#ds education
Aftercare. ✨
I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.
Subdropis what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.
Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentallyandemotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.
That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.
Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.
I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.
Rememberwe’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.
Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.
That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow.ASK THEM IF THEY’RE OKAY!! Especially right after a session.
That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.
AFTERCARE IS A NECESSITY FOR BOTH PARTICIPANTS!!✨
All of this. It’s so normal. We chase the highest highs you can get without chemicals in kink. Even if you have done the work to eliminate the social shame you experience around your kink you will still crash, purely from the brain/body chemistry shift. I also believe we are largely wired to experience psychological consequences both from perpetrating and experiencing violence even in safe/pretend kinda ways. Your brain may know the actions aren’t real but your psychophysical being can’t tell the difference. One of my favorite journeys, and one I’m still on with little belle, is figuring out each subs particular needs when it comes to aftercare. You have to listen, you have to take care of yourself, you have to express your needs, too and bottom. (And if they don’t “do” aftercare: red flag)
Extremely IMPORTANT read for everyone in the kink community!!!
One of the roles in the world of D/S that has grown in popularity over the last several years is the use of wolf. Sadly, many have decided to label themselves as wolves but, for me, it feels like there is a disconnect in understanding what a wolf is in the lifestyle. With this in mind, I want to explain how I view the title/role of a wolf, and hopefully through this others can better understand how this is being misused and in some cases, I believe abused. As a fun bonus, might I suggest this song as a little background noise as you give this post a read, Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon.
I will start by sharing what I believe is a wolf in the world of D/S. First, the old school definition, that I have, of wolf comes courtesy of the local community I was a part of when I was first beginning my journey in the lifestyle. People who held the title of wolf were those who were experienced leaders in the community who made it a priority to share their wisdom and lessons while, I think most importantly, would look out for those in the community. If anyone in the greater community had an issue, concern, or problem the local wolves are always there to lend a supportive ear or if asked, provided advice based on their experience. These wolves are not defined by their gender, as any gender is a wolf and they are selfless. They have not taken the role of community leadership for personal gain, nor did they choose the title of wolf but it was given to them by the community out of respect.
Another area of D/S where the wolf has in my view a legitimate place is among those who enjoy primal play as part of the lifestyle. My description of a primal dominant is someone that maybe be coarse or perhaps unfiltered is a better wording and in the lifestyle. A d-type who calls themselves primal would typically mean that at times they are without filter or animalistic. Immediately, I believe that most will associate roughness or hardness with primal but I have learned that it can also be soft and loving. Those unfiltered feelings can indeed be rough but they can also attach to animalistic expressions of love and affection. Part of the animalistic play that some who are primal enjoy is roleplay as a wolf pack. To have a pack, there must be more than just two people involved which means these poly relationships or playgroups do have a leader, thus an alpha wolf. Often these packs have more than one dominant and thus there is a need for the structure to have a leader among leaders, in overall charge.
I think that the myth of the alpha wolf or dog comes from what is now debunked theories on these animals’ behavior in the wild. The mythology that many of the new generations of wolf d-types want to share is that they are a natural-born leader and they will fight any battle to be the leader of their pack. While that sounds possibly admirable, this is all based on research that was flawed and since corrected. If you want to head down this scientific rabbit hole, this article from Gizmodo in 2013 is a good starting place. Leadership in wild wolves is not based upon a battle royal to see of is the top dog but is a family relationship with the elders being the leaders as packs are family units with the parents or grandparents leading a pack made up of their children.
Not only are many of the wolf d-types preaching flawed science to fit their carnal desires, it feels like many who are new and just learning about the lifestyle like to call themselves a wolf. This is a personal pet-peeve because these individuals using a title without the requisite experience, are single (how can you be a pack leader if you do not have a pack?), and by looking through many of the online wolve’s blogs and profiles they are not engaging in lifestyle practices to look out for others or to educate because their slices of lifestyle sites typically are dedicated to pornography. Now, there is nothing wrong with expressing desires, even sexual ones, but in my opinion, there needs to be much more to a wolf than wank fodder. Additionally, I feel that people who are community leaders, even online leaders, do not take the wolf moniker but have it bestowed upon them because of their knowledge, experience, and selfless dedication to teaching, guiding, and helping their lifestyle community. There are some great wolves out there in both in-person groups as well as here on the kinkeriffic internet.
I want to end this with a simple question to all those who feel they are wolves here. If I dropped trou and mooned you, will you howl?
As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.
©TLK2022
This is a very good read! Thank you for explaining this so well. I have seen several newer blogs that are newer to the lifestyle claiming the title of Wolf, and hopefully your writing will help others understand what it truly means!
