Why would a trans guy want to be a gestational parent?
I want to kick off this blog by talking about one question so many people have… “But, why??”.
Why would someone who’s a man want to be pregnant and birth a child?
Why would someone who’s desperately trying to be seen as a man do one of the biggest things associated with being a woman?
What about gender dysphoria?
Why not adopt or get a surrogate? Or what if your partner is a cis woman, shouldn’t she carry instead?
There’s multiple answers to all of these questions depending on the trans person you talk to. Some will say “I would never want to be pregnant, I couldn’t do it”, some would say “it’s just easier than adoption” some would say “having a child come from your body is a beautiful thing” and so forth
For me, I’ve known for a long time I wanted a child. This child was not planned, but they’re coming nonetheless. I’ve known that options like adoption or surrogacy isn’t very accessible and probably wouldn’t be possible for me, and frankly I want a child that looks like me. Having someone surrogate can be extremely expensive and the hormones they put you through to collect eggs can be stressful and difficult, and isn’t worth it to everyone.
I understand I will experience, and have experienced gender dysphoria because of it. I get weird questions, I get confusion, I get misgendered as my appearance changes and my breasts get bigger, and it’s only going to get worse as I start showing.
I’ve had people ask me “but isn’t this against everything you believe in??” And I was confused. I’ve never said I was against birthing, I never said I didn’t want to have a child, and I never said I wanted to rid of my current genitalia. I’ve had people ask me what the child will call me, if it’ll confuse them, etc.
To me, it’ll all be worth it in the end. I’ll have a child I can raise my way, with a healthy family, and trauma and ND informed parents who will always love them and help them when needed.
It’s hard, of course it’s hard. It’s hard enough for cis women and for us trans guys (and nonbinary people), it’s extra hard.
Basically at the end of the day, we have the choice to do what we wish with our bodies. We aren’t harming anyone by being pregnant, and we aren’t harming anyone if we choose not to get pregnant.
Remember to keep invasive questions to yourself, and remember we deserve the same respect anyone else does. Respect us, and everyone will be a lot happier in the long run.
“Join NYTAG virtually this Thursday! In this panel discussion and Q&A, we’ll explore access and barriers to parenthood through the journeys of three trans fathers.
Featuring panelists Kayden Coleman, Aydian Dowling and Christopher Ellis.
This session is FREE and open to all TGNCNB folks.
Featuring panelists Kayden Coleman, Aydian Dowling and Christopher Ellis.
Kayden Coleman (he/him/his) is a 35 years old black transgender man who has carried and given birth to two daughters. He is one of very few black transgender men who have done so publicly. Kayden gained public attention when his first pregnancy story went viral in 2015, following an article published in a popular UK based newspaper. He then gained attention again when a political figure used his images/videos as a pillar of hate towards the trans community - two days after giving birth to his 2nd daughter. Since then, Kayden has dedicated his life to advocating for transgender people in medical spaces. He hopes that through education he can assist in erasing the trauma and disparities that trans people face when seeking medical care.
Aydian Dowling (he/him/his)
With a breakthrough cover feature in Men’s Health magazine, multiple appearances on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and the CEO of the Point of Pride nonprofit that’s helped over ten thousand people receive gender affirming garments and surgeries, Aydian Dowling is an admired household name in the transgender community.
Aydian’s latest project is a Transition Recording and Community Engagement App for transitioning folks and their allies.
His loyal followers have found strength and courage through Aydian’s kindness, confidence, and vulnerability – traits he also brings to his role of devoted husband and father.”
Looking back at these photos of my pregnancy, birth and beyond is really such a trip. To think, I carried this beautiful child for (almost) 9 months and actually gave birth to him…it’s the most amazing feeling. To know that I am capable of such a miracle is so humbling. This journey was and is the best decision I’ve ever made. It was so worth all of the dysphoria I’ve experienced, because just looking at that face makes it all disappear. Being a seahorse dad is the greatest blessing I could ever imagine. ❤️❤️
Photos in order:
-4 weeks pregnant
-37 weeks pregnant
-Rowan’s birthday (ft my amazing husband)
-3 months old
Go follow my Instagram @transwithchild to see my journey!
Also, please feel free to ask any questions, I am an open book and really want to make sure that my trans family has the info they need if this journey is something they are thinking of embarking on. (obviously keep it respectful)
