#dontjudgeme
Well hello Monday, hello gorgeous (that’s me in a rose gold @celine metal green glass, heavy AF shady frames), and hello Ms. Rosalind Rosenthal. Sometimes when you look this damn good and everybody can see that yo pussy is poppin there ain’t much to say… But today my name is @msjasminemasters and I have something to say… I was at target the other day #dontjudgeme trying to live my best life trying to buy a people magazine with the Obama’s on the cover cause I want the T #pettylabelle, I wanted that new @teenvogue with my girl @saintrecords on the cover and I wanted some @icebreakers breath mints so that my breath won’t be stankin #teampepermint. I’m looking everywhere for this damn teen vogue can’t find it anywhere I ask my cashier in my best Becky voice “excuse me, do you know if you all carry Teen Vogue”? As she scans my mints she says to me without skipping a beat in the most uninterested I gotta go and they don’t pay me enough to answer questions voice “I wouldn’t know”… I was actually verklempt #theshadeofitall… I mean, I do realize I am a big grown ass black man asking for teen vogue, but damn can you pretend to care about my teen vogue fantasy for like 7 seconds before shutting me all the way down #shit … well cut to 5 mins later as I was walking to my car she was waiting for her Uber… #byebitch #gethomesafely #betterlucknexttime #bitchkilledmyvibe #butrosalindbroughtthemback #prettygirl #pettygirl #bloomandplumeharvestday #naturalopulence #ithoughtyoudidnthavemuchtosay #byebitch (at Bloom & Plume)
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Brownskin poppin likeeeeee #kellyrowlands #imnothistall #neeceehadnoheelson #hadmefeelinlikeshaq #butimonly5"8 #dontjudgeme #ineedsomeonethats6"9 #istylehunt #okimdone
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Long work week solved screw a glass I need the whole bottle! #relax #zen #wino #wino #sundayfunday #dontjudgeme #bathtime #myhappyplace
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Burning muscle, feel the pain #alkutuli #primordialfireforge #lift #body #bodypositive #dontjudgeme #metoo #ripped #valhalla #vikingsofinstagram #alcoholism #itsmybodyidowhatiwant #sixpäck #fitness #smithsexual #bodygoals
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Me, idly thinking out loud, half way through season 4 of Puppet History: I think I have a crush on the Professor.
My partner, immediately, casually and without looking up from his phone, as if I hadn’t said something insane: I know ♂️
Me, after watching the final episode of season 4: My beloved!
My partner: *Tries to buy me @wearewatcher merch, but can’t, because USPS decided Australia no longer exists*
I would rather watch Disney fireworks on TV than watch sub-par fireworks in person. #truestory #fireworkssnob #dontjudgeme (at Appleton, New York)
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