#comedy tragedy

Today’s theme for etchtober is divided, which I thought was an oddly prefect fit for how I’ve felt today. On one hand I am sublimely happy - I am pursuing my dreams. I have fulfilling relationships with my friends, family and boyfriend. In so many ways I really couldn’t ask for more. I am happy, and thankful. But there’s another side of the coin.

Today I was on Facebook, looking through memories of previous posts I made on this day. I read a post I made a few years ago, wishing my dad a happy birthday.

I forgot it was my dad’s birthday today - for the first time ever. He died almost 17 years ago, and I’ve remembered his birthday every October 2nd since then. But this year, who knows - life happened, and I forgot. It took Facebook to remind me. I felt like my dad died a little more the moment I realized it. In so many ways it feels like his death was just yesterday, but the reality is that he has not been in my life for more than 2/3 of it.

So I feel divided. I am happy, I am living the life I have worked so hard to make for myself, and I am so fortunate that my dreams are coming true. But my dad never got to see it. I am sure he would be happy for me, I am sure he would be proud. I wish I could have shown him. There’s no right way to grieve the loss of someone, and I’ve found it true for me that time has dulled the pain. Time helps to distract, and it helps to forget.

My dad was born on October 2, 1947. He would have been 70 today. Today, I made this art for him. Happy birthday dad.