Common Masturbation Questions

[This post contains discussion of masturbation and associated processes.]

What’s the point of masturbating?

The point is what you make it. For a lot of people, even a lot of asexual people, the point of masturbating is to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm. But that’s not the only reason people do it. Some people do it for stress relief or to calm libido. Some people do it to prevent unwanted arousal or nighttime ejaculations. Some people just want to test out those parts periodically. Some people do it as a form of stimming. It’s all about why you do it and what you get out of it.

What should I expect my first time?

You honestly shouldn’t expect much to happen when you first start learning how to masturbate. Your first time will probably involve a lot of awkward fumbling with parts of your body you’re not all that familiar with. There’s a good chance you won’t have an orgasm, and there’s a possibility you won’t really even feel anything at all (except maybe a little sore). And that’s all right! Contrary to rumors, your genitals don’t have a “Press Here For Pleasure” button. It takes work and it takes practice. If it doesn’t work the first time, try again!

How will I know it’s working?

For many people, though not all, masturbating will cause pleasurable sensations in the genitals after a short while. You may also notice changes in breathing or heart rate. As you progress, you may experience involuntary or semi-voluntary muscle movements, such as facial contortions, genital contractions, closing your eyes, vocalizations or moaning, tilting your head back, arching your back, straightening your legs, toe curling, or raising your torso up. Many of these movements, although they sound uncomfortable in a text description, can be pleasant to experience while masturbating.
Some people will notice that their nipples harden. Some areas of the skin may begin to change color. If you have a vagina, you may experience vaginal wetness. If you have a penis, you may produce some clear lubricating fluid from your urethra. You may also begin to feel a sort of fullness or pressure down below. Some people feel like they have to pee (But usually they don’t, it’s just a matter of shared real estate).

Probably the clearest sign that it’s “working” is having an orgasm, but not every has those or wants those..

How will I know if it isn’t working?

Here are a few signs that you’re not really getting anywhere:

• You’ve been doing it for a while and haven’t noticed a change in sensation.
• You’re losing your erection or other signs of arousal.
• It’s starting to hurt.
• You’re completely bored.
• You don’t want to continue.

If you’re not getting anything out of the process, you can stop at any time. Any arousal that has built up will dissipate over time.

How do I know if it will never work?

This I can’t really answer. The standard advice is that you should just keep trying different things until you get there, but that’s bad advice to take to the extreme. For some people, like those with anhedonia, masturbating will never really provide pleasure (if that’s what you’re after). You should not feel any obligation to try everything under the sun, if you feel like you’ve given it enough of a shot and haven’t gotten anywhere.

How long does masturbation take?

The amount of time it takes to masturbate will vary widely from person to person, from time to time. Under the right circumstances, someone in a rush can finish in about a minute. On the other extreme, someone can continue masturbating for hours if they want to. It’s hard to get a clear average, but it’s probably within the range of a few minutes to half an hour.

Even if it takes someone 30 minutes or an hour to finish, they’re usually feeling some benefit within the first few minutes. That benefit might be pleasurable sensations, or relaxation, or libido subsidence, or whatever else they’re after. It’s usually not 29.5 minutes of nothing with thirty seconds of ecstasy at the end.

Generally speaking, if you’ve been masturbating for 10-20 minutes and don’t feel like you’re really getting anywhere at all, there’s a good chance the stimulation you’re doing isn’t going to be effective and you should change your technique or try again later. However, if you’re enjoying yourself, take as long as you want.

How do I know when to stop?

You’ll know when to stop when you think “Okay, enough of that, I’m done now.” For a lot of people, that point can be having an orgasm. An orgasm tends to be a good stopping point for a lot of people because a satisfying event, and also because some people are physically unable to continue after one. However, there are many people who’ll stop before an orgasm for any number of reasons, and some people will continue after the first orgasm and have a second and third. Some people stop when they fall asleep, or when the hot water runs out, or when the roommates come home, or when the batteries die. But you should stop when you feel like stopping, and not worry about when other people stop.

What’s an orgasm like?

An orgasm is a complicated mix of things all converging at one time, focused on the genital region, but possibly being experienced throughout the body. For most people, it’s a notable event, a clear point where things change, lasting several seconds. For many people, though not all, an orgasm is a moment of intense pleasure, stronger than what may have been felt up to that point, and is usually accompanied by a series of rhythmic muscular contractions. If you have a penis, it also usually features ejaculation of semen. However, not every orgasm is the same and they don’t always have all these same features. Some people will never experience one component of an orgasm, but may experience others. Everyone has their own individual mix of sensations.

While most sources portray orgasms as universally sought after and enjoyed, that is not the case. Some people do not like them, and try to avoid them when masturbating. With enough practice and experience, you can sense an impending orgasm and stop stimulating yourself before it happens. Orgasms are also portrayed as some world shattering event, and that is also not always the case. Many orgasms range from “okay” to “meh”, and even the “good” ones typically don’t cause earthquakes, fireworks, or the loss of your knees for three weeks.

What’s the deal with ejaculation?

Ejaculation is where some fluid is involuntarily expelled from the body, usually during orgasm.

For penis and testicle owners, this fluid is known as semen, and contains tons of sperm. Sperm is a critical component in starting a pregnancy, but if you’re masturbating alone, you don’t have to worry about that. For people with a penis, ejaculation is so frequently correlated with orgasms that the two are often mistakenly believed to be inseperable, however, it’s possible to ejaculate without orgasm or orgasm without ejaculation, even if you own a penis. You should clean up semen after you ejaculate, otherwise it can stain fabrics, dry out and harden, cause things to stick together, and otherwise be unpleasant and potentially embarrassing to deal with.

The amount of semen expelled during ejaculation, as well as the force with which is expelled is largely unpredictable and highly variable within a single person. In general, it’s a few milliliters of fluid. Sometimes it will dribble out, other times it can shoot out several feet. If you sense when the orgasm is about to begin, you can direct where you will ejaculate to some extent, or you can cover the end of your penis with a towel or tissue. You can also wear a condom while you masturbate, since condoms are specifically designed to capture semen and prevent it from getting out. Many penis toys are large enough or have a closed end and will also contain it.

For vulva owners, ejaculation is less common. Sometimes the fluid is vaginal lubrication that is pushed out by the contractions of an orgasm, other times it can be a secretion from the Skene’s Gland, sometimes it’s urine, and sometimes it’s a combination of some or all of those. Ejaculation has been associated with stimulation of the G-Spot, a ridged/bumpy/harder region of the front wall of the vagina.

Porn is obsessed with ejaculation and often lies about it. Porn says that every time a penis ejaculates, it shoots three feet and has a huge volume. Not true: A lot of people just have short dribblers, also, it’s not unheard of for porn to completely fake that aspect, especially when it’s more extreme. Porn says that every time a penis ejaculates, it should be on/in something or someone else. Not true: It’s perfectly fine to ejaculate onto your own stomach or down the shower drain. Porn says that every time a vulva ejaculates, it’s a huge shower of liquid. Not true: Most of the time when it’s featured in porn, it’s really just the performer peeing into the air.

Finally…

This probably didn’t address all your questions and maybe raised some new ones, so feel free to use the ask box (You can be anonymous!) if you have anything to ask or anything to contribute!