#discworld
Concept:
Sam Vimes walks into a hardware store for the first time.
Five hours later, Angua has to tell him Pseudopolis Yard is on fire to get him to leave.
#sam vimes#Discworld#i’m not saying sam is the kind of dad to build a deck#but have you SEEN how much fun he has making traps around his house#(or in night watch good gods)#what if he discovered DUCT TAPE#or POWER DRILLS#don’t tell me sam vimes wouldn’t dismantle a barbecue grill so he could make railings that heated up if you tried to climb them#this is not even CONSIDERING the wide variety of axes chainsaws and bear traps#give him a chance to make a rube goldman machine of Doom and you won’t see him for a whole day#a bit of happy headcanon before the 25th#(bc i’m re-reading night watch and you better believe some Sad is coming out of that)
“You’d like Freedom, Truth and Justice, wouldn’t you, comrade sergeant?” said Reg encouragingly.
“I’d like a hard-boiled egg,” said Vimes, shaking the match out.
There was some nervous laughter, but Reg looked offended.
“In the circumstances, sergeant, I think we should set our sights a little higher–”
“Well, yes, we could,” said Vimes, coming down the steps. He glanced at the sheets of paper in front of Reg. The man cared. He really did. And he was serious. He really was. “But… well, Reg, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and I’m pretty sure that whatever happens we won’t have found Freedom, and there won’t be a whole lot of Justice, and I’m damn sure we won’t have found Truth. But it’s just possible that I might get a hard-boiled egg.”– and a hard-boiled egg | Terry Pratchett, Night Watch