay said. “I appreciate it.”
“No problem. She’s like my little sister, too.”
Jay laughed. “I think she’s like that with almost everyone in Intelligence. I can take it from here if you want to get home.”
“Okay. See you later. Bye, Y/N. Have a good night,” she said to you.
“You, too,” you said.
The minute she was out the door, you immediately hugged Jay. “I don’t know what’s going on!” you cried as tears welled up in your eyes.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothed. “We’ll get through this.”
“No, we won’t! It’ll be like this every night until they get back!”
He pulled away. “Why do you think that, Y/N?”
“Because that’s what always happens! I have a panic attack at one place and then that place gets associated with it and- and- and then I have another one there!”
“Y/N, take a deep breath with me.” He took one and you followed suit. “Good. Now, how about we get you something to eat, and then we can talk while you eat, sound good?”
“Okay.”
“Did you go to the store like you said you were going to when we talked this morning?” You nodded. “Okay. How about you go take a hot shower to calm down while I make dinner?”
“Okay.”
***
When you got out of the shower fifteen minutes later, you smelled something cheesy coming from downstairs.
You got dressed and then walked back downstairs, to see Jay setting a bowl of cheese broccoli soup next to a plate of salad, a glass of water, and a smaller plate of Oreos on the table.
“Figured you needed something more filling than just soup, so I made some salad, too,” he explained.
“Thanks,” you said and sat down at the table. “So Oreos count as filling?”
“Well, no, but I saw you bought them, and you might want a pick me up. We both know you love Oreos.” He pulled out a chair and sat across from you while you started to eat your salad. “So, here’s the deal: I talked to Will.”
“Oh, no,” you groaned.
Jay rolled his eyes. “He said that having a routine that you can do anywhere before you go to bed helps. So, it’d be one you can do at home and while you’re dogsitting. Then your brain will know that it’s time to wind down and go to sleep.”
“Okay, so what should I do?”
“For starters, he said not to go on your phone. You could do things like read or journal. Wash your face. Take a shower. Drink tea or something else without caffeine. He said those would help your body to know that it’s time to sleep.”
“I brought a book with me. But, what if I’m reading on my laptop or phone? Can I still do that?”
“I’m sure if it’s in night-shift mode then it will be fine because it doesn’t have the blue light. I also texted Hailey to ask her what app she uses for journaling because I know she uses one and it takes her like a max of five minutes to journal. She gave me the name if that’s something you’d want to do.”
“Okay, yeah.” He gave you the name and you quickly downloaded the app.
“She takes the prompts and writes them in her journal, but you can always just write them in the app if you want,” Jay explained.
You raised an eyebrow. “How do you know all this? You use this app or something?”
Jay laughed and shook his head. “No, Hailey just told me all that when she texted me.”
“Oh. Okay. Can you stay over the last few nights I’m here?” you asked.
“Y/N, you know I can’t do that. I can stay over tonight but not tomorrow night because of the case we’re working on. Will’s working, but I can see if Stella or Kelly can come by–”
“No!” you yelled. “I want you! Please, Jay! Please. Just- Just stay. Please,” you begged.
“Y/N, they can keep you just as safe as me,” Jay said. Even though they don’t have a gun, he thought to himself.
“But I- I just want you,” you said as tears welled up in your eyes.
Jay stood up and walked over to you. “C'mere.” He opened his arms for a hug, and you quickly got off your chair and hugged him. “Let it out.” You began to sob while laying your head on his chest, soaking his jacket. “Let it out. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
A minute passed and you pulled away and wiped your eyes.
“Can I ask why it has to be me who’s here?” Jay asked quietly.
“You- You calmed me down after my first panic attack. After Dad died,” you explained. “And you know how it is.”
“I know how what is?”
“Feeling anxious about stuff that other people find normal.”
He knew you were referring to his PTSD. And, he got it. He didn’t know if Stella or Kelly struggled with PTSD or anxiety. He knew they wouldn’t judge you in the slightest for struggling with this. But, he knew it felt better to talk about stuff with others who had gone through the same or similar things, which was why he tended to speak more about his experiences in the war during his veterans’ support groups than he did to Will or Hailey. He also knew that even though anxiety and PTSD weren’t exactly the same, they had some similar aspects to them. And he knew how it felt to want to break down around people who understood him.
“Listen, I’ll talk to Voight, okay? I’ll see if I can leave work around 10 the next few nights so that I can be here around 10:30. Does that sound good?”
You nodded. “Yeah. Will you do my routine with me, too? Just like, read at the same time as me when you get here?”
He nodded. “That I can do. Now eat your food before it gets cold while I go call Voight.”
Jay made the call and got permission to leave work around 10:00 the next few nights. And, he even picked up an eye mask at the store for you that had built-in speakers so you could listen to music and wouldn’t hear all the little noises that houses make in the dark.
Even though you were in college, you knew that with one phone call, your big brother would come to your rescue.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading! And, please remember to vote and comment! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!
