#come off it

“This isn’t a game. This is serious. It is a commitment. You don’t get to turn off the dynamic when you don’t feel like it. Don’t get involved if you can’t handle it." 

I’ve been thinking a bit about the expectations in D/s and kink. In many ways, we’re lucky that the kink community is big and reaches across the globe. There is so much education, support, and mentorship. But, damn, there is also so much bullshit. 

Particularly, the pressure to be the perfect partner. The strong, indestructible Dominant. The obedient, devoted submissive. The rhetoric that once a dynamic is established, it can’t be touched. 

Having a bad day? It doesn’t matter - you’re a DOMINANT!!! Get your shit together and embrace your role as large and in charge! Feel grumpy and moody? You decided to be a SUBMISSIVE - your attitude isn’t unacceptable and disrespectful. 

Dominant, submissive… human. We’re all human. Don’t let a VOLUNTARY power dynamic make you forget your human needs. 

So yes, the dynamic is not a game. But the dynamic is also not immovable, inflexible, immune to evolution. If you need to step away from your dynamic, do so. You DO have the power to turn it off. You get to decide what is best for your mental/emotional/physical health. And, if stepping away is the right choice for you, your partner will probably support and respect your decision. (If not… there are bigger issues.)

All that to say, I get so fucking annoyed when people spread the message that you can’t turn off a dynamic. You can do whatever you want. Stepping away does not belittle or insult your relationship, power structure, or partner.

I’ve been struggling lately, so L and I discussed and decided to step away from our dynamic for a short time. I don’t care for him any less. I don’t adore him any less. I’m still his. He’s still mine. He’s my human before he’s my Dom. Simply, being submissive isn’t the right thing for me right now. So, we turned it off. For now. 

And guess what? 

We’re just fine.