#cw parental death

bad personal news under the cut and why I’m not really here anymore:

My dad just spent 6 days in the hospital after a collapse that required EMS. The cancer drug that said we could get 8 months from … isn’t working, and with his cancer type, blood loss is the main COD basically. There’s no taking it out. Radiation only lasted for a month or so. The doctors are urging end-of-life care… of course, my dad isn’t ready to die, so he argued his oncologist into doing a different chemo regime. Her only suggestion was a drug that buys 5 months of time… for 20 percent of the people taking it.

Obviously, that’s 80 percent that see no clinical benefit from it.

Best case, we’re talking August, September. If we’re very lucky.

I know it’s dumb, but I thought, maybe RNM will be back by then. Maybe the next season of Nancy Drew will be ready and I can see Nancy/Ace again. I’m looking for the tiniest treats for me. I am already in search of coping mechanisms for fall and winter. Fuck thinking about Christmas.

ETA: 4/19/2022 - my horse came up lame. Vet says he needs to be retired. There goes one of the few things that comforts me. Obviously I still have him, he’s just a pasture pet now.

ETA: 5/12/2022 - so RNM was canceled. So I get to lose my dad and my show in the same year. Fuck.

ETA : 5/25/2022 - we stopped treatment. Doctor says he has a few weeks left. Hoping we get to his birthday. Really hoping we get a few months if we don’t have chemo sapping his strength…