#cw suicide

Content warning: suicide

Oddly enough, the last song on the first BTMI! album technically predates the band itself, as Jeff recorded parts of “Future 86” with the Arrogant Sons Of Bitches. Probably the saddest song on the album, “Future 86” has a similar structure to “Sweet Home Cananada,” but it drops the ska rhythm for a different strum pattern more commonly associated with solo ukulele music. Lyrically, however, it’s far more devastating than anything on an Eddie Vedder solo album. “Can I stop my life so I could jut be with you?” the song begins, as if it’s going to be a tender, romantic moment; but just as life goes on, the song continues, refusing to paint any kind of oversimplified pretty picture of the consequences. Jeff jokes about embezzling his band fund, admitting that this would “destroy what he has made” – a melancholy reflection on what you might leave behind as the price of a stable relationship. Even then, there’s no guarantee things will work out: after he sings of moving to New York, he imagines: “We’ll start to fight when I start to resent you, / And we’ll both agree the thought was nice, but I should not have stayed.” In classic BTMI! fashion, this is juxtaposed with humour, as begins the verse that kicks of this rhyme scheme: “Say the word, and I’ll put my guitar down, / I’ll be sad, but at least we’ll both get laid.”

The song ends on a kind of plea for some sign that can help him make his decision to stay or go: “Tell me something awesome, / That can last my whole life sentence in the van, / ‘Cause I’m on the SS Bullshit Dreams to nowhere, / And I’ll probably never see your face again.” And the first repetition of this plea signals the count-in for a roaring wall-of-sound barrage of distorted bass, guitars, a horn section and more, ramping up the cathartic tension between indecision and finality carried by the song’s simple-yet-unforgettable melody. It all comes together with a chorus of “around 100” (according to Jeff’s notes) kids repeating that chorus in unison at the finale. It’s an arresting moment, and I’m not sure if there’s a better last song on any other BTMI! Album. In fact, it worked so well as a final song that this was chosen as the last song the band played at their last-ever show before breaking up in 2014.

In many ways, this song has followed me throughout my life. After listening to it obsessively when I finished Album Minus Band for the first time in 10^th grade, it returned to me at the end of high school as I began to reflect on what would happen to the bonds between me and my friends if we moved to different cities in the future. I learned the guitar chords to it at some point and haven’t forgotten them (well, maybe I need a little prompting sometimes) since – it’s become a bit of a sing-along among my friend group from that time. I played it at the end of a relationship with a girl in university, which I can see in hindsight was really cringe-y; but I can’t say it didn’t help me get my feelings out. I played it again at what I thought was going to be the end of another relationship – but thankfully that one has worked out OK so far!

Last year, a friend of mine from those high school days who was also a big fan of BTMI! killed himself. At a memorial gathering in his backyard with a few other friends from those days, I brought my guitar and we sang a bunch of songs from that time in our life, including Wingnut Dishwashers Union’s “Fuck Shit Up!” and, of course, “Future 86.” And now that song has one more layer of resonance for me.

Content warning: suicide

Oddly enough, the last song on the first BTMI! album technically predates the band itself, as Jeff recorded parts of “Future 86” with the Arrogant Sons Of Bitches. Probably the saddest song on the album, “Future 86” has a similar structure to “Sweet Home Cananada,” but it drops the ska rhythm for a different strum pattern more commonly associated with solo ukulele music. Lyrically, however, it’s far more devastating than anything on an Eddie Vedder solo album. “Can I stop my life so I could jut be with you?” the song begins, as if it’s going to be a tender, romantic moment; but just as life goes on, the song continues, refusing to paint any kind of oversimplified pretty picture of the consequences. Jeff jokes about embezzling his band fund, admitting that this would “destroy what he has made” – a melancholy reflection on what you might leave behind as the price of a stable relationship. Even then, there’s no guarantee things will work out: after he sings of moving to New York, he imagines: “We’ll start to fight when I start to resent you, / And we’ll both agree the thought was nice, but I should not have stayed.” In classic BTMI! fashion, this is juxtaposed with humour, as begins the verse that kicks of this rhyme scheme: “Say the word, and I’ll put my guitar down, / I’ll be sad, but at least we’ll both get laid.”

The song ends on a kind of plea for some sign that can help him make his decision to stay or go: “Tell me something awesome, / That can last my whole life sentence in the van, / ‘Cause I’m on the SS Bullshit Dreams to nowhere, / And I’ll probably never see your face again.” And the first repetition of this plea signals the count-in for a roaring wall-of-sound barrage of distorted bass, guitars, a horn section and more, ramping up the cathartic tension between indecision and finality carried by the song’s simple-yet-unforgettable melody. It all comes together with a chorus of “around 100” (according to Jeff’s notes) kids repeating that chorus in unison at the finale. It’s an arresting moment, and I’m not sure if there’s a better last song on any other BTMI! Album. In fact, it worked so well as a final song that this was chosen as the last song the band played at their last-ever show before breaking up in 2014.

In many ways, this song has followed me throughout my life. After listening to it obsessively when I finished Album Minus Band for the first time in 10^th grade, it returned to me at the end of high school as I began to reflect on what would happen to the bonds between me and my friends if we moved to different cities in the future. I learned the guitar chords to it at some point and haven’t forgotten them (well, maybe I need a little prompting sometimes) since – it’s become a bit of a sing-along among my friend group from that time. I played it at the end of a relationship with a girl in university, which I can see in hindsight was really cringe-y; but I can’t say it didn’t help me get my feelings out. I played it again at what I thought was going to be the end of another relationship – but thankfully that one has worked out OK so far!

Last year, a friend of mine from those high school days who was also a big fan of BTMI! killed himself. At a memorial gathering in his backyard with a few other friends from those days, I brought my guitar and we sang a bunch of songs from that time in our life, including Wingnut Dishwashers Union’s “Fuck Shit Up!” and, of course, “Future 86.” And now that song has one more layer of resonance for me.