;Genre: Smutty smut smut smu- okay there’s some fluff and crack too
;Word Count: Long..like my di- (8.5k)
;Warnings: Everything bab- (WOULD YOU LET ME SPEAK?!) oral sex (hola senor blowjob), masturbation (sweet baby grapes yes), anal play ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) crude language (what are you 12?), unprotected sex (stay safe kids!), spanking
;Synopsis: There is no synopsis. It’s just you…me…and a real good time sweet cheeks.
;A/N: This just came about because I talked about it with @yminie. Probably not as funny as I thought it was…there’s a plot if you squint somewhere. Supposed to be a drabble. Evidently not.
-
The living room is quiet until suddenly a figure jumps up from behind the couch, jolting in surprise as he turns round and catches sight of the reader. A black gloved hand presses against the red leather that covers his chest while the white eye circles of his face mask become overly exaggerated.
“Oh…you scared me there. I was just…cleaning…for dust bunnies. Behind the couch. Definitely not playing with tiny unicorn toys. No way. You’re dead wrong. And if you tell my girlfriend. I will call you a liar. A big…beautiful liar.” He moves around the couch in tiny, awkward movements before his hand flicks quickly as he throws something away.
The toy unicorns hit the ground with tiny plastic thumps but he lets out a high pitched giggle that distracts attention. “So…you may recognise me. I’m kind of a big deal. At least, I think I’m a big deal. You may recognise me from that super awesome comic series, or even the really, hugely successful films that have come out starring the incredibly handsome Ryan Reynolds. What a face, am I right?”
He sits down, grumbling slightly when one of the swords on his back catches the couch pillow before he throws it to the side and leans backwards, spreading both arms while crossing a leg over his knee.
“So…my story. I have many…many different stories. And this is a…a little one. A short one. Just for you guys. My sweet, beautiful, loyal people.” A kiss is blown. “My name is Park Jimin, and I’m one handsome motherfucker if I do say so myself.” His head tilts to the side before shrugging.
“A few things to make clear before we move on with this ‘totally-not-fanfiction’ story. Number one, if you’re questioning where the extra four inches went compared to Ryan Reynolds,” He shifts slightly and strokes his ass. “Prime Park ass, right here. Perfect.” Bringing his fingers together, he blows another kiss.
“Secondly, I cannot be held accountable if you fall in love with me. I’m sorry my darlings, but it just can’t be. Fourthly, I was born in Busan first - wait I’m not supposed to know that yet. Fifthly…is that a word? Wait…did I miss a number? Did I? Whatever. What was I going to say?” Everything starts to go black and he jerks around, complaining loudly.
“Wait, no! STOP IT! You come back here camera! DON’T TAKE ME AWAY FROM THE-wait I have to go so the story starts? Oh…okay, capiche.” He finger guns to the side before saluting. “Enjoy table fuckers. I LOVE YOU SPIDER-MAN!” He screams before everything stops.
Man, the beginning is so great. I could envision Deadpool acting and saying those things. I think you embodied his character well throughout the fic (: Also, I liked how you jumped straight into Deadpool’s character with the fic description. It’s a nice touch.
The scarred yet incredibly handsome man had an infectious personality that both exasperated and amused you, pulling you in while simultaneously making you want to push him away.
Loved this description. I feel Deadpool is truly like this with his brash yet alluring personality. Nice!
He had odd habits. Like some weird overgrown cat, he’d started to leave you presents in your home. Teddy bears, gummy sweets…even a hosepipe, which had been bizarre until he had simply shrugged and said they were on sale at Home Depot.
Ahaha I loved this. So on point.
even if he did whine like a soccer mom at a PTA meeting.
Loved this lol
“Baby…I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing. Let’s swing by the grocery store after this and pick up a cutlery set. What’s your thoughts about egg cups?”
I love your dialogue!
You’d only get eye strain from how many times you have to do it.
Haha I can imagine
Spider-Man was like catnip to Jimin
“I LOVE YOU SPIDER-MAN!” He screams before everything stops.
