#dominic x reader
INDAY
± A Trese Fic ±
[Crispin/Basilio/Maliksi/Dominic x Skymaiden!Reader]
01:Noon at Ngayon(Link)
02:Ang Kambal na Anak ni Datu Talagbusao, Diyos ng Digmaan (✓)
03:Ang Prinsipe ng Mga Tikbalang (Link)
04:Ang Pinuno ng Mga Aswang (Link)
02: Ang Kambal na Anak ni Datu Talagbusao, Diyos ng Digmaan
“It’s been three years, Inday,” Gabay told you one day, morphing into a white butterfly on your shoulder. It was 5:28AM in Hanoi, and the sun was only beginning to rise; the morning light just beginning to peek through the curtains of your current residence, which you stayed in alone since it was only fit for one person. Thus, you often had your peace in the early hours of the day. The only sounds that could be heard were the chirping of the birds outside, instrumental Bossa Nova music playing from your phone, and your kettle whistling on the stove.
INDAY
± A Trese Fic ±
[Crispin/Basilio/Maliksi/Dominic x Skymaiden!Reader]
01:Noon at Ngayon(Link)
02:Ang Kambal na Anak ni Datu Talagbusao, Diyos ng Digmaan (✓)
03:Ang Prinsipe ng Mga Tikbalang (Link)
04:Ang Pinuno ng Mga Aswang (Link)
02: Ang Kambal na Anak ni Datu Talagbusao, Diyos ng Digmaan
“It’s been three years, Inday,” Gabay told you one day, morphing into a white butterfly on your shoulder. It was 5:28AM in Hanoi, and the sun was only beginning to rise; the morning light just beginning to peek through the curtains of your current residence, which you stayed in alone since it was only fit for one person. Thus, you often had your peace in the early hours of the day. The only sounds that could be heard were the chirping of the birds outside, instrumental Bossa Nova music playing from your phone, and your kettle whistling on the stove.
This is a new Sonny Carisi (Law and Order SVU) imagine that was requested by the lovely @liliesforjily I hope this is what you wanted. Comments are always appreciated.
Taglist:@lunaticspoem@butlegendsneverdie@langdonzvoid@jennyggggrrr@rogmeddows@radiob-l-a-hblah@rogertaylorsbitontheside@chlobo6@rogertaylors-lipgloss@sj-thefan@omgitsearly@luckytrashgooprebel@scarsout@deaky-with-a-c@killer-queen-ofrhye@bluutac@vousmemanqueez-blog@jonesyaddiction@ambi-and-sunflowers@milanosaurus@httpfandxms@saint-hardy@7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls@mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27
Summary: Sonny has a crisis in faith when (Y/n) becomes ill and has to have a medical abortion in order to save her life. The catholic in him doesn’t know how to believe in a God that would do this to them.
Enjoy.
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A sigh passed through Sonny’s lips as he loosened the tie around his neck and carelessly slung it to the floor. His jacket had been left on the floor of the hallway when he came in along with his shoes and his keys and now it felt like his tie had been trying to strangle him before he took it off.
He felt like yawning but he was too wired up to yawn or rub his eyes, he knew if he even got to the point of lying down on the bed he wouldn’t go straight to sleep like he wanted to.
Sonny had just finished a fourteen hour night shift and when he had been in the car on the way home he had been desperate for sleep but now he was glad it was evading him.
“Finally.” The word passed through his lips with a breath of relief before he started to reel off his wife’s name, date of birth and address which he knew by heart. Sonny had been on the phone for over six minutes now trying to get through to the out of hours doctor to try and get some help for (Y/n) and he was glad she wasn’t in desperate need of help because she could have died by the time he got through to someone.
With tired eyes, (Y/n) tried to focus her vision on the door but she could barely see or focus on Sonny walking back through into the bedroom. Her head felt weighed down on the pillow and she felt so tired and weak that she couldn’t move from where she was laid on her side on the bed.
Tears welled in (Y/n)’s eyes as she felt so awful.
She hadn’t felt this bad a few days ago but over the course of yesterday and last night she just seemed to get worse. What made her feel even more horrible was the fact that as soon as Sonny had come through the front door she had begun to cry. He had been working so hard and had been away all night and when he just wanted to come home and sleep, she had to blubber to him that she didn’t know what to do.
Poor Sonny couldn’t catch one minute of sleep for he had kissed her forehead before he got out his phone and decided to ring the doctor. He couldn’t just leave (Y/n) looking and feeling like this, nor could he even think about going to sleep when she was unwell. He had to check what he was supposed to do to get her help, he didn’t want to take any chances with her being pregnant.
Sitting back down on the bed, Sonny reached his free hand out and gently held (Y/n)’s hand in his own as he listened to the man on the other end of the line.
“She’s not been feeling well for the past few days but she’s got a lot worse overnight.”
“What symptoms does she have, what seems to be wrong?” Sonny looked over at (Y/n), trying to think of the little things that seemed to have been upsetting her and wrong with her.
“Bad headaches, she was sick yesterday and once during the night, and when I came back she said she can’t see properly.”
(Y/n) had only been having bad headaches over the last few days but they had become so frequent that she had ended up staying in bed all day yesterday with the curtains closed and a towel over her forehead and eyes to try and block out the light. She hadn’t been sick too much but she had last night and it made Sonny angry that he had gone to work at all. (Y/n) had told him she would be fine because it was a night shift so she could just try to sleep and Sonny had wrestled with his conscience before deciding he would go. As long as she would ring him if anything happened.
But she seemed to be so much worse when he came home.
“What’s wrong with her vision?”
“Baby, what did you mean when you said you couldn’t see?” Sonny whispered the words to her as he started to rub his hand over the side of her face, smoothing his thumb against the corner of her eyes.
“Spots, like flashlights even in the dark.”
“She said she’s seeing spots like bright flashlights in front of her eyes, it’s happening even with the lights off and curtains closed.”
“Okay, has she got swollen ankles or wrists?”
Pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder, Sonny gently leaned over (Y/n) and held her hand, trying to examine her wrist and hand but when he tried to press around her wrist, he had to admit they seemed a tiny bit bigger than usual. Turning to his right, Sonny leaned over and laid over the bed so he could look at her ankles but he expected them to be swollen like they were. She was twenty one weeks pregnant, still working and on her feet most of the day, her ankles should be a bit swollen by now.
“Yeah, I think she does.”
“Does she have any pain anywhere in her body, any unusual or new pains?”
“Baby, does anything other than your head hurt, do you have any pain anywhere?”
(Y/n) tried to look up at Sonny, noticing the way his curls were falling about his face and he had worry lines forming on his forehead and around his cheeks. But she couldn’t look up at him for long, her vision was too disturbing to keep her eyes open and her head was pounding worse than before. She closed her eyes and tried to think and focus on herself, working out if anything was hurting out of the ordinary. After a few seconds, (Y/n) moved a shaking hand to rub against her chest just under her breast and around the top of her bump.
“She’s rubbing her lower chest.”
“Right, I’m going to inform the hospital, take her there straight away because she might have something called Pre-eclampsia, she needs to be checked over straight away.”
Fear shot through Sonny before he locked eyes with (Y/n). How was he going to explain this to her? How was he going to tell her that she might have a serious pregnancy condition and she had to go to the Emergency Room straight away? (Y/n) hated hospitals even for appointments, she wasn’t going to fare very well when they got there.
The doctor on the other end of the line drowned off into the distance, his words and advice no longer registering with Sonny who got to his feet and moved to make sure he had his wallet on him and his badge, just in case. He had to get (Y/n) downstairs and out into the car, he was going to have to carry her with the state she was in.
“Baby I need to take you to- baby… baby!”
The phone dropped from Sonny’s hand the moment he looked back over at the bed and realised what was happening. Strangled, gurgling sounds were leaving (Y/n)’s lips as her head was bent back at an odd angle, her eyes staring up at the ceiling before dipping to the side. Her back was arching up as the rest of her body seemed to lock down before her muscles started to spasm.
Sonny collapsed down on the edge of the bed and held (Y/n)’s face in his hands, desperately trying to get her to look at him and to keep her head still so she didn’t cause herself any damage.
He didn’t know what to do, he tried to move her arm when he was twitching and coming dangerously close to hitting herself in the stomach but he knew he couldn’t pin her down because it could cause her injuries.
His hands fumbled down on the floor as he leaned over the bed and searched for the phone, remembering he didn’t hang up on the doctor yet.
“I- I need help- an ambulance! She’s having a fit, she’s seizing I don’t know what to do!”
This was worse than he thought.
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Please, God… Please.
Sonny didn’t know what he was begging for, he couldn’t seem to get past the point of asking ‘please’. God must think Sonny was strange or that he was someone who had everything but was still begging for more because he couldn’t think what he wanted.
It seemed like too much to ask that (Y/n) and the baby be perfectly fine and have a full recovery but that was what he was hoping for. Sonny didn’t want anything to happen to his family that was a few feet away in the next room. His wife and unborn child had been rushed in on a stretcher from the ambulance and had been swiftly taken away from him and held out of sight. They needed to be okay, they were Sonny’s whole world, he couldn’t be without them.
His elbows rested on his thighs that were bouncing up and down, jittering to the point he was almost jumping off the seat every time his heel tapped up and down against the floor.
He had his hands clasped together, pressing to his mouth to stop him from praying out loud and talking to himself even though he was the only one in this small waiting room. Every so often Sonny would close his eyes and begin t pray but he couldn’t think of what he was supposed to say that didn’t make him sound selfish or like a greedy person of God. Asking that God save his family and make them okay seemed like he was being selfish somehow. But he didn’t know what was wrong so he didn’t know what he was praying for.
All Sonny knew was that (Y/n) had had another seizure in the ambulance so they had rushed her straight into the hospital saying she was of high priority and needed some medication to stop any further seizures. A kind nurse had then placed Sonny in this quiet, vacant waiting room and where he was to wait in agony until someone came to talk to him.
Please-
Sonny jumped to his feet the moment the door opened and a doctor walked in, clipboard in hand and a solemn but professional poker face expression that didn’t tell Sonny anything.
He rubbed his hands nervously over his trousers, wiping the sweat from his palms in case he was to shake the doctor’s hand. Sonny knew he must look a mess, white shirt half unbuttoned, not tucked into his trousers with sleeves roughly shoved up past his elbows. His hair was flopping all around his head at all angles, sweat was clinging to every inch of his skin and there were thousands of worry lines across his face. And with the way his foot was rapidly tapping on the floor it showed he was as anxious as he looked.
“Mr Carisi, I presume?”
“Yeah, how, how’s (Y/n), is she gonna be alright?” Sonny breathed through the words as he held his hand out and shook the doctor’s hand before he sat down with the doctor sitting on the chair opposite him.
“Your wife has something called Pre-eclampsia, it’s a pregnancy complication that is caused by the placenta and the blood. Normally, we would give her some sulphate to prevent any seizures and keep her for monitoring but your wife had two seizures, which means she now has eclampsia.”
“How do you treat that?”
Sonny briefly knew what this was, he’d heard of it before but he didn’t know how it was supposed to be treated, he just hoped it wasn’t something too serious. But by looking at the doctor’s expression, Sonny felt like his luck was running out on him.
“The only way to get rid of this is for the baby to be born which is why we would normally keep her in for monitoring and deliver the baby as soon as was safely possible. But the seizures have caused more complications… the baby is in distress and your wife has had a large internal haemorrhage. We need to deliver the fetus now.”
Sonny choked on his breath as his stomach started to churn until he felt like he was going to be sick and throw up his organs.
No, no this couldn’t be happening to him.
They were twenty one weeks pregnant, they had another seventeen weeks at least until it would be safe enough for them to go into labour and have their baby. There was no way they could have their baby now and have a chance of their baby surviving, even in the neo-natal unit.
“No… y-you can’t monitor her even for a few weeks…?”
“The eclampsia will start to affect her blood, it can lower her oxygen levels and cause kidney problems as well as give her liver failure. Waiting even a few days could mean her organs will start to shut down, she’s at risk of potentially passing away within the next week or two if the pregnancy continues.”
Sonny shook his head, they weren’t telling him this. It wasn’t real.
“Mr Carisi, I am truly sorry but this is the only option we have to save your wife… And since she is only twenty-one weeks along, the fetus isn’t viable. They wouldn’t survive even with the neonatal care we provide and they wouldn’t last through the necessary operations they would need. Due to this, I’m going to need you to sign a form on behalf of your wife for a medical abortion.”
The flood gates opened like never before and Sonny couldn’t even see his hand in front of his face for the tears flooding his face.
They weren’t far along enough for their little baby to get the medical help they would need to survive. If they were just three more weeks along then their baby would be viable. They would be able to go on life support and have the treatment and future operations that would keep them alive and allow them to have a life.
Their baby was too small and under-developed to last outside of (Y/n)’s womb.
Sonny needed to sign away the right to kill his own baby to save his wife. He had to lose one of his family to keep the other and he had to sign for that privilege. Sonny could have (Y/n) or he couldn’t have either of them at all, how was that fair? How was it fair that their baby had to die so (Y/n) could live when she was the one who was supposed to provide life to their baby?
Why did Sonny have to sign?
He wished the doctor would have just gone ahead and done it without permission. It would be easier for Sonny to live with himself if he didn’t have to grant this horrible termination of life. It was his own child, he didn’t want to have to do this.
Sonny wiped his eyes enough so that he could see the forms held out in front of him but he didn’t have the heart or the will to read them. He knew what it was for and he knew what it would say.
With a heavy heart, he signed his name and his signature, giving away any right he had to his baby and giving the order for them to be stripped from (Y/n) and left to die.
God should he sorting this out, he shouldn’t have allowed this to happen to them. What had they done to deserve this punishment? Why was he letting (Y/n) come close to death and telling Sonny he needed to let them take their baby so (Y/n) would live.
But it felt like God had abandoned him. There was no voice or presence surrounding Sonny telling him of the consequences of this. There was no voice challenging his conscience because he was signing off on a murder when murder was against everything he stood for and worked for.
God wasn’t here, he had failed them.
“(Y/n), p-please forgive me.”
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Sonny pulled across the black velvet cloth that shut out the rest of the world and the onlookers that may pass by and catch sight of him. He remembered the first time he came and sat in here, it was frightening, claustrophobic and daunting. But after a while it almost felt comforting, it was private and came with a lot of relief.
To sit in a darkened, small space like a closet and talk to someone with the knowledge that whatever you said was within the rights of confession. Sonny could say anything that was on his mind, anything he thought about or anything that he did and he was in complete discretion. He wouldn’t be judged openly, he wouldn’t be told off or ignored. He would be guided and helped and encouraged in what he should and needed to do.
But today was different.
“What do you wish to discuss?” The vicar’s voice was soothing, soft and quiet but it wouldn’t be when Sonny had said what was on his mind.
“I want to know why God has abandoned me.”
“God never abandons his children, no matter what they’ve done.”
“I haven’t done anything, father. He left me when I needed him, I don’t have any solace or advice, I don’t know where I go from here and he’s gone.”
Sonny tipped his head down as he closed his eyes, pressing his hands up to cover his face despite knowing that no one could see him here, hidden in the depths of confession. He needed help and guidance, God had always been there for him, he was a devour Catholic, he went to church, he prayed and he did his penance when he needed to. But Sonny had been left in his time of need, after what he had to do at the hospital he thought God would be with him but he had gone silent.
“We make our own choices, we can’t always wait for a sign or advice on what we should do… what happened? Why do you now feel stuck in life?”
Sonny didn’t realise he had started to rock himself back and forth until he heard the wood beneath him begin to creak. He needed advice on what he did now, on how he could live with himself knowing what he had done and that this was never going to go away or be forgotten.
“I… I signed a form.” Sonny took a deep breath, trying to choke back the tears so he could carry on. “My wife, she got eclampsia and started to bleed out, they couldn’t save both of them. I had to sign the abortion papers… I had to get rid of my baby girl to save my wife.”
He couldn’t hardly breathe.
The doctor had relented and allowed Sonny to see his baby after the operation was done and (Y/n) was stable. He couldn’t live with himself knowing he let this happen and didn’t even get a look at his little baby. Seeing that little bundle made him want to scream, he wanted to force this upon everyone who had ever done anything wrong in their lives so it wasn’t just him and (Y/n) going through this because they didn’t deserve it.
That was when he was told it would have been his baby girl.
“Life and nature are never fair, nor are they easy. In these cases, maybe it is better for the life to not start than to suffer. You preserved your wife’s life, you saved her and bore that sacrifice. How is she, is she coping?”
“As soon as it… happened, she got better. But I don’t know how to comfort her when it’s my fault.”
Sonny sobbed when he finally got to sit with (Y/n) after her operation because he could see her improving instantly. It was like their baby was a parasite that was killing her. As soon as the baby had gone, (Y/n)’s headaches disappeared, her vision was restored with no flashing lights. There were no more seizures and after a few days the swelling went down and her vitals had shot up. No bleeding, no trauma and no risk of (Y/n) losing her life.
At the cost of losing their baby.
“There’s always another side to everything, it depends how you look at things. She might not see it that way. You did what you had to to save her and that isn’t a sin, the pregnancy wasn’t meant to be. You may have lost a baby but you kept your wife, there’s nothing to say you both won’t recover from this and have a family later in life.”
Sonny may have signed the rights to kill his baby but he had done that so that (Y/n) would live. He couldn’t let her die and if he looked at things from that perspective, he might find that (Y/n) felt the same. If she had been told what he had in that moment she would have done the same. If she knew that keeping the baby would mean both of them would surely die then (Y/n) would never take those odds. She was grateful for Sonny for doing what was best for her.
“Why us? What made God think this was what we needed, we haven’t done anything to deserve this.” The anger in Sonny’s voice started to rise until he couldn’t control it anymore.
“He isn’t punishing you, he doesn’t always have a specific reason when this happens-”
“He’s cruel. He let’s murders get away with what they do and he makes it too easy for rapists when they know they don’t have much of a chance of getting punished. God makes life better for those who don’t deserve it then he punishes the innocent because he’s sick. He allows war and infections and diseases and issues like this and he abandons us when we question we he does this.”
Sonny couldn’t keep his faith after this.
He couldn’t continue praying and believing and hoping when all it did was kill him on the inside and take away his family and love like this.
Everything that went wrong in the world was always blamed on others, but if God was real then he was overseeing all this and he was allowing it to continue. And he never gave anyone any real answers or reasons, when people questioned his actions he disappeared from those hard questions and Sonny couldn’t do it anymore.
“Faith is useless when faced with a God like that. I’m better off without religion or God in my life.”
Sonny flung back the velvet curtain before his footsteps were crashing against the stone floor that was quivering and breaking beneath his rage.
His family had been hurt, (Y/n) had almost died and they had lost their baby girl all because of an illness that couldn’t have been predicted or helped. There was no God anymore, Sonny wasn’t keeping faith when he himself had been abandoned.
The only faith he had was in his love for (Y/n) and the work he did.
