#crazy for him
Last night L used me for the first time in months.
Many of you know that I’ve been focusing on my mental health this year, and it has caused us to pause the sexual side of our dynamic. I’m so thankful to have a partner whose love is not conditional and a Dom who can exert the control I crave without reaching for my body first.
There wasn’t a huge build up. He teased me a little. Edged me a few times. (L never lets me orgasm without edging me AT LEAST 3 times.) But he didn’t play with me too long before ordering me to scream for him.
Normally, it probably would not have been a very powerful orgasm. But after two months of no touching, an orgasm can be a shock to the system.
I cried. A lot. And L stayed. He quietly comforted me. Told how precious I am to him, how safe I am under his control, and that he’s not going to leave me.
I know I’m preaching to the choir, but the beauty of D/s is not in the rough sex and the name calling. It’s the safety we create for each other. Spaces to be ourselves without shame.
L reminds me of that fact through the love and care he shows me - on the good days and the bad. When he can call me his whore and when he stays with me through anxiety attacks.
I’m safe with him.
Also, my throat hurts from screaming.
AND I should add: L didn’t rush me or even suggest playtime. He waited months until I signaled I was ready last night and asked for him to use me.
He never complained. He didn’t mention it once.
