For once, I’m using this platform for something other than fantasies and personal concerns. The historical kink cafe, Wicked Grounds, is currently facing closure - unless we can get them $15k per month on Patreon.
What does Wicked Grounds do? Aside from serving fantastic coffee and food, Wicked Grounds offers a home to dozens of gatherings, classes, and munches in the Bay Area. Newcomers can come get a taste of the kink community in a calm, quiet environment without the daunting aspect of dungeon parties. 18-20 year old kinksters can participate in kinky social gatherings outside the bar scene. Wicked Grounds actively hires queer and trans workers, which can’t be said for a number of service industry businesses. They offer a wide selection of books. They support nearby toymakers and artists by selling locally made wares. (It’s one of my personal goals to have my photography on their walls before I die. Can’t happen if they close.) They feed and stock nationally-famous events like the Folsom Street Fair. They produce online educational materials about BDSM, such as podcasts and a written series. They are bigger than their little location in San Francisco - these materials are accessible to anyone in the world, but Wicked Grounds can’t keep being a movement without our help.
This is not just about a kink cafe. San Francisco as a city is shifting, and not necessarily for the better. Sure, startups are amazing, tech offers all kinds of people life-changing opportunities, and we’re in a hub of constant progress. But with Silicon Valley comes rapid gentrification, and displacement of many communities that are integral to San Francisco’s personality. I grew up just across the Golden Gate Bridge. I remember a city full of weirdos in ground-sweeping coats, artistic collectives, queer activists, writers, and off-beat thinkers; not a city full of more homelessness than ever and an increasing battle for non-techies to survive.
Wicked Grounds symbolizes the struggle and possible decline of spaces built for queer people, people with non-normative relationship structures, creative people outside tech, people without traditional education, and anyone who needs an emotional home for the ways in which they feel different. These communities are beneficial to our culture, but they’re largely built on love, and love can’t stretch on for long without money.
I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.
Subdropis what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.
Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentallyandemotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.
That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.
Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.
I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.
Rememberwe’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.
Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.
That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow.ASK THEM IF THEY’RE OKAY!! Especially right after a session.
That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.
AFTERCARE IS A NECESSITY FOR BOTH PARTICIPANTS!!✨
All of this. It’s so normal. We chase the highest highs you can get without chemicals in kink. Even if you have done the work to eliminate the social shame you experience around your kink you will still crash, purely from the brain/body chemistry shift. I also believe we are largely wired to experience psychological consequences both from perpetrating and experiencing violence even in safe/pretend kinda ways. Your brain may know the actions aren’t real but your psychophysical being can’t tell the difference. One of my favorite journeys, and one I’m still on with little belle, is figuring out each subs particular needs when it comes to aftercare. You have to listen, you have to take care of yourself, you have to express your needs, too and bottom. (And if they don’t “do” aftercare: red flag)
Extremely IMPORTANT read for everyone in the kink community!!!
This is an 18+ ONLY post! Minors - this isn’t for you. No, you’re not mature, you’re invasive.
Both fear play and knife play are extremely popular concepts on the nsfw side of Tumblr - it’s RACK, it’s different and it’s very exciting, given the adrenaline rush it can cause. However, most of what’s described in written posts about this topic involves a lot of fantasy and stuff that wouldn’t necessarily be safe to act out irl. Obviously, beginners should go slow on their new kinky adventures involving knives and fear play - and I’m here to show you how to do that❤️✌
Where to start?
Education! Research! Safety measures! Negotiating! Let’s say you’ve communicated with your partner about everything important - what they want and don’t want (e.g. do they only want to be threatened or to actually be cut?), safewords etc. What’s important to know before beginning a scene that involves knife play?
First of all, as a dom, you should know where important arteries are located in the body. The main ones would be in your neck, shoulder area, thighs and on your wrists (it’s best if you study an anatomy model if you’re feeling very unsure). Cutting in that area, even small cuts, is not safe. Even placing the knife in an area like that can be extremely dangerous and isn’t suitable for beginners - that’s why knife play is considered RACK and not SSC.
“But the neck and thighs are the most exciting parts :(” - you now, probably
… and you’re right! They are! I agree! Even as a beginner, you don’t have to entirely abstain from teasing these areas. Fake knives are the keyword! There are specific fake knives that feel sharp, feel cold like a real blade, but they won’t do any harm. These are your perfect friend.
Now, obviously your sub won’t feel that adrenaline rush, the fear and uncertainty, the wanted craving of feeling unsafe, that comes along with placing a real knife on them - that’s the appeal of any sort of fear play, it’s not different for knives. Granted, fake knives usually don’t look all too real up close, even if your sub’s so deep into subspace you could probably call their cat a burger and they’d nod enthusiastically.
To fix that issue: blindfolds are yet another of your friends. Make them focus on the sensation on their skin and of your voice. Lie. Tell them it’s a real knife. Threaten to cut them, threaten their life, laugh at them - of course, within their limits and what you’ve communicated beforehand.
Obviously,cutting clothes up is out of the question with that. But what’s stopping you from switching to a real knife for just that purpose, and only the fake blade touches their skin?
Ido not recommend cutting and knife play with real knives to anyone not properly experienced and educated on this.
Even with RACK, there has to be the utmost care and safety possible. If you feel experienced and safe enough to switch it up to an actual blade or even try some blood play by cutting your sub, there are a few more things to keep in mind.
Alwayssterilize yourimpacttools. This goes for everything possibly hurting the skin hard enough to create an open wound - obviously, with cutting, this is prone to happen. You can look up how to do that, there are a few good tutorials on YouTube.
Sterilize the area you want to hurt if you want to go extra safe and not take any kind of risk. If you’re into that, add a bit of medical play for that purpose (maybe wear some nice black gloves!) , and if you’re not, just do it before starting the scene altogether.
Foraftercare: sterilizing the cuts you’ve left is ALWAYS mandatory! It’s best if you take a shower together first, wash off the blood and then carefully take an antiseptic creme (betaisodona works well too) to apply to the wounds.
Always have a phone within reach. If something does go wrong, be prepared to call the emergency hotline of your country. Never hesitate because you’re feeling guilty! That’s the risk you take when doing RACK.
If you’re teasing in an area that is considering risky (e.g. neck, thighs etc.), I have a pro-gamer tip lmao
Holding it like this…
… will turn up to be an issue, obviously. The sharp edge can easily cut into skin involuntarily, if you’re not careful enough or your sub suddenly moves.
However, this…
… won’t feel any different to the sub. They won’t notice a difference unless they’re looking right at the angle of the knife, which there are several ways to prevent them doing that lol
The tip is still sharp and dangerous, and you have to be aware of that, but it takes away quite a bit of the risk of accidentally cutting a lethal line into your sub’s skin.
Now that we’ve (hopefully!) cleared out all insecurities surrounding the safety of this kink, let’s get into some nice recommendations for things that you can easily integrate into your very first knife play/fear play scene!
Let’s start!
(Sub tied to a chair, arms behind their back) Pull their head back by their hair, lean over them until you’re uncomfortably close and clearly towering, and let the tip of the knife run over their cheek, their lips or their jaw. Add threats, dirty talk, degradations. (Avoid eyes! Always! Even with fake knives!)
Cut up their clothes, bit by bit.
(Sub blindfolded) “If you move, I’ll let your guts spill out” while letting the blade run over their body downwards, really slowly, sometimes pressing down a little harder to really make them feel that fear and helplessness.
(Sub preferably blindfolded) Forcing them to feel the blade up with their tongue
Threatening them with the knife on their throat while pushing a vibe up against their private parts and basically forcing them to cum high on fear over and over again (add: “if you don’t cum, I’ll let you bleed out”)
Fuck them with the knife’s handle and make them watch
Experiment!
But never do anything you’re not 100% feeling safe and comfortable with. RACK isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. Be aware that subs and doms with mental illness or trauma involving domestic violence or self-harm can get triggered by scenes like these very easily. Be prepared and talk about what to do when this happens.
Domdrop and subdrop will occur more often with RACK. Read what this means and how yoi can minimize the chances of it happening after a scene!
But also…
Don’t forget to enjoy yourself and have fun. Stay kinky. ❤️
I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.
Subdropis what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.
Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentallyandemotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.
That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.
Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.
I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.
Rememberwe’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.
Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.
That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow.ASK THEM IF THEY’RE OKAY!! Especially right after a session.
That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.
