#d gray man rp
BUT OH, to carry the weight of an age-old wrath, sorrow and ache upon shoulders as small as her own.
she remembered.
she remembered it all far too well for those bittersweet memories which she tried to accept as necessary and yet, at the same time, wished she could simply forget. Lips were parted, but nothing came out of them: not a sound, nor a breath.
andnot even a pained whimper at the way the seven h̶o̶l̶y̶ crosses on her forehead burned on her skin, more and more, the deeper she fell into that subconsciousness she both despised and adored.
the first times weren’t as bad as some would describe; or so she thought: repetitive nightmares, which stuck to this day with her, suddenly took over nights that soon enough, became sleepless in an attempt to avoid looking atIT in its hollow eyes. Little did she know at the time, though, that to force herself to stay awake over and over and over again, would prove itself to do more harm than good.
her body, however, pulled merciless pranks on her by throwing her back against her will when it could no longer withstand the lack of rest ━
━ and into that dark void of a world, DEVOID of sensation and DEVOID of reality was she again, and back was the feeling of choking on her own breath and tears, back was the soulless creature holding her by her neck and screaming at her in a tongue she couldn’t grasp, nor understand, before it carved on her flesh, with its own bare fingers, seven crosses across her forehead.
alas, the Dreams refused to dream. With all her might, but it was to no avail: for if it couldn’t disarm her and show her the reality of this world while she was unconscious, then it would shove it down her throat, in the material plane.
and so, hallucinations didn’t take too long to haunt her: A look in the mirror was unbearable, to catch but a glimpse of her reflection, distorted and faceless, was akin to bloodied knuckles and shattered glass, yet another attempt to escape a fate that was inevitable, unavoidable, impeding.
voices filled her ears and rang within an exhausted mind, come to us, they called, come back, they pleaded, and she ignored, despite the sharp pain and the feeling of restlessness that followed suit.
DON’T IGNORE US, they ordered once she didn’t listen, and if at first those vocals only sounded desperate, then as time went by they got angrier, then furious, then livid; much like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth, living within the confines of her skull and barking to be released from its prison.
delusions of a sleep deprived heart, for sure ━ or so she tried to convince herself, right until the very last moments.
and until then, until she could close her eyes and lay in the arms of acceptance, this girl would have a long, treacherous path to cross: for the first nights were, now that she could face the abyss within her in the eyes, THE EASIEST PART.
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part /
